


Open Wounds Won’t Heal

by The_Littlest_Raindrop



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Cautious People, Cuddling, Dirty Dreams, Divorce, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hugging, Miles Is Best Wingman, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Racism, Rebuilding, Religious stories, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends, lots of tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 104,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21609520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Littlest_Raindrop/pseuds/The_Littlest_Raindrop
Summary: After meeting a stranger on the street, you find yourself travelling to Ishval, wanting nothing more than to help them rebuild.Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan.
Relationships: Scar (Fullmetal Alchemist)/Reader
Comments: 475
Kudos: 196





	1. The Unwelcoming Committee

**Author's Note:**

> Yo,
> 
> Hey look, more Scar content that no one asked for! Well, I wanted it, so it’s happening ^.^
> 
> More notes to follow, for now, enjoy!

In truth, you have no idea what inspired you to travel to Ishval.

From all that you’ve heard, the country was barely habitable even before the war. A wasteland of sand and stone… now it’s a land full of blood and rubble.

The train screeches to a halt, this part of the journey over. From here, it’s a trek across the desert to the ruins of an old city, the former capital of Ishval. You don’t know how long it’s going to take to rebuild there, but you know you need to be a part of it.

The man next to you taps you on the shoulder. ‘Miss? We’re leaving for Ishval now. Try to stay with the group, or you’ll get lost. The last thing you want is to let the desert take you.’ He’s right, of course; no one can last alone out in the desert.

You smile, rising from your chair. ‘Thank you, Anthony. Do you know how long the journey to Base will take?’ ‘Base’ is the nickname the city has been given while it undergoes repairs; you can’t recall it’s true name.

Anthony smiles. ‘It would normally take about three days, but the Amestrian military have a temporary base of their own about six hours away. They’ve agreed to transport us the rest of the way.’ Six hours of walking in the blazing sun isn’t your idea of a pleasant stroll, but it’s certainly better than three days. Why did you sign up to this again?

As you make your way out of the train and onto the sand, you begin to recall the exact reason you’re here.

After the coup d’état in Central, you’d felt… different. Maybe it was those few moments of losing your soul (something you still find incredibly hard to swallow), but when you’d woken up, you’d realised a few things.

So far, your adult life has been spend working a dead end job for next to nothing, desperately trying to built a better future for yourself. With the countless hours spent watching your life fly by, it’s almost a surprise that there was any soul left in you to remove.

As you headed off to work one day, you’d heard a man addressing a crowd. Upon closer inspection, it was an Ishvalan man, and his message was clear; help us to rebuild.

Naturally, still blinded by their ignorance, the crowd had dispersed into nothingness. You’d heard a few murmurs as it did. ‘Let the military deal with that!’ And ‘I’m no soldier. I didn’t destroy their homes, so I’ll not help rebuild them.’ One even had the audacity to say ‘well, at least they’re crawling back to where they came from now. Good riddance!’ 

You’d been appalled by the display. From what you’ve heard, you have the Ishvalans to thank for helping restore balance and safety in Amestris. You’d approached the man, planning only to apologise for the crowd.

Yet for some reason, that’s not what you said at all. ‘What kind of help do you need?’ The words left your mouth before you could stop them, your brain taking control.

The man’s face instantly lit up. ‘Anyone we can find. Builders, farmers, tailors… any skill you have is a skill we can use to rebuild.’ You were uncertain what place a tailor would have in a broken city, but you’d let that slide.

Still, there was doubt. ‘And if I had no skills to offer? Would you still let me join you?’ 

The man smiled. ‘If you are willing to help, and willing to learn, you will be welcomed in my homeland.’ He’d extended a hand to you, a hand you’d shaken without hesitation.

After that, all you’d had to do was quit your job, and leave a note to your family explaining that with immediate effect, you’re leaving for Ishval.

Back in reality, the crowd of passengers assembles outside the station, all of them with one thing in common; they’re all clearly Ishvalan. 

You turn to Anthony, curious. ‘How many people have you taken to Ishval so far?’ 

Anthony hums. ‘Well, this is my third group, and each group is about fifty strong, so about one hundred and fifty total.’ That’s a lot of people to transport in a few months…

You nod, one again doing a visual sweep of the area. ‘Right. And of those one hundred and fifty people, how many were Amestrian?’ You have a feeling you already know, but just to confirm it…

Anthony beams at you. ‘You are the only one so far. I get the feeling most Amestrains don’t want to set foot in Ishval after what happened, but I’m glad we have an exception!’ You knew it. You absolutely knew it. So you’re the only Amestrian to have volunteered so far? That probably explains the questioning looks you’ve been receiving…

Doubt begins to creep in. ‘Anthony, are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want anyone here to think an Amestrian is interfering with Ishvalan business.’ Not after what happened that last time that happened; you have to repress a shudder.

Anthony chuckles. ‘It is a wonderful idea. I was instructed by the Head Monk to do so, in fact. Something about wanting us to exist as neighbours, peacefully this time. Besides, there are plenty of soldiers from Amestris helping us also. You are here to help us rebuild because you were asked to do so. You are needed here, if you are still willing.’ In truth, this is probably the last chance you’ll have of turning back, possibly for years; can you really go through with this?

You nod, more to convince yourself than him. ‘I’m here to help. I’ll do what I can. For Ishval, and...’ For all the people killed so horribly in the war…

Anthony nods. ‘I know you will. Trust me, everyone there will be happy to see you. Well, if not everyone, I’m certain my husband will be eager to meet you.’ You just hope his husband is the rule, and not the exception…

With everyone now gathered, Anthony leads you into the desert, past the point of no return.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It ends up taking eight hours to get to the trucks; you lose track of how long it takes them to get to Base.

All you know is that by the time you make it, everyone is dead on their feet, yourself included. You’d trade a kidney for a warm bath and a soft bed, but you know that neither are likely on offer here; water is too important, and luxury bedding in the middle of a broken city is beyond unlikely.

Still, you’re all still alive, so you’ll take that. 

Anthony himself is is the only one fighting off visible signs of fatigue, but you suppose he’s used to that. ‘Right, everyone listen! Form two lines for me. Everyone here gets basic eating utensils, some clothes, and a sleeping bag. Be sure to label them with the equipment provided.’ Too tired to ask any further questions, you make your way into the line, watching Anthony as he walks off to join three men watching from the sidelines.

As you collect your things, the woman in charge of handing them out smiles at you. ‘Welcome to Ishval, stranger. I hope you don’t find desert life too difficult.’ It’s already difficult, but you expected it to be.

You smile back at her. ‘I won’t let the sun stop me from helping. I’m sure I’ll learn how to live with it in time.’ You can’t read the answer in the stranger’s eyes, but perhaps you’re better not knowing.

With your things collected, you head towards the area designated as the female camp, when a voice calls out for you. ‘Hey, come here a sec, would you? I have some people here that want to meet you!’ You turn around to see Anthony, waving you over to his group of four. You’d love to sleep right now, but you can’t exactly ignore him; it would be stupid to upset the closest thing you have to a friend.

As you approach the group, you take in their appearance. While two of the men are dressed in traditional Ishvalan clothing, the third is in a military uniform. It makes sense that there is a military officer here to oversee things, but you weren’t expecting them to be an Ishvalan too; there are no more Ishvalans in the Amestrian military, are there?

Clearly yes.

To your dismay, all three men are frowning at you, but Anthony’s smile never falters. ‘Here she is! Our first Amestrian aid worker! I’m working on the title. Introduce yourself.’ Not for the first time, you’re beginning to wonder if you really belong here…

Not two seconds after saying your name, you’re cut off my the largest of the three men, a broad-shouldered man with a cross-shaped scar on his forehead that seems… familiar. ‘Bringing an Amestrian here was a mistake. Ishval should be for the Ishvalans to build. Her help is not needed.’ It’s as you’d feared. You’re not wanted here…

The smaller robed man, while his brow is still furrowed, seems softer. ‘I almost hadn’t expected any Amestrians to answer the call for assistance. That you came at all is remarkable.’ 

The military man barks a laugh. ‘You asked for Amestrian help, and an Amestrian came to help. I’d say that was the desired outcome.’ You’re glad one of the frowning men is on your side…

The scarred man isn’t satisfied, eyeing you with what feels like malice. ‘Why did you come to help us? This isn’t your county. You have no reason to help.’ 

You try to steady your nerves, a difficult thing to do under circumstances that don’t involved being stared at by an imposing man. ‘I want to help. Isn’t that reason enough?’ Anthony said it was. Why don’t they think the same?

The scarred man takes a step forward, never breaking the intense eye-contact. ‘No.’ The word terrifies you to your core. If you were any more scared, there would be a puddle beneath you right now. You have to fight to stand your ground, legs weak with fear.

It’s the smaller robed man that moves first, pulling his fellow Ishvalan away from you. ‘You have worked with Amestrians before. Why now is this such an issue?’ He has? You would never have guessed…

To your relief, the larger man seems to soften. ‘That was necessary, and they were exceptional. I was willing to cast my anger aside to save lives, even if they cost us so many in the war. I was curious to see if she shared any of my conviction.’ You’re not sure what he means by that, and part of you isn’t certain you want to…

The military man smiles. ‘Well, she did hike out into the desert with a group of strangers. If we’re debating it, I’d say that’s conviction enough to let her stay.’ Stay? They really are considering throwing you out?

The smallest man hums. ‘I wasn’t aware that was up for debate. After all, we can’t expect a lone woman to walk into the desert and survive. I think it would be wise to let her decide for herself whether or not she belongs here. Anthony, you leave here in two weeks, yes?’ 

For the first time since calling you over, Anthony speaks. ‘That’s right. There are still camps of people I have yet to bring home, though some of our people are choosing to remain in Amestris during the repairs.’ Not a bad idea, really, especially for the very old and very young…

The smaller robed man nods once. ‘It is decided then. You are to remain with us here for two weeks. If you decide to leave, Anthony will take you back to your home country.’ After only two weeks? Do they think you that frail?

You nod. ‘And when I decide to stay? Will you be willing to treat me as an equal?’ You have a feeling you know the answer…

To your surprise, the large man nods. ‘If you work and live as one of us, we will treat you as one of us. Do not be surprised if some people here are hostile, however. There are some wounds that will never fully heal.’ You have a feeling he’s one person that you’ll never get along with, but he’s only one man. You think you could settle here, in time.

So you smile. ‘Very well then. Might I ask you for your names?’ The large man flinches as if you’ve hit him, and you wonder what you’ve done wrong.

It’s the military man that explains. ‘In Ishval, names are considered a gift from Ishvala, and some choose not to share that gift with strangers. The man on the end is the Head Monk, so you should address him as such. My standoffish friend here used to go by Scar, but since the war, he has dropped that name, along with the one he was given at birth. He says he’ll answer to anything, but I’d advice you to stick with something like ‘Ishvalan’.’ Two men with unknown names? Today is getting strange, and you don’t think it’s the exhaustion talking…

Wait, what did that larger man was called?

All the blood drains from your face. ‘’Scar’?! The ‘Scar’?! The one who murdered all the alchemists?!’ It’s a coincidence, surely. He can’t be the same man. He’d be in prison, surely!

The surly man growls. ‘My past is behind me. I am no longer the man that vengeance shaped me into. I seek only to help my country rebuild, nothing more.’ And here he is questioning your intentions! Are you even safe with him?! After all, it wasn’t Ishvalans he brutally murdered…

… That was the alchemists. You really don’t belong here, do you?

You must look terrified, because the military man’s look become deadly serious. ‘You are in no danger. Ishvalan is a different man now. He’s our cultural minister. As stern as he is, I swear, he is a kind soul. You need not fear him.’ Easy for a man with actual combat training to say!

Swallowing your fear, you subtly edge closer to the camp, but not before remembering something. ‘You didn’t give me your name. Should I call you Sergeant Sir? General Guy?’ Making shitty jokes right now is a stupid idea, you feel it in your guts…

Ishvalan answers first. ‘You are closer than you think. He is Major Miles. If you have anything that requires military attention, he is the man you contact. You will find that the two of us are either together, or with my former master here. The three of us, four for the time that Anthony is here, are the people you come to for help. We are in charge here. Remember that.’ He’s staring again, and it’s still terrifying; you need sleep, and fast.

So you bow, grasping your things tightly. ‘Nice to meet you. If you’ll excuse me, I need sleep. I’ll be no use here if I don’t sleep.’ You don’t wait for a reply, not even from Anthony; you just want out of this situation.

You don’t know if you’ll sleep easy tonight, but hopefully, exhaustion will take you as soon as you hit the floor.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The four men stare dumbfounded after the Amestrian woman, all of them a little surprised by her sudden departure.

Anthony sighs. ‘Shit. She was the first Amestrian that even listened to me asking for help. If she leaves…’

Miles adds a sigh of his own. ‘Yeah, I think we screwed up. I know that at least one of us owes her an apology. You can be a really jackass, my friend.’ He looks pointedly at the scarred man next to him, making sure his contempt is visible.

To Miles’ surprise, the scarred man smiles. ‘We panic over nothing. She is not leaving here with Anthony in two weeks.’ The three other men stare at him dumbfounded; how can he be so sure?

It’s the Head Monk that vocalises first. ‘I might have agreed, before she discovered your identity. Now I am not so certain. It would be a great blow to lose any ally so early, especially one with this level of political significance.’ A significance lost on no one; even with everything that happened in Amestris, the attitude towards Ishval amongst the average civilian is still toxic at best.

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘We will not be losing her. She will stay. I don’t doubt that she will avoid me, given my past, but she will remain in Ishval. If her convictions were fleeting, she would have suggested returning home as soon as there was trouble. Her silence was answer enough. We should treat her as we would anyone else, disregarding the political implications.’ 

Miles raises his eyebrows at that. ‘You sure about that? I thought you hated Amestrians?’ 

Once again, the scarred man shakes his head. ‘I might have once, but as I said, I am not that man anymore. As long as she treats us with kindness, we should do the same. It is the least we can do for someone willing to cast aside their life to help us.’ The man he was a year ago would scoff at such a notion; the change must be deeper than he’d thought.

The Head Monk nods. ‘Well said. For now, we must all get some rest. There is much to be done tomorrow, and we have many new people that need tasks. My former pupil, might you be the one to assign tasks? I’m afraid I have need of Miles and Anthony tomorrow, for I wish to discuss the transportation situation.’ 

Ishvalan nods once. ‘Very well. I shall take care of it.’ 

The Head Monk smiles. ‘Wonderful. While you are at it, perhaps you will consider choosing a name for yourself. After all, I am certain Ishvala would be happy for you to take a new one, for all the good that you are doing in his name.’ The scarred man shakes his head; he does not deserve a name after all the wrongs he has committed.

The atmosphere becomes tense, only for Anthony to break it. ‘If our chat is concluded, I do believe there’s a man here that needs my full attention. Until tomorrow, gentleman.’ Everyone bids the man goodnight, before all deciding to head their separate ways for the evening.

As the scarred man eats his rations for the evening, he thinks back on the Amestrian woman, and the things he said and did. Perhaps he does owe her an apology? Was he too harsh? Has he done nothing to help improve any image she may have of him?

He shakes his head; nothing will improve that image anyway. To the world at large, he will always be the man that murdered so many alchemists.

All he can do now is try to help others rebuild, even if he can never rebuild himself.

He has no idea why he’s even allowed to be here.


	2. Unintentional Assignment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> As I mentioned before, this chapter is a little shorter. Hope you still enjoy ^.^

It’s just after sunrise when you wake, the general hustle and bustle of the camp pulling you from sleep.

Despite the sleeping bag, you seem to have a bad back today; it’s easy to forget that sand is just a massive collection of tiny rocks when it feels so soft underfoot. At least you also had a tent to shelter you from any cold desert winds, as well as four other women to share it with.

As you sit up in the tent, you realise you’re the last person to wake up.

Trying your best not to dwell on the fact that you had such a rough night (both in terms of sleep AND the reception that had greeted you), you shrug yourself out of your clothes, replacing them with the robes you’d been given yesterday.

They’re a little big, but it’s better than your current clothing.

With nothing else to do, you leave the tent, and begin trying to figure out what to do next.

The moment you leave the tent, you almost bump into someone; a man. 

You’re about to ask what a man is doing in the female camp, when his face breaks into a smile. ‘Aha! You’re the one my husband was talking about! I’m Hani, Ant’s husband. It’s lovely to meet you, I’m sure!’ He tries to outstretch a hand to you, when you notice something; his arms are full of food, far too much for one man to carry.

Without thinking, you take some of it from him, smiling gently. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you. Anthony spoke most highly of you.’ You start walking in the direction he seemed to be heading, hoping he’ll catch on to the fact that you’re helping him, rather than robbing him.

Hani grins, keeping pace with you easily. ‘Thanks. I hate to ask anyone to assist, but it’s really quite a lot for one man to carry. Maybe now we have more people I can start asking for help.’ So he does this every day? He carries all this by himself?

You can’t help match his enthusiastic tone. ‘I’d be happy to help you. I want to make sure I’m as useful as I can be while I’m here.’ In truth, you’re not used to carrying food like this, but you’re sure you’ll get used to it soon enough.

For a moment, Hani seems to hesitate, before shaking his head. ‘As grateful as I am, I’m not sure about that. A lot of people here still hold a grudge against Amestris, and seeing you handling their food…’ They might think you’re planning to poison them. Of course, you should have considered that.

The food in your arms suddenly doesn’t feel half as heavy as your heart does.

You’re about to ask if he wants you to give it to someone else, when a shadow blocks out what little light the sun has managed to produce thus far. ‘I see you’ve already made yourself busy. Do you have something to prove?’ You have to suppress a shiver of fear; you know that voice.

Sure enough, the moment you look up, a scarred face comes into view. 

Hani laughs, though you sense an undercurrent of uncertainty. ‘Ah, Mr Cultural! I was just delivering breakfast when the Amestrian offered to help. Well, decided really, but my arms appreciate her decision greatly.’ The scarred man glares at you, and you wonder what he’s going to do.

You freeze in fear as his arms come towards you, only for him to carefully take you food from you, your arms dropping to your sides in relief. 

The scarred man hums. ‘You were not built to carry heavy loads. Look at how your arms tremble. It would be best if you were assigned a job that does not involve much carrying, or that will allow you to only carry small loads at a time.’ Oh dear. Now the known serial killer knows that you’re an easy target…

Either that, or… ‘Are you only saying that because I’m a woman?’ You’re not sure what sexism and gender politics are like in Ishval, but you know there’s more that enough in Amestris…

Surprisingly, the scarred man shakes his head. ‘No. I am saying it because your body was not built to carry heavily loads. I have known many women that can lift twice their own body weight. You do not look as though you could even manage half. Ishvala did not mean for you to labour, but to work in other ways.’ You know he’s right, that you’re not cut out for physical work, but something about what he says rubs you up the wrong way. 

So despite your initial fear, you scowl up him, trying to forget that he could kill you with a single touch. ‘I’m sure Ishvala didn’t mean for you to kill people, but that did nothing to stop you, did it?’ The man in front of you flinches, and you’re sure you can hear Hani grinding his teeth together.

You half-expect the scarred man to charge at you, to hurt you for such a cutting remark, but all he does is hand you the food he had taken from you. ‘Fine. You can clear rubble. Hani will show you where to go after breakfast. When you are ready to admit your mistake, I will assign you something more suitable.’ You’re shaking again, this time from relief. You were convinced you were going to die…

Before he can leave, Hani stops him. ‘Wait a moment, Ishvalan. Do you not worry that people will assume the food has been tampered with if she helps me serve it?’ You’d almost forgotten that concern, as preoccupied with your certain death as you’d become.

Ishvalan looks at Hani as if he’s speaking a foreign language. ‘There is no poison that only affects Ishvalans. If she eats with you, that is proof that it has not been tampered with.’ Hani looks like he wants to argue, but the cultural minister has had enough; his leaving this time brokers no room for argument.

Hani sighs. ‘As cheerful as ever, I see. You should really apologise to him for that comment. It was unfair.’ Unfair? Really?

You shake your head. ‘I don’t think it unfair. If he’s going to speak as if he knows me, why shouldn’t I bring up the little I know about him? Besides, he knew what he was doing when he killed his victims. He shouldn’t be allowed to hide from his past for a single good deed.’ No good deed will ever be enough to rectify what he did…

Finally reaching you destination without even realising you were walking, Hani places the food on a wooden box, gesturing for you to do the same. 

Even though there’s no one else here, Hani’s voice falls into whisper. ‘While it’s true that good deeds doesn’t erase bad ones, isn’t the opposite also true to a certain extent? For all the bad that he has done, Ishvalan is trying to live a better life now, one full only of good deeds. When you used the name of our God to remind him of his crimes, he was not angered. He was hurt. I fear that telling you the life he once lead was a terrible mistake, because now that is all you will ever see. In many way, it is no different to the people here taking one look at you and branding you an enemy of Ishval just because of your nationality. We are not defined by our pasts, but by our ability to recognise our mistakes, and learn to move on from them. I implore you; apologise to him, and ask for a fresh start. You will see he is not the monster you think he is. As a point of fact, I’m certain that Major Miles has also taken lives, yet I get the feeling you’ve not been hostile to him?’ You want to tell him that there’s a big difference there, but you stop yourself. This argument will only continue if you don’t stop it.

You sigh. ‘Look Hani, I’m here to help, nothing more and nothing less. While I’d like to make friends during my time here, I just don’t see me and Ishvalan ever seeing eye-to-eye. I think it would be best if I just tried to avoid him. At least that way, I won’t accidentally provoke him or something.’ You’re not convinced he isn’t already holding a massive grudge against you…

Hani laughs half-heartedly. ‘Like I said, you won’t anger him. Like most here, I believe he has changed. In time, maybe you will see that, though Ant tells me you might not be with us for very long?’ Oh yeah, that’s right; you’ve only got two weeks to decide if you’re still happy to help.

As the first people begin to arrive for food, Hani ropes you into serving them, so you’re not certain if your answer is heard.

‘I’ll be here much longer than people want me, I imagine.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are progressing slowly… just as intended o.o 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading ^.^


	3. Open Hostility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> Jut another quick chapter ^.^ I’m trying to flesh this story out as best I can and as fast as I can, just so it’s worth a read. So here is chapter three :)

It only takes one day of hauling rubble to make you realise that Ishvalan may have had a point.

By the time you’d made it back to your tent on your first full day in Ishval, you were terrified your arms were going to fall off. You’d almost had to skip dinner, barely able to lift the spoon to your lips.

Today, they’re somehow feeling worse.

Hani, whom you’d helped with the food delivery once again despite it not officially being your responsibility, has been hovering around you all morning, as if he’s scared you’re going to pass out at any moment. In all fairness, between the hard work and the blazing sun, it wouldn’t be the biggest surprise…

You let out a loud grunt as you unload your armful, piling it up for transportation. By the sounds of it, all the rubble is taken off to be recycled as best it can, though from what you’ve seen, there is very little to salvage.

It feels like it’ll take a lifetime to clear away the rubble. You’re concerned that you’ll be dead long before you see the fruits of your hard work.

After depositing his armful, Hani pats you on the back gently. ‘How are you feeling? The sun is at its strongest right now. If you need a break, now would be the time to take it.’ Looking around at everyone else, you’re not certain you’ve earned it; you’ve not even cleared a third of what everyone else has.

You shake your head. ‘I’m good. There’s still too much work to be done. I’ll rest later.’ You’ll have no choice at this rate; arms can’t literally drop off, can they?

Hani frowns. ‘You should not push yourself so far so soon. It isn’t healthy. I still think you should ask for a new task. If you’re not willing to speak to Ishvalan, then maybe consider going to Major Miles, or even my husband. You shouldn’t have to suffer for the sake of others.’ You’d hardly call this suffering, especially when you’re surrounded by victims of the worse crime Amestris has ever committed…

With a gentle stretch of your arms, you walk back to the rubble, Hani keeping pace beside you. ‘I’m not suffering that badly. Besides, no pain no gain, right? I have to build up my muscles if I want to be of any real use here. Today, I may struggle to move small piles of broken houses, but tomorrow, I shall be able to carry new houses!’ Well, pieces of them, at least. Whole houses might be too far.

Hani laughs. ‘One step at a time, please. We need to clear out the old before we can begin bringing in new.’ At least he’s convinced it can be done; maybe there is hope, after all.

As you load your arms full of yet more debris, a stranger approaches you and Hani, a sneer on his face. ‘Why don’t you just give it up? Ishval doesn’t need some Amestrian bitch sticking her nose in. It’s not like you’re even helping us. Go back to your own country.’ You swallow hard, not sure how to answer that. While you’ve expected that at least some in Ishval wont appreciate your presence, this is the first time you’ve actually faced it.

Thankfully, Hani steps in. ‘Come on now, Tamir. This isn’t how we treat each other here. She is living and working as one of us now. We must give her the same respect as we give everyone else.’ 

Tamir spits at you. ‘I will show no respect to the people responsible for the deaths of my family. No amount of help from Amestris will ever restore all that is lost. The presence of any Amestrian here is an insult.’ A few other men grunt in agreement, and you fight the urge to cry. You didn’t… while you understand the hate for Amestrians here, you weren’t a soldier. You weren’t the one responsible for his grief. 

So you steady yourself, hoping he’ll at least hear you out. ‘I have come here only to help. I was asked to help. I didn’t come here as an insult to anyone here. I don’t expect you to cast your feelings about Amestris aside, but I’d at least like to be given a chance to prove that I’m not a bad person.’ Your words taste bitter somehow, as if you’ve heard them once before…

Tamir just grunts. ‘You are a bad person. Your whole country is full of bad people. Stay in Ishval and work yourself to death if you want, but that won’t change who you are.’ With that, he walks off with a huff, leaving as fast as he arrived.

You let out a breath, though it falters slightly, unwanted tears already beginning to form in your eyes.

Hani has an arm around your shoulder in an instant, his other coaxing you into dropping the armful you’d forgotten you were carrying. ‘Ignore him. Tamir… he has lost much. He’s not quite himself as a result. He will soften in time.’ You get the feeling that he won’t, but you’re a little too upset to argue.

You’re about to shrug Hani’s arm off and get back to work, when you hear two sets of footsteps approaching. Already knowing with almost certainty who one set belongs to, you look up to confirm your suspicions. 

Sure enough, while one set of footsteps belong to Major Miles, the others belong to the one person you told yourself you’d like to avoid…

Unsurprisingly, it’s Ishvalan who speaks first, his eyes burning into your soul. ‘Are you injured? If so, I apologise. I should not have assigned you this work. Forgive me for acting with such clouded judgement.’ Clouded? By what? 

With no interest to speak with him anymore than you have to, you drop it in favour of answering the initial question. ‘I’m fine. I’m not as weak as you think I am.’ Well, there goes your chance to try and swap jobs…

Miles chuckles. ‘That’s the attitude I like to see. You hear that, grumps? The lady is fine. Stop being a mother hen. We have a lot of people that we need to look out for here.’ Wait, so they came over here because Ishvalan was worried about you? As if! Why would he even give a shit about you?

Ishvalan’s stare remains unwavering. ‘You might not be injured, but I do not think you are okay. Now is the time to speak up if something has upset you.’ Yeah, because he’s really likely to take your side of this argument…

You’re more than willing to remain silent, but Hani nudges you, silently asking you to come clean. ‘It was one of the men. He made a few comments about how I don’t belong here. It wasn’t anything you’re not already thinking, so it’s fine. That’s all.’ That’s as much as you’re willing to say, anyhow.

Ishvalan’s brow furrows. ‘I see.’ His eyes finally leave you, heading to Hani. ‘Who was the man making comments? Was it Tamir?’ How did he know? Was it because he’d seen you talking from a distance?

Hani nods. ‘Yes, it was.’ He stares over at the man in question, his lips slightly downturned, as if he pities the man somewhat.

Ishvalan nods, turning to Miles this time. ‘You should take him to the Head Monk. I would offer to speak with him myself, but I am the last man he will listen to, given my history.’ Wait, so they actually intend to reprimand him? That’s… not something you’d expected.

Miles walks away with a curt nod, and Ishvalan is right back to staring at you. ‘If you can, I would like you to forgive Tamir. I know enough of hatred to know that it often sprouts from the soil of grief. In time, his grief will fade, and his hatred will die. Until then, please do not burn the bridge of friendship. He has lost plenty of them already.’ You don’t want to know if he lost them because of argument or death…

You nod weakly, still somehow keeping eye contact. ‘I expected people to take issue with me. You told me as much yourself. I still want to help, even if you don’t need an Amestrian here.’ At least you’re not an alchemist; then you’d really deserve all the hate, and you’d probably be dead.

The scarred man thinks on your answer a while, and you swear the ghost of a smile plays on his lips. ‘Yet as you intend to stay here, helping would be a good way to change the minds of the people around you. For now at least, I’m certain you have a friend in Hani. 

‘Now that the situation is resolved, I have many different areas to oversee. Should anyone speak further ills, I shall deal with it. We cannot allow hatred to spread in our homeland. The time for hostility is over. We should now look only to peace.’ He leaves without further comment, leaving you to stare at him as he walks away.

Hani nudges your shoulder. ‘Do you see what I mean about him now? If you took the time to speak to him one day, you might find some common ground with him.’ Common ground? With a murderer? That isn’t going to happen.

You shrug. ‘I doubt that. He’s just playing nice for the sake of appearance and politics. I bet he wants me here even less than Tamir does.’ That he’s less vocal is a result of his position, and nothing more…

Hani sighs. ‘I think you’re wrong. I’ve been working with him since this project began, and just now was he closest I’ve ever seen to him actually smiling. Maybe that’s another bridge to avoid burning, but I shan’t force the subject any further. For now, we should return to work, if you’re still adamant you don’t need a break.’ You’re glad he’s decided to drop it; the less you think about Ishvalan, the better.

As least the sun isn’t as intense as his gaze seems to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter to be available at my digression. Thank you for reading ^.^


	4. Unexpected News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> Here’s another chapter of not much happening, but there will be a lot more in the way of development soon!
> 
> Enjoy :)

It’s a full week since you arrived now, a milestone that isn’t lost on Anthony.

He had been the one to help his husband carry food today, though he had asked you to walk with them both, wanting to know if you’re settling in okay.

The truth is, you’re not sure.

On the one hand, there is the attitude of the people here. With the exception of Tamir, everyone here has been polite at worst, openly friendly at best. You hadn’t anticipated such a warm reception, but you’re grateful for it; it makes settling in much easier.

On the other hand, the work is… draining. You’re surprised your arms are even still working, a true testament to how strong the human body is. Everyone else seems to be surprised too, most of all Hani, who by day five had stopped hovering over you like an anxious parent.

Still, you know you’re not a part of this group yet. You’ve done nothing that would earn your place as such.

Confused by your silence, Anthony prompts you. ‘My friend, are you feeling alright? You seem to have lost yourself to thought.’

Hani laughs. ‘Well, you did ask her a question, my love. A rather nebulous one at that. It is a difficult thing to quantify, how settled one is.’ While it sounds as if he’s berating his husband, the playful smile on his lips tells a different story.

Anthony rolls his eyes. ‘I am only trying to act as a good neighbour should. Perhaps I shall avoid asking such questions in future.’ Is he… sulking? Really?

You put your arm around Anthony, bringing him into an awkward hug. ‘I appreciate you asking. I think I’m doing okay. Good enough that you’ll be leaving alone next week. I’m still determined to stay here for as long as it takes.’ Well, until this city is back to its former glory, at least…

Anthony and Hani exchange a tense glance, with Hani being the one to answer the questioning look on your face. ‘Actually… there has been a change of plans. While I normally remain in Ishval at all times, I’ll be leaving with Ant this time. A letter arrived while he was still in Amestris. Apparently, there’s an orphanage that is full of Ishvalan children. We don’t know how many are orphaned and how many were just separated from their families, so I’ve agreed to head a team of people to find out. The Head Monk did want to send Ishvalan, but I’m not sure he has the right temperament to deal with children.’ 

Your eyes widen. ‘He wanted to send Ishvalan? But he murdered a child a few years ago, didn’t he? The Tucker girl?’ You remember reading it in the paper, and being horrified by it.

Anthony shifts slightly. ‘That was different. There were… circumstances surrounding Nina Tucker’s death that weren’t widely reported. Ishvalan actually seems to like children, although his gruffness does seem to scare them all off rather quickly. My Hani however has a perfect track record when it comes to not terrifying children with a look.’ Circumstances? What circumstances?

When you ask as much, it’s Hani that answers. ‘You would be better off asking the man himself. I’m sure he wouldn’t deny you an answer if you’re truly curious. Maybe you can discuss it with him when you ask for a different job.’ A different job? 

You eye him curiously. ‘I don’t plan to ask for a different task.’ Even if you probably should in all fairness…

Both men look at you, their disapproval clear. ‘Please don’t continue to push yourself like this. There are many other tasks that need doing. In fact, speak to Miles. I suspect he’ll want you to deliver food to this camp in my stead, with the help of another woman. We try to keep men away from the female camp for reasons of privacy and decency. Ant and I are exceptions, for very obvious reasons; we won’t be spying on women in the communal baths anytime soon.’ That makes sense. As long as the person assigned to assist you is another woman, rather than the pardoned serial killer, you’re more than willing to be food delivery girl.

Now you just have to hope Miles agrees. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It’s easy enough to find Major Miles; he’s with Ishvalan once again today, both men overseeing the removal of rubble. Do they always work as a pair? It seems an odd thing, given how different their roles are.

When he sees you approaching, Major Miles smiles. ‘Good morning. Is there something we can assist you with?’ 

In stark contrast to Miles, Ishvalan wears a heavy frown. ‘Has someone made another comment about you?’ You’re surprised he even remembers what happened with Tamir…

Ignoring Ishvalan completely, you smile back at Major Miles. ‘Actually, Hani sent me. He mentioned he’s going away next week, and I was wondering if you’d let me take over his food delivery. I can still do my other duty too, of course. It’s just, I’ve gotten quite used to the deliveries now, so I’d like to continue with them, if you don’t mind.’ What are you doing? You’re making it sound like you can do it all by yourself, which would be difficult…

Miles’ eyebrows shoot up. ‘Damn. Wasn’t expecting a volunteer for food duty. You’re more than welcome to take over. I’m sure Ishvalan will be glad of your company.’ Wait, Ishvalan? Don’t say…

Ishvalan’s eyebrows furrow. ‘I am guessing you were not given the full details. I shall be assisting Hani’s successor with the food deliveries. I have little else to do in the mornings, so it only makes sense I help.’ This is bad. Now you’re going to be seeing Ishvalan every morning for the foreseeable future; surely there’s still time for you to back out? 

Yes, there is one thing! ‘I wasn’t, but I’m a little confused; I thought men weren’t allowed to enter the female camp?’ Unless Ishvalan is gay… then you can’t really use that argument.

While you get the feeling your question has irritated him, Ishvalan remains calm. ‘If you recall, I was in the female camp not long ago. I am one of the leaders here, a trusted member of our community. I am even less likely to do anything unsavoury than Hani or Anthony. You have my word as a former monk on that.’ Well, there goes your plan…

Still, you can’t resist getting a dig in. ‘Anyone’s word as a former anything is worthless, because it means they failed to stick at their former task. How can I trust that myself and the other women are safe around you?’

If looks could kill, you’d be Ishvalan’s next victim. ‘Do not insult me. I am a murderer, not a rapist. By your logic, I would be unfit to live with both men and women. Perhaps I am not. Nevertheless, here we are. Do you wish to help with the food runs or not?’ Damn it. This isn’t how you wanted things to go down. They couldn’t have asked literally anyone else to cover for Hani? 

Resigned, you sigh. ‘Alright, I’ll do it. I’m not entirely comfortable, but I’ll do it anyway.’ Both men raise their eyebrows at you; were they expecting you to lie and say everything is fine?

Ishvalan is the first to vocalise his surprise. ‘You are willing to work with me?’ You nod, and he hums. ‘I see. We shall meet next week, then.’ Well, at least you still get the job, even if you did accuse your partner of being a potential sex offender…

As you say your goodbyes and head off to work, you swear you can feel two pairs of eyes staring at you.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

When he’s certain the only non-Ishvalan worker here is out of earshot, Miles lets out a low whistle. ‘Damn. I wasn’t expecting anyone to agree to work with you. She’s got balls, that’s for sure. I bet Armstrong would eat her up.’ He turns his gaze to Ishvalan, interested in his reaction.

Ishvalan desperately tries to avoid thinking about what Miles is implying, even shaking his head to dispel such a vision.

When he doesn’t get an answer, Miles smirks. ‘Honestly, I would probably eat her up, too.’

This time, Ishvalan takes the bait. ‘You are a married man, Miles. I’ll forget you said that.’ 

Miles laughs. ‘Quite happily married, as it happens. Unlike you, my friend.’ A fact that both Miles and the Head Monk are both acutely aware of; they’ve been trying to set Ishvalan up since they all arrived here.

Ishvalan growls. ‘Leave it be. I have no need of a name, or a wife, or a family. No amount of persistence from you or my former master will change my feelings on the matter.’ 

Miles raises an eyebrow. ‘I think you underestimate the Head Monk’s persistence. I don’t know why you’re so against the idea anyhow. You’re a free man now. You have a chance to start a life of your own. It’s what Ishvala would want, I’m sure.’ Miles can’t really be sure though; he’s not yet familiar enough with his Grandfather’s culture to claim to know the ways of its people.

Ishvalan sighs, irritated that Miles refuses to drop the subject. ‘The last time I claimed to know Ishvala’s will, I murdered alchemists without remorse. We will never understand what our God wants. For all that you claim to know, Ishvala may demand that I spend my life dedicated to making amends for my past. None of what you or my former master want for me fit into that.’ 

To Ishvalan’s chagrin, Miles wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. ‘Repopulating Ishval could be considered making amends, I’m sure. We need as many new Ishvalans as possible if we’re going to keep our culture alive for future generations.’ Ishvalan will be the one teaching the next generation, too…

Finally at his limit, Ishvalan throws his arms up in a mixture of frustration and defeat. ‘I’ll concede that, but it is irrelevant. While it is true that I could easily take a new name, finding a wife is not so simple. One might say it’s impossible with my past.’ After all, how could he expect any woman to trust him to be a good husband when he’s hurt so many in the past?

Miles has to fight the urge to grin smugly; it’s not like Ishvalan to ever concede anything! 

Instead, Miles crosses his arms, and tries to look solemn. ‘It’s not easy, but I don’t think it’s impossible. You just have to start with the basics. Is there anyone in camp you find attractive at all?’ 

For a split second, Ishvalan is tempted to say Miles, if only to shut him up.

Instead, he answers honestly. ‘I’m not certain. I have not been looking at the women here as women, but rather as fellow Ishvalans.’ One more reason he’s allowed in the female camp…

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Miles decides to be specific. ‘Alright then, what do you think of the one woman here that isn’t a fellow Ishvalan?’ If he asks which one…

Ishvalan stares at the ground. ‘That is irrelevant. You’ve seen how she is when she’s near me. She is scared that I will hurt her, and I don’t blame her. Even friendship seems out of the question with her.’ Something that makes Ishvalan’s chest ache, but he’s not sure why; she’s not the first person to show him such open fear and hostility, and she won’t be the last.

This time, Miles can’t fully contain his smug smile. ‘You think she’s attractive though, don’t you?’ 

Ishvalan shrugs. ‘In her way, as all women are.’ Miles almost wishes he’d never started this conversation. He’s almost beginning to wonder if Ishvalan is actually attracted to women; there are several women in the camp Miles would be tempted by if he was in Ishvalan’s shoes.

To Miles’ surprise, Ishvalan continues. ‘My friend, I would like to end this conversation. I have no desire to dwell on things that are beyond my reach.’ 

As much as he wants to push this conversation forwards, Miles is wise enough to know when to stop. ‘Very well then. I have things I need to do now anyway. I’d like to leave you with one last thought though; when you were travelling around Amestris lost in your own despair, wasn’t rebuilding Ishval also beyond your reach?’ Ishvalan has things he’d love to say about that, but Miles walks away before he has a chance to do so, leaving him to dwell on his thoughts.

While Miles raises another fair point, the two things are incomparable. Regaining Ishval was for the good of all Ishvalans; him finding a wife would be purely for his own benefit.

Ishvalan is almost angry with Miles and his former master. Why is his personal life any of their concern? Surely if he is a free man, he should have the freedom to live life alone if that’s what he wants? Why is finding a wife such an important thing? He needs a wife even less than he needs a name; at least a name would be of some convenience.

Still, now that Miles isn’t here, it does give him the chance to better reflect on an earlier question; are there any women here that catch his eye?

What he said earlier is true; he’s not really been looking at the women as women. If he were to take a moment to forget that however…

No, he can’t. It’s not right of him to do so. The women here trust him, he can’t start thinking that way. It would be inappropriate. Besides, it’s not as if he even knows what he finds attractive anymore; it’s been a lifetime since he ever looked at a woman as more than a friend, his monk training doing much to temper his desire.

With little warning, Ishvalan’s mind turns to Miles’ second question; what of the Amestrian woman?

The more he thinks about it, the more ridiculous a suggestion it becomes. In what world would they work as a pair? After all the hatred he’s harboured for her country of birth, how could he expect love to bloom? She would never accept that love, and his guilt would kill it before he even had a chance.

Still, if he were to forget that for a moment, and take Miles’ advice to just focus on her physically…

There is… something. He’s not sure what, but Ishvalan knows that it exists. Perhaps he can sense her hatred of him, and he’s mistaken that for a spark of something more? That seems the most likely explanation; it’s clear to him that she hates him. 

Maybe he should be the one to transfer his new responsibility. Having her beside him seems like a recipe for disaster; sooner or later, something will boil over, and he doesn’t want to be the one to start another race war. While he’ll never forget the war, Ishvalan is at least willing to admit that it was more than the Amestrians that were responsible for genocide of his people; the true mastermind is dead now, in no small part thanks to him.

Still, if she is willing to stay here, and give his people a chance, maybe she’ll surprise him and learn to tolerate his presence. After all, he has no intention of harming a woman that is only trying to help…

… he’s done that once before, and it’s the one thing he’ll never be able to forgive himself for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, I’m off again. I hope you enjoyed it ^.^


	5. A Few Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> Two chapters in two days… I think I’m coming down with something o.O
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

The rest of the week passes without incident, until it’s finally time to say goodbye to Anthony and Hani.

Both men seemed sad to leave you behind in Ishval, but there was also a great sense of relief that you hadn’t been scared away, despite a few troubling events (though in truth, Tamir now seems to be avoiding you; whatever advice the Head Monk gave him seems to have been heeded). 

After their departure, you’d headed back to your tent, and allowed a few lonely tears to fall. In the two weeks you’ve been here, they were the only friends you’d made. Now that they’re gone, you have no one. 

You almost wish you had gone.

Add to that the fact that you have to start food deliveries with Ishvalan in the morning, and it’s safe to say that you’re having a really, really shitty day. 

What makes it even worse is that you still have your own job to do today, and you’re not sure if you have the strength to be moving rubble today. Maybe you could have a word with Miles, see if he has something else you can do?

You’re about to do just that, when you hear a gruff voice from just outside. ‘May I come in?’ Ishvalan?! What is he doing here?!

You’d love to tell him to get lost, but you don’t even have the effort to stop him; he’d probably just come in anyway.

When you vocalise a yes, Ishvalan slowly makes his way inside, almost as if he’s approaching a startled deer. He takes a seat just next to the entrance, but makes sure not to block his.

His face is neutral for once, his signature look of brooding angst not present for once. ‘I came to make sure you are certain about assisting me with Hani’s duties in his absence. I am more than capable of doing it alone, if you are going to be uncomfortable working with me. Alternatively, I’m sure I could find someone to trade chores with me.’ He’s giving you a final out? Maybe you’re not the only uncomfortable one…

You shake your head. ‘I said I’d do it, and I meant it. Just don’t expect me to be too talkative; there is little I want to say to you that I haven’t already said.’ Except a few questions about his past crimes, but you get the feeling he wouldn’t answer them…

Ishvalan nods. ‘Understandable. I am not one for speaking much either. However, if you have questions about me, you’re free to ask them. I won’t make any move to justify my actions, but if you want the details of my crimes, I am the one that knows the true details.’ It’s almost as if he can read minds; you hope that isn’t a secret power of his. Not that you’ve thought anything that you wouldn’t tell him to his face…

Still, speaking to him about his past… it could prove to be a distraction of sorts, if he has time to speak of them now.

Fully expecting him to reject the suggestion, you decide to ask him. ‘Do you have a moment now? There are a few things I would like you to clarify for me.’ As much as you know you’re going to hate the answers…

Ishvalan nods. ‘Of course. Ask me what you will.’ Where to even begin? You want to make this quick if you can, if only so you can find Miles and get out of rubble moving today.

So you ask the thing that’s been on your mind since last week. ‘What happened with Nina Tucker?’ 

Ishvalan visibly flinches at that name, before he tries to regain his neutral expression. ‘Her father was an alchemist. I’d heard that he’d been placed under house arrest, so I decided that he would be an easy target. So I murdered his guards, found him, and dispatched him easily. That is when I met Nina. At least, I met the thing she had become, the creature her father made her.

‘Her father… he had merged his daughter with the family pet. The Nina Tucker I encountered was a chimera, not a little girl. Knowing that she would spend the rest of her life as little more than an experiment, I ended her life.’ Wait, he did… you hadn’t heard that part of the story. Is it even true? How could anyone… to their little girl…?

You must look pale, because Ishvalan continues talking. ‘I wish now I had chosen not to kill him. The swift justice I delivered to him was a better fate than he deserved. Think of that what you will.’ You’re surprised that he’s being so honest with you; saying things like that would only make most people hate him more.

As it is, all you can do is nod. ‘I see. Are there any other deaths you regret?’ He hadn’t mentioned regret exactly, but you’re sure it’s what he meant.

This time, Ishvalan refuses to look you in the eye. ‘I said I would be factual, but that is personal. I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that.’ That’s a hard yes then. Now you’re curious, but you know you won’t get an answer out of him.

So you try a new question. ‘How many people did you kill?’ That’s a straight question, so surely he’ll answer that?

Thankfully, Ishvalan returns his gaze to your face, a thoughtful look on his face. ‘In truth, I’m not certain. There were men that I injured, men that I may have killed unintentionally. More than ten, but I’m certain that it’s less than thirty.’ That’s a vague answer; so much for facts!

You’re about to call him out on it, but he stops you. ‘I refuse to make excuses for myself, but I was not myself after the war. I was possessed by rage. My actions were autonomous, my mind focused on a single goal. I was not keeping count of my kills because they meant nothing to me. The alchemists meant nothing to me. They were an affront to Ishvala, they murdered my people. When people mean that little to you, keeping count is unnecessary.’ A grim point, but it makes sense. In its way…

Another big question. ‘What’s stopping you from turning on me? What if I say something you can’t handle, and you snap? Will you kill me?’ 

Ishvalan’s eyes stare straight into your soul. ‘No. There is nothing anyone could say that would turn me back down that path again. I understand your caution of me, and I accept it, but it is unnecessary. I am no more a threat to you than I am anyone else. You have my word on that, worthless as it may be.’ It seems as if he’s still a man that holds onto the past, but for once, you’re almost convinced by his words.

So you nod, and you try to force a smile, though it looks as disingenuous as it is. ‘Alright. You’re right, I don’t trust you, and I won’t pretend that I like you. You’ve killed people, as guilty as they may have been, and I don’t think I could ever get over that. But I am willing to work with you, just until Hani gets back. It’s not as if I have much choice, anyway. I think you might be the only one willing to work with me, too.’ If he even is; maybe he’s just being polite, in a far more graceful way than you are.

Ishvalan’s brow furrows. ‘Surely you have friends here? You have been here for two weeks.’ He acts as if that’s a long time! Besides, you’ve been working your ass off, too tired for socialising at the end of the day.

You shake your head. ‘My only friends just left. I’ve not had much time for socialising. That argument with Tamir is probably the most I’ve spoken with anyone that isn’t a leader or a leader’s partner.’ 

You think Ishvalan looks sad for a moment, but he hides it quickly. ‘A shame. Nobody should be without friends. Loneliness can pave the way to terrible things. Please, do not work today. Spend some time with the other women here. Try to make a friend or two, if you can. Your time here will be easier with friends.’ It’s been fine up until now, but he has a point. Still, who’s to say the other women here won’t be like Tamir? You wouldn’t blame them anymore than you’d blamed here; people have a good reason for hating an Amestrian face here.

As good a reason as you have for disliking Ishvalan.

Still, as much as you’d like to tell him to shove his suggestion somewhere unthinkable just to spite him again… 

You nod once. ‘Okay. Just for today, I can do that. But for now, I think we’ve spoken enough.’ In fairness, you’ve been all alone with him long enough that maybe you can trust him a little; then again, you’ve made no move to provoke him today.

Ishvalan nods back. ‘Very well. I shall see you tomorrow morning then. Thank you for indulging me.’ Indulging him? What does he mean?

You ask him as much, and to your shock, a small yet genuine smile plays on his lips. ‘You allowed me to not only speak with you, but to sit privately with you too. Few others would do such a thing. It was a privilege.’ You… so you’re not the only one mistrustful of him? Why do the others fear him? He’s never harm his fellow Ishvalans, right?

Right?

In either case, Ishvalan leaves without another word, closing the tent behind him with care.

Sighing, you stick out a hand, just to see how much you’re trembling after being alone with a murderer for so long.

It barely shakes at all. Odd.

Speaking with Ishvalan so casually about his crimes… it makes you think of the things Hani has said about him, how maybe he’s not as bad as you’d first assumed. Granted, he will always be a murderer, and that will always be the first thing you think when you see him, but is that all there is to him? 

You almost regret being so hostile now. You’re pretty sure that you’ve burnt that particular friendship bridge already, which is…

Well, for the best really. Despite his words, maybe you shouldn’t trust him. You should just help in every morning in complete silence, then run away as fast as you can, spend no time with the man. Distance yourself, don’t fall into his web. Serial killers lure women in with good looks and charm, then they pounce!

Not that he’s particularly charming, of course; you’ve probably spoken to rocks with more charm than the stoic former monk.

Still, it’s all irrelevant. You and he simply aren’t meant to be friends. You’re natural opposites, and nothing will change that.

It was nice of him to give you some time off, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boom, done. See you next time, and thank you for reading ^.^


	6. New Duty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Dropping in with another quick one. Enjoy ^.^

The morning comes much faster than you’d have liked, the events of yesterday playing on your mind.

Taking Ishvalan’s advice, you’d decided to socialise with a group of women, helping them do a few chores around the camp as you introduced yourself.

To your surprise, the women were very receptive!

You’d come to bed yesterday with the hopes of future friendships on your mind, even if you won’t see them all that often thanks to your work…

Speaking of, it’s time to face the thing you’re most dreading; food detail with Ishvalan.

Your legs drag the whole way to the meeting point, as if your body desperately wants nothing to do with the man. Then again, after yesterday, maybe it won’t be so bad? You’ve proved that you can be around the man for a while without cowering, and without him trying to harm you, so there’s no reason you won’t be able to walk with him in uncomfortable silence each morning.

As long as you don’t say anything to prove a response, it’ll all be fine.

You hope. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

When you arrive at the meeting point, Ishvalan is waiting for you, eyeing the piles of food you have to carry. It’s seems even more than usual; you’re glad you had the chance to rest your arms yesterday, or this might be a step too far.

Noticing your arrival, Ishvalan nods. ‘Good morning. I am uncertain how to divide the labour between us. Normally I would offer to transport the lion’s share, but I do not wish to offend you again by implying that you’re not capable. How would you like to proceed?’ He remembers that far back? Well, of course he would, it was less than a month ago. Still, interesting that he’s bringing it up…

As much as you’d love to take an equal share, with the extra food today… 

You swallow, both your pride and literally. ‘This is a little more than I’m used to carrying, so I don’t think I can take half.’ Now you’ve done it. Now all he’s going to think is that you’re stubborn and weak, and he’s going to be a sexist-

Ishvalan nods. ‘Alright. Take what you can. I’ll carry the rest.’ Well, that was straightforward. The comments must be on the horizon soon enough, though.

Scoping up about a third of the goods, you turn your attention back to Ishvalan, gesturing that you’re done. He picks up his share with little more than a grunt, and the two of you set off towards the heart of the women’s camp.

It takes just over a minute before curiosity gets the better of you, and you break the silence. ‘Why do we have extra rations today? Are the farms producing now?’ From what you’ve been told, the old agricultural fields here are practically unusable, but you might have misheard…

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘Not yet. We’re still working on fixing the irrigation systems. Once we have them back, we’ll be able to produce our own food, but for now, it’s military handouts or starvation.’ You know which one you’d rather pick…

Still though… ‘So why do we have extra today? Not that I’m sure people wouldn’t appreciate it, I’m just curious.’ That’s a bad reason to ask anything to Ishvalan, you’re sure of that, but at least it’s the truth.

Surprisingly, Ishvalan frowns slightly. ‘Today is a national holiday in Ishval. Normally, nobody would have to work, but we can’t afford to waste a day, not while so much of our country lies in ruin. The extra food is a goodwill gesture, and a welcome one, but it does little to compensate I’m sure. Do not be surprised if people seem more hostile today.’ You hadn’t noticed, but then again, you’ve only seen one person today, and he’s always in a mood…

Even if the topic might be sore, you can’t contain your piqued curiosity. ‘What’s the holiday?’ He’s definitely going to tell you to mind your own business now.

Ishvalan’s expression remains unchanged. ‘In your language, it is known as New Day.’ That’s… vague and uninteresting. Is it a day for getting new things? 

Ishvalan’s lips seem to twitch when as he takes in your confusion. ‘As I said, that is a rough translation, and not reflective of the day itself. It is considered to be the true start of the new year. It is the time when farmers begin their cycle anew, and animals bring new life into the world. It is also the day that people choose to give small gifts to others they wish to court, thought it is not uncommon to see many couples either marry or promise to marry on that day. It is a way to start the year as you mean to go on, and to pray to Ishvala that the year goes as you desire.’ It sounds like an important holiday; you feel bad that nobody here will get the chance to celebrate properly.

You smile sympathetically, forgetting for a moment that the man you’re speaking with is a serial killer. ‘Maybe next year we’ll have the chance to celebrate it properly.’ Wait, where did that ‘we’ll’ come from?!

If Ishvalan notices, he offers no comment. ‘Perhaps. For now, I shall offers my prays to Ishvala, but nothing more. You are welcome to do the same if you wish, but do not feel as if it is necessary.’ In a way, it’s almost…

You want to say sweet, but given who’s lips the words came from, he’s probably more than likely just saying it as a token politeness or something.

It does make you wonder though… ‘Are they any other major holidays in Ishval.’ 

Ishvalan nods, oblivious to your thoughts. ‘There are four in total, one for each season. The next one takes place on the day the sun stays in the sky the longest. It is a day to spend relaxing where we can, taking the time to spend it with friends and fam…’ he hesitates for a moment, then continues. ‘In autumn, we thank Ishvala for the harvest, and our farmers prepare the fields for the winter crop. It is also a time where many families are expecting new additions, a direct result of New Day. For that, we also give thanks.

‘Finally, on the day in winter where the sun shines the least, we reflect on the year just pasted, and once again spend time with loved ones. Gift exchanges are also common, as is volunteering time to make sure that Ishvala’s love is felt by all. These are our holidays.’ An interesting mix, not a million miles away from the ones celebrated in Amestris…

Before you have a chance to response, Ishvalan speaks once again. ‘What do you intend to do for the Amestrian holidays? I know that family plays a part in the holidays of your people, just as it does mine.’ You hadn’t even thought of that. Still, it’s not as if you can just nip back over the border…

You shrug. ‘I guess I’ll be here for them. It doesn’t bother me. There aren’t many people I’m close to back home anyway. It’s probably why leaving with Anthony felt like an easy decision.’ Well, that and the obvious reasons.

Ishvalan looks as it he wants to smile at you, before he retracts it. ‘I would like it if you could experience a holiday here, as a reward for all the work you have put in.’ 

You laugh humourlessly. ‘What work? I’ve only been here two weeks. I don’t think I deserve a pat on the back.’ Not when everyone else here works so hard, too…

Ishvalan’s eyes pierce your own. There is no anger or upset in them for once, but you’re not sure what has taken their place. ‘That you came at all is work enough, as is your decision to remain. I said I would treat you as one of us if you stayed, and I meant that. Many will say that you will have to live with us a long time to be considered one of us, but in my eyes, you have earned your place here.’ It’s nice to know that you have the approve of a man you hate, at least…

As you finally reach your destination, the group of women from yesterday arrive, all smiling widely at you. ‘Hello again! Will you be helping us again today? We seem to have even more washing than usual today, and we could use an extra pair of hands to help get it finished.’ Oh, but you’d love to! If only you hadn’t been assigned a different job…

You shake your head. ‘I’m really sorry Mina, but I have to get back to moving rubble today. Maybe another day?’ 

Mina looks shocked, before she narrows her eyes at Ishvalan. ‘You gave her a man’s job? How could you! You are every inch the brute, aren’t you? Is it a punishment because of her race? You disgust me! I’m speaking with Miles and getting her moved with me immediately.’ Your own eyes widen now, shocked at her strong defence of you; she’s known you for even less time that Ishvalan has!

Ishvalan remains calm, remarkably calm given the circumstances. ‘If she is unhappy, she need only ask to change. I will reassign her myself right now, if that is what she wants.’ He looks at you, still the picture of calm. ‘Would you like me to reassign you to Mina’s group?’ And get out of shifting rubble? This seems too good to be true!

You nod, trying not to look too happy about this. ‘I would like that, thank you.’ Then, you have an afterthought. ‘Am I still okay to help with the food in the mornings though?’ 

Ishvalan nods. ‘I have no objection to either corse of action. I shall inform Miles of your decision.’ Well, that was easy! A reassignment to a job that’s a lot easier than building work, and you didn’t even have to swallow your pride and ask to be moved! It’s great!

Mina is by your side almost immediately, all but dragging you away from Ishvalan. ‘Come along then, dear. Let’s get you away from that monster.’ Once she’s satisfied you’re far enough away, she turns back to Ishvalan. ‘I pity you, you know? How can anyone live with that much hate in their heart? You’re a disgrace to our people, and I’m sorry that you didn’t die once you’d stoped being useful. I might just go to Miles anyway, and make sure he reassigns you, just so you don’t hurt this poor Amestrian girl. It’s wouldn’t be the first time, would it Scar?’ She spits in his direction, taking you off to work.

As you walk away from Ishvalan, you can’t help but feel… guilt. Even with all that you’ve said and done, Mina’s words feel harsh, too harsh even. Maybe it’s because now you understand the truth of what happened to the other ‘poor Amestrian girl’, but watching Ishvalan get chewed out like that, but one of his own people…

You might owe him an apology, after all.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ishvalan feels a great sorrow watching Mina drag the Amestrian woman away, her words cutting him deep. Sure, he has heard them countless times before, but they always hurt him so much more when they come from the mouth of another Ishvalan…

The thing that hurts the most is that for a moment, he could swear he saw something in the Amestrian woman. A glimmer of hope maybe, that one day she would be receptive to a friendship with him. 

Would it be wrong of him to include that in his prayers? To pray for a friend? While he has formed an easy friendship with Miles, Ishvalan misses the friends he made during his travels dearly. Having another friend here would be the greatest gift of all, something he’d treasure far more than a name. Would Ishvala grant him that? Would the Amestrian even be the friend he made?

He shall include it in his prayer. Ishvala stands a better chance of easing her hate than he does. 

Unless Mina makes it grow beyond soothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading as always, and hope to see you next chapter ^.^


	7. Sweet New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> Another chapter o.O enjoy ^.^

Two weeks of morning deliveries with Ishvalan, and you’re really working yourself up to that apology.

The mornings have been… far easier than you’d thought they would be. It’s almost as if Ishvalan has been going out of his way to make you feel comfortable working with him. He always allows you to instigate any conversations, content to walk in silence if you don’t feel like talking. There’s been no talk of race or his past, both things probably for the best; they’re the two subjects that could easily break the simple calm of your morning routine.

For your part, you’ve been keeping your scathing remarks to a minimum, trying not to provoke things any further. Besides, Mina has been making things hard enough for him…

Mina… despite such a brief acquaintance, you think you like her even less than Ishvalan. The things her and her group shout at Ishvalan when they come to collect you for work are vile. Nobody deserves to be told such horrible things so often. Well, maybe some do, but now you’re not so convinced Ishvalan is one of them. Being here, seeing how deeply everyone in Ishval seems to care for each other; there is no justification for his actions, as he often says himself, but you think now you understand the reason behind it. 

As well as you ever might, at least. 

Maybe you should ask for a re-reassignment? Shifting rubble seems better than putting up with Mina much longer. Why can’t you find some nice, normal friends?

Oh yeah; they’re out of the country right now.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

As you make your way over to Ishvalan, you notice he’s not waiting alone for once; he seems to be in deep conversation with Miles, the two men discussing something in hushed tones.

Not wanting to hear anything you shouldn’t, you clear your throat, alerting the two men to your presence.

Ishvalan seems to look oddly guilty as he stares at you in surprise, but Miles smiles. ‘Good morning. I was just dropping something off to Ishvalan. Never knew he has a sweet tooth.’ He claps Ishvalan on the shoulder before leaving with a smile, and what you could have sworn was a wink.

You chuckle nervously, uncertain as to what just happened. ‘Did I just witness a drug deal?’ You wouldn’t have had the stoic ex-monk down as any kind of user, except steroids maybe…

Ishvalan looks confused. ‘Why would I receive drugs in broad daylight? No, Miles meant that in a more literal sense. Here.’ He holds his hand out to you, and you almost burst out in a fit of giggles; it’s a chocolate bar.

Shaking your head, you smile at Ishvalan. ‘I’ve never seen anyone act so covertly over a chocolate bar. Afraid that you’d have to share it, were you?’ To be honest, you never would have taken Ishvalan as a chocolate fan, let alone one who actively has it smuggled to them!

That guilty look comes back to Ishvalan’s face, and you worry that you said something wrong. ‘Actually… it’s not mine. It’s yours. Take it.’ What? Since when is that yours?

You eye the chocolate suspiciously. ‘I’ve never seen that chocolate before in my life.’ Other than right now, obviously.

Ishvalan signs. ‘That’s not… it is a gift. For you. Take it.’ A gift? A gift from… what?

Not wanting to be rude, you take the chocolate, but you’re still confused. ‘Why are you giving me this? How did you even… I haven’t seen chocolate once since I arrived here.’ Presumably because it’s more a luxury item than an actual food item, and not something the military would send here.

Ishvalan’s eyes meet yours, any emotions in them carefully controlled. ‘It was Miles’ idea. He has connections in the military supply lines, so it wasn’t that difficult to convince one of them to bring it in. As for the why, it’s been a month since you arrived here. I thought you might like something to celebrate the occasion, and Miles suggested this. It really is more from here.’ You get the feeling he’s telling you that so you’re more likely to accept it, but it doesn’t matter; that either man took the time to do something nice for you…

You take note of your surroundings; it’s still fairly early, with only a few people milling about. Maybe then…

Looking back to Ishvalan, you smile slightly. ‘How long do we have before we have to make our deliveries?’ 

Ishvalan hums. ‘We have a few moments, if you wish to take your gift back to your tent.’ Well, he’s not guessed your intent…

Getting ready for a rejection, you smile harder. ‘Share it with me. We could eat it now before we head off.’ Here comes the lecture about how important work is and how you can’t waste time on something so frivolous…

Ishvalan’s eyes seem to double in size. ‘You want to share it with me? Why?’ Does he really have to ask that?

Unwrapping the chocolate, you snap it cleanly in half, handing Ishvalan his piece. ‘It wouldn’t feel right keeping it all to myself. Besides, you helped get it here, so you should have some.’ And it’s a bit of a peace offering, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Ishvalan stares at the chocolate in his hand for a moment, a suspicious layer of moisture glistening in the sun. ‘This is very kind of you. You have my thanks.’ You both take a bite at the same moment, and you can’t control your moan; it might be the nicest thing you’ve ever tasted.

After a few more bites, you decide to make conversation. ‘So, how did you and Miles meet? Was it when you first got here?’ 

Ishvalan shakes his head, swallowing his mouthful. ‘No, we knew each other before we came here. We met in a town called Baschool, in the North.’ The North? It’s freezing there. It’s curious that two people of desert origin would meet in a place so greatly contrasting.

It’s your turn to swallow a bite. ‘I see. Was he an ally of yours?’ 

To your surprise, Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘The first thing Miles ever did to me was point a gun at my head. He was working for the Amestrian Military, and I was a wanted murderer.’ That’s… an interesting start to a relationship!

You can’t contain your surprise. ‘So Miles planned to kill you, or at the very least take you into captivity?’ 

Ishvalan nods. ‘I suspect it was more the latter, but yes. Had our circumstances not been dire enough that a mutual acquaintance of ours could only escape with my assistance, I would have had no choice but to surrender myself to the military.’ A mutual acquaintance? Whom?

When you ask that, Ishvalan tenses up. ‘Somebody from my past. The daughter of my first victims.’ Victims? Plural? 

You have to ask. ‘You killed both her parents?’ 

Ishvalan nods. ‘Yes, I did.’ You almost wish you hadn’t asked… 

… but now that you have. ‘Were they alchemists?’ 

This time, you swear Ishvalan’s voice breaks. ‘They were doctors.’ The chocolate tastes bitter in your mouth.   
Doctors? How could… do doctor’s not heal people? Help people? How could anyone harm those who seek to cure?!

Ishvalan looks at you with guilt-filled eyes, and you realise you said most of that out loud. ‘It is even worse than you think. They were two Amestrian doctors, working in Ishval, treating our wounded. I was one of their patients. Their actions undoubtedly saved my life. Yet when I woke up, alone, my family dead… I didn’t see them as healers. All I saw were two Amestrians, and I acted without any further thought.’ He… maybe you are right to hate him. Those aren’t the actions of a man that you want anything to do with. They’re barely the actions of a man at all. 

But then… ‘Why did their daughter agree to work with you? If I was her, I would have wanted you dead.’ 

Ishvalan sighs, probably relieved you’re not screaming at him. ‘She did. The first time we met, she wanted to shoot me. She probably would have too, if her friend wasn’t there to talk her out of it. As little regard as I have for my own life, if my death had driven that girl to live a life marred by vengeance… I think that would have been the greatest crime of all. As it is, the second time we met, the girl, Winry, she… she is the one who spared me. She was convinced that her parents must have saved my life for a reason. Meeting with her, then hearing all that Miles had to say about our people… I was a changed man by the time I left Baschool.’ You’re curious as to what Miles told him, but for now, you don’t want to change to subject.

Instead, you hum, finishing the last of your chocolate as you collect your thoughts. Ishavalan seems to do the same, his eyes cautious, bracing themselves for the incoming torrent of abuse.

The truth is, you’re not sure you have any reason to hate Ishvalan anymore. If the daughter of his victims of all people can find it in her to forgive him, why must you show such hate? Hani really was right; you shouldn’t have judged Ishvalan as you did. Even with all that he’s done, if others like Winry can see good in him…

Swallowing, you think you finally have something to say. ‘A lot of people have given you second chances, it seems.’ 

Ishvalan nods, a little of his tension seeming to ease. ‘Far more than I deserve. I should be dead. That I am not is more down to the actions of others than it is to myself.’ 

You exhale. ‘Then I’m not the only one who’s ever had second thoughts about you.’ 

Ishvalan immediately goes stiff, his eyes panicked. ‘If knowing my past makes you uncomfortable, I’ll find someone else to take over. You never need to deal with me again. While I have appreciated your company these past two weeks, I have no wish to overstay my welcome.’ That’s not… he definitely needs to work on his persecution complex.

So you smile, trying to put him at ease. ‘I don’t want that. What I do want is to apologise to you. I was… I judged you instantly, and said some really unfair things. I’m beginning to see now that there is more to you than being just a murderer. I’m not sure if I could ever see myself becoming your friend, but for now, I just wanted to tell you that I’m past hating you for the things you’ve done. I’d like ya to start over, if you’ll let me.’ 

Ishvalan’s whole body relaxes for a moment, and while his mouth is neutral, his eyes smile. ‘It is nice to meet you. I have no name to offer you, but you may call me Ishvalan. Thank you for coming here to help my people.’ He hold his hand out, and you take it, shaking it firmly.

You give Ishvalan a wide smile. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you. If you won’t give me a name, then I guess you can call me Amestrian. 

‘So Ishvalan, shall we deliver the food? I’m new here, so you’ll have to show me the ropes.’ Even as you say that, you pick up your share of the food, watching as Ishvalan does the same.

Before you can say anything more, Ishvalan playfully shoves the last of the chocolate you gave him into your mouth, smiling at you. ‘Someone I used to know shared that with me. I thought you might like some too.’ You almost choke on it as you giggle, finally feeling at ease in Ishvalan’s presence; not only that, but the chocolate seems to taste sweet once again. 

Although the Ishvalan festival of New Day might have passed, for now at least, it seems as if you’re seeing a new side to the man at your side.

Even if you’re still stubbornly refusing to allow a friendship to form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the first of the barriers is down! Now begins the gradual climb to friendship…
> 
> As always, thank you for reading ^.^


	8. Temple Run-In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyoooo,
> 
> The chapter title is a little off, but I couldn’t resist it. I’m also considering upping the rating on this fic slightly. While nothing sexual has happened, the themes are getting a little mature, and I’d like to just cover my ass. Still gonna be a slow burn ;)
> 
> Anyhow, enjoy!

The more that time passes, the more you’re starting to miss Hani.

It’s a month since he left, and you’re feeling his absence more than ever. Having that friendship with him, however brief it was, was a really important thing to you. Now that he’s not here…

… you’ve got Mina instead, and she’s proving to be a poor substitute.

Today might be the very worst she’s ever been. It should be a relaxing morning, as you and the other women have free reign of the bath house. It should be a time to wash away all the dirt from your various talks, and a nice opportunity to meet women you’ve not had the chance to talk with before.

Instead, Mina has been an endless tirade of remarks, none of them all that nice.

The current topic of conversation is one that doesn’t interest you in the slightest; which of the men around camp is the most attractive?

Of course, Mina is the first one with an opinion. ‘It has to be Tamir. Have you seen that man’s biceps? He can lift me over his shoulders and take me back to his tent any time he wants.’ A few of the women chuckle and whistle, but you can’t join in with that; you still remember what Ishvalan told you about Tamir.

So you decide to quietly interject. ‘Didn’t Tamir lose family during the war? I’m not sure casual sex is something that he needs right now. He needs guidance and support, someone to help him recover.’ 

Mina seems undeterred by your comments. ‘So he lost his wife and kids. Both those things are replaceable. I’d be happy to replace them for him. I bet our kids will be even better than the last lot.’ You have to fight the urge to gawk at Mina; there goes your friendship with her. You just want out of here now, far away from Mina.

Another woman is quick to snap back. ‘You think this is a joke? Do you have any idea what it is to lose a child? A spouse? To watch everyone you’ve ever loved die? What kind of monster are you that you think it’s acceptable to speak like this?’ Thinking on it, you’re sure you’ve seen that woman before…

Mina spits on the floor. ‘The only monster here is Scar, even if nobody here seems to realise it.’ She looks pointedly at you. ‘I’d look for a new job if I was you. Who’s to say he won’t get bored of playing nice with you one day? That he won’t lure you down a dark alleyway and force himself on you before killing you like an animal?’ 

Your voice sounds firmer now. ‘He’s a murderer, not a rapist.’ He’d told you as much one day when you’d tried to get out of working with him; it was a harsh thing to imply.

One of Mina’s friends chips in. ‘I’m surprised no one has sterilised him yet. We don’t want his kids ruining our race like he has. I will disagree though; the real monster in Ishval is whatever Miles has hiding in his trousers. Damn, I want that man to split me in half!’ A lot of women moan in agreement, but you’re already fucking done with this. 

Dressing hastily, you leave the bathhouse without a word.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Now that you’re out of the bathhouse, the first thing to do is find Ishvalan. Fuck spending any more time with Mina. Hauling rubble while Tamir shoots you death glares is better than Mina’s shit.

You really misjudged her. Even if she doesn’t care that you’re Amestrian, all the other things… not being a racist doesn’t mean she’s not a bad person. 

After all you said to Ishvalan, the hypocrisy isn’t lost on you.

Still, at least you allowed yourself to become a better person. Mina won’t give Ishvalan a chance!

Again, somewhat hypocritical, considering you didn’t want to either.

Well, either way, there’s no staying with her when she’s being so vile. It’s time to ask Ishvalan to undo your move.

The only problem is, you’re uncertain where to look. You know that Ishvalan must have many jobs to attend to, but what is he doing right now? Come to think of it, you’re not entirely sure what his job is. Does he spread Ishvalan culture around? Try to preserve it in some way? You’re at a total loss…

Oh, but there is someone who will know! The Head Monk! You know just where to find him!

By either luck or divine intervention, one of the few buildings spared from the bombardment here was a sacred one, a place of worship you think. It would make sense that the holy man would be in a holy place!

Then again, is it right to disturb him? It seems so disrespectful, for an Amestrian to enter an Ishvalan place of prayer to disturb a worshiper. You don’t exactly need more enemies…

No, it should be fine. You’ll just poke your head in, and if the man looks busy, you’ll try looking for Ishvalan another way. That makes sense.

Cautiously, you approach the sacred building, taking a moment to admire the images carved into the stone around the entrance. Ancient words in a language you’ll never hope to understand almost seem to tell a story, or they are a welcome perhaps, from the very founders of Ishval?

You stick your head in slowly, a faint smell of incense hitting your nostrils. Candles seem to illuminate the building well, a clear sign that it’s occupied; the two figures in the room are an even better indication.

In the centre of the room, the Head Monk bows before an alter, clearly deep in prayer. Studying the wall in the left hand corner of the room is the very man you’re looking for; so, this is what he does all day? 

You think about walking over to him, but you’re worried about disturbing the monk. Maybe you could wait outside a while? Surely he won’t be working that much longer…

Before you can move away, Ishvalan notices you, and starts to beckon you over with his hand. Thinking it ruder now to back away, you move quietly through the room, desperately hoping you don’t disturb the monk.

When you arrive at his side, Ishvalan seems to smile slightly. ‘Have you come to learn more of our culture?’ Oh, he thinks you’re hear for a lesson? Do people come here often for such lessons?

As much as you want to tell him yes, you’re not about to lie, so you lower your voice to a whisper. ‘Actually, I need to speak with you about something.’ 

The smile fades from Ishvalan’s lips. ‘I see. What do you need of me?’ You can practically feel his disappointment. Maybe a lie would have been better…

Or, maybe you can salvage things.

Maintaining your hushed tone, you think of a question. ‘It’ll keep. Why don’t you tell me about this place?’ Even if you have an idea, you’re a little curious on the details; now is a good time to ask.

The faint smile returns. ‘You don’t need to whisper. My former master is deep in prayer. He is oblivious to his surroundings, so as long as we do not shout, he will not hear us.

‘As for our location, I’m sure you know that it is a temple. The first temple, in fact.’ The first? As in the first one ever built?

You ask as much, and Ishvalan nods. ‘Yes. The first of our people settled here, and this temple was one of the first things built. While it may seem small, it was more than enough for our forefathers. The first of the monks would spend each day in prayer here, a tradition carried on until the war finally came here. While many of our other temples fell, I am glad that this one still remains.’ You suspect rebuilding this one would have been impossible, given how unique a lot of the imagery in here is.

Now that you’re closer, you can make out a series of images all across the back wall, each of them seemingly telling of a different story from the history of Ishval, mixed in with the language you saw on the doorframe.

Hesitantly, you reach out to the wall, stopping just short of touching it. ‘I was admiring the carvings around the door as I cave in. They’re all so beautiful.’ It feels like a crime that so much of this history has been lost, thanks to the war…

It looks as if Ishvalan plans to reach out of your hand, but he stops himself short with a sigh. ‘Ishval is a land of much beauty. It is all around us. Not just in the temple, but in the land, and in the people too. Our history will be forever scarred by the war, which is why it’s so important for us to preserve what we can of our history. That is why I am studying these walls, documenting their teachings; the young must not forget. They must learn our ways, or our culture dies.’ At this moment, you understand more than ever why the Ishvalans hate Amestris; it’s not just the death of the people, but the death of the culture, too.

Not trusting your voice, you nod.

Ishvalan seems to hesitate once again, before you feel a large hand on your shoulder. ‘I did not mean to lecture you. As long as you are with us, I could teach you our ways.’ Why would he want to? No matter how well people treat you, this is not your home; you’re little more than a foreign worker.

As much as you want to, you shake your head. ‘It wouldn’t feel right. I don’t want to risk insulting anyone here. It is probably best that I stay away from here, too. Some already feel my being here is an insult, and I don’t want to give them any further reason to hate me.’ Mostly Tamir, but you know a lot of people feel the same…

Ishvalan takes his hand away, giving a firm not. ‘I understand your hesitation. Should you change your mind, I will be happy to teach you.

‘For now, I believe you were looking for me?’ Oh yeah. You’d almost forgotten that.

But now that you remember… ‘I’d like to ask for my old job back.’ 

Ishvalan looks confused. ‘I believed that you and Mina were friends. You no longer wish to work with your friend?’ Oh, but if he knew…

You shake your head. ‘We were, but no longer.’ 

Ishvalan hums. ‘I see. If this is about her comments towards me, do not take them to heart. Many people feel the same way that she does.’ 

Sighing, you look away from him. ‘Yeah, but… I know I had my fair share of things to say about you, and I’m sorry for that. But it’s not just that. If you’d heard the things Mina said a moment ago, about both you and Tamir…’ things you don’t want to say in a temple.

That last part gets Ishvalan’s attention. ‘Tamir? What did she have to say about him?’ 

You shake your head. ‘I don’t want to say them in your sacred place.’ 

Ishvalan isn’t so hesitant this time when he places a couple of fingers beneath your chin, coaxing you to look at him. ‘Words are only words. Please, I would like to know what she said.’ As much as you don’t want to, he’s making it hard not to…

Knowing this isn’t a fight you’ll win, you concede. ‘They started talking about who they thought was the most attractive man in the camp. Then Mina made some comment about how much she’d love Tamir to take her back to his tent. I said that casual sex wouldn’t be something he needed right now, after all he lost. So Mina…’ you take a deep breath. ‘… She said that it was easy to replace a wife and children, and that she’d be happy to do just that. Said their kids would be better than the first. Then she told me to avoid going down any dark alleys with you, before questioning why you haven’t been sterilised. Then someone else started talking about Miles’ dick, but by that point I’d heard enough.’ Adding that last part about Ishvalan may have been a mistake, but he did want details. Still, it seems even harsher to repeat those words…

Ishvalan’s eyes seem to widen, and for the first time since you met him, you can see hate in his eyes. ‘What a disgusting thing to say. Tamir didn’t lose everyone he loved just for her to…’ He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. ‘Please, do not breathe a word of this to him. I do not wish to find out what he’d do to Mina if this reached his ears. While he is not a violent man by nature, he is fragile, and I fear this might be enough to force him into something drastic.’ You don’t think you want to be around for that ‘something drastic’. 

You won’t be the cause of it, at least. ‘Tamir can barely stand to be in the same country of me. There’s no danger of us talking about anything, least of all this. I recognise that he’s suffering, and I won’t be a part of that. You have my word.’ For what good it’ll do, given how many times you’ve refused to take Ishvalan at his…

Still, Ishvalan seems to be satisfied with you answer, finally removing the fingers from your chin. ‘Thank you. Your silence will be a great kindness to him, even if he will never know it.’ 

You smile softly. ‘From what I’ve learned, truly great kindness is often without merit, because kindness is supposed to be a selfless act. If I was only interested in Tamir’s happiness because I thought I would receive something, it would cease to be kind. Kindness will always be it’s own reward, because even if my silence won’t be enough to help Tamir, it will at least not make him hurt further.’ 

Ishvalan’s answering smile is just as soft as your, and no less genuine. ‘I wish you had more friends here. It is that kind of attitude that I would like to take root in Ishval. Even if the hypocrisy is bitter on my tongue, I would like others to lead by that example. You shall be missed when you return to Amestris.’ He makes is sound like you’re leaving tomorrow of something… it’s not even been two months yet!

You shake your head. ‘I’m not going anywhere soon. I plan to see this rebuild through. Besides, maybe I’ll settle down here, if I’m allowed to stay past the restoration. Build myself a house. Buy a plant. Get a job that I actually stick at for more than a few weeks. Convince a handsome Ishvalan man that I’m wife material. I think I’d like a life like that.’ If you can get used to the heat, of course…

Ishvalan swallows hard, before his smile is back, although this time it seems forced. ‘You are welcome to stay as long as you wish. I’m certain that when the time comes to settle down here, you will find all that you are looking for.

‘As for a job, I believe a suitable position will become available sooner than you think.’ Ishvalan’s eyes drift towards the door, and you follow them, only to see the kind woman from the baths standing in the doorway.

She nods towards Ishvalan, quietly walking towards you both. ‘Hello to you both. I was wondering if I could borrow the Amestrian woman for a while?’ You? What does she want with you?

Ishvalan nods. ‘I believe our conversation was at its conclusion, Amira. If she wishes to leave, that is her decision.’ So her name is Amira? Pretty… but why do you recognise her?

Amira turns to you, smiling. ‘Well, I suppose Ishvalan should be here to hear the first part. I want you to be my apprentice.’ Apprentice? At what?

You ask as much, and Anita’s smile widens. ‘I suppose you could call me a tailor, but I do more than that. Anything that requires threads or fabrics is my job. I’m the one who made you robes, in fact. I think I may have given them to you, too…’ Oh! That’s why she’s familiar! She was handing out supplies your first day here!

You smile right back at her. ‘I remember now. Your craftsmanship is amazing, but I’m unsure why you’d want me as your apprentice. I’m not particularly skilled in making clothes…’ Selling them perhaps, but not making.

Amira still seems determined. ‘No one is at first. That why I’ll teach you. As for why I want you, it’s because of what happened at the baths. I know you’ve been working with Mina, and judging by your reaction to her comments I figured you’d be desperate for a change of occupation. Besides, you seem like a hard worker, and you’ll need to be if you want to succeed. What do you say?’ Well, today has taken a turn for the better. Learning how to sew has to be better than moving rocks, and a million times better than Mina.

Still, it feels like an easy way out. ‘I’d really love to accept that, but won’t people think I’m getting off easily if I take it? Everyone else works so hard, and I…’

Ishvalan interjects. ‘If you think clothing all of Ishval is an easy task, you’re mistaken. Amira is right, it will be hard work, especially learning everything for the first time. If this is something you wish to pursue, then do it. The worst that will happen is you’ll ask me for another new job, and there are plenty. There is only one like this though, and if you do not take it, someone else will.’ Those are all excellent points. If he wasn’t known because of his poor choices, you’d be inclined to ask Ishvalan for advice more often. 

His words are all it takes to tip the balance. ‘Amira, I’d love to work as your apprentice. When do we start? Oh, and don’t forget that I have food deliveries with Ishvalan every morning.’ Something you very much hope you’ll get to continue; you’re doing it for Hani, more than anyone.

Amira smiles. ‘It’s all good. Come with me and we’ll flesh out the details. Is it okay if she skips working with Mina today? I want to show her a few things before we start for real tomorrow.’ You’re pretty sure you know what the answer will be…

Ishvalan nods. ‘Go with my blessing. I shall make sure Miles is informed, as always. Have a pleasant afternoon.’ It’s bound to be much more pleasant with Amira than it would have been with Mina, so you’ll take that.

Before you leave however, you have one last thing to ask Ishvalan. ‘The next time I get some down time, can I ask you a few more questions about this place? Nothing too deep, just a few basic things?’ Despite what you said about not wanting to learn about the culture, you can’t deny that the images and carvings are too much for your curiousity to resist.

Once again, Ishvalan smiles softly; he seems so different when he smiles. ‘I will be here anytime you wish to learn.’ Except when he’s with you, of course…

With that, you head off with Amira, hoping that third time really is the charm when it comes to jobs.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

As soon as the two women leaves, Ishvalan returns to his studies, only for a voice to distract him again.

‘It seems you have made a friend.’ 

Ishvalan sighs; of course his former master was listening.

He turns to the man he had believed to be deep in prayer, but who is now kneeling in Ishvalan’s direction. ‘She has made it clear that friendship is not possible. We are acquaintances, and nothing more.’ As much as he might yearn for that friendship, he has told himself now that it cannot be; he will accept that.

The monk smiles. ‘What I heard was beyond that. I could hear the smile in your voice. You don’t smile often enough for me not to think something of it.’ The man is perceptive, it seems. A little too perceptive, perhaps…

Ishvalan instantly gives in. ‘I would like nothing more than to be her friend, but a friendship works both ways. She has only just decided that I am not to be hated. I will push no further than that. If a friendship is to form, it will do so naturally.’ That philosophy has served him well in the past; even Yoki’s company eventually became somewhat pleasant.

The older man smiles. ‘I see. And once that friendship is established, do you intend to seek something further?’ Further? Does he mean...?

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘You are starting to sound like Miles. I have no need of a wife. A friend would suit me better. Besides, the monk in me still finds it difficult to see women that way. You trained me too well for that.’ A sign perhaps that Ishvalan should have given the rest of his life to Ishvala, rather than trying make amends.

The monk looks sternly at Ishvalan. ‘You are no longer a monk, nor a student of mine. You also have a friend here, unless you wish to tell Miles that he is mistaken when he tells me how he is worried for his friend. I am not saying that finding a wife will solve all the problems in your life, but allowing yourself to get that close to someone would help. Besides, you’ve seen how few Ishvalans are left. You settling down and starting a family would benefit all of us in the long run. Of course, you’ll need a new name before we get to that stage. Why not ask your friend to help? It’ll be a bonding experience, I’m sure.’ 

Ishvalan has to try hard not to scream in frustration, his location the only thing preventing him for doing so. ‘I barely know her, and already you and Miles seem to have planned out a life for us. It is not going to happen. Any hopes of that life died when I murdered those Amestrian doctors. I am unfit to be anyone’s husband, and even more unfit to be a father.’ Even if the thought has crossed his mind before, Ishvalan knows it cannot be; even if by some miracle a woman came to love him, no woman would ever trust him around children, especially after Nina…

The monk scoffs. ‘Then get to know her. Stop only seeking obstacles when the solutions are obvious. There is hope for you yet, I’m sure of it. Even if this path does not lead you to marrying her, it will open up many paths that might. 

‘I am getting old. I will not last many more summers here. I have known you since childhood. You are like a son to me. I need to see that you are happy, truly happy, or else I shall never be able to go to Ishvala’s side in peace. Please, for me, consider trying to open your heart. While it is true that darkness and pain can creep in, the good that it will bring will make it seem irrelevant.’ Ishvalan can’t quite believe that, not after what happened…

Ishvalan grunts, standing at last. ‘I need to find Miles. I’ll be back later.’ By which time, hopefully his former master would have returned to his prayer.

Before he can leave, the older monk gets in one final remark. ‘Please, take your time. Perhaps Miles can talk some sense into you. I don’t understand why you’re so content to waste the second chance that you have been given, my nameless former pupil. You have the opportunity to build a life here, a full life… when there are so many who were denied that...’ He doesn’t have to finish that for Ishvalan to get the meaning; there isn’t a day that passes where he doesn’t think about his brother, his arm serving as a permanent reminder.

As he heads out of the temple and towards Miles’ general direction, Ishvalan notices Amira and the Amestrian laughing playfully with each other, something clearly amusing them both. 

As he watches the two women for a moment, something in his chest starts to ache, and he realises why; this is the first time Ishvalan has ever seen his new Amestrian acquaintance laugh. A giggle or two perhaps, but not like this. It’s a beautiful sound, one that more people should hear…

Ishvalan hurried himself away as fast as he can, planning to cleanse himself of such thoughts before he returns to the temple. He has already indulged himself enough today, he won’t start admiring her laughter, especially when he is not it’s cause. It is already far too much that he touched her not once, but twice, and she did nothing to pull away or flinch. If she had been anyone else, they would have turned away in disgust. 

Maybe there is some truth in what his master told him. Maybe they are closer to friendship than either of them wish to confirm. As much as she says she’ll never be his friend, many of their interactions are friendly. It will be interesting to see if she does return to the temple. Having to work with him is one thing, but actively seeking him out for something…

Actually, now that Ishvalan thinks on it, why didn’t she go to Miles today? She seemed surprised to see him in the temple, which means she must have sought his former master. 

Oh. A former master who knows to locations of everyone. She was looking for Miles, but settled for him out of convenience.

Building friendships is a difficult thing when your past is so heavily marred by hatred. Perhaps it is best to take his own advice, to let things process without trying to force friendship

Still, Ishvalan is certain he would die a happy man if he could be the one to make his friend laugh like that again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this might be one of the longer chapters so far… the next one probably will be briefer. 
> 
> For now, thank you for reading ^.^


	9. A Different Delivery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,
> 
> Just a quick one today. Enjoy :)

What Amira said is true; it’s been two weeks since she recruited you, and you don’t think you’ve been worked this hard since your arrival here.

Trying to learn a new skill is difficult, and Amira is a teacher without mercy. For every mistake you’ve made, you’ve been forced to rectify it twenty times over, until holding such a small piece of metal had made your fingers ache.

Other times, you’ve been made to cut fabric hundreds of times over, to the point that the proper technique is now permanently burned into your brain. There are certain shapes now that you’re sure you could cut with your eyes shut, not that you plan to test that theory…

Still, despite her being quite the taskmaster, Amira has been unfalteringly lovely. The friendship between you has formed quickly, the two of you sharing a lot of things in common. 

For one thing, she’s not one for gossip. She doesn’t much like discussing things that she doesn’t know are true, and you appreciate that a lot; it’s a refreshing change from the two weeks you were stuck with Mina. 

Another thing you appreciate is that she doesn’t make constant comments about how Ishvalan is the worst man in the whole world, and how you should keep your distance from him. She has however asked questions about your relationship with each other.

‘A little less than friends, but better than enemies.’ You’d told her. ‘We declared a truce after I apologised for treating him poorly, then a few days later is when I saw him in the temple. There isn’t much to tell past that.’ Except that you declared a truce over chocolate, but you’re not going to risk landing Miles in trouble, as much as you’d trust Amira to keep quiet.

Amira had merely acknowledged your words, before returning to drilling you on all that you’ve learned.

You have to say, after only two weeks of learning, you don’t think you’re doing too bad.

Sure, you’re not a master tailor yet, but there’s still time. You’re in no hurry to leave Ishval anytime soon.

One part of the job that’s even harder than the rest is that you actually have to transport the fabric back to Amira’s makeshift shop yourselves; if anything, it’s more taxing than the rubble. At least it’s two of you hauling the heavier pieces this time, rather than only one of you struggling. 

The worst thing about moving anything in the desert is the heat. Even wearing robes, the sun is relentless, darkening your skin several shades in the places that are exposed. Even suncream does little to block out the affects of the relentless Ishvalan sun, and you’re certain it’ll only get more potent as spring continues, before becoming too much to cope with in summer.

Maybe you should go North for the summer instead?

The most important thing in this heat is water. Thanks to the forward planning of the relief effort, clean water is available to all. While it’s not something anyone here can waste, drinking water is freely available to all, and as someone not used to desert life, you’ve been encouraged to make use of it frequently, an offer you can’t refuse; you’d be dead of thirst in a few hours if you didn’t.

As such, you’ve been trying your hardest to keep the flask you’d been given as part of your ‘basic utensils’ full, especially while moving objects in this heat.

That’s why you’re so happy when it finally comes back into your view, stood proudly against the last of today’s delivery.

Before you get the chance to walk over and wrap your lips around it, you notice a familiar face walking towards you; Ishvalan.

As soon as you’re close enough, you call out to him. ‘Can I help with something, Ishvalan?’ Unless him walking your way was a coincidence; it probably was, now that you think on it.

Ishvalan nods. ‘There is. You had a delivery today. Is everything there?’ Shouldn’t it be? Isn’t this kind of thing Miles’ job?

Subtly walking towards your water, you answer. ‘We won’t know until we’ve taken stock back at the shop. What do you think, Amira?’ If anything, you regret answering; Amira is the one who has the answers.

Amira shrugs. ‘If it isn’t, it feels like it. If ever there was a reason for me to find a husband, this would be it. I’m glad we only have one more load.’ She’s not the only one; you can’t wait to cut all this fabric in petty revenge!

Finally reaching your water bottle, you bring it to your lips, only for it to be practically empty; you must have been thirstier than you’d realised the last time you drank.

His attention focus on Amira, Ishvalan nods. ‘I see. When you are finished taking stock, could one of you seek out either Miles or myself? We can chase up any missing stock.’ You were almost hoping he’d offer to carry the last of the delivery for you; so much for that.

Placing your empty bottle down somewhere safe, you and Amira load the last of the fabric under your arms, and you give Ishvalan a reply as you walk off. ‘Of course. We’ll be sure to let you know.’ With that, you set off to Amira’s shock, both of you trying not to collapse.

As soon as this is over, you’re going back for your water bottle, and you’re going to fill it right up to the top.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

By the time you have the empty flask in your sights, you’re starting to feel faint. Next time you have a delivery like that, you must just swallow your pride and find someone to ask for more help, because you’re going to collapse if the sun won’t give you a break.

At least now you can fill up your flask with sweet, sweet water.

As you pick up your flask, something feels… off.

Curious, you take off the lid, only to be greeted with the sound of liquid sloshing around inside.

You have to fight hard not to drop it. It was empty when you left it, you know it was! How is it now filled with water?! 

… is it water though? For all you know, someone could have taken a piss in it!

You bring the flask up to your nose. It doesn’t smell like urine, so that’s a plus. Well, there’s only one way to know for sure.

Against your better judgement, you take a sip, relieved when it’s only water. 

As you quench your thirst, you try to figure out who might have done this. It can’t be Amira, you would have noticed that. A kind stranger, perhaps? Then again, the well is far enough away… whoever did this might still be in the area!

Scanning around, you see a few faces, most of them friendly-looking. No one here seems to be paying you any attention though. It could be anyone…

You consider writing a note of thanks to leave here, when you see a familiar face walking away from you this time; Ishvalan? He should have been long gone by now! Unless…

No, it wouldn’t be him. He wasn’t even paying you any mind when you realised you were out of water. It was a kind stranger, nothing more. 

Yet even from this distance, you swear you can spot a damp patch on the bottom of one of his sleeves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ^.^


	10. Water Is Not To Be Wasted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> You see the fic got a rating change? Yeah, this chapter is why. This fic is now an M, but we’ll be getting to the E a lot later ;3
> 
> For now, I hope you like ^.^

You’re not sure why you’re doing this. 

What is it that has compelled you to visit the temple this late at night? The desire to learn? The desire to pray?

No, you think to yourself as you notice a shadow just outside the reach of the torches; it’s to see him.

Ishvalan steps out of the darkness, a faint smile playing on his lips. ‘Did you come to pray to Ishvala?’ Why would you? Does he expect you to convert?

You enter the temple, suddenly remembering you’re carrying your water flask as you extend it toward him. ‘I came to thank you for the water. It was a sweet gesture, and I appreciate it.’ Even if he did it in secret, you know it was him. Nobody else would take the time to do that for you.

In the limited light, Ishvalan’s answering grin is almost predatory. ‘Of course. Anything for my woman.’ You have to keep from squirming, something in Ishvalan’s voice igniting a fire between your legs.

You try your best to stay calm, a hard task with Ishvalan now creeping closer. ‘I wasn’t aware I was your woman. We’re friends, but that’s as far as it goes.’ Ishvalan takes the flask from your hands, replacing it with his own as he laces your fingers with his.

Ishvalan keeps moving forwards, not stopping until your back hits the wall. He raises your interlocked hand above your head, pining it to the wall as it’s twin hangs loose, too shocked to move it.

The husky tone of Ishvalan makes you weak at the knees as he whispers in your ear. ‘You don’t want to be my friend. I think you want to be my woman though. You want me to make love to you, to protect you. You want to give yourself to me, and I want nothing more than to take you. I came here tonight to pray to Ishvala, but now all I want is to worship you.’ You close your eyes, whimpering slightly. He’s right. He’s so right. It all makes sense now. Right from that first meeting, all you’ve wanted is to fall onto your hands and knees and beg him to take you.

Your voice sounds weak and distance. ‘Yes. I want you. Ishvalan… please…’ You don’t know what you’re asking for, but you hope he does.

The hoarse laugh Ishvalan gives is almost enough to ruin you. ‘That isn’t my name. I need you to help me find a new one. Any suggestion is welcome. I’ll choose the name that sounds sweetest when you’re begging me for more.’ He releases your hand, before grabbing the front of your robes. A flash of light, and the robes disintegrate, revealing your bare breasts to him.

To your surprise, Ishvalan begins opening your flask, bringing it over one of your nipples before allowing the cool water to fall over your body, your nipple stiffening in response.

Ishvalan leans down, pure hunger in his eyes. ‘Water is not to be wasted here.’ With that, he covers your nipple with his mouth, suckling at your breast like he’s starving.

Your hands weave into Ishvalan’s hair, forcing him to stay against you. Not that he’s complaining; his tongue has started to flick itself against your nipple now, his teeth keeping the stiff bud in place.

Only when you begin squirming again does Ishvalan finally relent, realising your nipple with an obscene pop before tearing the rest of your robes in half. 

The glare he shoots you as he tugs at your underwear makes you gasp. ‘Never wear these again. You won’t need them. Nothing will keep me from taking what is mine.’ He disintegrates your underwear even easier than the robes, and you swear you can feel yourself dripping down your thighs in want of the man kneeling before you.

Ishvalan’s hands grip your hips firmly, but you can’t feel them; all your can feel is his hot breath, inches away from where you want him. 

You have to focus hard just to stay upright as Ishvalan licks his lips, the hunger in eyes stronger than ever. ‘In your country, Alchemists often speak of equivalent exchange. In the future, when I give you water, I expect you to let me taste the sweet nectar from between your thighs. Then again, that does not seem fair, trading water for something so divine. I shall just have to fill you with my own essence to compensate.’ You want to retort, but a flick of his tongue against you steals your voice before you can even think of something to say.

If Ishvalan suckled at your breast like a starving man, he laps between your legs like he’s dying of thirst. His tongue occasionally works it’s way inside you, making you even wetter. All you can do is cry out, helpless against the torrent of pleasure. You can’t wait to feel him inside you, to watch him as he takes his pleasure. He can have you all he wants, as many times as he wants, however he wants. All you want is to fall apart, to lose yourself under his careful ministrations.

You can’t keep yourself from chanting his name over and over as you get closer. A few more careful licks and you’ll fall over the edge, and it’s all thanks to him. The man you once couldn’t bare to be around is about to send you to heaven in a way you never expected, and as long as you live, you know you’ll keep begging him for more.

Ishvalan’s tongue nudges you in just the right way, and the whole world explodes into darkness.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

You wake with a jolt, your chest heaving with effort, covered in a thin layer of sweat. What was that? What just happened? 

You feel a dampness between your legs, and the memories finally come into your mind; it was a dream. A vivid dream, but just a dream.

As you try to calm yourself down, you notice you’re alone in the tent; it must be morning. You’re glad that there’s no one else around to see you like this, unbearably aroused after dreaming of a known murderer making love to you with his mouth against the wall of his sacred place…

God, what’s wrong with you? Having a lewd dream about Ishvalan might be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you. How are you supposed to look at him after that? You have deliveries with him in a matter of moments! You’re never going to see him in quite the same way ever again.

Why even him? It’s not as if you’re massively attracted to the man. You’ve only just gotten to the point where you don’t hate him for all those crimes he committed. You barely know anything about him, your past refusal to communicate with him setting your friendship back several weeks. 

Come to think of it, that was in even in your dream! The fact that you keep refusing to acknowledge him as a friend… perhaps that was what caused it? Agonising over the fact that there’s a part of you that thinks forming a friendship with Ishvalan at this point would not only be easy, but would feel natural. Perhaps that’s what your mind is trying to tell you!

… Or maybe it’s because he’s the only man you regularly communicate with, and your hormones decided to latch on to that as fodder for a sex dream.

You’ve never been so confused, or conflicted. Confused over any meaning behind the dream, and conflicted because you’re still very much horny, and as strange as it was, that was a delicious dream. It would make for excellent material…

No way. You couldn’t. You can’t control your dreams, but you can sure as hell control yourself now! Besides, the dream was ridiculous. Ishvalan wouldn’t use the same abilities he used to kill to destroy your clothes. He would have either torn them off in a fit of passion, or removed them slowly and reverently. He certainly wouldn’t have talked so much! He’d be the silent kind of lover, the kind that speaks with his hands…

Right, you’re getting up. You need to kill these thoughts right now or else there’s going to be an issue. It was just a stupid dream. You’re not the first person to have a dream like that, and you won’t be the last. You’re only human after all, and humans are flawed, and most enjoy sex…

You dress hastily, making sure not to touch certain areas as you do. You hope you look more composed than you feel. Would Ishvalan notice if you weren’t? Could he tell? Can he read people well enough to know you’ve just had a filthy dream, with him in a starring role?

The moment you leave the tent, trying to control your raging thoughts, you spot Ishvalan approaching, a look of pure concern on his face. ‘Are you feeling okay? You have slept far longer than usual. I was beginning to grow concerned.’ You’ve slept in that late? He’s concerned? You don’t know which of those to latch onto…

Instead of contemplating, you smile. ‘I’m fine. I just overslept is all. I’m sorry for keeping you. We should get on with deliveries, I’m sure everyone is starving.’ You know that you are…

Ishvalan shakes his head, before placing the back of one of his hands across your cheek, his brow furrowing. ‘You are feverish. I do not think you are as well as you say. You were out all day in the sun with Amira, and it has taken its tole. I will have one of the women watch over you, but I fear you are suffering from heatstroke.’ … You stand corrected. This is now officially the most embarrassed you’ve ever been. 

You can barely look Ishvalan in the eyes when you answer. ‘I’m not sick, Ishvalan. It was… I’m embarrassed about something, that’s all. I feel fine. Can we please go?’ You really hope that he doesn’t press the issue…

Ishvalan’s own eyes look to the ground. ‘Miles and I have already taken care of the food duties today. It is not like you to be late, and after yesterday… I was convinced you were sick. I was on my way to see your condition for myself when you left. I am sorry for misunderstanding.’ Damn you and your vivid dream. Now you’ve ended up slacking!

You shrug. ‘It’s fine, really. It’s all on me for sleeping in. I promise I’ll get up early tomorrow.’ Lewd dreams permitting…

Ishvalan nods. ‘Very well. I look forward to it. Promise that you’ll drink plenty though. The sun will only get more unforgiving before the summer festival in a few months. Water is not to be wasted here, but it is especially important for you to drink. Take all that you need.’ That phrase sends a jolt between your legs, as you remember the way that dream Ishvalan spoke them, and what he did to you just after…

Trying really hard not to let him know how you’re feeling, you smile. ‘I’ll be sure to drink all that I can.’ Remembering your flask, your smile widens. ‘In fact, someone was kind enough to fill it for me while I was working yesterday. I only wish I knew who it was so I can thank them.’ You watch Ishvalan’s face carefully, looking for a reaction.

Ishvalan merely nods. ‘I am glad someone is looking out for you, and I am sure they know that you are grateful. Besides, you told me yourself that kindness is it’s own reward. Perhaps this is Ishvala’s way of thanking you for remaining silent about Tamir?’ Oh, so it was Ishvala himself that filled your flask? Yeah, sure…

Still, if Ishvalan doesn’t want to own up, that’s his choice. You’re still convinced that he’s the one responsible though; he was seen leaving the scene, after all. 

So you nod in response. ‘No matter what, I’m glad. It’s comforting to know I have another friend here. Aren’t you the one who told me the importance of that?’ Even if those words did end up leading you to Mina…

Ishvalan smiles, a little wider than usual. ‘I believe I did. Friendship is a great gift, one that few are unhappy to receive. 

‘Though speaking of friends, I’m sure Amira must be waiting. Enjoy the rest of your day.’ He walks off without another word, but the smile still lingers on his face. 

You have a smile of your own as you walk to meet Amira, any lingering lust replaced with the warm embrace of a blooming friendship. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ishvalan needs to wipe the smile from his face before he reaches the temple; the last thing he wants is his former master making assumptions about it. 

It is even worse that those assumptions would be correct.

He was indeed the one responsible for the water. He had noticed the Amestrian woman trying to extract the last few drops, and was contemplating offering to refill it when she and Amira left suddenly. So he opted to take it and do it anyway, hoping that she would not assume the worst, and that someone has decided to pee in her bottle.

In a way, Ishvalan is glad she doesn’t know of his part in this. She had referred to the person who filled her flask as a friend. As least she took the gesture as he intended, as an act of friendship; it would trouble him to no end if she thought it was done as a way to make her feel indebted to him. 

Then again, isn’t that exactly what he’s doing? Doing something kind to chance how she feels? Isn’t that almost the same thing?

Ishvalan’s smile quickly turns into a frown. Why is this so difficult? Why can’t he just act normally and allow things to run their course? It has served him well in the past…

He’s so lost in his brooding that he doesn’t notice Miles approaching, a broad grin on his face. ‘So, did you go see your girlfriend? How’s she doing?’ Ishvalan has to fight the urge to hit the smaller man, his teasing not something the former monk is used to.

Ishvalan sighs. ‘She is not my girlfriend, but she is fine. I was mistaken. She merely slept in. No illness to report.’ Another one of Ishvala’s mercies. 

Miles rolls his eyes. ‘You realise that’s a good thing right? If you do, please tell your face that. This constant brood you got on is draining. I don’t get why you don’t just ask her out. You don’t have to be her friend if you’d rather be her lover.’ For all his wanting Ishvalan to smile, Miles certainly says much to make to larger man frown. 

Ishvalan just scows at Miles. ‘And if I just want a friend?’ 

Miles laughs. ‘Oh sure, keep telling yourself that. I’ll just be here waiting for you to man up and stop lying to yourself. I could even give you a few tips. My first one would be to start spending time with her outside of work. Offer her a tour of Ishval, cook her a meal. Get to know each other better.’ That’s… advice Ishvalan could actually use. After all, bettering their understanding of each other would go a long way towards building up their friendship…

Ishvalan hums. ‘While there are no romantic feelings between she and I, your advice is appreciated. I would like to know more of her, so that we might better understand each other. Thank you, Miles.’ He’s almost at the temple now, having decided to walk on with Miles following behind.

Miles’ eyes are a few moments away from going to live with his brain. ‘You’re impossible, my friend. Still, baby steps I suppose. At least you’ve found someone else here to talk to. I bet you’d find even more if you picked a name.’ For the love of Ishvala…

Ishvalan decides not to justify that with an answer. ‘I’ll see you later, Miles.’ He walks into the temple without waiting for a reply, tired of having the same arguments constantly.

Miles just shakes his head; for all Ishvalan knows, he is still clueless in so many matters.

Like how to realise when you’ve got a crush on someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … I hope it was enjoyed ^.^ We are now ten chapters in, so I thought a little bit of smut was warranted as a thank you for persevering; it won’t be happening again for a while :O
> 
> For now, thank you for reading ^.^


	11. Tales From The Temple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, 
> 
> This was only going to be a short one, but I got carried away. Oopsie ^.^’
> 
> Enjoy :)

You always feel slightly guilty asking for a day off.

The entire reason you came here in the first place was to help. Taking the day to relax is against that in every way you can think of.

Still, with work as hard as it has been lately, a day to rest would be wonderful. A real blessing. So, you’d gone to Amira this morning after deliveries with Ishvalan to convince her to give you a few hours to relax, to take a break from work just for the day.

What you’d found is Amira casually knitting, smiling happily as she insisted that the two of you had earned a rest day. So you’d not even tried to hide your happiness, and instead headed off to the one place you’re planning to go to today; the old temple.

A month after his initial offer, you’ve decided to take Ishvalan up on it; you want to learn more about Ishvalan culture.

After all, if all goes well, you might consider making a future here. Besides, is there any real harm? At first you’d thought it offence and intrusive, but the more you think about it, the more it makes sense. Understanding and appreciating the culture of another race isn’t a bad thing, especially if you’re living in their country. What if you accidentally did something one day that was massively offensive without realising it? Better to learn and appreciate it, to make sure that you don’t make such a dreadful error.

The only initial issue is that it’s more time spent with Ishvalan, a troubling thought after your lucid dream a couple weeks ago. 

Still, at least that’s the only thing putting you off spending time with him. For all that he is gruff and often moody, and his rather horrifying past, Ishvalan is… nice. To you, at least. You never did find out for sure if it was him that refilled your water, but you know in your heart that it totally was; he didn’t deny it, after all. 

You just hope he’s still a willing teacher. If not, you could always ask the Head Monk, but you’d hate to disturb his prayers. Then again, this way you’d be disturbing Ishvalan’s work, but he did offer…

Well, now that you’ve reached the temple, all you can do is ask him yourself.

Walking in with a little more confidence this time, you’re surprised when you see three figures inside, rather than two; perhaps Miles has come to talk about things with them.

As you begin to focus however, it becomes clear that the third man isn’t Miles; it’s Tamir, and by the look on his face, he’s pissed.

The way he’s glaring at Ishvalan is terrifying, and his voice is pure poison. ‘… why you agreed to let her help. She is an enemy of Ishval! She could poison us all, just as she plans to poison Amira’s mind! I will not lose anyone else to her kind!’ You’d ask who he’s talking about, but you’re almost certain you know…

Ishvalan is doing his best to remain calm, but you’re sure you can see a blood vessel in his neck twitching. ‘I am more of a threat to you than she is, and I would never harm one of my red eyed kin. She has nothing to do with your suffering, and I would ask that you remember that. She is no more a solider than I am a nursemaid, and despite all I’ve done to people of her country, she still manages to be civil with me. I’m not asking you to like her, but I would ask that you show that same level of curtesy.’ It makes your heart flutter to hear that, but you suspect it’s because you’re feeling guilty about hearing all of this.

The old monk hums. ‘I agree. From the little contact I’ve had, she seems nice enough. Harmless, at least. Her offer to come here was one of kindness, not any kind of anti-Ishvalan attention. If my former pupil is willing to vouch for her- and I suspect Amira will do the same- then she is more than welcome here. Perhaps you ought to talk to her? Find some common ground?’ That’s something you’d like, but you doubt it’ll happen, given the level of burning hatred Tamir feels towards you. 

This suggestion only seems to make Tamir angrier. ‘There is nothing in this world that I want less!’ He turns to the larger man. ‘I don’t see why she is so important to you, Ishvalan. Surely you don’t want her here anymore than I do! Think of what they did to your family, to your brother!’ He… he has a brother? Or he had one, you suppose…

Ishvalan’s patience seems to finally run out, and he grits his teeth. ‘Do not put her in the same category as the monster that killed my family!’ This isn’t good. The two men look like they’re about to start fighting!

You can’t listen to anymore, not like this. You clear your throat loud enough for the three men to hear you, all three pairs of red eyes staring at you.

There’s a few moments of tense silence before the monk breaks it, a calm smile on his face. ‘It’s good to see you again, miss. Did you need my former pupil for something?’ That’s a good guess. An accurate one. How does he know?

Tamir sneers at you. ‘Now you’ve come to violate our holy place. Do you have no shame, Amestrian?’ This was a mistake. You’ve always known it was.

Ishvalan steps in. ‘I invited her here. Direct your anger towards me, if you choose to be upset.’ He has the distinct advantage of not being a member of the race that murdered Tamir’s family, so you doubt the man will suddenly change targets.

Tamir doesn’t say a word; instead, he shoves past you and leaves the temple, hate radiating from his core.

The older man looks at Ishvalan. ‘I’m going after him. I cannot leave it like this.’ He looks at you. ‘Forgive him. Please. This is not the man he truly is. Grief… it does terrible things to even the best of us.’ He eyes Ishvalan at that last part, something not lost on the older man.

You shake your head. ‘I don’t think anything of it. You should find him. I’m sorry that I disturbed you, but it wasn’t right to keep listening like that.’ Will they be furious that you listened at all? It was a bad thing to do, but you couldn’t exactly disturb their conversation.

The monk doesn’t say another word, chasing after Tamir as fast as he can. That just leaves you and Ishvalan, who seems to be calming down after his verbal spat.

Still, he’s the one that speaks first. ‘I am sorry you had to see that. I had hoped you wouldn’t have to see anymore ugly displays from Tamir. I was holding out even more hope that there would be no more outbursts from him. It seems as though my former master has done little to temper Tamir’s hate.’ A pity. If anyone could get through, you’d have thought it to be the Head Monk.

You fiddle with the sleeves of your robe. ‘Not for want of trying, I’m sure. I’m the one that should be sorry, anyhow. I should have told you straight away that I was here. For what it’s worth though, Tamir shouldn’t have mentioned your family like that.’ You’ve known for a while that he lost his family, but you’ve no idea what said family consisted of… perhaps Ishvalan had a wife and children once, as Tamir did? 

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘You don’t owe me any kind of apology. My family… it is not something I speak of often. I would rather we change the subject.’ You’re not surprised. You shouldn’t have even mentioned it. 

Still, that doesn’t stop you mentioning it again. ‘Alright, but if you ever need to talk to anyone about it, I have two good ears and some degree of free time.’ Like your free time today, that you’re guessing won’t be spent as you’d hoped now…

Ishvalan nods. ‘Thank you for your offer, but don’t be surprised if I do not take you up on it. It is an old wound, one I have no desire to reopen. While I know I have mentioned it in passing, the details of that day still haunt me more than I care to admit. 

‘For now, why have you come here? Have you come to pray to Ishvala?’ There he goes again, accidentally mimicking his dream self. You even have your flask on you today…

Fighting the urge to answer as you had in the dream, you smile as best you can given the lingering sadness. ‘Not exactly. I was wondering if it was too late to take you up on your offer to learn more about Ishvalan culture?’ Far too late, with today not doing anything to help your case you suspect!

Ishvalan’s eyes light up like an excited child, even if his smile is slight. ‘I’d be delighted to teach you. Would you like to wait until my former master returns?’ Why would you want that? You’ve always assumed Ishvalan would be the one to teach you, as he offered it?

You ask him as much, and some of the light fades from his eyes. ‘I don’t want to assume you’re comfortable being alone with me. If you would rather wait until someone else was here, I will be happy to do so.’ Why is he so unsure? It’s not as if this is the first time you’ve been alone win him. 

You walk closer to Ishvalan, smiling gently. ‘I wouldn’t be here at all if you made me uncomfortable. Besides, there’s no point waiting. Amira may have offered me the whole day, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something drew me away just as we got started.’ That thing seems to happen to you far more often than you’d like…

Ishvalan nods, gesturing to the wall you’d seen him studying before. ‘Very well then. We can begin your lesson.’ You’re quite looking forward to this now that you’re here. Hearing a few things about Ishvalan culture is sure to be fascinating!

The two of you take a seat, both facing the wall. The more you stare at the carvings, the more details you see; you can’t even begin to imagine how long it would have taken to create such a thing.

When you’re both comfortable, Ishvalan begins. ‘The images before you are the first recorded history of Ishval. They tell the story of five monks, brothers in all but blood, who built this temple under an unforgiving sun.’ Ishvalan points to a section of wall, and sure enough, the wall shows five men, carrying what looks like stone bricks under a fierce-looking sun.

‘They were ridiculed, these five monks.’ Ishvalan continues. ‘The wall tells us that our people were beginning to lose their faith in Ishvala. A terrible drought had lead to the deaths of many, and people began to wonder if there was any point in praying to a God that would allow their children to die a slow death. While the five monks toiled over this building, the others began digging graves, waiting for the inevitable.’ Another drawing depicts a woman weeping with a child in her arms, her husband digging a hole just behind her.

‘As the days went on, the sun seemed to burn even brighter. The youngest of the monks, Amare, began to lose his faith. He watched how his older brothers were working themselves to death, and he began to wonder if this really was Ishvala’s will.’ On the wall, a man looks on as four others try to drag stone to the unfinished temple.

‘Concerned over his brother’s wavering faith, the eldest monk, Latif, took time to speak with Amare, to remind him why they were building the temple. He told his brother to have faith in Ishvala, because Ishvala will provide for them. He was convinced that finishing this temple would be the answers to all the desperate prayers of our people. Inspired, Amare worked even harder, determined to see this temple completed.

‘The very next day, Latif collapsed, and died from exhaustion under the unrelenting sun.’ The image is now one of four men grieving their fallen brother, their sorrow almost tangible as you examine the imagine before you.’

Ishvalan sighs. ‘The sight of his lifeless body was too much for three of the monks. After burying their fallen brother, they joined the rest of our people, planning to dig graves of their own.

‘Amare was close to doing the same, but the words that Latif had told him refused to leave his mind. He alone worked through the night to finish this temple. By the time the sun rose on the next day, Amare’s hands were bloodied and sore, but the temple was complete.’ The temple on the wall is a perfect representation to the real one, a testament to how well it has lasted the test of time.

‘With all of his remaining strength, Amare went inside the temple, fell to his knees, and prayed for rain. 

‘It is said that the moment Amare said those words, clouds formed in the sky, and for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, rain fell upon Ishval. The graves that our people dug became pools of water, and the wells that had once been empty overflowed with Ishvala’s gift.’ Sure enough, the wall shows many Ishvalan’s stood in the rain, smiling as it washed over their faces.

‘When the three monks noticed, they ran straight to the temple, only to find Amare still on his knees, barely clinging onto life. They say he was shrouded in light, despite the darkened sky. It was from that moment that they swore never to forsake Ishvala again, and restored our people’s faith in the one true god.’ The final image in the sequence is a man on his knees, three others kneeling behind him, worshiping Ishvala. 

You need to ask. ‘What happened to Amare? Did he die?’ You hope not, but after working that hard…

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘No. By the grace of Ishvala, Amare survived. He was given the title of Head Monk, and even went on to marry and have many children. He lived a full life, a life full of love, until Ishvala called Amare to his side as he slept. He was an old man by then, and went happily to live by Ishvala’s side.’ 

You almost feel like crying. ‘I’m glad he got a happy ending. He deserved it after what he did.’ Carrying out the last thing his fellow monk, not even his real brother, asked of him… he must have been quite a man.

Ishvalan nods once, eyes still fixed on the wall. ‘Indeed. While we may not always know Ishvala’s will, he often rewards those who have faith in him. You need only look at me, and the second chance that I have been given, to know that it is true.’ It’s true that he’s been given a fresh chance, but that seems to have more to do with the military than anyone else…

That reminds you of a question you’ve had for a while. ‘When I first came here, Miles told me that Ishvalans see their name as a gift from god. Why is that?’ It probably sounds like a stupid question, but you would like to know.

Ishvalan still isn’t looking at you, but he answers. ‘It is by the grace of Ishvala that we all live. To be given a name is to become part of the living world. Therefore, our names are a gift from Ishvala because they represent the gift of life that he has given us. The reason that I cast my name aside is that I cast my whole life aside when I chose the path of vengeance. The reason that I will not take a new name as many would force me into is that I still do not believe I am worthy of the gift of life. There is nothing that could convince me that I am worthy of this second chance, even if Ishvala has seen fit to give it to me.’ That’s not true, and you know that. For all his faults, at least Ishvalan is trying to make amends for the things he’s done. When you’d first met him, you might have agreed with him, but not anymore. Not now you know him a little better.

Remembering what he did to you a few weeks ago, you grab his chin, and coax him into looking at you. ‘I don’t want to be someone who is constantly trying to change you. I know that I have little to no right to do so. We haven’t even known each other a full season, and we’ve spent even less time than that on speaking terms.

‘Still, I would just like to say that I think you are worthy of a second chance. You may have done some terrible things in your past, but now you’re working towards a better future, for your whole people. You’re not quite the monster you think you are, and you’re a far cry from the monster I thought you’d be. 

‘I know that my opinion is worthless, especially so given that you don’t trust in you own god’s decision to give you a second chance. I just thought you might like to hear it anyway.’ Knowing Ishvalan, it’ll probably just make him angry. You wish you could read his mind some days…

Ishvalan’s face is totally expressionless as he stares at you, his mouth the only thing that moves. ‘Did you have any further questions?’ That’s it? That’s all he has to say?!

You let go of his face, fully prepared to take your leave, when you realise you do in fact have another question. ‘You said that Amare was married with children by the end. Are monks permitted to marry?’ They obviously used to be, but what about now?

Still stiff, Ishvalan grunts an affirmation. ‘Yes, but there are strict rules of conduct. The monk must be the one to instigate the courtship, as only he can decide if he is ready to dedicate his time to both a spouse and Ishvala. He must prove himself a capable husband, and abstain from any kind of sexual before marriage. Kissing is permitted, but it must be chaste. The Head Monk must give his blessing before the courtship can progress into marriage. Once married, all previous restrictions on intimacy are lifted, but the monk is only permitted such things with his spouse. If he should break these rules, the marriage is instantly dissolved, and the monk is never permitted to remarry.’ They all seem harsh. Really harsh. You’re surprised monks marry at all!

This leads to further questions. ‘What if the monk felt as if they married the wrong person, or fell in love with someone else? And is gay marriage acceptable as a monk?’ Nobody here seems to bat an eyelid at Anthony and Hani, but neither of them are monks…

Ishvalan finally seems to loosen a bit, his whole frame turning towards you. ‘Divorce is possible for a monk, but uncommon. As a rule, monks only court once they are certain they have found the one person they were destined to love. It is the reason my former master never married.

‘The same rules apply for gay marriage. The only difference is the monk is trying to woo a husband, rather than a wife. It is not treated any differently. We have no control over who we fall in love with, after all.’ That’s a refreshing change; you’ve known plenty of people that aren’t nearly as accepting as Ishval is, if Ishvalan’s account is accurate.

You’re about to ask something else, but Ishvalan cuts you off. ‘Before I forget, there is something I should tell you of. In Ishval, if there is someone we wish to court, we give them something that we have crafted with our bare hands. The item must be something non-functional, just to eliminate any confusion. So if someone here gives you a handwoven bracelet or a knitted heart, or any similar object, they are asking you to court them. Likewise, do not give handmade presents to anyone you do not wish to woo. Items of clothing should be fine, but anything else might carry with it unwanted connotations.’ This is exactly the kind of information you wanted from him! Imagine if you’d made Amira a little present out of thanks, and she thought you wanted to date her!

You try not to seem too enthusiastic about this new information. ‘I’ll remember that. I wouldn’t like to end up asking someone out accidentally. I don’t really think I’ll have to worry about anyone trying to ask me out though. Not if they feel the same way Tamir does.’ Which they might, for all you know…

Ishvalan stares straight into your soul, as intense as always. ‘Not everyone here shares Tamir’s opinions, and there is a kindness to you that I’m sure others will see. I would not be surprised if someone was courting you by the the end of this year.’ You feel a pang of something, but you’re not sure what. Were you expecting Ishvalan to pay you a greater compliment? 

You shrug. ‘To be honest, I don’t see that. I think I’d like to hold out for someone special too. Someone else with a kindness to him.’ Of course that’s not all you want, but it would make for a good start.

Ishvalan hums. ‘I see. Was there anyone back in your homeland?’ Does he dislike your country of birth so much he won’t name it?

You shake you head. ‘No one. A couple of guys have tried, but they weren’t really my time. What about you?’ Is this a question that crossed too far into the family one?

Ishvalan is smiling when he answers, but you’re not sure why. ‘No one. I was raised not to look at women in anything but a platonic way, and I’ve not spent enough time in female company to see anything else. I’ve been encouraged by Miles to try and break that habit, now that I have more freedom, but it is difficult. It would take a special woman indeed to change things.’ Your stomach does summersaults, before it settles on sadness. Looks like that dream of yours really was little more than a fantasy…

… then again, it’s not as if you want it to happen. It was just your mind creating some kind of insane fantasy.

Still, you smile through the disappointment. ‘Thank you for teaching me about Ishvalan history. I have learnt a lot.’ Maybe he’d be open to teaching you more another day? If you can get more time off, that is.

Ishvalan seems to hesitate slightly before answering. ‘There is still much I could teach, if you wish to know more? I could spend days showing you the meaning behind all these illustrations, and still need more time to fully educate you.’ There’s truly so much to learn? 

You grin enthusiastically. ‘I still have to rest of the day free, if you want to tell me more? Don’t worry if you’re busy though, I can come back.’ You’re sure you will come back, especially if there’s so much left to learn.

Ishvalan directs your attention back to the wall, a place your eyes settle easily. ‘I am never too busy for this. Let me tell you the tale of the thief and the warrior. It was always a favourite of mine as a child.’ It’s hard to imagine the great mass of man before you as anything other than an adult, but you’re sure he must have been adorable as a youngster.

Instead of thinking of that, you begin listening to Ishvalan’s gruff voice, allowing yourself to fall into the tale as if it were a distant memory.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The Head Monk wanders back to the temple with a heavy heart, his conversation with Tamir troubling. 

As if he didn’t hate Amestrians enough, now he’s convinced one is trying to poison the mind of his childhood friend. It’s enough to make the older man’s head hurt. Amira is no child, not as Tamir seems to think. She is capable of judging people herself, and she has judged the Amestrian woman a friend. That should have been enough to convince Tamir, but apparently his hatred is too far gone for that.

The Head Monk sighs. It is bad enough that he has to deal with his former pupil’s stubborn behaviour, and now he has two lost souls to tend to. He will need to pray to Ishvala for great strength if he wishes to guide them both. 

At least he Miles to help with Ishvalan. 

He’ll have even further help with that soon. As soon as the rubble is clear, the Head Monk has it on good authority that a friend of his former pupil is planning to set up a clinic here. Another familiar face will do much to improve Ishvalan’s mood, and the presence of another Amestrian here may help soothe any lingering doubts about the woman.

Ah yes, her. For all he has said, the Head Monk still isn’t certain of the effect her presence will have on his former pupil. It is clear to him that the former monk is already forming an attachment to her, whether he realises it or not. If she were to revert to her old way of thinking, to hate and fear again as she did only a few short monks ago, it would do much to damage the little progress Ishvalan has made. For all his pushing, the Head Monk is still unsure if such a friendship would be a wise decision.

It isn’t until he approaches the temple, and hears laughter from inside, that he begins to contemplate further.

Careful not to alert to two occupants to his presence just yet, the old monk listens in, trying to figure out what has caused so much joy.

He hears his former pupil first, a faint chuckle in his tone. ‘I promise you, that is exactly how it is written. I have translated the text myself many times.’ Ah, perhaps he is speaking of the tale of the warrior and the thief? It was always a favourite of his, back when he a child…

The Amestrian woman his struggling to speak, laugher colouring her words. ‘I can’t believe something like this made it onto the temple wall! Do you think it really happened?’ 

Ishvalan chuckles again. ‘That is what our history tells us. Writing lies on the temple walls would surely be sacrilege.’ 

She laughs right back. ‘I think that thief is the only sacrilegious thing here. Imagine getting one over on a mighty Ishvalan warrior like that! Does this story have a second part? Please, you must tell me!’ Her enthusiasm is refreshing, and definitely something the Head Monk would like to hear more of.

Luckily for her, the older man already knows the answer Ishvalan is about to give. ‘There is indeed. The thief once met Amare, and tried a similar trick. This is the story of how he managed to not only outwit her, but show her the the true ways of Ishvala.’ The Head Monk really should go in and recommence his prayers, but he can’t bring himself to disturb them. He knows in his heart that this is Ishvala’s will, and that under his watchful gaze, the seeds of romance are slowly taking route in two hearts this day. 

As he walks away from the temple, the Head Monk knows what he must do. He is quite certain now that between the woman, Miles, and in the future Marcoh, Ishvalan is in good hands. For now, he should focus his efforts on Tamir, and finding a way to soothe his soul.

As his oldest friend, Amira would be the perfect place to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope it was okay? I decided to try and invent a bit of history for Ishval, I hope that didn’t put anyone off. If it was a bit much lemme know ^.^
> 
> For now, see you next time, and thanks for watching :)


	12. Old And New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Once again, I got carried away length-wise. Hope that’s okay!
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

Three months after arriving in Ishval, and you’re starting to feel truly at home here.

From what you’ve heard, the rubble removal crews are making good progress, enough that many have been speculating that building work on new homes will be able to start around the summer festival (which you suspect is called ‘Long Day’ in your language, if it’s anything like ‘New Day’). While a lot of people are excited, you’re not entirely sure where that leaves you.

You don’t expect to be the first on the list for housing, but will you even be allowed a home here? You’re still a stranger, and you only really came to help rebuild. Once the houses are up, a lot of the rebuilding will be done, in this area of Ishval at least. Will the rest of Ishval be given the same treatment? Will that be the next project? Will you be shipped off there to help? Ishvalan seemed to think you’d be allowed to remain in Ishval, but he didn’t specify in what capacity. Maybe that is the plan for you.

You hope not. You like it here. Really like it. At least from what you’ve lived of it so far. Sure, working under such heat is difficult, but you could get used to it. It would be a small price to pay for being able to start a new life here. That, and you have friends here. People you’d miss if they weren’t a part of your life anymore. What if Anthony and Hani aren’t back by the time you have to leave? You’ll never get to say a proper goodbye…

Well, that’s not something to worry about. For now, all you have to worry about is how in the name of all that is holy you and Amira are going to be able to get the delivery back to hers.

It seems double the amount that you had last time, and the day is even hotter, a sign that summertime will soon be here. There’s no way you’re going to be able to do this, and by the look on Amira’s face, she knows it.

Amira gives a defeated sigh. ‘Well, I hope you don’t mind back pain, because there’s no way we’re shifting this without an injury or five. A lot of this is a two-person job too, so the walking… we could be at this until dinner, and still not finish.’ That assessment seems stop on; you’ve never seen so much fabric in your life! 

You poke at the delivery, almost as if you’re willing it to disappear; the mass of fabric remains firm. 

Amira wrestles part of the pile down, only to lose her footing, the heavy bundle falling with her. You somehow manage to hold it up long enough for her to escape, before dropping it unceremoniously, your arms screaming in protest.

Damn it. You’ve never really considered yourself weak, but this is something else. This has no right to be as heavy as it is! You and Amira will be practically dead tomorrow if you try to shift all this!

Oh, that’s given you a thought. ‘How hard do you think it would be to convince Ishvalan to help us? He could probably lift a lot of this on his own.’ Unless the muscles you’ve noticed hiding under his robes are just for show, but you doubt that; you don’t get to murder highly trained alchemists without being strong as hell.

Amira ponders for a moment. ‘If you ask him, I imagine pretty likely. You do this sort of thing every morning, anyway. Just tell him you want to get practice in for your food runs. Failing that, you could always offer to flash him. There aren’t a lot of men that would turn that down.’ After the conversation you had in the temple, you don’t think Ishvalan is the kind of man that technique would work on; he’s still working on not seeing women platonically, after all. Although, maybe seeing a pair of breasts might trigger something in him…

You nod. ‘Wait here while I ask him. Please don’t try to move this stuff on your own.’

Amira laughs humourlessly. ‘I don’t think I can. If Ishvalan won’t come willingly, please drag him.’ You doubt you’d get far, but for Amira, you might just try it.

You only make it halfway to the temple before you spot Ishvalan, walking towards you with Miles and Tamir either side of him. 

Well, it looks like he’s busy. There goes that plan. Unless…

Fuck it. You need help, and you’re in front of him now, so you might as well ask. 

You do your best to stand tall, trying to forget that admitting you’re not strong enough to move things is a humbling three months in the making. ‘Ishvalan? I can see you’re busy, but I was wondering if you could help me with something. Once you’re done here, of course.’ You feel so stupid asking. Why would he just stop doing what he’s doing to come and help you lift ridiculously heavy fabric a stupidly long way?

The neutral expression on Ishvalan’s face soon transforms into a serious frown. ‘I can come right now. What do you need?’ Wow. That was easy! 

Still, he’s not heard what you want. ‘Well, it’s delivery day again, and I… there’s way too much for Amira and I to handle. It could take us days to move it ourselves. I know it’s not the best task, but please, could you give us a hand?’ You’re certain he’ll be a lot more reluctant now. After all, there’s no real reason why he’d even help you out.

Ishvalan’s frown fades, replaced by an easy smile. ‘I can do far better than that. When the Head Monk heard how much fabric had been delivered, he insisted that we three came to help. Isn’t that right, Miles?’ From his tone, it almost sounds as if he’s challenging the smaller man…

Miles rolls his eyes, sighing. ‘Yeah, sure. It was all the Head Monk’s idea. That’s why we’re here.’ The sarcastic tone isn’t lost on you, but you’re not sure why it’s present.

Ishvalan cleats his throat pointedly. ‘Anyway, lead on. Between the five of us, this task should be far easier.’ You’ll say. You were only looking for Ishvalan’s help, but with Miles and Tamir…

Wait, that’s a point! Why has Tamir agreed to help you of all people? He doesn’t strike you as the kind of man that would be afraid to tell the Head Monk to shove it, if he asked something of him that he didn’t like…

Still, you lead on in silence, one that is only broken when Amira sees your group approaching, a grin almost splitting her face in two. ‘You go off to find Ishvalan and end up bringing back three guys? I’m sending you off to do all the errands in the future! I hope you’re ready for this, boys!’ You know you’re not, but they are…

Tamir makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a growl. ‘I hope you realise I’m only doing this for you, Amira. I think I’d enjoy watching the Amestrian suffer with this. Why don’t we see how much she can drag on her own before she collapses in a heap? She seemed so confident moving rubble, I can’t imagine she’ll struggle too much.’ His smile is smug and sadistic in equal measure, and you’re quite certain he means business.

Miles and Ishvalan both glare at Tamir, with the former being the first to speak ‘Don’t be a dick, Tamir. You just focus on giving Amira a hand. I’ll help out the Amestrian woman.’ He will? That’s really nice of him, but there was definitely a part of you that was hoping Ishvalan…

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘I would rather assist her myself. We are familiar with working together, after all.’ It’s nice to hear that Ishvalan also enjoys your company.

Miles chuckles. ‘I bet you would. However, as strong as I am, we all know you’re so strong you could probably carry this whole delivery in one go, if you had enough arms. It makes sense for you to go solo on this one, my friend.’ Damn it. Miles makes a fair point. Not that it matters. You only saw Ishvalan this morning, after all. You weren’t planning on spending even more time with him…

Ishvalan nods, the sides of his mouth a little too downturned to look indifferent. ‘A fair point. We should get moving.’ He moves straight over to the pile of fabric, grabs an armful that’s bigger than you are, and heads straight for Amira’s makeshift shop without another word. 

Strange. If you didn’t know him better, you’d have sworn he was sulking.

As you and Miles manage to wrangle a load between the two of you (Tamir making sure to keep his distance from you as him and Amira do the same), Miles sighs. ‘I wish Grumps hadn’t go off in such a huff. It would have been easier if we organised this first.’ You both adjust yourself carefully before heading off after Ishvalan, making sure the fabric is secure in your arms.

You laugh almost breathlessly, already feeling the strain. ‘He’s probably just trying to get this over with so he can get back to work. I can’t imagine he was too happy when the Head Monk asked him to drop his own work for this. I imagine he would have told me no if he wasn’t already on his way here.’ After all, strong as an ox or no, this is a really shitty task.

Miles starts chucking to himself, enough that it gets your attention. ‘Did I say something funny?’ 

Miles shakes his head, still chuckling. ‘Oh nothing. You’re just too sweet.’ You don’t really know how to take that. Did he mean it in a friendly way, or is he trying to flirt with you? Is that why he insisted on helping you?

When you ask him, Miles laughs. ‘Just friendly, I promise. I’m a married man, after all. Unlike Ishvalan, who is hellbent on never tying the knot.’ He’d told you as much a couple weeks ago, but it’s interesting to hear that its common knowledge.

When you don’t answer, Miles keeps taking. ‘Of course, that won’t stop the Head Monk trying to set him up. I think he’d do whatever it took to set Ishvalan up with a good wife.’ You’re not surprised; from the little you’ve seen them interact, they seem almost more like father and son than master and student.

You smile. ‘I think he deserves that. He’s been… unfalteringly kind, even if I haven’t. I wish I knew why that was.’ 

Miles has to adjust the load once more before answering, a fond smile now on his face. ‘If it was any other guy, I’d think he was trying to get into your underwear, but Ishvalan… he’s a complicated person. 

‘I remember the first time I met him. It was in Baschool, a former mining town in the North. He was exhausted, injured, his eyes full of hate. Even so, when we asked for his help, he gave it. I don’t know for sure what he was like when he first stared killing, but he wasn’t quite what I expected. It was months before I saw him again, and by that time, he was a totally different man. I’m not sure what happened, but all that hatred I’d seen before… it just wasn’t there anymore. It was like he’d made peace with himself. 

‘After we found out we’d be working together here, we both made an effort to get to know each other. He’s a bit of a brick wall to talk to, but if you keep going with him, he’s actually a nice guy. A good friend, one that I’m glad I have here. Life in Ishval would be a lot harder if I didn’t have a friend here to share it with.

‘In many ways, I think that’s why he’s behaving like he is. Ishvalan is a man that understands the true value of friendship. He knows what it feels like to be completely alone in this world, and if I’m honest, I think he still feels that way. I’m the only friend he has here. His other friends, the people he came to care for almost as if they were a strange family of sorts, are all elsewhere. They filled a hole in his heart, and without them here, it’s leaking again. He needs more people that care about him in his life, or else I don’t think that wound of his will ever truly heal. There might be a part of him that’s scared you’ll experience that same feeling someday, if you continue to live in Ishval.

‘Still, I could be looking too much into this. Maybe he does just want to see you naked. I’m his friend, not a mind reader. All I ask is that you consider being his friend, too. Besides, did you see the look on his face when he left just then? I think he likes spending time with you.’ That’s… a hell of a lot to take in. Even with all that’s he’s told you, you had no idea just how deep Ishvalan’s pain runs… 

Maybe Miles is right. After all, aren’t you basically friends anyway? You spend so much time together talking, even laughing on occasion, like when he told you that story in the temple. And him playfully shoving chocolate in your mouth, and how much he smiles when you speak. Yeah. Friendship. Is there any other word for all those feelings?

You smile brightly as Ishvalan comes into view, his frown still playing on his lips. It makes your stomach flutter, knowing how he’d like to spend more time with you.

Ishvalan takes the load from you and Miles, effortlessly placing it with his own. ‘We should head back for more.’ He looks straight at you, brow furrowed. ‘How are you feeling?’ Completely fine, except for the fluttering…

You look over at Miles, and do your best to look uncomfortable. ‘No offence to Miles, but that wasn’t easy. Maybe I should partner with Ishvalan, after all. I just don’t think I could manage that again.’ You can tell Miles is fighting the urge to smirk, but Ishvalan doesn’t seem to share that humour, worry lines appearing on his face.

Sure enough, the back of his hand touches one of your cheeks, checking your temperature. ‘You feel warm. Miles and I can handle the rest. You should sit down for a while. Do you have your flask with you? Do you need one of us to fill it?’ Well, this backfired horribly!

Grabbing the sides of his large hand with both of yours, you gently bring his hand down, smiling at him. ‘I’m warm because we’re in the middle of the desert, Ishvalan. I’m sure I’ll be fine to keep working. I did use to clear rubble, after all.’ Something you don’t miss even slightly if you’re honest; well, maybe you miss Hani’s company.

Ishvalan looks down at your hands, which are still holding his. ‘I am sorry about that. I suppose I was no better than Tamir when we first met. It is a surprise that you can stand the sight of me.’ You couldn’t at first; that just proves how different you both are now. How much you’ve grown in the three short months since you met.

You hum thoughtfully. ‘That’s strange. I don’t seem to remember that. We met a couple months ago, and you gave me some chocolate from a woman you used to know. Maybe you have us confused?’ Erasing part of your history together seems foolish, but you can’t help it; you much prefer how you both are now, two people on the verge of friendship.

Ishvalan seems to smile brighter than usual, before slowly pulling his hand away. ‘You don’t seem the type of person I would forget so easily. For now, we both have work to do.’ He gestures back the way you came, and you spot Amira and… is Tamir laughing? Well, shit. Old friends indeed.

Now it’s time that you and your new friend were off.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Miles is glad when the moving is finally over.

He’s no stranger to hard work. He is a man of Briggs, after all. But shit, he’d take a month of icicle duty over this; he’s not sure how his grandfather ever coped with the heat here.

Bidding farewell to both the two women and Tamir (who has work in a different direction), Miles decides to walk Ishvalan back to the temple, if only to reveal what he spent his few moments with the Amestrian woman doing.

Miles carries with him now an air of smugness, something not lost on his companion. ‘Are you going to tell me what you’re thinking, or is this going to be a pointless guessing game?’ Miles can’t help but wish his friend would lighten up slightly, but maybe that’s too much to ask from a man that’s already undergone plenty of changes.

Still, Miles’ smug smile remains. ‘Oh nothing. I’m just thinking of all the ways you can pay me back for what I just did.’ 

Ishvalan sighs. ‘I appreciate you helping me with this. We could not have expected two people who work such a delicate job to lift such a heavy burden. You and I are men that have lived lives that rely on our strength, and are therefore far better suited to such a role.’ If he’s being honest, Ishvalan barely feels a thing; he’s lifted far heavier over far greater distances.

Miles’ smugness still doesn’t settle. ‘Oh no, you’re right. We couldn’t have, and I don’t expect you to pay me back for that. You can however pay me back for being such an awesome wingman.’ 

Ishvalan stares at him in confusion. ‘Perhaps it is you who should take it easy today. We are in the desert, not an air field.’ Miles has to fight the urge to put his head in his hands; trust Ishvalan to not know what that means!

Miles sighs in exasperation. ‘Not a literal wingman. It’s a friend who helps you get laid. I used to do the same for Buc on nights out, but I think this time I hit the jackpot.’ 

Ishvalan can feel his face growing paler. ‘Miles, what did you say?’ He doesn’t know what the worst case scenario is here, but he’s certain it’s whatever Miles is about to say.

Miles keeps on smiling. ‘Nothing much. I just told her how we met. How lonely you are without your friends here. How much having a new friend in your life would mean to you…’ he can see Ishvalan’s eyes widening, the colour returning to the larger man’s cheeks before they turn even darker still.

Ishvalan refuses to make eye contact with Miles. ‘I wish you hadn’t said those things. I don’t want her to pity me like that. To feel as if she has to be my friend because I have no one else here except a meddling major.’ And, when the rubble is finally clear, a doctor who is looking to atone for many sins…

Miles scoffs. ‘Look, you weren’t exactly doing yourself any favours. You didn’t even tell her that this whole moving thing was your idea! If you’re not going to take credit for your actions, then you need to find other ways to get in her good graces. She won’t pity you over this, but it might help her see you as more than an miserable mass murderer!’ 

Trying to contain his emotions, Ishvalan runs a hand through his hair, tugging at his locks in frustration. ‘Technically I am a serial killer, but semantics aside, I hope you are correct. I won’t see all my efforts to befriend her come to nothing thanks to pity. 

‘As for taking credit, I refuse. This isn’t a game, Miles. Doing nice things to score points is heartless, because then it ceases to be about her. I do not do nice things because I want the credit, but because I care about her.’ Something he wishes Miles would cease to interfere with!

Still, like a dog with a bone, Miles refuses to let go. ‘You care about her, huh? As just a friend, or as something more?’ Ishvalan is about to say friend out of reflex, but he stops himself so he can properly assess the situation.

Thanks to both their morning deliveries and her visiting him at the temple, Ishvalan has come to know the Amestrian woman a little over the last two and a half months. Still not as well as he’d like to, but he’s getting there. He knows some of food she likes, her favourite colour. He knows what she sounds like when she laughs, from the few occasions he’s managed to elicit such a reaction. Little things like that have endeared her to him, but in what capacity? As a friend, or is his heart yearning for something he’s yet to realise?

He thinks back to her smiles, the way she is when she’s truly happy, and he realises he isn’t sure what the answer is. People always say that smiles are like sunshine, but hers is different. It is more like desert rain, something that soothes the burning hate that had once settled so easily in his heart. Perhaps it is that feeling of ease that makes him care? But then where does that leave his feelings?

In the end, all he can do answer Miles’ question honestly. ‘I don’t know.’ With that, Ishvalan makes his way to the temple, not to work, but to pray to Ishvala for guidance.

Miles can only grin after him; took him long enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … and so it tentatively begins; on one side, at least.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading :)


	13. Friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Bit of a short one this time. Enjoy ^.^

As one month changes into the next, the atmosphere around camp changes with it.

It’s been confirmed by the Head Monk that building work will commence the day after the summer festival, with a new community clinic being the first thing to be erected. There’s also plans for a proper shop for Amira, a communal food hall, and of course plenty of new houses, with couples being the top priority for new housing; you suspect it’s the Head Monk’s subtle way of encouraging them to have children, but you’d not like to speculate too much on that.

Once the majority of that is sorted, an area not too far from here has been designated as a major stop on the New Amestrian Desert Line, which aims to connect your country of origin to Xing, and bring fresh trade into Ishval, just one of the ways the economy here is being resurrected. The Head Monk is optimistic that Ishval will be basically independent by the end of the year, and you share his optimism. Things here seem to be going in the right direction, even if the frown on Ishvalan’s face tells a different story.

He’s been glum ever since you met him for the food run this morning, and it’s bothering you. You’ve not seen him with such a miserable look for a long time. Possibly months!

He’s not talking about it either, which prompts you to try and coax answers from him. ‘A penny for your thoughts?’ Not that money is worth anything here, but still.

Ishvalan sighs. ‘You would feel shortchanged. I was just thinking about the housing situation.’ Why would he be so worried about that?

You try your best to comfort him. ‘I know it seems like it’ll take forever, but so did the rubble. I know you’ll have everyone housed in no time at all.’ It’s interesting that he’s the one that’s been put in charge of it all; you’d have almost considered this a military job.

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘That is not the issue. It is also not my issue. Miles will be the one overseeing the construction, until Anthony and Hani return.’ They are definitely coming back then? That’s such a relief! You’ve missed them so much.

You furrow your brow, a habit picked up from Ishvalan. ‘Then why are you so troubled by it? Is it the idea of some people having to wait much longer than others?’ You’re not sure how they’re going to decided upon who gets what first, but it’s not a task you envy.

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘It is unimportant. I do not wish to speak of it.’ You have to fight the urge to go off in a huff. Why must he always be so reluctant to talk about things that bother him?

You shrug the best you can with your arms full. ‘I can’t make you talk about it. I just thought sharing your problems with a friend might help.’ Then again, if he wanted that, he’d probably go off and see Miles, given that he’s in charge of the building work for now.

The corners of Ishvalan’s mouth twitch slightly, before settling back into a frown. ‘Once the building work is done, the rebuilding here will technically be over, though we’ll still need to build new houses as more people return home.’ That’s what he’s so upset about?

You’re confused. ‘Isn’t that a good thing? Rebuilding here was always the aim. You’ll have your home back again, a place to start anew. Why does that make you sad?’ It blows your mind completely. Does he like living in rubble.

Ishvalan shifts his eyes away from yours. ‘I do not want to lose my friend.’ You swear you can see him blushing a little, though it could be the effort of moving all this food. 

His answer does little to ease your confusion. ‘I would have assumed Miles was settling here, given that he’s Ishvalan. Is he planning to return North?’ That would make you sad. You rather like Miles…

Ishvalan huffs, but his answer is barely above a whisper. ‘He is planning to remain in Ishval, if he can convince his wife to join him.’ Right, so not Miles. Who then? Ishvalan doesn’t exactly have many friends here, unless…

You smile softly, his meaning finally clear. ‘I see. I don’t mean to change the subject so abruptly, but while we’re discussing housing, do you know yet if I’ll be allowed on? Obviously I don’t expect to be a priority, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be allowed one at all, or if I’d be expect to leave Ishval when it’s finished here.’ Maybe you’re being forced out, and that’s the thing that has made Ishvalan so sad?

Ishvalan’s eyebrows almost meet his hairline, his eyes wide open. ‘The plan was to build space for both you and Amira to live as part of the shop. If one of you wanted to find a home of your own for some reason, you would be placed on the list for rehousing, but not considered a priority. Has Miles not spoken with you about this?’ No? You’ve not spoken at length with Miles for a couple of weeks, the man always seemingly busy with one thing or another.

When you tell him that, Ishvalan’s face become a careful mask of neutrality. ‘I see. What is your decision then? Do you wish to stay in Ishval?’ What part of what you just said could make him think any different?

You nod enthusiastically. ‘Very much so. I know I may have gotten off to a very rocky start, but there’s something about this place that I like. I think I could live a happy life here, and I’d like the chance to find out if that’s true or not. That is, if Amira will have me.’ You really should consult with her before blindly agreeing to live with her.

Ishvalan finally smiles. ‘In the short time that she has known you, Amira has come to love you as a sister. I am certain there is no one she would rather share a home with.’ You can think of one person…

You nod. ‘That’s true enough, but I can think of at least one other person she’d probably prefer. It seems like her and Tamir are really good friends.’ In fact, she’s still the only person you know that’s managed to get the man to crack a smile!

Ishvalan nods back. ‘That they are. I think many others assumed they would be the ones to marry, but Tamir found somebody else before anything came of it. With his family now gone, Amira is the one connection he has to his old life. Perhaps he will find enough comfort in her friendship to overcome his sorrow. I think that is what the Head Monk is planning too. He has instructed that everyone takes the day off for the summer festival, and spends it with family and friends instead. I do not doubt that Amira will convince Tamir to spend the day with her.’ That would be lovely, especially for Tamir. The man needs someone who can act as a balm, and you know from experience that Amira is a calm and kind soul.

Reaching your destination, you place the food down carefully, another question in your mind. ‘Will you be celebrating the festival with Miles this year?’ It would make sense, considering how close the two men are.

Surprisingly, Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘I will not. Miles plans to spend his day with the other soldiers stationed here, a token gesture of solidarity between nations. Once I have finished doing the morning deliveries, I intend to spend the day deep in prayer, thanking Ishvala for the friendships I have made.’ That certainly sounds like Ishvalan.

You hum. ‘I’m sure he knows just how much they mean to you. After all, by the logic of your people, wouldn’t Ishvala have been the one to bring friends into your life in the first place? You told me yourself how Ishvala rewards those most faithful. You may not have built him a temple, but you are helping restore your homeland. That is surely worthy of reward in the eyes of anyone.’ It’s even been enough that you’ve completely changed your opinion since you first met him.

Ishvalan’s smile grows even wider. ‘You have learnt much already. You already have an understanding of Ishvala that many of his own people do not possess.’ His smile fades completely. ‘Still, I feel as if I have been given far too much. As faithful as I am, I do not deserve all of the blessings I’ve been given. A chance to start a new life in the country I love is one thing, but to find a friend here too is a blessing beyond comprehension.’ You immediately think of Miles, but the look that Ishvalan is giving you suggests that the Major is the furthest thing from his mind right now.

You can feel your cheeks getting warmer, and you’re not sure if it’s the sun. ‘Making new friends is all part of the new life package, as are many other things.’ Your mind instantly reminds you of that dream you had, and you’re almost tempted to start praying to Ishvala yourself if it means you never have to be reminded of it again.

Ishvalan sighs. ‘So I am reminded often. For now, I am content with the blessings I have already received, as they are plentiful.

‘To change the subject, what do you plan to do on the day of the festival? I do not expect you to help me with the food on your free day, so you may enjoy yourself at your leisure.’ It’s so sweet of him to offer you a free pass on the morning deliveries…

Still, that’s the furthest thing from what you want. ‘To be honest, I’d rather help you out. With you and Amira both busy, I don’t really have any friends I could spend the day with. If it wouldn’t offend you, perhaps I could come to the temple with you, just to look at the illustrations again? It would be far more enjoyable than sitting in the tent by myself all day.’ You might have once considered sunbathing, if you didn’t know full well the sun is far too strong here to seriously consider that.

At the mention of the temple, Ishvalan perks up again. ‘I am happy to pray in the evening if you desire another lesson. Having the context behind the images will do much to change how you view them.’ He’d really do that? But what about his prayers?

When you asks him, Ishvalan is dismissive. ‘There is no better way to thank Ishvala for his gift than to appreciate it. While this festival is not marked by a grand celebration, it is our own personal celebrations that makes it a true festival, and I would like you to experience that.’ Well, you can’t say no to that!

You’re feeling nearly giddy now, the thought of spending the whole day with Ishvalan again an exciting one. ‘Alright then, we’ll do that. I’d love it if you could tell me more stories from the wall. Oh, and maybe when we’re done, we could walk around Ishval a little, and try to visualise what it’ll be like soon.’ That sounds boring as hell, but you couldn’t stop the words from leaking out.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘I admire your enthusiasm, but I would actually prefer it if you offered me a few stories of your own. While we walk, I mean. If you’re comfortable with that idea.’ He wants to know more about you? Or is he after a lesson in Amestrian culture?

Either way, you can’t deny him. ‘I can do that. I’d like that a lot.’ You realise that you’ve dawdled here a little too much, and that Amira is most likely waiting for you. ‘I have to go now, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?’ You make your way to Amira’s with a small wave, Ishvalan returning the gesture easily.

Even as you rush to Amira, your thoughts linger on Ishvalan, and the upcoming festival. It’s so kind of him to offer up his time to indulge you like this, even planning to postpone his prayers for you. Perhaps it is time you went to visit Miles, to see if he could smuggle in a gift for Ishvalan. What kind of things would he like? The chocolate seemed to go down well, but that’s already been done. Ah, well. It’s a shame you don’t have an oven here, otherwise you could bake him a treat, like some cookies or…

Wait, would that count as a courting gift, considering you made it yourself? Or is it too useful, given that it has a necessary purpose? How embarrassing would it be to give Ishvalan such a gift, only for him the to think you wanted to court him! So embarrassing, a ridiculous thing.

Then why does the thought make your heart race?

It’s probably still that dream. You’ve yet to fully get over it. As if something like that would ever happen! Ishvalan isn’t interested in taking any woman like that, not even you.

Although maybe…

Oh no. You’re actually starting to form a little crush on the stoic former monk! How the fuck did this happen? When, when did it happen? You’ve only just admitted you’re friends with the man, and now your heart flutters everything he does something even slightly considerate? What’s wrong with you? He’s just being friendly. That’s all he wants.

Damn it. As if your life in Ishval wasn’t complicated enough, now you’re crushing on a friend! 

Maybe you should consider leaving, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter (maybe two) will be covering the festival, so they should be a little longer :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading ^.^


	14. Festival Part One; The Tale Of Omari and Nahla

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Part one of the festival is here ^.^ I hope you enjoy more made up legends :)

The day of the festival arrives without incident, and as you walk along doing your morning task with Ishvalan, you can’t help but notice just how different Ishval feels.

All around you, people are chatting excitedly in little groups, eagerly anticipating the day ahead. Couples walk the street arm-in-eyes, there eyes for nothing but each other. You can only imagine what it’ll be like when Ishval is fully settled, and children run around together, laughing and joking as they enjoy a welcome rest from their schoolwork.

Even Ishvalan is feeling the effects of the day, an easy smile on his face as you reach your destination, today’s food a far heavier load than usual. ‘It is good to see Ishval like this. I did not think I would live to see another festival. I admit that I am looking forward to a day of respite with a friend.’ Ever since you said that word, Ishvalan has repeated it at every opportunity, almost as if he’s trying to both remind himself that it’s true and give you the chance to correct him.

You don’t; instead, you grin back at him. ‘A day off with good company like this is good for the soul, and if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to more stories of Ishval. I’m hoping Amira has a nice day with Tamir, too.’ You had been there when Amira has asked Tamir to spend the day with her; the smug smile he gave you as he accepted her offer only faded when you told him you already had plans with Ishvalan.

Ishvalan nods solemnly. ‘Indeed. I only hope time alone with a friend is as refreshing to him as it is me. Shall we head to the temple? I imagine the Head Monk is deep in prayer, but I did inform him that we would have company today.’ Oh, so he’ll be there too? That’s… great.

Well, so much for alone time. At least the older man will keep to himself. You’re certain you’ll hardly notice he’s there. Besides, after your revelation a few weeks ago, perhaps being alone with Ishvalan is something to avoid for a while…

You nod anyway. ‘Sounds perfect. Lead on.’ Ishvalan does just that, and the two of you head off to the temple at a leisurely pace.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

As Ishvalan predicted, the Head Monk is deep in prayer when you arrive, although this time his prayers are not silent.

While is tone is hushed, you’re sure you can make out a few words. Something about lost children and happiness you think, but you can’t be entirely sure. You think you hear love too, but you’re even less certain of that.

As Ishvalan guides you over to the wall, the Head Monk finishes his prayers, and looks over at the two of you. ‘Ishvala bless you both on this beautiful morning. It is good to see the two of you embracing tradition by spending time together. I was most troubled by the idea that Ishvalan would be working today, so I am glad he has found someone to share in our traditions. Will you be here all day?’ This is a far more pleasant way to enter the temple; the last time you were here, Tamir almost bit your head off.

You offer a small bow. ‘Thank you, Head Monk. It is a pleasure to be allowed entry here, and a blessing to celebrate this day with a friend. Ishvalan and I had intended to take a walk later in the day, so I won’t be here disturbing your prayers all day.’ Just most of it, probably; whispering is a good idea you think.

The older man shakes his head. ‘It would be no trouble even if I was here, but I shan’t be here all day. Call me a sentimental fool, but today I’m going to go out and appreciate the festival through the eyes of others. It does this old heart glad to watch Ishvala’s children celebrate the love he has given them. Perhaps you should tell her of Omari and Nahla? That is very much a tale of appreciating what you have, and I’m sure the young lady would like to hear a romantic tale.’ A romantic tale? On the temple wall? This you have to hear!

Ishvalan sighs. ‘If that is a tale she wishes to hear, I’ll gladly tell it.’ Why do you get the feeling he doesn’t want to? Why is that tale a problem?

You smile sweetly at Ishvalan. ‘If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, but I’d be interested in hearing it because of the Head Monk’s recommendation.’ And if it really is as romantic as he seems to think it is…

The Head Monk smiles. ‘It is settled then. Please enjoy yourselves today. Today is a time to get closer to the people in your life that you care for, and that care for you in turn. Indulge yourselves and your feelings with Ishvala’s blessing.’ You’re about to ask what he means, but he’s out the door before you can, leaving you alone with Ishvalan.

Ishvalan seems to be at a temporary loss for words, before he gestures to the floor. ‘Take a seat then, and we can begin.’ You do as instructed, taking a look up at the wall as you do. You’re trying to see if any of the images on the wall look romantic at all, but so far all you can see is people in prayer.

When you’re both comfortable, Ishvalan points to an illustration, and begins his tale. ‘The man in this image is Omari. He was a descendent of Amare, and a monk of this temple. 

‘One day, as he collected a delivery on behalf of the Head Monk, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her eyes sparked like rubies in starlight, and her smile was pure enough to cure the ills of a hundred men.’ Ishvalan clears his throat. ‘At least, that is what the description says.

‘Omari knew that she was the one Ishvala wanted him to marry. He went up to introduce himself, but she ran away before he had the chance.’ An image shows a figure running through a crowded market, while a man watches on in sadness.

‘Of course, Omari told the Head Monk Of his encounter. The Head Monk urged him to seek this woman out as soon as he could, and ask her to court him. After all, a sign from Ishvala is not something to be ignored.

‘Eventually, Omari found the girl. She tried to run away again, but had somehow turned down an alleyway with only one exit. Realising she was trapped, she fell onto her knees, and begged Omari not to harm her.’ The picture shows a beautiful young woman in tears, pleading for her safety.

Ishvalan gives you a moment to take in the image, then continues. ‘Omari was heartbroken. Why was she so afraid of him, this woman that Ishvala had placed in his life? After promising her that he had no intention of harming her, the woman opened up to him. She said her name was Nahla, and that she was a beggar. She had lost her family when she was small, and had known no kindness on the streets. The few times she had attempted to ask for aid, she had been greatly mistreated. When she saw Omari approaching, she was certain she was in for even more pain.’ You find it hard to believe a place like Ishval could treat a homeless woman like that, but this was centuries ago…

‘Heartbroken after hearing her plight, Omari made a deal with the woman. If she agreed to marry him, he would take her into his home and care for her. He feed her, clothe her, but never touch her. Nahla was convinced it was all a trick, but with no better options she agreed. The Head Monk married them the next day.’ This isn’t exactly a romantic story!

You have several things to say. ‘To me, all that story shows is that is you find someone attractive, you should blackmail them into marriage! Did Omari keep his promise, at least?’ You don’t think a monk would break a promise like that, but after everything else…

Ishvalan sighs. ‘That is not the point of this tale, nor is it over. Consider also that as a homeless woman living here hundreds of years ago, Nahla would have been seen by many as an undesirable. That Omari saw such beauty in a woman considered to be worth so little was all the proof he needed that she was sent to him by Ishvala. I will agree that it was sudden however, as it very well could have been just a young man in lust. However, the stigma gained from marrying a woman like that shows that it ran much deeper, as no man would have risked such a thing just to make love.

‘To answer your other question, yes. Omari kept his promise, and did not touch his new wife in any way. They slept in separate beds, worked at separate times. The only time spent together was at mealtimes, where the food always prepared by Omari, as Nahla had no knowledge of how to cook. 

‘Watching his wife slowly but surely becoming more comfortable around him was enough to convince Omari that he was right, and that Ishvala did send her to him, but his reasoning was wrong. Deep inside, Omari was longing for someone he could care for, could cherish beyond all others. Nahla needed someone to save her, to change her life for the better. They were a perfect fit for each other. That is all that mattered to Omari.

‘Still, over time, he could not help but fall helplessly in love with Nahla. He used to live in fear that one day he would forget himself, forget his promise to her. It wasn’t until he found Nahla naked in his bed that he realised she felt the same. The two of them made love that night, their marriage now complete in the eyes of Ishvala.’ An image of two lovers hugging is depicted on the wall, both of them smiling.

You’re about to tell Ishvalan that it really was a sweet story after all, but he continues. ‘For five long years, Omari and Nahla tried to start a family. They made love every night, prayed to Ishvala each day, and yet nothing happened. Their house remained empty of children.

‘Nahla fell into a deep despair. After everything Omari, now the Head Monk, has given her, she could not give him a child. Omari was devastated, not by the lack of children, but by the way his wife chastised herself constantly, blaming herself for something that was not her fault. If Ishvala truly did not want them to have children, there was nothing to be done.’ There’s another image of the same woman in tears, this time clutching at her flat belly, almost willing it to grow.

‘Omari felt powerless. He spent more and more time in the temple, praying to Ishvala for answers. One night, Nahla came here to bring him water, concerned about him. After a brief conversation, the two of them lost themselves to passion, and made love against the walls of the temple.’ An image that bares terrifying similarly to your dream is before your eyes; a woman has her leg wrapped around her husband’s waist as his mouth covers her nipple, the water forgotten at their feet. Could your have seen this drawing before, and your mind decided to recreate it for your dream?

Ishvalan clears his throat. ‘Once they were finished, both agreed that they would stop praying for children. Ishvala must have had a different past for them, and they should move towards that instead.

‘Almost nine months later, Nahla gave birth to triplets. The couple went on to have twelve children in total, with little difficult conceiving after the birth of the triplets.’ What?! Now that was an ending you weren’t expecting!

You can’t contain your surprise. ‘Triplets?! After all that time trying? What happened?’ Well, other than that really obvious.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘I’m sure you’re old enough now to know where babies come from.’ You have to laugh right back, not expecting such a comeback from Ishvalan of all people!

When he’s finished chuckling at his own joke, Ishvalan clears his throat again. ‘Many say that it was an apology from Ishvala for making them wait so long. Others argue that because they made love in a holy place, the blessing was stronger. Either way, it has started a popular myth amongst the women of our country.’ Oh? A myth? That’s a new one.

Now you’re really curious. ‘What myth might that be?’ Something about fucking in the temple, probably.

Ishvalan won’t look you in the eyes when he answers. ‘Ishvala sees into the hearts of his children. He understands us far better than we understand ourselves. It is said that if a man offers up prayers for a woman he loves, or a woman he will come to love, that woman will dream of making love to him in this temple.’ … what? What?! Fucking what?!

Nah, that’s bullshit. It has to be a crazy coincidence.

You laugh, a little too nervously for your liking. ‘That can’t be real. After all, even women have random naughty dreams. I’m sure many have dreamt of sex here.’ Yourself included, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Ishvalan nods. ‘That is very true. I am uncertain I believe it. Many women probably dream it after hearing that story. From memory though, if the dream is genuine, it will contain other aspects from the story. Conception and water tend to be the things that appear in genuine dreams from Ishvala.’ This is all a massive coincidence. You’re not even Ishvalan! Why does this have you so worked up?

You fiddle with the sleeves of your robes at you answer. ‘So what would it mean if a woman had that dream, past the fact that the man in it loves her?’

Ishvalan smiles. ‘It would mean that Ishvala himself has blessed the union, and shall bless them with many children.’ Well, guess it’s time to start having Ishvalan’s babies then!

You must look concerned, because Ishvalan takes your hand to comfort you. ‘Sometimes, dreams are just dreams. They do not always have meaning. Just as we have thoughts that alarm us, so we have dreams that do the same. It is nothing but a myth, one that many women cling to, and use as a reason to ensnare their chosen partner. If such a thought disturbs you, when I pray to Ishvala tonight, I shall ask him never to invade your dreams in such a fashion.’ If any of this is true, it’s a bit late for that!

Still, you squeeze Ishvalan’s hand. ‘Thank you. I would appreciate that. For now, why don’t you tell me of a different tale? You can choose this time.’ It’s only fair after all; he didn’t exactly look like he wanted to tell you the last one!

Ishvalan keeps holding onto your hand as he begins his next tale, your heart fluttering. Why must such an innocent gesture evoke such a reaction? He means it only as a point of contact, not as a romantic thing.

You’re in for a very long afternoon now, especially with the dream fresh in your mind. Surely there is no merit to the myth, right?

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … dun dun dunnnnnn o.O
> 
> Part two will be up when I write it. For now, thank you for reading ^.^


	15. Festival Part Two; Strange Places To Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Here be part two. Enjoy ^.^
> 
> Oh! Rating is somewhat earned in this chapter too, so doubly enjoy ;)

After two more tales from the temple, you feel your body growing stiff, a side effect from being sat on the hard floor for too long.

Unsurprisingly, Ishvalan notices your discomfort. ‘May we take our walk now? I am certain you have heard enough of my voice now, but I would like to hear yours for a while.’ That’s something you can definitely do for him, especially if it means getting the feeling back in several of your limbs.

Both of you stand together, with you sparing one last glance at the drawing of Omari and Nahla in the throes of passion. You must have seen it before if you had that dream. There is no way you would have had a dream from Ishvala!

Reaching the exit of the temple, Ishvalan turns to you. ‘Which way would you like to walk?’ You’re not really sure. You don’t know your way around Ishval very well.

You smile. ‘Since you’ve indulged me so much already, why don’t you choose?’ It’ll be interesting to see if he takes you through the crowds, or if he takes you someone more secluded.

Ishvalan shifts slightly. ‘I could show you where we plan to build the new houses, but that would mean there would be few people around. Would that make you uncomfortable?’ He still thinks you’re afraid of spending time alone with him?

You shake your head. ‘Not at all. I think I’d prefer it actually. We are supposed to be spending some quality time together, after all.’ As selfish as it seems, you don’t really want to share Ishvalan today. Besides, there’s every chance you might bump into Mina in town, and you don’t want her attitude towards Ishvalan to ruin your day.

Ishvalan nods. ‘Very well. I promise, no harm will come to you while you are in my care. Not from myself, and never from anyone else.’ As a trained warrior monk, you know Ishvalan means business; any potential assailants are completely screwed if they pick a fight with him.

You urge Ishvalan to lead the way, and you follow him down an area full of empty buildings, most of them damaged considerably.

You’re confused. ‘I thought the removal was complete now. Why is there so much left here?’ 

Ishvalal gestures to a building. ‘As damaged as it is, it can be repaired. The way we build our houses here allows us to patch them up whenever we need to. Desert storms easily eat away at them, so it is important to make them so fixable. Once we are finished, you would never know these houses were once in such a state. It might seem cruel to the original occupants of these buildings, but in Ishval, we do not waste important resources.’ All the stories you’ve heard about Ishvalans being resourceful all seem to be completely true, after all.

You hum. ‘That seems fair to me. It seems a shame to waste what we have. Besides, at least this way you don’t have to start from scratch. You’ll have people housed in no time at all.’ There aren’t enough houses here for everyone, but it seems to be a decent head start.

Ishvalan smiles. ‘I am glad you understand, and do not think us heartless. If we had more time, we might have considered rebuilding them completely, but the rains will arrive next month, and we want to get as many people into houses as we can for that.’ You hadn’t even thought of that. What of the people that don’t have houses by then?

When you ask Ishvalan, his face turns dire. ‘We will endure. We have little choice.’ That’s not the answer you wanted. What if Ishvalan’s tent gets washed away in the night?! Or anyone’s for that matter!

You could be worrying over him for nothing. ‘Will you have a house by then?’ Surely he must be a top priority, as a leader here?

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘No. The priority order is families, women, and then the men. I have placed myself as last in line for a house. I have lived through far worse conditions, after all.’ You shouldn’t be surprised. Ishvalan has quite a martyr complex… 

Trying to set your worry aside, you see this as a chance to get to know him better. ‘What’s the worst place you’ve ever slept?’ Given his past, you’re almost certain it’ll be wild!

Ishvalan thinks on your question for a moment before he answers. ‘It was on my journey North. I had liberated a hostage from the evil that once lived below Central, so for his safety my group split into two. I took a companion of a similar build with me, in an attempt to bait the military into coming after us instead of the others. It worked perfectly, and we were pursued relentlessly.

‘We managed to catch a train at one point, the only chance to sleep that we’d had for a long time. While I slept for mere moments in the end, interrupted by the man I hated most in the world, between the freezing weather, the uncomfortable train, and my companion’s sniffling, it was by far the worst place I have ever slept. What about you?’ No way, he can’t just leave it at that!

You stare at him in disbelief. ‘How did you manage to get any sleep at all?! That sounds like my idea of hell.’ You can already feel your nipples turning to ice at the mere mention of such extreme cold.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘At the time, I think I would have traded what was left of my soul for something to warm me up. Still, I endured.’ You’re personally glad that he did, but it sounds like it was a close call.

You laugh back with him. ‘I can imagine. Having a hot meal or an even hotter woman with you probably would have done wonders for you.’ You could kick yourself for that. Where did that comment about a woman come from?

Ishvalan grows more serious. ‘If I had been travelling with a woman, one that I was romantically invested in at least, I would have been too busy making sure she didn’t freeze to worry about my own warmth.’ You begin to imagine what an exchange of body heat with Ishvalan would feel like, and it makes your own body tingle.

Coughing in an attempt to distract your thoughts, you continue on with the conversation. ‘What if she didn’t need warming up? Or if she wanted you to have her body heat?’ Both of which are likely possibilities; not all women are cold and fragile.

Ishvalan’s eyes pierce your own, a habit of his that he seems intent on maintaining. ‘I would refuse it. If I ever found a woman with enough goodness in her that she could overlook my past enough to love me, I would never seek to take from her. That love would be enough. I have strength enough in me that I could protect the woman I love from anything, and I would not risk her life to make myself feel better. I am a strong man, and I would owe it to my love to give them that full strength at all times. Even if there is strength in her, there will likely be more strength in me, so I am the one who will act as protector. Just as Omari cherished his wife above all else, I would do the same.’ The butterflies in your stomach are back again. How easy would it be right now just to lean forward and kis-

No. You shouldn’t be thinking like that. He’s a friend, just a friend.

You say the first thing you can think of, desperate to dispel the sexual tension in the air. ‘I slept in the bath once. There was a spider in my bedroom, and when my father went to retrieve it, it scurried away. I refused to sleep in the same room as it, so I slept in the bath.’ That has to be a mood killer, surely.

The intensity in Ishvalan’s gaze doesn’t fade. ‘You are arachnophobic then?’ You nod. ‘I see. You fear spiders, creatures that may look dangerous but are often harmless, yet you don’t fear me.’ You swear you can hear Ishvalan’s heartbeat from where you are. It would feel so natural, so right if you just closed your eyes and leaned in…

With your eyelids heavy, you murmur the first thing that comes into your head. ‘If you’d seen the size of it, you wouldn’t have called it harmless.’ Now all you need to do is lean in and…

Your eyes snap open as you hear a sound you’ve never heard before; Ishvalan is laughing! 

Any tension is lost as you stare at Ishvalan in disbelief, genuine mirth on his face as he laughs, his reserved chuckle nowhere to be heard. Of all the things you were expecting today, a laugh like this was very far down your list of expectations!

Ishvalan’s laugh lasts a few more moments before it finally dies off, a single tear in the corner of one of his eyes. ‘I’m sorry. I was not laughing at your suffering. The way you phrased it just stuck me funny. Forgive me.’ Forgive him? For something that made him laugh so hard? 

Never.

You shake your head. ‘There’s nothing to forgive. It’s good to hear you laugh. It’s not something I thought I’d ever hear at all.’ He’s so serious all the time that you were half wondering if he even knew how…

Ishvalan turns solemn again. ‘I have not laughed since I found out that my brother was dead. I was uncertain I would ever laugh again. Once again you have given me a priceless gift. I only hope I can be a friend that you will treasure in a similar way.’ Still always so uncertain, even if it’s been months since you called a truce and became friends.

You try to lighten the mood, fully aware that Ishvalan would rather you not ask about his family. ‘Agree to be my spider wrangler for life, and I’ll treasure you forever.’ Surely there must be spiders in Ishval? Probably massive desert ones that eat rats, or something equally horrific.

Ishvalan is back to chuckling. ‘After years of training as a warrior monk, I finally find my true calling as spider wrangler. I am sure the Head Monk will be most proud when I tell him.’ You’ll take that as a yes then.

While you’re on the subject of his training then… ‘Did you ever get into trouble as a trainee monk?’ He’s so straight laced that you can’t imagine it, but you can never be certain.

Ishvalan nods. ‘Of course. Only twice, but it was twice more than I usually admit to. I kissed a girl on the lips once because she was upset, and my mother always kissed brother and I when we were upset. It was meant as an innocent gesture, but the now Head Monk saw it differently. I was eight. 

‘The second time…’ he hesitates. ‘I don’t think I can tell you that story. It is far too embarrassing.’ The image of eight year old Ishvalan getting a severe lecture after an innocent kiss is one that makes you smile, but it is the second story that really piques your interest.

Thinking of something Amira suggested a while ago, you decide to tease Ishvalan a little. ‘If you tell me the story, I’ll flash you.’ You smirk playfully, trying to make it clear you’re only joking.

Ishvalan’s whole face changes colour. ‘You… please don’t do that. If anyone found out that I’d asked to see a woman’s breasts, the little trust the other women if this camp have in me would crumble.’ So it’s not exclusively Mina? A lot of women dislike Ishvalan?

The joke doesn’t seem so funny now. ‘It was only a joke, Ishvalan. My tits are staying firmly under wraps for now, unlike this secret story of yours?’ You know he won’t go for it, but it’s worth a try.

Ishvalan sighs. ‘You’ll think less of me if you hear it.’ Less of… Oh, it must be bad!

He’s overlooking something though. ‘Ishvalan, we have become friends because I was able to come to terms with you murdering people. Can it really be worse than that?’ After all, he’d have gotten a lot worse than a telling off from the Head Monk if he’d killed anyone.

The discolouration on Ishvalan’s face is still noticeable, as is him deliberately avoiding eye contact. ‘I was fourteen. I was… it is a difficult age for any young boy. One night, I had a dream. I dreamt of a woman, her nude body on full display before me. She was touching herself in a way that was unfamiliar, but exciting.

‘When I woke, I… part of my anatomy that I was not yet fully familiar with woke with me. As I tried to calm myself down, it rubbed against the sheets, and I realised how pleasurable it felt. I began… touching myself. I thought of the woman from my dreams, and lost myself to pleasure.

‘At least, I would have. My master came to see why I was not attending to my duties, and caught me in the act.’ What?! No way! How humiliating!

Ishvalan’s face turns darker still, and you’re convinced there’s a tear or two in his eyes. ‘The lecture he gave me has been permanently burned into my mind. He told me it was shameful, and that women weren’t just objects that I could pleasure myself to. I insisted that I knew that, that I understood that women are to be treated as equals, but he would not have it. He told me to pray to Ishvala’s forgiveness every night, and made me apologise to my mother for treating women with so little respect. It took him a month to forgive my actions, and calm down enough to tell me that only my future wife should touch me in such a way. I have never indulged in pleasure like that since.’ Holy crap! He got a lecture like that at fourteen? That certainly explains a lot!

You put a hand on Ishvalan’s shoulder. ‘That explains why you don’t see women physically anymore. That would be enough to put anyone off. How are you even supposed to find a wife if you’re not permitted to find women attractive?’ He’d have a very boring sex life, that’s for sure…

Ishvalan’s hand covers yours. ‘There is beauty in people beyond what we see. I suppose that is what the Head Monk wanted to tech me. I think he regrets it now. He would rather I choose a wife based on anything, even appeared. Yet it is difficult to undo a lesson that you don’t want undone. I do not want to be the kind of man that only sees worth in a woman’s body, rather than her soul. I would be a poor husband indeed if I did.’ You’re not sure he’d be a poor husband at all, even if he did start finding women attractive…

That does create a question though. ‘Are you sure you’re not gay, if you don’t find women attractive anymore?’

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘Miles has asked more than once if he should attempt to set me up with a man. That is not the way Ishvala made me, however. I was born to love a woman. Even if I have yet to love, I know that is who I am.’ Well, at least you’re still in with a chance…

… either these thoughts stop now, or you’ll make them!

You give his shoulder a supportive squeeze before going to move your hand away, only for Ishvalan to hold it firm. ‘Just a few more moments, please?’ Of touching him? Is that what he means?

You look to him for clarification, and he sighs. ‘Growing up, my family was always very tactile. Too tactile for me at times. I used to protest when my mother pulled me in for hugs, but now…’ he closes his eyes. ‘It is why I reach out to you on occasion. I was raised to believe that touch is an important part of strengthening relationships. If ever my brother and I argued, we would be forced to hug it out. I have missed touch even more than I have missed laugher.’ Seeing Ishvalan now, it’s hard to believe that his is the same man that murdered so many alchemists. If you had known back then the person he was… you never would have treated him so poorly.

Your voice becomes very small. ‘Please give me my hand back, Ishvalan.’ He lets go immediately, as if he’s scared you’re afraid of him.

Finally free, you wrap your arms around his waist in a firm hug.

Ishvalan’s arms hover over you hesitantly before he returns the gesture, his large arms easily wrapping around you as he brings you against his chest.

You’re not sure how long you stay like this, wrapped in Ishvalan’s strong embrace, but you know it’s not long enough. You swear you can feel his soul leaking out of him, mingling with your own for a moment. He’s right about one thing; there is nothing like touch for reaffirming relationships.

It’s Ishvalan that eventually pulls away, content that he has held you long enough. ‘Thank you.’ He says it so quietly, you’re not sure if you even heard it.

You smile widely at him. ‘The Head Monk did tell us to indulge in our feelings. I think a friendly hug counts as that.’ It felt like an indulgence to you, at least; he’s a surprisingly good hugger. 

To your great relief, Ishvalan smiles widely. ‘It was a wonderful indulgence, and a feeling I shall treasure, my friend.’ His friend. A title you’re more than happy to claim for as long as he’ll give it.

After all, crush or no, it’s not as if anything else will come of this.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ishvalan is in high spirts when he enters the temple. 

After walking his friend back to her tent, Ishvalan made a beeline for here, his heart brimming with joy and thanks that he wants to give to Ishvala.

His mood isn’t lost on the Head Monk, who has also returned to pray. ‘Good evening. I take it you had a pleasant day?’ The word seems insufficient, but so do most.

So for now, Ishvalan smiles. ‘Indeed I did. There are few joys in life that come close to spending time with a friend.’ Especially when you’re friend is as sweet and loving as his…

The Head Monk smiles. ‘Just a friend?’ Ishvalan should have expected the insinuation, doubly so after his former master’s earlier ploy.

Ishvalan nods. ‘She and I are nothing more than friends. Although…’ he takes a deep breath. ‘… I think there may be other feelings there. I will need time to figure them out.’ Time, and several prayers most likely…

The older man smiles. ‘If you think they are there, I can almost guarantee that they are. You are too stubborn for myself or Miles to have placed those seeds on your mind. Still, take your time to figure things out. If she is the one for you, she will still be available when the path to your heart is clear.’ Wise advice, as always.

Ishvalan falls to his knees, ready to pray. ‘Your advice is appreciated as always. I only hope I heed it well.’ With that, he closes his eyes, and begins to offer prayers to Ishvala.

Even if he doesn’t realise it, most of Ishvalan’s prayers are not for himself, but for the Amestrian woman that has caused such beautiful conflict in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and thank you for reading ^.^


	16. Amira’s Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyoooo,
> 
> Just a short one today. I was desperate to play RE 4, but I also wanted to try getting a chapter out. I hope you enjoy it ^.^

The day after the festival, you wake up flush and aroused, another licentious dream fresh in your mind.

Once again, it was about Ishvalan, but this time it did not take place in the temple. 

This time it happened on your walk.

In the dream, you began to walk ahead of Ishvalan, only for him to grab your hips and pull you flush against him. ‘Why do you walk away from me, from your feelings? You know this is what you want.’ His hand had rubbed at your crotch through your robes, and you knew then that he was right.

So you’d fallen to your hands and knees, hiked up your robes past your waist and spread your legs for him, desperate for him. You didn’t care that you were in a public place, that anyone could walk this way and see. You wanted him then and there, and as Ishvalan slid your underwear to one side and braced himself, you knew he wanted the same thing.

That is when you woke up, once again mercifully alone. Dreams like this will at least be easier when you live with Amira; kind as she is, you’re certain your friend will understand, and will not judge you for such lurid thoughts.

In fact, speaking to Amira about them might not be a bad idea at all. It has to be better than your thoughts churning around your head senselessly. 

Right then. You’ll talk with her at work today.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It takes several hours for you to mention your dreams to Amira, but that is more to do with her than your own reluctance. From the moment you entered, her talk has been of nothing but Tamir, and the wonderful time they spent together.

While it is true you’re happy for your friend, it is making you more reluctant to share your story, as it is not nearly as positive.

Amira is still talking of Tamir even now, a faraway look on her face. ‘It’s been so wonderful, reconnecting with him like this. We were so close as children. Then he married and had a family, and we drifted apart. I think his wife was concerned about our friendship. As if Tamir would have ever been unfaithful. He loved his wife, and is too stringent a person to break the vows he made before Ishvala. I know he has suffered much, but when I’m with him, I almost see his old self. The boy that I once knew, moulded into a man. It is heartbreaking that he is not always this way.’ Amira sighs. ‘I think that’s enough about me though. How did things go with Ishvalan? Did he make you pray to Ishvala for fun?’ You’re glad you know Amira well enough to know that she’s kidding; you’d be quite upset otherwise.

You playfully nudge her. ‘It was counting sand, actually.’ 

Amira laughs. ‘Oh was it now? Or are you telling me a fib because you actually made mad love in his tent?’ What?! Why would she suggest such a thing?!

You shake your head vehemently. ‘Of course we didn’t! He told me some of the stories written on the temple walls, and then we went for a walk. It was… nice.’ It was far better than nice, but you don’t want to admit that.

Amira raises a brow. ‘It sounds like a strange way to spend time with a friend, but if you enjoyed it, then I’m happy for you. I’m sure Ishvalan had the time of his life.’ If only she knew how much that hug had meant to him…

Finally seeing an opportunity, you try opening up. ‘Amira, can I ask you something? As one woman to another?’ You really hope that she doesn’t misinterpreted that as something seedier than the truth.

Amira reaches out, grabbing one of your hands. ‘While we haven’t known each other for long, I see you as a sister. You can always come to me for help or guidance, and I would like to think I could do the same. Whatever you choose to tell me goes no further than the two of us, I promise.’ You had a feeling Amira might respond like that, but it never hurts to hear it.

You squeeze her hand. ‘Thank you. I feel much the same. I am so happy to have made a friend, a sister, like you. I just need someone to talk to about this or I’ll go mad.’ Maybe you already have. Who can really say?

Amira smiles gently. ‘It’s about Ishvalan, isn’t it? You have feelings for him.’ How did she…? Well, admittedly it’s not much of a leap…

You take a deep breath, then release it slowly. ‘I don’t know. Or at least, I didn’t. I hated him when I first met him. I thought he was nothing but a murderer, and I treated him as such. 

‘The more I spend time with him though, the more my opinion changes, and the worse I feel about my original assumption. Then, a few months ago, after he filled my flask… even if he denies it, I know it was him. Knowing that effected my dreams, because that night, I dreamt of going to the temple to thank him, and we…’ as comfortable as you are with Amira, you don’t think you can say exactly what happened.

Amira nods, a serious expression on her usually soft face. ‘I see. A dream like that has meaning in Ishval, but as you’re not Ishvalan, I wouldn’t worry about it. You probably dreamt it because he is often in the temple, and the water was fresh in your mind.’ At least Amira believes the dream to be coincidence; you’re sure you’d faint if she had mentioned the story!

You shrug. ‘I guess. It must have been, because I knew nothing of Omari and Nahla until yesterday. The Head monk suggested Ishvalan tell me.’ You’re beginning to wonder if the Head Monk deliberately suggested that as a way to build some kind of sexual tension between you and Ishvalan…

Amira nods once again. ‘So now you’re concerned that the dream was a sign from Ishvala that you should go to Ishvalan and start having his children?’ 

You nod weakly. ‘That’s part of it.’ 

Amira laughs weakly. ‘You know, Ishvala may be the one true god and creator, but that does not mean we are all subject to his will. We are human beings, created with our own minds, with free will. One dream doesn’t suddenly mean you have to change the way you feel about someone. You and Ishvalan seem like good friends, even if he is a little too overprotective of you for me to think there’s not conflicting feelings of his own there.’ Surely not? Amira is telling you that just so you’ll feel better, or feel like you are not alone in hiding feelings.

You shake your head. ‘I know that. I was troubled that I even had such a dream at first, but now it is more. Yesterday on our walk, I almost tried to kiss him. Then last night, I had another dream. Not of the temple last time, but of the ruined city. He told me to stop walking away from my feelings, so I fell to the floor and offered myself to him then and there.’ Arguably, that dream was ever less obscene than the first; at least you didn’t get to the actual sex.

Amira strokes your hair softly with her free hand. ‘Sis, what am I going to do with you? It sounds like you have quite the fierce crush on Ishvalan.’ She’s right. You know she is. You’ve suspected it for a while.

You let out a shaky breath. ‘I think I do. I just don’t know what to do about it.’ You know Ishvalan won’t go for you, that he doesn’t want a woman in his life…

Amira’s smile is almost blinding. ‘Then do nothing. Not right now, at least. Give your heart the time it needs to settle. After all, many crushes are fleeting. If you find that the feelings grow stronger with time, and morph into love, then you should think of a way to act, but for now, there is nothing that can be done. Promise me you will act if these feelings do grow, though. I do not wish to see you suffer from my own affliction.’ Her own… does she…?

‘You’re in love with Tamir, aren’t you?’ 

A few tears stream from Amira’s eyes. ‘Desperately so. I have loved him for longer than I care to mention. I dream of him every night, in one way or another. I have even had dreams involving the temple, but I know in my heart that they mean nothing, because Tamir will never love me back. In his heart, there will only ever be his wife, and I accept that. If I had told him when we were younger, before he met his wife, there might have been a chance. Now all I have is a heart full of empty hope, and the painful knowledge that I’ll never love anyone the same way I love him.’ It all makes sense now. You should have noticed sooner.

Deciding that Amira is also a tactile person, you pull her into a firm hug, refusing to let go even as her tears stain your robes.

It seems you both have feelings that need tending.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Tamir stands outside the makeshift tailor shop in shock, every word hitting his heart like a knife. 

He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop like this. He had only intended to thank Amira for yesterday. When he heard that the Amestrian woman was planning to tell her friend a secret, he had listened in, hoping it would be something he could use to blackmail or torment her. Instead, all he heard was the sorrow of two women, their hearts at the mercy of feelings that they should not have, or that they feel they should not have.

Tamir walks away. He can’t go in now. He doesn’t trust himself to. 

He doesn’t know which aspect of this he finds the most troubling. His sweet Amira, the only person here that he gives a damn about, is crying her heart over him, while a woman he decided to hate based on where she comes from comforts her, cradles her heart in a way that only a friend can. A true friend, not someone like him…

Tamir is at the temple before he realises it, his body and mind in shock. He barley registers Ishvalan until the man is directly in front of him, his brow furrowed. ‘Have you come to pray, or are you still convinced my friend is out to poison Amira?’ His words are harsh, but Tamir knows he deserves them. He probably deserves a lot worse.

Tamir’s voice sounds distant, even to his own ears. ‘I have come to pray.’ He walks past Ishvalan without another word, falling to his knees in prayer.

Looking at his life, Tamir finally realises that he is a broken man, and a fool. 

A wise man would have told Amira that they felt the same.

Tamir has much to reflect on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s this? A romantic subplot in my good Ishvalan fanfic? Whatever next? ;)
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading ^.^


	17. One More Amestrian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> I’m getting these chapters out way faster than I thought; I think I’m just desperate to get to the good stuff ;)
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

Thanks to the almost brutally hard work of the Ishvalan builders, it only takes a week for them to erect the first of the new buildings; a clinic, complete with lodgings for the village doctor.

Granted, the building is only on a single level, and they used the remains of two old houses for the foundations, but it’s still stupidly impressive. The men and women must have worked non-stop to achieve such a thing, no easy task with the weather being as brutal as it is.

The knock-on effect of this is that you and Amira have had your first serious commission; after all, what is a house without furnishings? Due to the heat, Ishvalan houses aren’t built with doors, but rather a sheet heavy enough that it offers privacy, but flexible enough to allow air through the building. You’re not sure how you feel about living in such a relaxed way, especially given the tensions between your nation and Ishval; it would be all too easy for someone like Tamir to let himself in and slit your throat as you slept…

You need to stop thinking like that. For better or worse, the people here clearly trust in each other to respect personal boundaries, so you should do the same. 

This is your home now, after all.

Besides the doors, the windows need curtains, and some bedding. While the doctor due to arrive soon has not asked for a bed, he has asked for certain other items that clearly show his Amestrian sensibilities. 

You just hope he receives a warm welcome here. He is the doctor, after all. It would be professional death if his patients hated him.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

After dropping the furnishing to the new doctor’s house, you now have the whole afternoon to yourself; a reward from Amira for a job well done. There’s only one way you want to spend any day off, of course;

You’re heading off to the temple to visit Ishvalan.

You only hope he doesn’t mind you bugging him so often. You appreciate he is a busy man, but you just can’t help yourself. He’s always so pleasant to you, never unhappy to see him. It makes such a welcome change to find someone that is content not to judge based on first appearances, even if you’re guilty of that where he is concerned. Still, you’re well past that now, your friendship feeling as easy and natural as breathing. 

There’s only one major issue; after the festival, you’ve been craving a hug from him, but you don’t know how to approach him and ask for one, especially when he’s in the Head Monk’s presence.

You know you’re being stupid about it. Crush or not, a hug isn’t a romantic gesture. It’s one of friendship, and of comfort, something Ishvalan doesn’t have nearly enough of. You wish you could just curl up in his warm embrace and tell him just how much worth he has, how much he deserves a name, and how much you want to kis-

You’re drawn out of your fantasies when you notice an Amestrian man having an argument with Tamir.

An older gentleman with salt-and-pepper hair, the Amestrian man sighs. ‘You misunderstand me. I have not snuck into your country. I came here with the military, completely openly. I am a doctor.’ Oh, so he’s the doctor you’ve been waiting for? You weren’t sure when he’d turn up, but you were hoping it would be sooner rather than later; it never hurts to have access to medical care!

Tamir sneers. ‘You think I’m going to believe that? If you were the new doctor, you would have been properly introduced!’ He has a point, but there’s an easy answer; he could be on his way to meet the Head Monk before a formal announcement is made. Besides, you know that Miles oversees all military personnel that enter and leave this place; if he did travel with the military (and you’re inclined to believe that he did, because he doesn’t seem to have any equipment that you’d take with you on a desert hike), Miles has already cleared him, and that’s good enough for you.

Deciding to intervene, you walk over to the two men. ‘Tamir, I think this man is telling the truth.’ The doctor smiles with relief, clearly glad of the assistance.

Tamir sneers. ‘Trust one Amestrian to stand up for another. How can you be so certain he’s genuine?’ Wow, he didn’t tell you to get lost? Maybe Tamir has need of the doctor, because that is not the man you’ve come to know.

You shrug. ‘I’m not. What I am is on my way to see Ishvalan. Why don’t I take him with me? I’m sure him and the Head Monk will be able to clear this up.’ They ought to know the name of the man, at the very least…

Tamir huffs. ‘Fine, but I’m coming with you. Ishvalan would kill me if I left you alone with a potential threat like this.’ Okay, so first he’s not as hostile, and now he’s actively trying to keep you from harm. Does Tamir have a twin brother that you’re not aware of?

With that decided at least, the three of you make your way to the temple, the Amestrian man keeping pace with you as Tamir follows.

The unfamiliar man smiles at you. ‘Thank you for this. I was worried I’d be sent away. I’m Doctor Marcoh, by the way. Tim Marcoh.’ He extends his hand to you, and you shake it firmly, noticing the man is shaking; what had Tamir said before you intervened?

You smile back warmly, offering your own name. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Doctor Marcoh, though I hope we don’t see too much of each other in the future.’

Marcoh’s eyes widen. ‘Whatever I have done to offend you, I’m so dreadfully sorry!’ He takes his hand away, and looks like he’s going to fall to his knees in penance; another man with a martyr complex then? Him and Ishvalan will get on well…

You wave your hand dismissively. ‘It was a joke, Doctor. I hope we don’t see each other much because I’d rather not need medical assistance. As one Amestrian in Ishval to another, I’m glad you’re here. Likewise, I’m glad you’ve come so soon. With all the building work going on, and the sun being so strong here, I’m surprised we’ve not already needed a medic.’ Again, it must all be down to the skill of the Ishvalan workforce here…

Doctor Marcoh looks relieved. ‘I’m glad we haven’t started off with hostility. If you are the same woman I’m thinking of, we have a friend in common, and I would rather we got along.’ A common friend? Who? 

Before you can ask, Tamir interrupts, the temple just before you. ‘Go and fetch Ishvalan. I shall wait here.’ He’s not even going to let him in the temple? That’s just mean!

Still, there’s no arguing with Tamir; you enter alone, sparing a glance to the doorframe as you do.

Inside, Ishvalan and the Head Monk ate on the same positions as always; the Head Monk is deep in prayer, and Ishvalan is studying the wall.

He must have heard you come in, because Ishvalan turns to face you, an easy smile on his face when you realises who you are. ‘My friend. What can I do for you?’ He’s always so happy to see you these days. It makes you feel so warm inside…

You smile right back. ‘Well, I did want to spend some time with you, but I think you’re going to have your hands full now. I have a man waiting outside who says he’s the new doctor, and I’m inclined to believe him. Tamir doesn’t share that belief, so he’s waiting outside with him.’ You don’t get why they both couldn’t just come in. It’s a temple, not a high security building.

Ishvalan’s eyes seem to light up a little, and he walks over to the door quickly, his eagerness reserved but not unnoticeable.

As soon as he sees the man in question, his smile grows wider. ‘Doctor Marcoh. It’s good to see you.’ Ishvalan looks at Tamir. ‘This man is genuine in his assertions. He is indeed the new doctor, and a personal friend. Your concern is not necessary.’ You knew he was genuine! 

… wait, did he just say friend? And here was you thinking how well the two men would get on! It also explains the friend you have in common, but who told him that you and Ishvalan know each other?

Tamir nods once. ‘Fine. See you later.’ He immediately makes to leave, apparently with no intention of apologising for his false accusations.

Still, you owe him something; you call out after him. ‘Tamir?’ The man stares at you, clearly believing his part in the conversation over. ‘Thank you for escorting me here. I appreciate it.’ The man’s eyes grow wide, as if he’s received a massive shock!

Tamir promptly turns and walks away, the look of surprise the only indication that he’d even heard you.

When he’s out of earshot, you can feel Ishvalan’s warm breath as he whispers in your ear. ‘Tamir has not been himself since the festival. I sense change inside him, and I believe Amira is to thank for that.’ Everything he’s saying is true, but it’s really hard to focus on his words when the very act of him whispering in your ear has you far more aroused than you’d ever admit.

You clear your throat, trying to focus. ‘It is rude to whisper in front of others, Ishvalan. Besides, I am sure you and Doctor Marcoh have much to catch up on. I’ll leave you to it.’ It’s not right for you in interfere with their reunion. You’ll find other amusements today, as much as you’d rather be with Ishvalan…

Ishvalan frowns at you. ‘I was hoping you might be able to join us. I would like it if you and Marcoh were able to befriend each other. You are an easy person to get along with, and Marcoh is new to this land. Having you as a friend would be of great comfort to him, I’m sure.’ Is that the reason, or is that Ishvalan’s subtle way of telling you he doesn’t want to leave him?

Marcoh chuckles. ‘You’re speaking as if I’m not here. I have no objection to the young lady joining us Scar, if that’s what you’d like.’ Oh no. He called Ishvalan Scar! That’s going to really upset him.

Ishvalan hums. ‘It is agreed then. However, my name is no longer Scar. The people here call me Ishvalan, for now at least.’ Only for now? Does that mean what you think it does?

You look up at him hopefully, and he smiles. ‘I am considering it. I promise no more than that.’ He’s finally thinking of taking a new name! That is amazing news!

Marcoh, unaware of the subtext, just smiles. ‘Ishvalan it is then, for now. It will take some getting used to, but I suppose I have had to get used to a lot of things these past few years, especially during our travels.’ Travels? So this is one of the people Ishvalan met on the run?

The larger man shifts, struggling to maintain eye contact. ‘Marcoh is the man I liberated from underneath Central.’ Ah, so you’re right. He’s a companion from Ishvalan’s days as a murder.

Marcoh chuckles darkly. ‘After you decided not to kill me yourself and spare the Homunculi the trouble. At least now that I’m here, I can begin to make amends for the things I did to your people.’ Wait, so does that…?

You stare at Marcoh in shock. ‘You’re an alchemist?!’

Marcoh nods. ‘I am. Medical alchemy is my speciality. I did some truly horrible things to Ishvalans during the war…’ What? But if he’s an alchemist, why are him and Ishvalan friends? Ishvalan murdered every alchemist he met, didn’t he? 

This is a story you’re desperate to hear, but you’re not sure if it’s the right time to ask.

Ishvalan, aware of your confusion, answers the unspoken questions in your eyes. ‘My targets always fought back, or refused to admit that they deserved death. Marcoh begged me to kill him. It was enough to give my anger pause long enough that I realised he may be of some help. It took months before I was able to accept him as anything more than a necessary tool. We have traveled much together, and he is a good man. Do not let his past change an opinion that is still forming.’ Just like it did with him, and the way you used to be…

Marcoh hums. ‘You are generous to describe me like that. I would not say I am a good man, but I am trying. Helping people here will never make up for what I have done, but it is the right thing to do.’ Him and Ishvalan really are cut from the same cloth; now you have two men with martyrdom issues to contend with.

You decide to just ignore Marcoh’s comment. ‘Why don’t we show you to your home, Doctor? It’s been build in to the clinic, I hope that’s okay?’ It’s a little late if it’s not…

Marcoh smiles. ‘That sounds perfect, but please, you can call me Tim. We’ll be firm friends I’m sure, if Ishvalan has his way.’ You have a feeling he will; Marcoh seems a nice man, and it never hurts to have another friend.

The three of you walk to the new clinic together, looking forward to the day ahead.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ishvalan ends up spending all day with his friends.

Time disappeared from him so quickly as they spoke, telling tales of his adventures with Marcoh. His newer friend was clinging on his every word, her eyes wide with fear as she heard the tale of Envy, and how close Marcoh came to losing his life.

The Amestrian woman seemed to reluctant to leave, but she wanted to go before dark so that Ishvalan didn’t have to walk her home, allowing him more time with his old friend. Her consideration had warmed his heart, and awoken another more pressing urge;

How he longs to wrap his arms around her once more.

Ever since that hug last week, Ishvalan has had to fight the urge to pull her into his embrace each time that they meet, concerned that it will be too much for her. She is not used to being so tactile he thinks, and he has no desire to make her uncomfortable. Even if the gesture is a friendly one, he cannot help the small part of his mind that tells him it feels like so much more…

His fingers had ached to reach out for her as she left, but alas, he kept them still, smiling at her instead.

With her gone, Marcoh smiles at him, waiting a moment to make sure she’s really gone before speaking. ‘The Head Monk’s description of her didn’t do her justice. I never imagined you’d find a friend like her.’ Ishvalan isn’t sure what to make of that comment. Does Marcoh think him unworthy of such a friend?

If so, he’s right. ‘Nor did I. I thank Ishvala for bringing her into my life each day. He’d friendship has been a great source of comfort these past few months.’ More than he’ll admit to Miles; he doesn’t want him getting the wrong idea, even if it isn’t technically wrong…

Marcoh nods. ‘I see. Well, the Head Monk did also ask me to see if I could treat your lovesickness, but I fear this case is too severe even for a man of my training and experience.’ Oh great. Another person to mock his feelings.

Ishvalan scowls, and Marcoh laughs. ‘And people think I’m too serious. You are allowed to feel thing you realise? There are no laws against falling in love.’ Love? Where did that come from?!

Ishvalan is blushing now, he knows he is. ‘Who said anything about falling in love? It is a crush, that is all. I am certain it will fade in time, as most crushes do.’ Ishvalan is surprised at himself for admitting such a thing, but now he thinks of it, it’s true. He has spent too much time with his heart and mind lately to continue fooling himself that the feelings he has are platonic.

Marcoh nods. ‘You may be right. I don’t think you are, though. I was watching the way the two of you are together. There is something there waiting to bloom, if you were both willing to give it life.’ And therein lies the issue; both. If they’re both willing…

Ishvalan sighs heavily. ‘I don’t yet know if these feelings are permanent, but I do know that there will be no reciprocation. I am her friend, a man that she has come to trust and care for as such. I refuse to shatter that trust for the sake of my feelings. I will learn in time how to best tame my heart, but for now, I shall just continue to hide my feelings. I have become adept at that.’ For better or for worse, this is the way things have to be; he will not lose his friend.

Marcoh sighs right back. ‘As a doctor, I have to tell you that that’s not healthy. As a friend, I promise not to bring the subject up again. Living like that will be hard enough without me pestering you. It goes without saying that I won’t mention a word of this to her, either.’ 

Ishvalan grunts. ‘If I thought you would, I would never have confided in you. I am glad you are here, Tim.’ It’s not often the larger man uses the doctor’s first name, but right now, speaking with his friend, it feels appropriate.

Marcoh smiles. ‘Likewise, Ishvalan. It truly is good to see an old friend again.’ Indeed it is.

At least this old friend won’t start to lecture Ishvalan over his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like there was something more I’d planned to say, but damned if I can remember… for now, thank you for reading :)


	18. A Prickly Welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Another fairly short one. Hope you enjoy ^.^

You see quite a lot of Doctor Marcoh in the two weeks following his arrival.

As a doctor, he’s been allowed access to all areas of Ishval, including the female camp. He’s been inviting people to come to the clinic for a check up, and to register as his patients.

A lot of people have been hesitant about it. Even Mina, who was so vocal when it came to Ishvalan’s perceived poor treatment of you do to race, has refused to go. ‘I don’t want some crusty old Amestrian man examining me. I’m in perfect health, and even if I wasn’t I wouldn’t want him near me.’ You’d just marked that up as one more reason you’re glad that you’d severed that particular friendship…

Needless to say, you were one of the first to register with him. 

You and Amira had gone together, Amira’s reluctance born out of nervousness to see any doctor, not Marcoh specifically. The man had done wonders to soothe her nerves however, and Amira left the clinic that day in a far lighter mood than she’d entered. 

That good feeling must have been contagious; you’d seen Tamir leaving the clinic the very next day, clearly there thanks to Amira’s influence.

Of course, you can’t imagine you’ll see much of anyone for now; you’re going to be far too busy settling into your new home for that.

The building work for the tailor’s shop had all gone according to plan, a shop with two bedrooms erected not too far from the clinic. You and Amira had opted to share a room for the first few days however, with no fabric doors to keep the cold night winds from entering the house. You have to admit, sleeping next to your friend had done much to distract from the cold, but you would have given just about anything for one of Ishvalan’s warm hugs, his large arms sheltering your smaller frame from the chill…

You still haven’t worked up the courage to hug him again, and you regret that immensely; you’re beginning to understand his craving for touch.

Still, at least you’ve gotten the shop looking nice now. You and Amira are all set up to start accepting customers when trade starts to flow again in Ishval. For now, your main focus is helping to provide the basic fittings needed for all the new homes. It’s going to be a huge task, but you’re going to do the best you can.

You are here to help, after all.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It’s late afternoon when you notice three figures in the doorway, and look up to see Miles and Marcoh stood either side of Ishvalan, a wide smile on his face.

You immediately walk over to them all, curious. ‘Afternoon all. What brings you to the shop today? Do you need Amira for something?’ Amira left a few moments ago, saying something about one of her needles being left at her old place.

Ishvalan extends his hands out, and you realise that he’s carrying a cactus. ‘We wanted to congratulate you on moving in to your first Ishvalan home. I recall you mentioning owning a plant a while ago, so we have one here for you. It should require minimal maintenance, and there is a chance it will flower, though I know little about such things. Here.’ Ishvalan places the cactus carefully in your hands, making sure to keep the spikes as far away from your skin as you can.

You could cry. He remembered that? A throwaway comment from months ago, when you found it hard to even be in the same room as him? Staring down at ball of spikes nestled in the ceramic pot, you can feel your heart swell with an emotion you can’t quite place.

It’s hard to keep your voice even as you look up at Ishvalan, his smile fading slightly. ‘Thank you. I’ll take good care of it, I promise.’ In truth, you’re not sure exactly what to do with it, but someone must know!

Ishvalan places his hands over yours, and you have to fight the urge to drop the pit in shock. ‘You will do your best, as you always do. I think this a much more suitable task than moving rubble. While you weren’t meant to carry heavy load, nourishing living things is something you seem to have a gift for.’ You swear you spot Miles rolling his eyes behind Ishvalan, but you ignore him; you can’t think of anything but those words, and the meaning hiding just beneath them.

So instead, you place the cactus on a nearby table, and finally indulge in a second hug.

Ishvalan’s arms don’t hesitate this time, and as he wraps them around you, this house suddenly feels more like a home.

You must be hugging for a while, because Marcoh clears his throat pointedly. ‘There is a cake too, but Amira was in charge of that. She should be back soon.’ Is it selfish that part of you wishes they’d all leave for a moment so you could keep clinging on to Ishvalan like this? It’s been almost a full month since you last had a hug like this, and you want to savour it.

Unfortunately, Ishvalan seems to take the hint; he backs away slowly, seemingly just as reluctant to let go as you are. Would Miles and Marcoh think less of you if you immediately pulled him back in?

You’re taking it under serious consideration when Amira comes in, a cake in one hand and Tamir’s hand in the other; looks like there’s one more for this party then. 

Amira seems delighted at the sight before her. ‘Aww, everyone came! And look, now we have six for cake. Isn’t that a much nicer number than five?’ If that’s the nicest thing Amira can say about Tamir being here, she’s even more hopeless with her feelings than you are.

Stepping out around Ishvalan, you smile sweetly at Tamir. ‘I’m glad you came today. Amira is always so happy when she’s with you.’ Amira’s face begins to darken, and you know you’ve embarrassed her, but you don’t care; you’re not unconvinced this whole meeting was orchestrated by her to get you closer to Ishvalan.

Tamir’s eyes fall to the floor, his own face also changing colour. ‘The feeling is mutual.’ His voice is so quiet, you’re almost not sure if he spoke at all.

You get the feeling happiness isn’t the only mutual feeling there.

Once again, it’s Marcoh’s cough that changes the mood of the room. ‘Right then, who’s for cake? I must say, it looks delicious.’ You cant argue with that assessment; the cake does look rather delicious. You wonder who made it…

It doesn’t really matter now. All that matters is having good food with good company, as you celebrate your first home in Ishval.

Nothing like a housewarming to warm your heart.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The four men all leave the shop a few hours later, with Ishvalan and Tamir both dragging their feet as they went.

Tamir had promised to come and steal Amira in the week as a way of forcing her to take a break from working, and Ishvalan had been pulled into another hug, something he went into willingly and with great enthusiasm.

When the four men are safely out of earshot, Miles sighs dramatically, looking over at Marcoh. ‘I know I don’t have a degree like you do Doctor, but I think we have an epidemic on our hands. We’ve got grown men acting like lovesick teenagers popping up all over Ishval!’ Miles chuckles at his own joke as Ishvalan and Tamir both give him death glares, Marcoh staying conspicuously quiet.

It is Tamir that breaks the tense silence, gritting his teeth like a guard dog. ‘You have no idea what it’s like for me. To be so in love for so long, thinking you never have a hope. To marry someone else because they love you and she never will. Losing that new family, finding your first love again…’ Tamir’s voice breaks. ‘H-hearing with your own ears that she loves you back, but being too broken for her.’ He clenches his fists together, a few tears falling from his eyes.

Miles’ face instantly falls. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dick about it. I assumed you were just another fool who wouldn’t admit the truth right in front of his eyes.’ He stares pointedly at Ishvalan, who is too busy looking at Tamir to acknowledge his accusation.

The scarred Ishvalan frowns. ‘This is why you have been so nice to my friend. Why you have been at the temple so often. You want to be a better man for Amira, one worthy of her.’ It’s not a question, is a statement, because Ishvalan knows he’s right. 

He’s knows it only too well, because he can feel those own changes happening within himself.

Tamir laughs bitterly. ‘She has been a better friend to Amira these last few months that I have. I heard how she comforted Amira’s breaking heart. She could have been so cruel, could have turned her against me. I was expecting her to. I wanted her too. I wanted justification for my hate. Instead, she was silent. All she did was comfort a friend without judgement. How can I hate when there is nothing there to anger me? Am I wrong to hate Amestrians on principle, even after what they did?’ Ishvalan can barely believe what he’s hearing. Tamir sounds so different to the man he had to send to the Head Monk months ago.

It’s Marcoh who chips in now, no longer content with his silence. ‘Speaking as a man that has wronged your people beyond reconciliation, I think you are wrong. My crimes are not the crimes of every Amestrian. No matter where we come from, we are all responsible for our own actions. Ishvalan was responsible for every life he took. Miles is responsible for every action performed as a solider. I am responsible for every life sacrificed in the name of research. People are defined by two different things in like; the things we are responsible for, and the way we make amends for the wrongs we have done. There isn’t a person alive today that hasn’t done a bad thing at some point in their life, but there are still good people, because the latter outweighs the former. Still, you don’t have to take the words of an old man to heart. Just know that you are free to hate me, and I would deserve it.’ 

Tamir has to take a moment to allow the words to settle, so much there to unpack. He barely knows where to begin, but he knows he cannot do so in company like this; he needs some time alone to think on things.

He gives Marcoh a curt nod. ‘I have listened, and I will think on them. For now, I need to be alone.’ He turns to Ishvalan. ‘Stop lying to yourself, Ishvalan. She’s as much a friend to you as Amira is to me. For the love of Ishvala, go and make love to her. Show her that you can be more than just a friend. Just consider taking a name first, because I think she’d rather call you by name than by race. There are many Ishvalans here, but you are the one she has eyes for.’ He walks off without further comment, leaving the other three to watch after his retreating frame.

Miles nudges his arm against Ishvalan. ‘See? Even Tamir thinks you have a shot. Come on, I’ll teach you a few tricks I picked up from an old friend. You’ll be balls deep by the end of the month!’ 

Ishvalan glares at his friend. ‘He is being generous. I am nothing but a friend to her. Am I not permitted to have a friend of the opposite sex? Am I the kind of man that seeks to sleep with every woman I meet? You are both being ridiculous.’ He looks over at Marcoh. ‘Do you wish to add to this conversation?’ He certainly looks as if he does; Ishvalan knows the signs all too well.

Marcoh smiles gently. ‘I promised that I would refrain from commenting, so I shall. However, both Miles and Tamir have made interesting points. Things for you to consider.’ That’s a very diplomatic way of saying that he agrees with every word the others have said…

Ishvalan sighs, looking at Miles. ‘If I was to take a name, would you stop tormenting me like this?’

Miles grins. ‘Nope.’ 

Ishvalan is about to walk away without further comment, so Miles continues. ‘I’m sure the Head Monk would be pleased. I think it’s something he prays for often. I’ve been considering offering up a few prayers of my own sometimes.’ He has? But Miles has never expressed an interest in the teachings of Ishvala?

Ishvalan is genuinely taken aback. ‘All are welcome into the temple, my friend. What is it you wish to pray for? The safe travel of your wife? The strength to continue the build?’

Miles smirks. ‘I’m going to pray my friend gets takes his head out of his ass long enough to realise he has a chance to make a life here with the woman he’s crazy about.’ A year ago, Ishvalan would have punched Miles for that. As it is, all he does is walk away, planning to offer up a few prayers of his own.

As soon as he’s gone, Marcoh frowns. ‘You’re pushing him too much, Miles. It will have the opposite effect. Just let nature take its course now. They will both come to realise in time that they want more than what they have, but for now, allow their friendship to grow unhindered.’ Marcoh is right, and Miles knows it. Still…

Miles groans. ‘I just want my friends to be happy. Ishvalan is always so uptight, I just want to see him carefree for a change. He’d be a different man if he got laid, you mark my words!’

Marcoh nods. ‘I don’t need to. I’ve seen what love does to people countless times. It changes them, and not always for the better. On this occasion though, it is safe to say that they would both be happier as a pair.

‘Speaking of which, I understand you have a wife of your own, Miles. Will she be joining us here?’ 

Miles shakes his head. ‘She doesn’t want to live in Ishval. She can’t stand the thought of being away from Amestris, from her own people. I thought that she loved me despite my heritage, but maybe I was wrong. We were so happy when we first married, but I guess living apart for so long has changed us both. Maybe that’s why I’m pushing Ishvalan so hard. If I can’t convince my wife to give life out here a try, to give our marriage a second chance I wasn’t even aware it needed, then I’m in for a heartbreak I never thought I’d face. If I’m going to be miserable, I want my friend to be happy enough for both of us.’ Marcoh had no idea Miles was dealing with this. Perhaps he should make an effort to better know both of Ishvalan’s friends? It would be nice to share more days with friends, while his work is quiet enough for him to do so.

Marcoh puts a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry you’re having to deal with something like this. Does Ishvalan know?’ 

Miles shakes his head. ‘He’s got way too much going on in his head to add my problems to the mix. Maybe I’ll mention it when the dust settles, or when the divorce papers arrive.’ The words taste bitter in Miles’ mouth. He can’t stand the thought of losing the woman he loves just because he wants to make a life in his ancestral home…

Miles and Marcoh go their separate ways, all four men thinking about what the future might bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m dangling so many plot threads now, I’m losing count o.O
> 
> Thank you for reading as always ^.^


	19. A Gentle Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> So a commenter by the name of Jimbo had a few interesting suggestions for fluff tropes. The one that caught my eye (and the eye of several others I think) was platonic cuddling, something I’ve been slowly working up to. 
> 
> So, I took that suggestion, merged it with the idea that I had for this chapter, and here is the result. I hope you enjoy ;)

Ishvalan’s prediction about the rains is correct; just over a month after the festival, clouds began to form over Ishval, and you and Amira had hastily gathered supplies for the difficult days ahead.

At least you have the fabric doors on now. You can’t imagine how bad it would be without them.

The worst part of this whole ordeal is that with the weather as bad as it is, the military have been the ones making the food runs; it’s been a week since you last saw Ishvalan, and you miss him terribly.

In the week between the housewarming and the rain, an unspoken barrier seems to have dropped. Now when you part, it is always with a hug, something which surprisingly hasn’t raised any eyebrows. Perhaps all Ishvalans are raised to know the value of touch, rather than just him and Amira? 

In any case, you miss him terribly, especially in this weather. While you know there are many like him that don’t have a house, the thought of him all alone in his tent, the wind and the rain battering him as huddles in on himself to keep warm. It isn’t right for your friend to be out in the cold like that…

The other thing that isn’t right is your estimation of how long the rains would last; after only a week, your food supplies are gone, and there’s been no sign of anyone to ask to help.

It’s gotten to the point now that either you or Amira will have to leave to collect supplies, and the masochist that you are, you’re the one who’s volunteered, much to Amira’s protesting. ‘You’re not used to being out in storms like this. You should let me go.’ And she is? You’re not sure anyone is used to being out in storms like this, unless they’re a few cups short of a cupboard…

You protest right back. ‘You’re the one that needs to stay here, because if one of us gets sick from exposure, the other will need to keep the shop going, and I can’t do that on my own.’ Even with all that Amira has taught you, you still don’t feel confident enough to do it…

Amira looks conflicted, but she surrenders. ‘Alright, you go. Just… when you ask about Ishvalan, please make sure to ask about Tamir too.’ So she knows you’re worried enough that you plan to ask after Ishvalan when you see the military? Like sisters indeed…

You nod. ‘I promise. I’ll ask after both of them.’ Amira must be worried sick about Tamir; she is in love with him, after all.

You’re about to leave when you hear the sheet rustling, a masculine voice almost lost to the wind. ‘May I come in please?’ Even with the weather disgusting it, there’s no mistaking that voice.

You rush right over to the ‘door’, shive back the sheet, and practically pull Ishvalan out from the cold, his entire body saturated with rain water, and a crate of food in his arms. 

Amira’s eyebrows hide in her hairline as she rushes over to you both. ‘For the love of Ishvala, what are you doing here, Ishvalan?’ The food in his hands should make that obvious, but that still doesn’t explain why it’s him making the delivery.

Ishvalan hands the food over to Amira, his arms trembling slightly. ‘I was concerned that you would both be unable to collect food. Tamir sends his regards, by the way. Doctor Marcoh has offered to take him in until the storm passes. He is collecting food from them both as we speak.’ You’re certain Ishvalan’s lips are turning blue, and it scares you. How is he supposed to warm up when he’s all wet.

With concern fogging your mind, it’s Amira that makes a suggestion. ‘You can’t go back out like this. Strip your robes off and I’ll dry them off best I can.’ She turns to you. ‘Take him to your room and fetch him a blanket to keep warm. Might be a good idea to dry his hair too, so he doesn’t catch a chill.’

Ishvalan looks like he’s about to protest, so you all but drag him into your room, not about to let him get sick on your account.

The moment you’re alone, the protests finally find voice. ‘Please, do not trouble yourself like this. I shall only get wet again when I leave.’ Well, there’s an easy solution to that.

You fold your arms, trying to look stern. ‘So you’re staying here until the rain stops. You can always fetch more food if we need it, but I’m not going to let my friend freeze to death in a tent while I sit warm in my house. Take your clothes off, Ishvalan, or I’ll do it for you.’ You hope that doesn’t come across as sexual, because right now, that’s the last thing on your mind.

Ishvalan sighs, bending down to remove his sandals. You’re sorely tempted to hide them just so he won’t try to leave in the storm again, but Ishvalan seems the kind of man that would walk out barefoot if he had to…

Putting the sandals together neatly, Ishvalan makes a start on his robes. You turn your head away, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘If I am to stay here for a while, I shall be wearing nothing but a blanket and my underwear. There is no need to spare me my modesty.’ He makes a fair point. Still, it isn’t right to stare…

… well, maybe just a peak. You’ve always been curious about the way he looks under his robes.

By the time you work up the courage to look, Ishvalan’s robes are at his feet, his body clad in nothing but a pair of underwear that do little to disguise their contents. 

You try to ignore his crotch in favour of the scar you can see on his abdomen, remnants of a wound that must have been a vicious one. In fact, a lot of his muscular torso seems to be littered with scars. Even one of his intricately tattooed arms sports a jagged scar, almost as if it had been stuck on there.

Ishvalan clears his throat. ‘I am getting cold.’ Right, of course! The whole reason he’s mostly naked!

Trying not to look embarrassed, you fetch him a blanket, wrapping it around his broad shoulders. You linger a moment longer than you should, enjoying the feeling of his firm muscles underneath your fingers…

Hastily walking away, you scoop up his wet robes, smiling. ‘I’ll give these to Amira to dry, then I’ll be back to do your hair.’ You can already see droplets making their way down his face; you need to hurry.

You all but shove the robes in Amira’s arms, aware of Ishvalan’s condition. ‘I’m going to try and warm him up. I’m scared he’ll get sick if he stays like this.’ 

Amira nods. ‘I’ll make us all a stew. That should warm him up. In the meantime, if the blanket isn’t enough, try stripping off and cuddling him. It’ll help with the transfer of body heat.’ You’re hoping it won’t come to that; there’s no way you’d convince him to do that.

You thank Amira, before heading straight back to Ishvalan, grabbing a towel on your way. Asking him to sit, you take your position behind him, and begin to dry his hair as throughly as you can, finding it to be deceptively thick.

You tell him that, and he laughs. ‘I inherited that from my mother. She had the thickest head of hair imaginable. Father used to joke that when he lost something, it was hiding in mother’s hair.’ He seems to be bringing his family up a lot lately. Is he ready to talk about them?

You’re about to ask him when you feel a shiver run through him; he’s still far too cold.

Deciding that his hair is dry enough, you think on Amira’s suggestion. It’s true that body heat is his best chance of warming up, but it’s also true you’d have to strip off to make it truly effective. Could you really convince him to allow that?

Deciding that you have to at least try, you cuddle into Ishvalan’s back, as if you’re already trying to demonstrate the benefits. ‘Ishvalan, you’re not going to warm up like this. We should share body heat.’ You’re already listing up counterarguments for every excuse he could come up with, from modestly to ‘stealing your warmth’.

Unsurprisingly, Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘While it is true it would be the most effective way to warm up, I do not wish to take warmth from you. My whole reason for being here was to keep you safe from the cold. Besides… I do not know which boundaries I can cross with you. If you were Miles, I would have no objection to sharing warmth, because I know that as a man used to the cold, he has undoubtedly done it before. I do not think that you have, and I’m concerned that you might not be truly comfortable sharing warmth with me. It would not be a case of just being next to each other. I would need your body against mine, need to cuddle…’

You cut him off. ‘Ishvalan, Amira and I have done the same thing already. While we most just shared a room, some nights were a little too cold, so we decided to cuddle together for warmth. Granted, we were wearing clothes, but I fail to see why that makes a difference. You need my body heat, and I don’t want you to get sick. That’s all the reason I need to be comfortable with this.’ A part of you was almost hoping he’d jump at the chance, given how much he loves hugging you…

Ishvalan thinks on your suggestion for a moment, before nodding once. ‘Alright. I’ll close my eyes while you get into bed. When you’re ready, I’ll hug you so your back is against my chest. That should give us the greatest area of contact. Is that okay?’ He’s actually going for it? It’s a miracle!

You stand up immediately, walking over to your bed in silent agreement as Ishvalan closes his eyes. You strip off down to your bra and underwear, before you take a moment to think about the situation. If you’re doing to be back to chest, your bra strap is going to dig into his chest and your spine, something not ideal for cuddling.

Hoping that you’re not about to cross a boundary with him, you whip your bra off too, before sliding into bed, facing away from Ishvalan. ‘I’m ready for you now.’ You curl your arms around your breasts as a way to preserve your modest, holding your breath for a moment as you feel Ishvalan join you on the bed.

Ishvalan slides one arm under your head and another around your waist, before shifting you both so you’re flush against him, his torso noticeably lacking it’s usual warmth.

As he gets comfortable, you find that you can breathe again, his embrace feeling so safe and natural. His arm is a surprisingly comfortable pillow, and if you were only a little warmer, you could find yourself falling asleep easy like this.

There’s a few moments of tense silence, before Ishvalan breaks it in a hushed tone. ‘Are you comfortable like this? Feel free to adjust me as you see fit. It is important that we both feel comfortable with each other.’ Ishvalan’s thumb begins stroking your stomach soothingly, as if he’s trying to calm you down.

You let out a contented sigh. ‘I’ll be a lot happier when you’re warm again, but I’m fine for now. Are you okay? I hope I’ve not made things awkward by removing my bra, but I was worried about the strap digging in to you.’ Maybe he hasn’t even noticed, and you’re an idiot to bring it up?

Ishvalan hums. ‘That is very considerate of you. I must admit, this is even better than I’d imagined. It has been a long time since I cuddled anyone like this.’ So he’s also done this before?

Trying to keep yourself from sleeping, you decide to explore that conversation. ‘Who was the last person you cuddled like this?’

Ishvalan sighs. ‘It was my brother, and it was also during the summer rains. While not a weak man, he took cold easily. It was not uncommon for him to request sharing a bed on colder nights, a request I was happy to oblige. We had shared a bed on colder nights as children, a habit our mother and father encouraged so much that we took it into our adult years. They’d tell us it would do much to strengthen our bonds of brotherly love. Of course, when we were small children, it was my brother that would wrap his arms around me, as the elder sibling. While I did not surpass him in age in life, I did outgrow his arms, and then it was my turn to wrap my arms around him.’ They must have been so close, him and his brother…

You want to ask more, but you’re afraid to do so; you don’t want to make Ishvalan uncomfortable. 

You’re about to change the subject, but Ishvalan speaks first. ‘May I speak of him with you? My brother?’ He doesn’t want to change the subject? You can hardly believe it.

You shift your head back a little, now resting it so close you can almost feel his nose in your hair. ‘You can always speak to me about anything. That’s the joy of friendship, after all.’ Is that too vague an answer? Will he backtrack?

Ishvalan wraps his arm even tighter around your waist, as if he’s worried you’ll run away. ‘I am the youngest of two boys. While my brother wasn’t much older than me, he always seemed to be so grown up in my eyes. My patents told me that from the moment I knew how to crawl, I would follow him everywhere, learning from him as much as I could. He was keen to teach me a few things too, things that got him into trouble with my parents I could add; one of my earliest memories was of getting into trouble for wasting water to make sandcastles with him.

‘As I grew older, I started to find my own path. I have always felt the need to dedicate myself to Ishvala, to praise our god, but my brother was never so zealous as I. His head was always in books, studying things that the monks consider to be blasphemous. When his eyesight failed, and he needed glasses, the Head Monk at the time said it was a punishment from Ishvala, a warning to my brother for reading such unholy things. I’d stood up for him of course, something that earned me a lecture from my master, for a monk disobeying the Head Monk is not something to be taken lightly.

‘As I continued to study Ishvala, my brother took to studying the twin arts of alchemy and alkahestry. We used to argue often, our chosen topics so different from each other. By this time, I had grown to adopt the monk’s distrust of all things alchemical, but my brother would argue that Ishvala would not allow such things to exist if they served no purpose. It was an argument we had right up until his final day on this Earth.

‘Our village was attacked during the war of extermination, if you can even call it a war. My family tried to evacuate, but we were too late. An alchemist found us. I tried to protect my family, but it was in vein. There was a flash, then there was darkness. 

‘Time passed in a painful haze. One moment I was out in the sun, my brother calling to me, begging me to get up. The next thing I knew I was in a makeshift hospital bed, my family nowhere to be seen. I tried to look for my brother, knowing that I had heard his voice moments before. That is when I looked at my arm, and saw that the research my brother had inked onto his own skin was there; I had my brother’s arm attached to my body, his research notes in my hand, and I knew then that he was dead.

‘That is the day I took lives for the first time. That is the day I killed two Amestrian doctors, and set down a path of vengeance that was almost the end of me.’ The scar on his arm… it all makes sense now. Someone really did stick a new arm on there. What a dreadful thing…

Your tears begin to fall onto his arm before you can stop them, so Ishvalan moves even closer still, your whole body surrounded by him. ‘Do not cry for me. I don’t deserve your tears. My own suffering does nothing to justify the suffering I have inflicted on others. I may have lost my family that day, but I also orphaned a little girl. I had as much right to take her parents from her as Kimblee had to take my family from me. I had spent so long focusing on making others suffer that I had forgotten all the love that had carried me through life. It wasn’t until I realised this that I was able to change the man I had become, and to reclaim my life. I now find myself surrounded by love once again, with friends that I care for greatly. I think less and less on the man I was, instead focusing on the man I am becoming. I want to be a man my brother would have been proud of, and each day I spend helping to rebuild my homeland or strengthen the bonds of friendship I have made is a day closer to becoming that man. I know in my heart that is what my brother would want for me.’ You’re inclined to agree with him on that. No sibling would want their brother to suffer, especially not one like Ishvalan’s brother.

You wrap one of your arms around Ishvalan’s, interlocking his fingers with yours around your waist. ‘I may not have known your brother, but you’re right. This is the kind of life he would want for the baby brother that was always so eager to follow him, until he found the strength to follow a path of his own.’ A path that might not always have been the right one, but that was still one of his own choosing.

Ishvalan hums. ‘It is a pity you shall never get to meet. You and he would have been fast friends. I would suggest that the two of you might have become more, but my brother had no eye for women. Not when he could be studying instead.’ Well, that might be something the two brothers have in common…

You laugh. ‘That wouldn’t have worked. Can you imagine his face if he’d caught us cuddling like this?’ 

Ishvalan laughs right back. ‘Even if you weren’t an item, he would have been jealous. You are a gifted snuggler, and I am privileged indeed to learn this for myself.’ Gifted, huh? So he really enjoying this?

You rub your face against his arm. ‘We should do this more often then, if you like? I should warn you though, being so close to a warm and comfortable friend makes me sleepy.’ And he is warm now; you can feel the heat radiating from him in waves.

Ishvalan rubs his nose against your ear. ‘Then sleep. The rain will continue for a while yet, and I am far too comfortable to release you.’ That suits you just fine; at least this way his not going out into the rain again.

You close your eyes, the sound of the rain and the feeling of Ishvalan’s warmth sending you off to sleep.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ishvalan will never think of rain the same again.

This was never his intention. Not even for a moment did he think this might happen.

He only came here out of fear. The thought of two young women, people he cares about, stranded together with no food had left a bitter taste in his mouth. He’d been thinking about visiting for days, but he’d reasoned with himself that they’d be fine, that it was his feelings for the sleeping woman in his arms making him unnecessarily anxious.

Ishvalan has never been happier to ignore his thoughts. 

A small noise of contentment from his companion makes his heart beat faster, happy that she feels comfortable enough in his embrace to fall asleep like this, practically naked and completely vulnerable. It ignites within him a strong desire to protect her, so shelter her from the rest of the world. To keep her safe in his arms, surrounded by a man that would do anything to make her smile. 

Not for the first time in his life, Ishvalan is pleased to have been trained so well, as any other man might have had a different desire rise in this situation. 

He refuses to be that man. There is nothing sexual to this embrace. It runs deeper than this. This is the ultimate act of trust, and of friendship. Offering to share her warmth with him even if it means leaving herself vulnerable to a man who could overpower her without a second thought. Falling asleep in that man’s arms, confident he won’t abuse that trust… 

Ishvalan is torn now between two things. Does he continue to enjoy every past moment of his embrace, or does he allow sleep to come for him, too?

The question answers itself soon enough, as Ishvalan drifts off to sleep without realising it, the sound of gentle breathing lulling his mind completely.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Amira slowly pulls back the curtain leading to her housemate’s room, uncertain of what she’ll find. It’s been at least half an hour since she heard any noises from either occupant, and she’s starting to worry; perhaps she ought to fetch Doctor Marcoh once the rain has eased?

The sight before her makes her melt. Ishvalan and her housemate are curled up in bed together, both of them sound asleep.

Amira has to fight the urge to squeal. It’s the cutest thing she’s seen in a long time. 

Ishvalan’s large frame seems to completely surround his smaller bedmate, who is using one of his arms as a pillow. Both of them are smiling in their sleep, like they’re both still aware of each other, and of their embrace.

They look like lovers, and Amira finds herself wishing that they were.

She’s known for a while now that this crush her friend has isn’t going away. Soon it will morph itself into love, if it’s not already there.

Then it will be all down to Ishvalan, and his own feelings.

For the first time in her life, Amira wishes she could actively change the way two people feel. They would be so perfect for each other. The warrior with the wounded heart, and the woman who gave up everything to help rebuild his home.

It sounds like a story from the temple. Perhaps one day it will be.

For now though, Amira leaves them both alone, certain that they are happy just as they are for now.

Just as the rain is the lifeblood of all living things, so too has it helped something else flourish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, enjoyable? There’s probably going to be a lot more cuddling in the future, now that that particular barrier has been crossed ;)
> 
> For now, thank you for reading ^.^
> 
> Also, the title of this chapter comes from a song, the name of which was almost this chapter name. Just a little bit o’ trivia there


	20. A Letter From A Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Right, so I’m not saying you should immediately drop what you’re doing and go and read the fic my friend Lonely_Stargazer wrote for my birthday, but if you want just shy of 8,000 words of pure Scar-centric filth, I cannot recommend ‘Show Me Your Teeth’ strongly enough. Seriously, I don’t think this blush is ever going away o.O it’s super easy to find too; there aren’t many Scar/Reader fics out there (something I’m wanting to change)
> 
> If you’re still with me, enjoy something a little more angsty ;) (but then totally jump ship to check it out)

Ishvalan stays with you and Amira for a week, and it’s the best week of your life.

You’d felt sorry for Amira for the duration, because you’d clung to Ishvalan the entire, often literally.

Naturally, you’d invited him to sleep in your bed with you, and he’d accepted the offer gratefully, on the condition that none of you let that fact escape this house; Ishvalan doesn’t want to give people the wrong impression. Instead, if anyone asks, it was you and Amira that spent your nights huddled up together, enjoying the delicate warmth of a friend.

You’re just glad you didn’t have any filthy dreams during that time. Waking up in the aftermath of one with Ishvalan cuddling into you would have been the final straw for your plan to keep your crush under control.

Not that you’re in much control of it now; you just wish you could resign your heart to friendship with the man, just as you have resigned your mind.

It doesn’t matter now. It’s been a full week since the rain stopped, and the sunshine isn’t the only thing lifting your spirits.

Just yesterday, you’d received a letter from Hani. It read;

‘To our most dear volunteer,

‘Ant and I both apologise for our long months of silence, but the state of things back in your homeland has left us both with little time for anything but work. We hope you haven’t missed us too terribly.

‘Speaking of work, we have made great progress here. Of the thirty five children here of Ishvalan origin, we have managed to reunite twenty three with family members, and Ant is currently traveling to a lead that could be the answer to the prayers of two more. 

‘It has been a hard task, but nothing in the world compares to the joy of seeing the faces of these families when they are finally whole again. I have never in my life found a more rewarding task.

‘My only true regret is that we can’t help them all. Unfortunately, we have already received the news that the parents of three children, sibling ranging in age from seven to three, have gone to Ishvala’s side. I cried the night we got that news. The youngest of the siblings, little Thomas, is the sweetest child I’ve ever met in my life. When I told those children that their parents were gone, he ran up to me and cried his little heart out, and I have never felt a greater heartbreak. I hope we can find good people to take them in together, because the thought of those children being separated after surviving so much kills me. 

‘We hope to arrive in Ishval not long after the harvest festival. We’ll be bringing a lot of families with us, fresh lives that will no doubt do much to rejuvenate our homeland.

‘I hope this letter finds you well, and that you’ve settled in. I also hope you’ve made peace with Ishvalan, but I know that is unlikely. Still, I need to be able to hope for these things. The children here need someone in their lives to hope for them, or what chance to they have? 

‘My kindest regards, 

‘Hani

‘P.S. How is Tamir doing? I’ve been worried about him.’

You still haven’t decided how you’re going to respond to his letter. You’ve been told you can, with both Miles and the Head Monk encouraging you to do so.

Even Ishvalan has been on your case about it this morning, though you can sense he is trying not to push too hard. ‘He is your friend, and he has missed you. I know if I was away from you for almost six months, I would also wish to hear from you.’ Six months? Surely it’s not been that long! It’s more like… twenty two weeks. Shit. That means you have been in Ishval itself for six months, give or take a few days… 

You playfully nudge Ishvalan. ‘You’d be missing me after six days and we both know it. I’m just not sure what I should say to him, especially about the children.’ You’d noticed that the letter was tearstained in several places, no doubt from Hani reliving those emotional moments. How are you supposed to comfort a friend that is so far away?

Ishvalan hums in agreement. ‘It only took a week of absence to have me heading out into the rain to see you. I have grown far too accustomed to having you by my side.

‘As for Hani, you do not need to speak of that. He’d rather hear tales of your life here since he left. Tell him of Amira, of the life you have decided to build here. Tell him of the festival, and of the friendships you are developing. Tell him of your joy. Hani is the kind of man that finds great happiness in the joy of others. A letter like that would mean more to him than any platitudes you could think of.’ You sometimes still find it so hard to believe that under his harsh visage, Ishvalan has the softest heart you’ve ever seen…

You smile at him. ‘You’re right. I think that would make him happy. Will I need someone to go over my letter? Military secrets and that.’ Not that you actually know any secrets…

Ishvalan laughs. ‘I knew it was unwise to trust you with missile coordinates.’ You stick your tongue out at him, so he continues. ‘Neither you nor Hani have any kind of military affliction, so checking your letter is not someone anyone will do. So, if you wish to tell Hani you have developed a longing for Miles, you don’t need to worry about him finding out.’ What?! Miles?! Of all the…

Your cheeks heat up. ‘He’s a married man, Ishvalan! I have no interest in him past that of a friend.’ If only Ishvalan knew who you were crushing after, he would not be so quick to say such things.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘It was merely a joke. You do not strike me as the kind of woman who would seduce a married man like that, not when you could have your pick of single men.’ If only you could…

You roll your eyes. ‘That’s still not on the cards for me right now. I still have to lay the foundations of my new life so I can start building it. I don’t have time to fall for anyone.’ Especially not when you’re already falling for someone.

Ishvalan’s face falls, a sadness twinkling in his eyes. ‘We have no control over the way we feel. As much as we try to fight our feelings, we cannot bend them to our will. The best we can do is bury them, and hope that nobody finds them.’ It sounds like he’s speaking from experience. What feelings is he burying? Does he… is this about the war? About Amestrians?

You’re beginning to feel scared. ‘Ishvalan, you don’t hate me because of where I come from, do you? You’d tell me if you had a problem with me being Amestrian?’ You wish he’d told you this months ago, before…

For the first time in months, you see anger flash in Ishvalan’s eyes. ‘I could never bring myself to hate you, especially not because of that. You are important to me beyond words, and I would not feel this way if the place you were born had any bearing on my opinion of you. I was talking about… it is unimportant.’ He can be so closed off, even now. Still, it’s important not to push him.

You wrap your arms around him, relieved when Ishvalan does the same. ‘I’m sorry. I just had to ask. I don’t want anything to come between our friendship.’

Ishvalan sighs. ‘It won’t. I promise, I won’t let anything come between our friendship, not even things we can’t control. I imagine Hani will have quite the shock should you choose to tell him of our friendship.’ Should you choose to? Does Ishvalan think you’re not going to bother?

You squeeze him tightly. ‘Why would I not? After all, you are the one who has given me the most joy.’ You pull away, just so you can look in his eyes. ‘You’ve been a better friend that I ever could have hoped for, and I look forward to seeing us grow even closer in the future.’

Ishvalan’s smile is almost blinding. ‘It is good to know that I have found a friend for life in you. No matter what the next six months in Ishval might thrown at you, know that I shall be here for you whenever you need me, and often when you don’t.’ Why does he have to say things like that? It only makes you desperate to kiss…

You clear your throat. ‘Likewise, Ishvalan. For now though, I think I should let another friend know I’m thriving here. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Which honestly seems too soon in a way; you’re not certain your heart would have calmed down even then.

Ishvalan nods. ‘Until tomorrow, then. Send my regards to Hani.’ You head off towards your home without another word, scared of what you might say if you open your mouth again.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Watching her leave is always the worst part of his day.

If Ishvalan had his way, he’d never be this far away from her. He would always be at her side, protecting her, making her smile, enjoying her conversation.

This crush is going to be the end of him.

Can he even still call it that? How is he supposed to distinguish between feelings that he has never had for anyone before? He would ask Miles, but there is something in the way the man has been acting lately that suggests he has his own problems to worry about, rather than his friend’s emotional inadequacy.

Ishvala help him, but this is torture. Maybe he should consider following the advice of the others, make a move to court her. He already has the perfect gift in mind, one that would do much to symbolise the way he fe-

No, he can’t. He promised her he’d never let anything come between their friendship. His romantic advances would be the death of that friendship. In order to keep his promise, Ishvalan must stand true to what he said, and bury his feelings deep enough to keep them from her.

Her hearing the truth and rejecting it would hurt so much more, after all.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

‘Dear Hani,

‘It is wonderful to hear from you. I had been worried that you had forgotten me, doing such hard work over in Amestris.

‘I must confess, for weeks after you and Anthony left, I missed you both terribly. The day you left, I made a new friend you see; Mina. But she wasn’t who I thought she was. She was cruel underneath her initial warmth, so I broke off the friendship. That’s when Amira took me under her wing.

‘I’m her apprentice now. We live together in a shop that was only finished a few weeks back. I’ve been told I’m welcome to settle her, so I plan to. I do have someone important to care for now, after all; my new cactus!

‘A new clinic opened recently, and it’s being run by an Amestrian doctor. A lot of people are weary of him, but I think he’s lovely.

‘As for Tamir, he’s doing better than you can imagine. A few days ago, I think he actually smiled at me! He’s been coming to visit Amira a lot, which makes me happy. I’m hoping one day Tamir will open his eyes long enough to realise that Amira loves him as far more than a friend.

‘I’m happy here. So unbelievably, and in a way, I have you to thank for that.

‘I chose to take your advice about Ishvalan. I didn’t plan on it. I was going to avoid him, but when I found out he was the one taking over your deliveries, I found myself stuck with him. Begrudgingly at first, but over time, things changed. I warmed to him in a way I wasn’t expecting to, and it is the best decision I’ve ever made.

‘Every memory I have of this place since you left is thanks to him. He is the one who encouraged me to make friends, and when my friendship with Mina failed, he is the one that convinced me to accept Amira’s offer. He’s the one that told me I was welcome to stay here, who gave me a cactus as a housewarming gift because I mentioned once that I wanted a plant. He introduced me to Miles, and Doctor Marcoh, and he always stood up for me even when Tamir was at his worst for wanting rid of me.

‘Ishvalan is the best friend that I could ever of hoped for, but that’s caused a massive problem. The more time I spend with him, the more I begin to feel more than just a friendly love towards him. When he puts his arms around me, I find it so hard to leave them. I keep telling myself it’s just a crush, that he’s my friend, that he’s a former monk for goodness sake! I shouldn’t feel this way about him, but I can’t help it. I know that if I keep on like this, I’m going to fall in love with him, if I’m not already there. I feel so lost. I wish I had you back here to guide me, just as you did for those two weeks we worked side by side.

‘Please send my love to Anthony. I owe him most of all for bringing me here in the first place.

‘As for those children, I think I have a solution. I know of two men that would care for them well, you see. I know you’ll do your best to keep those children safe.

‘I look forward to seeing you after the harvest festival. I’ve never been to one before. I’m hoping Ishvalan will look after me for the day. He’s been teaching me so much about the history of your people, just one more reason why we have grown so close; you should see how happy he looks when he speaks of it to me.

‘With much anticipation, 

‘The Amestrian aid worker.’

Hani smirks at the mention of Anthony’s nickname for her. He’s surprised she even wrote back if he’s honest. While it’s true they were fast friends, they only knew each other two weeks; he must have made as big an impression on her as she did him.

He can’t wait to read this to Anthony when he comes home. He’s been dreading hearing from her. He’s felt so guilty, abandoning her in a strange country like that. To hear that she’s flourishing in Ishval will do much to soothe his heart, the one thing Hani wants more than anything.

The most exciting development of course is her relationship with Ishvalan.

Looking back, it seems inevitable. After all, him and Anthony didn’t exactly have the easiest start to their relationship, but now he wouldn’t trade him for the world. 

He can’t help but pity her though; Ishvalan’s heart is not an easy thing to win over. Still, if anyone can, it might just be…

Hani’s thoughts are interrupted when a tiny pair of hands tug at his robes; it’s little Thomas, his eyes droopy with sleep.

He immediately turns to the child, smiling fondly. ‘Can’t sleep, little one?’ 

Thomas shakes his head. ‘I scared. I hab a stowy peas?’ He’s not been sleeping right ever since he learned of his parent’s fate. Maybe it would have been kinder to say nothing?

No, it wouldn’t have been. Not in the long run. He would have just kept waiting for a family that never came.

Hani scoops the child up, heading back to the room Thomas shares with his brother and sister. ‘Just one, okay? You need to sleep if you want to grow up big and strong.’ At least this little boy will have a future; Hani will make damn sure of that.

Thomas nods. ‘Okay.’ He smiles sleepily, and it breaks Hani’s heart. How can someone so small endure so much with a smile?

Maybe his friend is right. Maybe she really does know two people who could give these children a home?

One more thing to mention to Anthony when he returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we got mentioning of the dreaded ‘L’ word! :O whatever will happen next? 
> 
> Stay tuned to find out more. For now, thank you for reading ^.^


	21. A White Envelope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re all ready for a super happy chapter full of happy things… but this ain’t it
> 
> Still, try to enjoy ^.^

It’s been a couple of weeks since you sent that letter to Hani, and the whole atmosphere around Ishval feels different; it’s just over a month until the Harvest festival, and the Head Monk has given permission to Ishvalan to organise a massive celebration, one that aims to give thanks to Ishvala by showing that his people are finally home and beginning to rebuild his holy land.

Of course, as organiser, Ishvalan has had to delegate a lot of work. He’s left Miles in charge of refreshments, which from what you’ve heard only means one thing; a shit tonne of alcohol. That’s what the man has planned, at least; you’ve no doubt Ishvalan will stop him when he finds out.

Tamir has taken a few builders to create a stage of sorts, a venue where various entertainments will be taking place. Several people are excited about being able to perform in Ishvala’s name, most of them musicians.

You and Amira have been tasked with making a banner for that stage, a much more daunting task that you’d initially thought; you do need it to be perfect, after all. As well as that, you’ve been asked to make outfits by some of the performers, all desperate to look their best.

Even Marcoh is getting involved in his way, helping Ishvalan to create an activity schedule so no one will miss out on any of the fun.

It’s hectic here, but you love it. It’s wonderful, and vibrant, and…

Ishvalan furrows his brow. ‘Have I lost you to your thoughts, my friend?’ Yikes. For a second there, he really had!

As well as roping in Marcoh to help with the scheduling, you’ve also been given the extra task of acting as Ishvalan’s sounding board, a task that apparently your mind completely wondered off from.

You sigh. ‘I’m sorry, Ishvalan. I just lost myself thinking about how wonderful the festival is going to be. Please continue.’ You’re so looking forward to seeing the way things all come together, but it’s a shame Ishvalan will be too busy with overseeing it that he won’t get to enjoy it…

Ishvalan smiles. ‘I am pleased to see you so enthusiastic. This is your first proper festival in Ishval, and I plan to make it special for you. That why I must insist that you stay with me on the day, so I can make sure you get to sample all of the festivities.’ Now you’re even more enthusiastic. Another festival spent by Ishvalan’s side? Is there anything better than this in the world?!

You grin at him. ‘I’d really love that, Ishvalan. Will you be performing at all?’ You bet he has a gorgeous singing voice hidden in that broad chest of his!

Ishvalan averts his eyes. ‘Not for a crowd, but I would be happy to dance with you, if you wish. It is important that you enjoy yourself, and if that is something you wish to do, I will oblige.’ Dancing? With Ishvalan? Is there anything about this festival that isn’t amazing?!

You have to fight the urge to squeal. ‘That would be perfect. I’m not the best dancer in the world I’m sure, but I’m enthusiastic.’ And vaguely uncoordinated, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Ishvalan smiles warmly at you. ‘You’re perfect. With your dancing, I mean. I’m sure you’ll be wonderful.’ You’re going to use your powers of selective hearing to pretend he stopped taking after he called you perfect… and your vision to zone in on the colour changing on his cheeks. 

You shrug. ‘I’ll try my best to not show you up. For now, didn’t you want to see Miles about something?’ You seem to recall him saying something alone those lines before you completely zoned out.

Ishvalan sighs. ‘Unfortunately, I do need to see him as a matter of urgency. I am concerned by the sheer volume of alcohol he has ordered.’ Damn it, he found out. There goes any plans you had to get hammered…

You can’t help but wonder aloud. ‘Are monks permitted to drink?’ You imagine they’re allowed a little something on occasions such as this, surely? A toast to Ishvala?

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘They are not. A monk must keep his mind free from anything that compromises his ability to contemplate Ishvala’s will. Many people believe this is foolish, as sex could also be considered a distraction. However, sex in the eyes of a monk is a way of thanking Ishvala for bringing happiness into his life by demonstrating the depth of his love. Alcohol is a one-sided indulgence.’ That makes sense. Probably just as well, really. As broad a man as he is, you imagine it would take a lot of alcohol to get Ishvalan even slightly tipsy; you could probably get blackout drunk on half the amount.

Your curiosity satisfied, you allow Ishvalan to head on his way, hoping that he’s not too hard on Miles; he’s only trying to help people celebrate, after all.

You wonder if you could convince Ishvalan to try alcohol for the first time? 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Miles is not at his usual post.

That’s not completely out of the ordinary. He’s a busy man, with many different duties. He could be assisting with building work, or helping resolve some kind of dispute.

Yet somehow, as he approaches Miles’ tent, Ishvalan knows he’ll find his friend inside.

According to another soldier, Miles received a letter today that made his face turn far paler than is natural. No one has seen him since, and Ishvalan intends to find out what kind of news could cause a man like Miles to panic and abandon his duties.

When he reaches the tent, the first thing Ishvalan hears is a quiet sobbing.

He doesn’t bother knocking. There is no point. Miles is a proud man, the kind that would be inclined to send Ishvalan away to save face. He doesn’t want to argue with Miles today; he wants to help him.

As soon as he pulls the tent flap, Ishvalan spots Miles sat with his head on his knees, tears rolling steadily down his cheeks.

Miles immediately snaps his head towards the door, about to shout at his intruder before realising it’s Ishvalan. ‘Oh. It’s you. Need help with something?’ Typical Miles. Still so helpful, even through tears.

Ishvalan closes the flap behind him, sitting next to Miles before wrapping an arm over the smaller man. ‘My friend, there is only one of us that needs help, and it is not I.’ Miles immediately breaks down, crying into Ishvalan’s shoulder.

They stay like this until Miles calms down enough to hand Ishvalan a white envelope, no doubt the one he received this morning.

Ishvalan takes note of some legal documents in there, as well as a handwritten letter that reads;

‘To my once dear husband,

‘I am sorry to do this by letter, but you have left me no choice. I gave up everything to move north when you were stationed there. I moved away from my friends, from my family, and like a good little wife I waited alone for those precious days where you were allowed home.

‘Then you ask me to move again. To Ishval, of all places. A scorching hot shithole filled with nothing but sand and blood. You have pushed too far this time. I refuse to give up my life for you again.

‘I have met someone new. A good man, one who understands my needs. He makes love to me in a way you never could, like a real man who worships me. I’ve just found out we’re expecting our first child, but if you’d only promised to return to me then I would have left him for you. We could have raised it together, a lovely little Amestrian baby. Didn’t you always tell me you feared that our children would be persecuted for looking like you? This would have been the answer.

‘As it is, I want to marry him instead. I’m not going to come after you or your measly salary. There is no point. My new husband can provide for me in ways you never could, so money isn’t an issue. I’ll just keep the house. After all, you wouldn’t want me left out in the cold, would you?

‘Please fill out the paperwork as quickly as possible. In a couple of months, you’ll get a second letter confirming that the marriage is legally terminated.

‘All the best,

‘Helena’

Ishvalan can feel his blood boiling. He hasn’t felt rage like this for a long time. How dare someone treat his friend like this? How dare she…?

Miles sighs, realising Ishvalan has finished reading. ‘I loved her so much. I remember the day we met as if it was yesterday. She caught my eye in an instant. I was shocked when she gave me the time of day, but she did. I fell so hard so quickly. She didn’t care that I was Ishvalan, and she thought being married to a soldier sounded sexy…

‘She’s right. I neglected her. But Briggs… I took that promotion for her. For us! I was saving up everything I could for our future. Briggs was just a stepping stone. I was going to ask for reassignment in a year or two, move somewhere we could be together more. Being moved here was like a dream. I could go to my ancestral home, take my wife with me. We could be together, we could start a family… now I find out that I’ve lost her. That I probably lost her years ago… what the fuck do I do now?’ His shoves Ishvalan’s arm away, burying his hands in his hair.

Ishvalan has long since sworn off of vengeance, but he wasn’t, Helena would need to hide from him. Miles doesn’t deserve this. He’s a good man, a far better man than she deserved…

Ishvalan grunts, looking over the documents. ‘You should fill these out right away. End the marriage as swiftly as possible.’ 

Miles looks up at his friend, angry. ‘What?! You think I should just roll over and let this happen? Lose my wife to another man like this? That I shouldn’t fight this?’ 

Ishvalan nods. ‘Yes, I do. There is nothing left there that is worth fighting for. If location was the only issue, a comprise could have been reached. She has been unfaithful to you, the man who loves her. You have done nothing wrong. If she loved you, she would have seen that you were only trying to provide for her. She should have known what being married to a solider meant, truly meant, before going into it blindly. Most importantly, if she was unhappy in any way, she should have spoken with you about it.

‘Instead, she let you believe everything was fine between you while she gave herself to another. She is carrying that man’s child. Yet she would also ask you to give up your heritage to raise that child purely because she believes it to be the solution to one of your reasons not to start a family? Miles, my friend, this is not a woman you owe any loyalty to. Her actions are despicable, and you deserve so much more than this. So sign these forms, and allow her to move on in the name of your own freedom.’ Ishvalan only wishes he had known something like this was on the horizon; did Miles even know though?

Miles starts to so again. ‘Why…? Why couldn’t I… see? My wife… gone…’ Ishvalan pulls the man into a tight hug, and Miles grips his robes in return, burying his face into his friend’s broad chest.

Ishvalan’s voice is low, with rage still hidden within. ‘I know. I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are a good man, Miles. I have no doubt that you will find a wife that can see that. I would even be willing to act as a propeller man for you.’ It seems only right, given how much Miles has helped him…

Miles begins sobbing again, only… it’s not a sob, it’s the beginning of nearly hysterical laughter!

Ishvalan pushes Miles away so he can look at the smaller man’s face; he’s smiling again.

Even when Miles eventually calms down, there’s a chuckle in his voice. ‘It’s a wingman you dumbass! ‘Propeller man’, fucking hell. I think I’ll pass on that offer, at least until the divorce…’ He suddenly turns somber again. ‘… thank you, my red-eyed brother. At least I know now that even if I don’t have a wife, I at least have a friend who I can count on. But hey, don’t let my marriage be a deterrent. You know your cute little Amestrian friend would never screw you over like that.’

Ishvalan sighs; at least Miles is back to his old self for a while.

Miles picks up the letter again, before he tears it to pieces, watching as the small bits of paper fall to the floor. ‘If I was half the asshole Helena seems to think I am, I’d kick up a fuss to get the house, just to spite her. As it is, I couldn’t give a rats ass about it. It’s not like I’m going back there anytime soon. This place is my home now, and damned if I’m not going to make a go of it. And who knows? There are plenty of beautiful women here… when I’m ready to find a girlfriend, I’m going to be spoilt for choice. If they like me, of course.’ Miles hasn’t a thing to worry about there; Ishvalan knows for a fact that a lot of women here have it back for the Major.

Finally feeling calm again, Ishvalan smiles. ‘I’m sure Ishvala will bless you with a wife in time, my friend. I will pray for that.’ 

Miles raises his brow. ‘I suppose having a divine wingman couldn’t help, but honestly, I’ve always been fine with the ladies. You’re the one that needs help, and to be honest, I’m sick of you turning me down. That’s why I’m going to spend the day teaching you about the sacred art of flirting.’ Flirting? What the…?

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘Miles, I don’t thin-‘

Miles cuts him off. ‘Ishvalan, my day is a shitshow. Teaching you how to flirt would really help take my mind off of things, and it would give you a fighting chance of wooing your ladyfriend. It’s an absolute win when you think about it.’ Well, if it’ll take his mind off of things…

Ishvalan sighs. ‘Fine. You may teach me, but I do not promise I will use your lessons.’

Miles crosses his arms. ‘Oh, you’re using my advice. I’m getting you laid if it fucking kills me, so sit down, shut up, and let me teach you the way of the flirt.’ 

Ishvalan relents, sitting on the floor. Flirting advice was the last thing he wanted to hear today, but he’ll take it;

Anything to keep Miles from sobbing his heart out all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s all been rather glum lately, hasn’t it? I’ll try to bring some cheer next chapter (and it’ll soon be the harvest festival!)
> 
> For now, thank you for reading


	22. A Poor Student

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo,
> 
> This chapter is just a bit of fun until we get to the festival ;) so enjoy ^.^

It’s just over two weeks now until the harvest festival, and things all seem to be going to plan.

You and Amira have finished both the banner and the costumes, now returning to your original task of creating house fittings. Tamir and his crew have managed to erect the stage, which is now being decorated in preparation for the big day, and while you’ve heard no news about refreshments, you know Miles won’t let you all down.

Even if he has been acting strangely lately.

It had all started the day after Ishvalan went to see him about the volume of alcohol he’d ordered. Ever since that day, you’ve had the feeling that him and Ishvalan are conspiring together, the two men suddenly even closer than before. You see them discussing things in hush whispers often, their eyes scanning the area for anyone listening in on their conversation.

As curious as you are, you’ve not pressed the issue; Miles isn’t exactly having an easy time of it at the moment.

He’d been visibly devastated when he told you of the divorce. You don’t think you’ve even seen him like it. While he’d already disposed of his wife’s accompanying letter, he told you that it was a difficult thing to read, and left it at that; if the muscles twitching in Ishvalan’s neck are to be believed, you think Miles is downplaying just how bad it was.

That’s the main reason you’ve not pressed the subject. Ishvalan is probably trying to cheer the poor man up in some way. You’ve often heard Miles say just how much he loves his wife. For her to request a divorce so suddenly…

You hope he’s going to be alright, especially now that Ishvalan is going to be with you for the afternoon. Even with over a fortnight left to go until the festival, the man is determined to make every detail perfect.

When he spots you heading towards your agreed meeting place, Ishvalan smiles at you. ‘My friend. I have been waiting for you. Not that you kept me waiting, of course. It must have taken time… your robes look very clean today.’ What is he taking about? Do your robes not always look clean.

You eye him suspiciously. ‘These are the same robes I had on when we delivered food this morning, Ishvalan.’ 

Ishvalan nods. ‘Indeed they are. They also looked clean then. Cleaner, even.’ He nods again, as if he’s agreeing with himself.

You nod slowly, concerned that you’re missing a joke. ‘That’s… usually how it works. Clothes get dirtier as we wear them.’ 

Ishvalan hums. ‘Yet people are often dirtiest when they have nothing on. When they need to bathe! People are dirtiest when they need to bathe. You smell like you’ve bathed recently.’ Okay, something here is really wrong.

You grab hold of Ishvalan’s hand. ‘I think we should go and see Doctor Marcoh. You sound like you’ve got sunstroke.’ That’s the only explanation for his strange behaviour.

Ishvalan shakes his head, grabbing your hand from his arm and examining it. ‘I am quite well. You seem to be fairing well too. Your skin has darkened evenly in its attempt to adjust to the sun.’ Your skin has… is he trying to say you have a tan?

You laugh awkwardly. ‘Was I too pale before?’ Then again, you’re pleased he’s noticed; you rather like your tan.

Ishvalan begins shaking his head vehemently. ‘Of course not. I like pale. Pale like Ishvalan hair, or an Amestrian doll. Your eyes would suit a doll.’ Okay, now he’s just starting to sound creepy.

You sigh. ‘Ishvalan, can we please get to discussing the festival? You’re starting to make me feel uncomfortable.’ What’s gotten into him anyway? He never speaks to you like this. If you didn’t know any better, you’d guess that he was trying to flirt with you!

Ishvalan immediately looks crestfallen. ‘Oh. I’m so sorry. That wasn’t my intention. It’s just… an important part of any Ishvalan festival is showing appreciation and affection to the people closest to us. You don’t have a lover that can tell you how beautiful you are, so I thought I would do it to make sure you know. You will catch many eyes at the festival, especially when you smile.’ He was just trying to make you feel good about yourself? As if your feelings for him aren’t strong enough already…

You free your hand from his, and pull him into a hug. ‘Thank you. It means the world to me that you’d do something like that. In future though, please just go for the honest approach. Your attempts at flattery are dreadful.’ At least you’ll know for future reference when he’s paying you an honest compliment; flowery words are not his forte.

Ishvalan places his nose on your hair, inhaling deeply. ‘You always smell so lovely.’ Okay, so maybe you won’t always know if he’s genuine…

You playfully nudge his chest. ‘You don’t have a lover either. Should I start telling you that I’d love to eat cake from your perfectly toned torso? Or that your crimson eyes are like the most precious of rubies?’ In fairness, he does have lovely eyes, and the thought of having your mouth on his body is far more delicious than any cake…

Ishvalan laughs. ‘Only if I can tell you I’d like to sip wine from your breasts.’ Woah, now that’s not something you’d ever thought you’d hear from Ishvalan; you’re surprised he knows what breasts are, given his views on women!

You laugh right back. ‘You do realise they make milk, right? I’m surprised you even mentioned them.’ 

Unsurprisingly, Ishvalan refuses to look you in the eyes. ‘It was unforgivable of me to bring your breasts into this. I swear, I am not some sexual deviant that wishes to do such a thing, no matter what the liquid might be.’ From what he told you of his views on alcohol, he’d probably prefer to drink the milk anyway…

… now there’s an image that’s going to star in some future filthy dreams. Just imagine what that would be like. Ishvalan teasing your nipples for so long that your body assumed he was starving…

You cough, trying to distract yourself. ‘It’s fine. I won’t be drinking from your dick either. Now, the festival?’ You regret your words as soon as they leave your mouth. Drinking from… why don’t you just offer him a blowjob here and now, as an apology for putting such an idea in Ishvalan’s mind?!

If Ishvalan has made the same leap as you, he doesn’t show any sign of acknowledgement. Instead, he nods. ‘Of course. There is much for us to discuss. Come, walk the area with me. I would like to show you where I plan on putting things.’ Now this is the kind of afternoon you signed up for! Just a casual stroll around Ishval with a close friend… paradise.

Now you just have to fight to urge to shove him down and alleyway and beg for a quickie.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Miles waits until the pair separates before he approaches, a frown on his face. What a shitshow…

The moment Ishvalan sees him coming, he knows he’s in for a lecture.

When the pair eventually meet, its Ishvalan that speaks first. ‘I told you I was incapable of flirting, Miles. It almost cost me my friendship, in fact.’ It’s going to take a long time for Ishvalan to live down the words he spoke today. He’s never been more horrified with himself…

Miles sighs. ‘She would have forgiven you eventually. Still though, what the fuck my friend? That comment about her eyes was terrifying. You sounded like a serial killer!’

‘I am a serial killer.’ Ishvalan deadpans.

Miles throws his arms up in frustration. ‘That doesn’t mean you need to flirt like one! Honesty, I think she might have a point. You flirt better when you don’t realise it. You’re still a fucking idiot though. Didn’t you catch the comment about drinking from your dick?’ What does that have to do with anything?

Ishvalan frowns. ‘She said she won’t be drinking from it. What is there to catch from that?’ Other than the fact she has no desire to drink his urine, something they can agree on…

Miles facepalms. ‘If you’d known how to flirt properly, you might have turned that into a blowjob! All you had to say is ‘you can do mine if I can do yours’, and you could have been in there!’ 

This only makes Ishvalan more confused. ‘What’s a blow job? And what does her refusal to drink my urine have to do with it?’ Unless it… oh Ishvala, do people really drink each other that that?!

Miles groans. ‘You’re killing me here! Maybe I should be giving you a sex ed lesson instead of flirting tips! A blowjob is where someone sticks their dick into another person’s mouth, and my friend, there is more than just piss down there.’ Oh. OH. 

Ishvalan’s eyes grow wild. ‘Shame on you, Miles! That is not something that has ever… what purpose would that serve?!’ This conversation is making him increasingly uncomfortable. Since when was Miles so crude as to suggest that?

Miles looks at Ishvalan like he’s said something stupid. ‘Pleasure, my friend. The same reason you might like to stick your own face between her legs. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought of doing that?’ His face… between…

Ishvalan’s face is on fire. ‘I would never! I’d never debase my friend by thinking of her in such a way! It is disrespectful. Ishvala did not create women just for them to be leered at like objects!’ He could never do that, not after all the lessons he’s received on how to treat all of Ishvala’s children equally.

Miles raises his brows. ‘You think finding someone sexually attractive is disrespectful? Ishvalan, my friend, you are a grown man. It is perfectly natural for you to have sexual urges. How often do you masturbate? Once a month? Twice a year?’ 

Ishvalan cant believe he’s allowing this conversation to go on, but he is. ‘Never. I tried once as a teenager, and the shame I received as a result has been permanently burned into my mind. If I ever find a wife, she might agree to satisfy my sexual urges, but for now, I must not view any woman in such a base fashion.’ No matter how beautiful they may be…

Miles sighs heavily. ‘You do realise that Ishvala isn’t going to make your dick fall off if you have some premarital fun? You also realise she probably touches herself, right? Almost certainly to thoughts of you? It’s not a male-only thing. I bet she doesn’t feel half as guilty as you do.’ She… what?! She wouldn’t, would she? If she was going to pleasure herself, it would be to a different man, a more attractive one…

For the first time in years, Ishvalan has to actively wrestle with his arousal. 

Ishvalan shakes his head, the conversation finally too much. ‘Miles, stop this. I can’t go there. Not with her. Agreeing to your insistence that I flirt with her was my limit, because I believed that her hearing a few compliments might boost her spirits. If I start thinking about her in such an inappropriate way, I’ll end up acting on it. I’ll try to kiss her, and all this time I’ve spent cultivating our friendship will be lost. Please Miles, it is hard enough for me to be in love with my closest friend without adding lust into this!’ Wait… what did he just say?

Miles grins. ‘I fucking knew it. You’ve got it so bad for her. Why don’t you just tell her? What’s the worse that’s going to happen, really? You keep telling me how close you are, how much your friendship means. Do you really think you couldn’t pull it back from an unwanted confession? Even if she says she doesn’t feel the same, it wouldn’t affect your friendship. Sure, hugging might be a little awkward for a while, but she knows you. She knows you’d never force yourself on her if she tells you no. In time, you’d get back to where you are no, no worse for it. But at least then you’d know that she’s not interested. Surely that initial pain has to be worth that much?’ Ishvalan really hates Miles some days; for all the rubbish that he spouts, there is always good advice mixed in.

After all, would coming clean really be that bad? All of this uncertainty, of wanting to be close to her… the underlying fear in his heart that if he doesn’t make his move soon, she’ll find someone else? Even if she doesn’t feel the same way, it might not matter. As long as she is open to a courtship, he might still have a chance to show her that he could be a good husband, one that would take care of her every need whilst loving her fiercely…

Ishvalan has no choice by to sigh, his voice going small. ‘You’re right, Miles. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone. Even if my chances are slim, I have to try. I’ll only fall deeper if I don’t, and then there might be no chance of me salvaging a friendship after that. Just… don’t speak of this again. I need time to consider my best approach.’ The idea he has for a courting gift hasn’t left his mind. If nothing else, she might like it as a gift… 

Miles’ smug smirk is infuriating. ‘Sure, I’ll keep quiet… for now. You better get a wriggle on though. If you don’t hit on her, I might just have to do it instead.’ He wouldn’t! Would he?

Ishvalan has never been a fan of deadlines, but maybe haste is for the best.

After all, if she does accept his offer of courtship, he doesn’t want to waste any time with her. 

Maybe this time next year, she will have a lover paying her compliments. Ishvalan just hopes it’s him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… it could take me a few days to get the next chapter out. I know these last few have been super short, so I want a nice long one to balance it out ;)
> 
> Until then, thanks for reading ^.*


	23. The Harvest Angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> So here it is, a chapter twice as long as the previous ones have been. I’ve been working all day to finish this… I hope it’s worth it
> 
> Also, we’ve hit ‘E’ on the rating scale, so expect some naughty things ahead :O
> 
> Enjoy ;)

The day of the festival is finally upon you, and you don’t think you’ve been this excited for years. 

After waking a little past dawn, you’d set about trying to make yourself look nice for the day ahead. You’d tried to style your hair as best you could, found the cleanest robes you had…

It’s not much, but you’d thought you were looking pretty nice.

The disapproving look Amira have you when you’d left your bedroom said otherwise.

She’d immediately sent you back into your room, and set about making you look even better. Turns out she’s been planning a surprise for you for a while now; she’s made a dress for you, one that is more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. 

In keeping with desert necessity, the purple fabric is light enough to reflect the sun, but a lot more visually pleasing than plain white. The sleeves are long and loose, allowing for plenty of airflow to keep you cool. Lengthwise, it trails down to your ankles, no doubt as a show of modesty to compensate for the neckline; it’s low enough that the top of your breasts are visible, and you suspect that Amira might have done that in a not-so subtle attempt to get someone to notice them…

Immodest cleavage or not, you can’t turn it down. That your friend put so much effort into something like this is heartwarming, and you plan to make it up to her in the future.

When you’d told her that, she’d laughed. ‘You owe me nothing, my dear. Having you here with me… I was so lonely before we became friends. All I had was Tamir. But now I have you, and you’re like the sister I always wanted. So of course I’m going to spoil you, especially when you’re going out on a date like this.’ You’d quirked a brow at her phrasing, but left it at that; she’d done far too nice a job for you to start arguing with her.

Soon after you’d finished, Ishvalan had come to collect you, and now you’re at his side, walking through the street as he points out all the different things on display. 

Every home or tent in Ishval seems to have been decorated from top to bottom in either paints or fabrics, with people hugging and laughing as they too begin to take in the festivities. You even catch sight of Marcoh walking into the crowds, his usual worn expression replaced with an easy smile as he’s greeted by a few people from the clinic that recognise him.

Ishvalan himself is smiling more vividly than ever, clearing enjoying the results of his efforts. 

When he catches you looking up at him, he turns his head to face you. ‘This is how I remember Ishval. So full of life, of happiness. Listen to how Ishvala’s children enjoy the life he has given them, in a land which he provided so many centuries ago. This land has seen so much death, it is only right that we inject it with life. Come, there is something I wish to show you.’ Ishvalan grabs your hand, and leads you over to where an elderly woman is sitting, a few jars of something at her feet.

The old lady smiles. ‘Greetings. Are you here to be painted?’ Face-painting? In Ishval? Maybe your cultures aren’t so different, after all…

Ishvalan answers for you. ‘My friend has never experienced the harvest festival. Could you tell her more?’ So there’s more to it that just painting? And here you were hoping she could paint a butterfly…

The old lady looks you in the eyes, her own full of warmth. ‘On harvestday, it is traditional for single young ladies to be painted. It is said to remind Ishvala that she is in need of his guidance to find love. It is one of our oldest traditions.’ Well, if it’s traditional, it would be so rude to refuse…

You smile. ‘I would love to be painted. What do I do?’ Is there some kind of special way of doing this?

The old lady gestures in front of here. ‘Take a seat dear, and close your eyes.’ That seems easy enough. You take your position before her, closing your eyes tightly.

You have to fight to keep from squealing when you feel something cold and wet against your chest. ‘Now, is there a particular man or woman you wish to attract the attention of? If so, think of them now, so that Ishvala will know where to focus his efforts.’ Your mind immediately conjures up an image of Ishvalan, one from the storm. His practically bare body, muscular and toned down to the last inch.

You must be blushing, because the old lady giggles before painting your cheeks. ‘I suspected as much. I may not be Ishvala, but I know a young lady in love when I see one.’ Well, it’s more lust in this case, given how his heart isn’t exactly top priority in your mind right now…

All too soon, the old lady finishes. ‘There we are. You look perfect. I have no doubt that Ishvala has heard your heart now, so I don’t expect to see you back here this year. Unless you want to introduce me to your husband, of course.’ Whatever happened to a man or a woman? Can the old lady really read minds?

You and Ishvalan both thank her, before heading back towards the middle of town.

Ishvalan’s eyes seem preoccupied with the pain on your chest and face, his brow slightly furrowed. ‘I’ll remind you that this was your idea. I didn’t know such a tradition even existed until it was covering my chest and face.’ Still, it’s a fun tradition. 

You just hope Amira isn’t going to be pissed off that some of the paint has gotten onto the dress.

Ishvalan hums. ‘I was merely examining the symbols. One thing she neglected to mention is that the painter chooses certain shapes based on what she sees. This one for example means she has asked Ishvala to find you a husband, specifically.’ He points to a spot just below your right collarbone, where you can just about see some kind of image.

You shrug. ‘I didn’t realise I was so obviously straight. What do the others mean?’ 

Ishvalan stops you both so he can better point to the images on your body, starting with your cheeks. ‘These twin images represent a happy marriage, two souls as a pair.’ He points to one on your neck. ‘This one means you will marry a man of Ishvala, who’s devotion to the one true god will only make him more devoted to you.’ Finally, he points to a mark on your left breast. ‘This is a fertility blessing. I do not think I need to explain that.’ You think you have an idea on that one. 

It does make you think of something. ‘It seems there are lots of things here that act as fertility blessings. Has it always been that way?’ 

Ishvalan encourages you to keep walking before he answers, an even look on his face. ‘Desert life is filled with much hardship. The children of our ancestors did not always reach adulthood. The desire to have many children was born of a necessity to keep our population viable. As we learned more of how to live here, infant mortality fell, and many then focused on having smaller families that were easier to provide for. Now that our population is once again struggling, such blessings have increased in popularity. This next generation of Ishvalan children will be a large one, should Ishvala answer our prayers.’ You somehow get the feeling some of those prayers might be answered tonight; you can see many lovers in front of you, and you know many of them now have homes of their own.

That doesn’t explain one thing though. ‘Why bother blessing an Amestrian with fertility though? Surely many Ishvalans would rather there were less of us.’ 

True to form, Ishvalan immediately ditches eye contact. ‘If you were to marry an Ishvalan man, your children would be considered Ishvalan, no matter how strongly they took after their father. The blood of Ishvala would still run deep within their veins, which is more than enough to grant them their heritage.’ He makes a fair point. Still, that’s probably a few years off yet; you’ll need to get over your feeling for Ishvalan if you ever want to find a husband, never mind starting a family.

You clear your throat. ‘Well then, I hope this blessing lasts a while. Oh, do you know if Tamir is still going to meet up with Amira? She didn’t mention anything this morning.’ And you didn’t ask… some friend you are!

Ishvalan is once again comfortable looking you in the eye. ‘I hope so. Last night I prayed at length that Tamir would finally open his heart to Amira, only if for an evening.’ Open his…

You stare back in shock. ‘He’s in love with her too?!’ 

Ishvalan is confused. ‘Who else is in love with her?’ Oh, for the love of-

You sigh heavily. ‘I mean Amira is completely in love with Tamir. She has been for years.’ And with all that she’s cried over him, you’re certain that love really is complete.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘Then tonight when I pray, I shall make sure to mention them both. They both deserve a loving heart to care for them. I’ve been praying much the same for Miles too, ever since he signed his divorce documents.’ You hope Miles enjoys himself today; with the shit he’s going through, he probably needs a day of unwinding more than anyone else does.

Speaking of Miles, the man approaches you both just as you make it into the main area of entertainment, three smallish bottles in his hands. ‘It’s about time you both showed up! Here, I’ve been waiting until you got here to crack these open.’ He expects you both to drink with him? You’ll do it certainly, but you’re not so sure about Ishvalan…

As you’d predicted, Ishvalan eyes the alcohol with suspicion. ‘Miles, it is still early. Besides which, I do not drink. It is prohibited for monks.’ It’s a bit of a shame, but on the other hand, at least Miles gets two now.

Miles shakes his head, forcing a bottle each into both your hands. ‘Look, guys, this is a festival. A time for celebration! In Amestris, we always celebrated these things by getting absolutely wrecked. So please, for once, forget about the fact you used to be a monk so you can celebrate with friends.’ Well, you can’t argue with that; can Ishvalan though?

Ishvalan sighs. ‘I will have only one, as a gesture of friendship.’ What, he’s going to do it? His first taste of alcohol?! This you have to see!

The three of you all make to drink at the same time, but you and Miles are both staring at Ishvalan waiting to see his reaction.

After swallowing his first sip, Ishvalan hums. ‘It is… pleasant. I can understand why many would choose to drink it in celebration.’ 

Miles snickers. ‘We mostly drink it to get hammered. That’s what I’m planning to do today, at least. Just not so drunk I accidentally take someone back to my tent. Ever since Mina got wind of the divorce, she’s been hanging around me like a bad smell, and I’m not going to waste my time on a woman that hates my closest friend like that. Besides, I think she just wants to find out if my dick really is as big as people say it is.’

You nearly choke on your drink.

Miles laughs at your reaction. ‘If you’re curious, then let me put it this way; my wife is going to need an extra husband if she wants to feel full again.’ Oh lord. Is Miles certain this is his first drink?!

Ishvalan shakes his head, but he’s smiling. ‘My friend, there are some things that should remain unsaid even amongst those closest to us. The size of your… equipment… is something I would rather not know.’ You have to admit, you’re personally quite curious now. Just for scientific reasons of course; there’s only one dick here you’d like to get intimately acquainted with.

Undeterred, Miles continues. ‘To be honest, I don’t think it’s my dick everyone should be asking to see. I bet your dick is the size of your forearm! You’ve probably got balls the size of bowling balls. Holy shit, I think you owe it to your future wife to warn her what she’s getting herself into! You should come with a hazard warning!’ Okay, there is no way this is Miles’ first drink. Sober Miles wouldn’t start talking about his friend’s dick!

You’re about to wrangle the conversation in a different direction when you hear a voice coming from the stage. ‘Greetings, children of Ishvala. As is traditional, I would like to address you all before we begin this most holy day in earnest.’ The Head Monk sounds as calm as ever, but his voice is powerful enough that it compels everyone to look at him, all of Ishval falling silent.

He continues. ‘Today we celebrate the many bounties of Ishvala, and give our thanks in his name. While it is true that the scars of war still cover much of our holy land, we have made great progress in restoring our home. We have housed many, and many more are due to be housed. Soon, our brothers Hani and Anthony will bring with them families also looking to return home. By the end of this year, we shall all hear the laughter of children surrounding our streets, a clear reminder that our people still endure.

‘However, it must become about more than just enduring. If we wish to reclaim our homeland, we must thrive here. That is why today I must implore you all to embrace this day to its fullest extent. Drink your fill of alcohol and of the atmosphere. Trust in your feelings for each other. Disappear into the night to explore those feelings further. However you choose to celebrate, do so with Ishvala’s blessing.

‘As a final note, I would like to take a moment to thank the non-Ishvalans that live amongst us. To the doctor who has come to tend to us when we need it, and to the young woman who has given up her old life to start anew here. To these two especially I say celebrate. This is your home now, and we are your people. Rejoice with us today, and let us show that you are welcome here as our new brother and sister.

‘Now, I believe you have heard the words of an old man for far too long. It is time for us all to relax and enjoy the wonderful performances we have arranged for today. So dance, and drink, and love, for there is no better way to show our love for Ishvala than to indulge in our love for each other. Thank you.’ The Head Monk bows, and everyone begins to clap, yourself included. 

As a group of people take to the stage, Miles turns back to you and Ishvalan. ‘Why didn’t the Head Monk just straight up tell people to start fucking? We all know that’s what he’s going for. He probably wants everyone to pair up so we don’t have to worry about building the houses so quickly.’ Well, that is a thought actually… it would definitely take the pressure off if more people started living together.

Ishvalan sighs. ‘My former master just wants us all to be happy. There is no hidden agenda. He has lived too long to be content with our suffering. When we smile, he smiles with us.’ You’re pretty sure there is an agenda, but you’re happy to ignore it for Ishvalan’s sake.

Miles snickers. ‘You keep telling yourself that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I promised I’d keep our friend the doctor amused. After all, I’ve had shit all luck as your wingman, so I might as well give him a try.’ Wait, he’s been Ishvalan’s wingman? Who’s Ishvalan been hitting on lately? Is he…?

Oh. It all makes sense now. The hushed whispering, the awkward flirting… Ishvalan has a crush on someone, and he was using you as test run to see if he could pay a woman a successful compliment.

You should have seen this coming. Of course he has feelings for someone. He’s an attractive and kind man, and despite his past, you can’t be the only one that’s noticed. This time next year, he might be spending the festival with her, and you’ll be alone, understanding firsthand the pain that Amira feels every time she sees Tamir…

Ishvalan clears his throat to get your attention. ‘The music will be starting soon. I believe I promised you a dance. Would you like another drink?’ As tempting as it is to drown your sorrows, you think you’d rather remember today. Your first and last harvest festival with Ishvalan by your side.

You shake your head. ‘I’m not really feeling it today. You’re welcome to have more if you want though. I think you enjoyed it more than you wanted Miles to know.’ He’s just got that look in his eyes that tells you he’s hiding something…

Ishvalan nods. ‘You are always astute when it comes to me. I think I shall indulge after all, if it is not an issue? There is much I plan to do with you today, and I think the alcohol will only compliment my plans.’ That sounds good to you; just so long as he doesn’t try to hit on Mina instead of Miles!

You link your arm with his. ‘To the drinks then, my friend, before we dance both the day and night away.’ As long as you’re with him, it never feels as if you’ve lost any amount of time… yet time always goes far too fast in his presence.

Ishvalan leads you over to the refreshments, and you begin the celebrations in earnest. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

By the time the sun sets, the celebrations are in full swing.

All of Ishval is filled with laughter and music as people dance together in the street, all of them uncaring about anything that isn’t right in front of them. The crowd seems to have thinned out since this morning, and you think you know why; a lot of couples seem to have taken the Head Monk’s advice, and have gone home for an early night.

As for you and Ishvalan, things haven’t gone exactly as either of you had planned.

It started out fine. You’d been shown around all of the different sights and amusements by Ishvalan, enjoyed the music and the dancing… you’ve even been hit on a few times, but a glare from Ishvalan had sent them off running.

Therein lies the problem; Ishvalan has had far more than the one drink he said he was having.

It was quite funny at first, watching the normally stoic man dancing with you without care, his large hands holding your hips as the music swayed. 

Then he’d started talking, and you knew it was time to get him to bed.

Even now he’s clinging to you, his face nuzzling your neck as you try to sit him somewhere. ‘An angel! Where is the angel taking me?’ What the…?

Grabbing his face so he has to look at you, you look firmly into his eyes. ‘Ishvalan, I’m not an angel, but you’re drunk. I’m taking you back to your tent.’ If you can find it… you’ve never actually been to his tent before!

Despite his head being in your hands, Ishvalan still manages to shake it. ‘I don’t believe you. I know you’re an angel. Ishvala sent you here because we need a beautiful angel here to heal the…’ He wretches a little, but seems to recover quickly. ‘… I wanna see Miles. Miles will know if you’re an angel.’ Ah, yes. Miles, angel identifier extraordinaire!

Thought actually, if Miles is still with Marcoh…

Your eyes scan the room until you spot the two men, laughing happily with a group of Ishvalan men and women. Oh, it would be so terrible to disturb their fun!

Unfortunately, Ishvalan follows your gaze, and takes your hand from his face so he can all but drag you over. ‘Miles! I have an important thing I need to ask!’ He’s so going to regret this in the morning…

Miles laughs up at his friend, Ishvalan’s intoxication clear. ‘What?’ 

Ishvalan gestures to you, and everyone looks. ‘The angel says she’s no angel, but she is! Look at her, she has to be!’ Your cheeks are burning now, embarrassed at Ishvalan’s insistence.

When all Miles does is laugh, it’s Doctor Marcoh that walks over. ‘Ishvalan, maybe I should walk you over to the clinic for the night. I think you’re a little intoxicated.’ A little intoxicated?! The man is so far gone it’s amazing he can stand…

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘No! I can’t leave my angel. She’s mine, I have to protect her!’ He wraps his arms around you, and you have to admit it’s almost sweet.

Marcoh is about to protest, but you speak first. ‘Why don’t we both go with Marcoh then? Is that okay?’ 

Ishvalan nods. ‘Yes. I must keep you safe.’ He keeps one arm wrapped around you as Marcoh bids Miles farewell, a look of concern now on the younger man’s face; does he now realise how serious this is?

Somehow, you and Marcoh manage to drag Ishvalan into the clinic, wherein Marcoh sets up a bed on the floor for him. 

You try to convinced Ishvalan to lie down, but he’s having not of it. ‘Only if you let me hold you! I need to know you’re safe!’ He then actively pouts at you, and you blink in surprise; he must have had hell of a lot of alcohol when you weren’t looking if he’s this bad!

Not wanting him to keep arguing, you sigh. ‘Alright. But only if you promise me you’ll do whatever Doctor Marcoh says, alright?’ Ishvalan all but throws himself on the bed, waiting for you to join him; you roll your eyes before settling in his arms.

Marcoh coughs, the situation awkward as hell. ‘I’ll just… find you both a blanket.’ With that, he leaves, and you and Ishvalan assume the position you slept in for the week he stayed with you; one arm around your waist, the other a pillow.

Ishvalan hums. ‘You know, I want to marry you.’ What?! Where did that come from?! 

When you don’t answer him, Ishvalan continues. ‘It’s true. I have to marry you, or I’ll never get to hold you like this again. No man would want his beautiful wife in the arms of another. I’d marry you just so I could sleep with you every night like this.’ You wish he was sober right now so you could just turn around and make love, Marcoh be damned. Why does he always have to say things that only deepen how you feel about him?

You sigh. ‘Ishvalan, I’m not getting married to anyone right now, and if I was, I’d never let it come between us.’ You’ve been friends for so long, any future husband would have to accept that; as long as you’re over these feelings by then.

You feel Ishvalan shake his head. ‘It won’t be the same. I’d be a good husband to you, if you gave me a chance. I would never do anything to cause you any kind of pain. One day, when you became comfortable with me, we could make love. Start a family. I’d protect you all, my angel and my children. We could all cuddle together then, as a family. Just tell me you’ll marry me.’ It’s breaking your heart now, hearing him say things you know he’d never say sober. Maybe he thinks you’re her, the woman he really wants to marry…

As drunk as he is, Ishvalan will probably never remember this conversation; that’s the only reason you’re about to say this.

A few hot tears stray from your cheeks as you lace his fingers through yours over your stomach. ‘I’m in love with you. I won’t marry anyone else because I love you too much right now to even think about it. As much as you hate the idea that you’ll never get to hold me again, it tears me apart to know that someday, you’ll find another woman to build a life with, and I’ll be stuck watching as she gives you all the things I desperately want to have with you.’ God, what have you done? What if he remembers that when he wakes up.

Ishvalan hums, before placing a kiss on your neck. ‘It’s decided then. We’re going to marry each other. I can’t believe the angel wants to be my wife, but I’m happy, because I love you so desperately I never want to lose you. I have to protect you.’ You’re actively sobbing now, this whole thing painful. Whoever she is had better treat him like a king, because if she rejects him, you really will marry him yourself. 

You’re about to say more, when you hear gentle snoring behind you; Ishvalan has passed out.

You have to calm your breathing before you can even think about sleep. The spot on your neck Ishvalan kissed is still tingling, aching for his warmth. For all the fun you had today dancing and embracing Ishvalan culture, the day has ultimately ended in heartbreak. Unless…

Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe Ishvalan does have feelings for you, and Miles is trying to set you up together…

No, that doesn’t sound right. Miles isn’t subtle enough for that. He’d probably take you to once side and tell you…

Your thoughts are interrupted by Doctor Marcoh, who covers you and Ishvalan with a blanket. ‘I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this by Ishvalan’s intoxication. If you want, you can le- you’ve been crying. What’s wrong?’ Just being asked makes you want to sob all over again, but you try to keep the tears from falling.

You swallow the lump in your throat so you can talk. ‘It’s just… Ishvalan said some things I didn’t expect to hear, and… I don’t know if he means them.’ Nobody does, except the man currently passed out in bed with you.

Marcoh furrows his brow. ‘If he said something nasty, he didn’t mean it. I know Ishvalan well enough to know that he thinks the world of you. You’re precious to him beyond measure. An angel, even in his drunken stupor.’ You get the feeling Ishvalan will be getting a lot of stick from Miles in the future over that…

You sigh. ‘He told me he wants to marry me. That he loves me. I think he might be confusing me with someone else.’ 

Marcoh chuckles softly. ‘How many women do you see Ishvalan with? I believe your friend Amira is the only one he has regular contact with, and that’s only because he is looking for you. I do not wish to interfere in your affairs, but trust me when I say that his feelings for you run deep. Everything he organised today he organised for you, to show you his culture. To him, the more you embrace Ishval and Ishvala, the closer the two of you become. He wants this to be your culture too. Wants you to feel truly at home here so you’ll stay with him. That sounds like a man in love to me.’ And it would to you, if you didn’t know better…

You close your eyes, fighting back tears. ‘Should I stay up and watch him for alcohol poisoning?’ 

You can hear Marcoh sigh. ‘No, you get some sleep. I’ll keep watch. Miles mentioned it was his first time drinking today, so I’m hoping that this is his not used to drinking in any quantity, rather than drinking enough to make himself sick.’ You hope so too; you also hope he doesn’t remember any of tonight.

Despite your mixed feelings, you can’t help but snuggle in, glad to be in Ishvalan’s arms again. ‘Night, Tim.’ Is that appropriate? You never really call him that.

You can here the smile in Marcoh’s voice. ‘Sleep well.’ 

No matter how much you appreciate that sentiment, you know tonight you’ll barely sleep at all.

There is far too much conflict in your heart.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

With only one of its usual residents at home, it would be easy to assume that the tailor shop would be quiet on festival night.

Instead, loud moans fill the entire room, as Amira finds herself bent over a table, completely naked, grasping at the wood for purchase as someone fucks her from behind.

Tamir grunts with effort. ‘Fuck. I’ve waited so… I want you so bad. I’ve need this for so long!’ He begins thrusting as hard and as fast as he can, the table shaking with effort.

The two lovers had both embraced the spirit of the festival when Tamir, filled with a different kind of spirit, had finally told Amira the one thing she’s always wanted to hear; he loves her, and he’d to anything to be with her.

When Tamir hits a certain spot, Amira almost screams, before remembering something important. ‘Oh… shit my… my housemate!’ If they keep going at it like this, they’re going to wake her up!

That doesn’t deter Tamir. ‘She’s probably… in the same… position… with… Ishvalan. If not… I’d better make you… scream louder so… she… knows… I’m… fucking… you… properly!’ If Tamir has his way, the two of them would be at it all night, exploring each other’s bodies endlessly.

It’s just as well Amira feels the same.

The two of them aren’t getting any sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … so, I know a few people have been concerned about Tamir and Amira getting together first, but trust me, it’s all good. Things are going to snowball towards what I believe is a satisfying conclusion ;)
> 
> For now, sorry, and thank you for reading ^.^


	24. Take It Slow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Muahahaha, I’ve been looking forward to posting the aftermath of the festival :3 I hope you all feel the same after reading it!

Ishvalan is aware of three things when he wakes up. 

The first is nausea. There’s a horrendous queasy feeling coming from deep in his gut, his stomach threatening to evacuate at any moment.

The second is a headache that seems to spilt his head in two, and makes him reluctant to expose his eyes to the cold light of morning.

The third is that someone is in bed with him, and given how they’re sleeping together, he thinks he knows who.

Before opening his eyes, Ishvalan desperately tries to recall the events that lead him here. There was dancing, and music, and alcohol…

He drank too much. He shouldn’t have had so much to drink. He’s not sure if he really enjoyed the taste of it, or if it was the nerves that came from carrying a courting gift that he had planned to present…

Ishvalan can just about feel it still in his robes; that’s one thing yesterday that he did not do.

Perhaps it was misery that caused him to imbibe so much? Did she reject him? But then, why is he so convinced that she is the woman in bed with him?

Why are they sharing a bed at all?

Knowing that he needs answers, Ishvalan reluctantly opens his eyes, a familiar mass of hair in front of him. He was right, then. The Amestrian woman is in his bed, still wearing the dress from yesterday.

Two things rush through Ishvalan’s sore head this time, the first of which being relief; as they’re both still fully clothed, there is no reason to believe they did anything past cuddling.

The second is just how beautiful she still looks.

It had taken his breath away yesterday, seeing her in something more feminine than her usual robes. She was a vision of beauty, and still is, so content in his arms once again. The paint from yesterday is peeling off in places, but that does nothing to detract from the it. There is nothing Ishvalan wouldn’t exchange in order to feel like this every morning, with her in his bed…

… Only, this isn’t his bed.

It suddenly occurs to Ishvalan he’s not in his tent; it looks like a building. Yet this isn’t her building either… so where is he?

Ishvalan hears a whisper from behind him. ‘Are you awake, Ishvalan?’ He knows that voice!

Slowly as to not exacerbate his headache, Ishvalan turns to face the whisperer. ‘Tim? What am I doing here?’ Presumably, he’s in the clinic, but how did he get here?

Marcoh sighs, his eyes more tired than usual. ‘You were drunk, Ishvalan. More drunk that I was comfortable leaving alone. I decided to bring you here to watch for any signs of alcohol poisoning.’ His friends truly are a blessing. To think that one of them was willing to spend the entire night making sure he did not succumb to the alcohol in his veins…

Ishvalan tries to move his arm so he can sit up, but when the woman in his arms snuggles in closer, he aborts his mission completely. ‘I appreciate it. Why is my friend with me?’ What must Marcoh think, Ishvalan in bed with a woman that isn’t his wife. Even if he’s certain they didn’t do anything inappropriate.

Marcoh chuckles. ‘You insisted that she stay with you so you could protect her. You kept calling her your angel. I think you proposed at one point.’ He… what?! Oh Ishvala, what has he done?!

Marcoh’s amusement dies when he realises how distressed his friend is. ‘She was upset. She is convinced that you meant those words for someone else.’ Someone… else? Who? Who else could it possibly be?

Ishvalan is mortified. ‘As if there could ever be another. Why would I ever want to be with any other woman? I was… I had planned to ask her to court me, but the alcohol in my blood prevented me from doing so. I think perhaps I overindulged. I thought it might help to loosen the tight leash I have placed on my heart, but all it did was turn me into a fool.’ He can’t resist turning back to face his companion, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. 

Marcoh nods. ‘I did try to explain that to her, but she didn’t listen. I think you both need to have a serious talk when she wakes up. You were that drunk, it is almost a miracle you didn’t molest her in some way.’

Even in his hungover state, Ishvalan is stern. ‘I would never. There is no way I could ever cause her any kind of harm. If I had forced myself on her, I would have never forgiven myself. I would have thrown myself at the mercy of the temple, and lived the rest of my days praying for a forgiveness I would not deserve.’ To think that he might have hurt her in such a way…

The woman next to his groans, slowly starting to wake up.

Marcoh sighs. ‘I’m going to go for a walk. Help yourself to water if you need it. In fact, help yourself even if you don’t. It’s important to rehydrate after a night of heavy drinking.’ Ishvalan is inclined to take that advice; now that he’s more alert, he realises his mouth feels like he swallowed sand at one point.

He would say more, but Marcoh is already gone, and the woman in his arms is now taking his full attention.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It’s the faint sound of talking that tears you away from sleep. You figure Ishvalan has finally woken up, and Marcoh is giving him some kind of lecture about the dangers of drink.

By the time you’re properly awake, Marcoh has left (if the sound of the fabric flapping in the entrance way is anything to go by), and Ishvalan is holding you close, his voice low and laced with the effort it must take him to think at the moment. ‘Good morning. I believe I owe you an apology.’ Oh no. Does this means he remembers everything? That he remembers your confession?!

You brace yourself for the inevitable, and Ishvalan sighs. ‘It was unforgivable of me to spoil your first festival by overindulging myself. If I had been left to my own devices it might have been okay, but I am told I dragged you into here with me, and insisted you slept by my side. I only hope I have not completely sullied your memories of the day.’ It would have actually been quite funny, if you hadn’t let slip…

… wait a second.

You turn around so that you’re face-to-face with Ishvalan, still using his arm as your pillow. ‘What you’ve been told? You mean you don’t remember anything?’ Could you have really gotten off this easily? 

Ishvalan looks straight into your eyes. ‘Not a thing. Tim was the one who filled me in. I… he said I had asked you to marry me, and that you were upset by the notion because you believed I thought you were someone else.’ Why did Marcoh have to do that? Now you’re in an impossible position…

It’s your turn to sigh. ‘Yeah, that’s about the size of it. I’m fine though. I think I had too many myself. It’s water under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.’ At least this way, you won’t have to repeat your confession; you’re not sure if you’re brave enough for that.

Ishvalan looks like he’s having an unpleasant flashback, before he frowns deeply. ‘There is no alcohol in the world strong enough to make me forget who you are. Whatever I said, know that it was aimed at you.’ Wait, so he… everything he said… it really was meant for you? No, it couldn’t be. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He could still be drunk, there was that much alcohol in his system!

When your eyes fall away, Ishvalan places his hand under your chin, encouraging you to look at him again. ‘What answer did you give? Did you accept my proposal?’ Now you truly are conflicted; what do you tell him?

If you tell him no, you’ll be lying to your closet friend about how you feel. If by some miracle he does have feelings for you, telling him no might kill them here and now, and leave you with no chance at building a future together.

However, if you say yes, you’ll be laying his heart at your feet, and you just don’t know if you’re brave enough to do it. These feelings could ruin everything, destroy your friendship…

You chew your bottom lip, still contemplating. ‘Ishvalan, do you remember how you promised me you’d never let anything come between our friendship?’ You can’t believe you’re doing this…

Ishvalan hums. ‘Nothing will ever come between that. I will always be a loyal friend to you, no matter what.’ 

You can feel tears prick in your eyes, embarrassed at what you’re about to admit. ‘I… I know that I’m…’ you take a deep breath, totally lost. Why is this so hard?

The hand on your chin moves to stroke your cheek, his touch heartbreakingly gentle. ‘You’re special to me. Beyond measure and comparison. Whatever your answer was, I don’t expect you to honour it, but it would help me to know how you feel.’ Help him? You’re the one that needs help here. You just don’t know…

Despite Ishvalan’s determination to maintain eye contact, you close them, too scared of seeing rejection in his crimson eyes. ‘Please don’t make me say it. I know that you’re in love with someone else, and I don’t want my own selfish feelings to come between you and them.’ You can feel yourself trembling under his touch, and you hate yourself for being so nervous.

You swear you can feel Ishvalan’s heart beating faster. ‘Please look at me. I need to look you in the eyes.’ You can’t, you can’t, you ca-

You feel the light pressure of Ishvalan’s lips against your forehead, and it’s enough to make you open your eyes.

Could he… he really didn’t mean anyone else, did he? When he said he loved you, he knew. He knew it was you in his arms, and he meant every word of it.

Despite your raging emotions, your smile is almost serine. ‘I said yes. I knew you weren’t serious, but I was. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m sorry.’ It’s out now. The truth is finally out. You’re completely at his mercy.

Ishvalan’s thumb traces over your lips, a small smile of his own finally gracing his face. ‘One day, I will mean it, and it will be you that I ask. Right now, I am not a man that would make a good husband. There are still things about myself that I need time to work on, to change. I know this, and yet I couldn’t help myself falling in love with you either. At the same time, I don’t want another man, a man ready to be your husband, to take you from me. We would have to take things slowly, but if you are willing, I would be serious about courting you properly. If I am to grow as a person, I would like to do so with you by my side.’ You aren’t hearing this. You’re still dreaming. Surely this can’t be real?

You laugh nervously. ‘How do I know you’re not still drunk?’ He seems sober enough, but he had last night for a long time before his intoxication became clear.

Ishvalan removes his hand, and your heart breaks. You’ve broken the spell, doubted him too much. Even if this is real, now you’ve ruined it…

Your fear turns to confusion when Ishvalan sticks his hand into his robes, almost like he’s searching for something.

When Ishvalan produces a woven bracelet from his robes, you swear your heart stops beating.

You hold a hand up instinctively, and Ishvalan gives it to you, his large hand hovering over yours so he can point things out. ‘I was not blessed with crafter’s hands, but I have done my best to create something you can be proud to wear.’ He draws your attention to the colours he’s chosen. ‘The light brown represents the sand, the foundation of our life together. The white represents the bright future I see for us. Finally, the blue represents two things. It is the nights we shared together hiding from the storm, and it is you. The rain that breaths new life into the world. In many ways, I am the sand. I always feel so different when I am with the rain. You have done much to breathe new life into me.’ Your hand clutches at the bracelet, and you allow the tears you were holding to flow freely; he really means it. This isn’t just a dream or a whim. He’s been planing this.

You blink away the tears, laughing happily. ‘I feel bad for not getting you anything. This is so beautiful.’ All the thoughts and feelings that went into it… he’s so heartwarmingly thoughtful.

Ishvalan smiles, clearly relieved. ‘It would be gift enough if you let me put it on for you. To show that it is me that is courting you.’ You’re not sure why he needs to prove that, but if it makes him happy…

Reluctantly, you sit, and Ishvalan follows, wincing slightly as he does. 

You offer him your wrists. ‘Which one do you want to put it on?’ 

Ishvalan takes the bracelet from you, grabbing your right hand almost hesitantly. ‘In Ishval, to wear a bracelet like this on your right wrist is a sign you are in a committed relationship. Everyone will know that you are taken, and I will make it clear that I am the one who put it here. Is that okay?’ It’s perfect. It’s what you’ve wanted for so long…

You nod enthusiastically. ‘Isn’t that the point of this? That everyone knows I’m taken? That my heart is already claimed?’ Your heart, your mind, your body… you’ll share it all with him if he’ll do the same.

Ishvalan smiles one of his blinding smiles before sliding the bracelet onto your wrist, making sure it’s secure before taking your one hand in both of his and bringing it to his lips.

The moment he releases you, you wrap your arms around him, and you share your first embrace as lovers, rather than friends. 

After a long while, Ishvalan gently pushes you away, the smile on his face never faltering. ‘I should walk you home now. No doubt Amira is concerned about your whereabouts. Unless you would rather walk alone? I do not want people to think that I bedded you in my intoxicated state.’ Wait a minute…

You’re confused. ‘Technically, you did. It’s just that your aim was protection over procreation.’ 

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘A fair point. There will be plenty of time for that when we are married. For now, I am happy with the way things are. We will grow at our own pace, not matter what others may say or think.’ As long as he’s yours, you don’t mind taking it slow; no need to rush things now that you’re finally together.

The two of you stand then, and once Ishvalan has had a well-needed drunk, you head off back to the shop, ignoring the surprised looks of passers-by.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

By the time you make it to the shop, you’re quite desperate to wash off yesterday’s paint; it has become vaguely itchy now.

Standing by the front sheet, you’re about to invite Ishvalan in for some tea, when the flap opens violently, Tamir storming out past the two of you without a word.

You and Ishvalan exchange a look, before rushing inside, Tamir’s attitude and sudden exit concerning. Your eyes scan the shop, only to fall on the sheet blocking access to Amira’s room when you head a faint sniffling.

You turn to Ishvalan. ‘Would you might boiling some water for us all? I think we might need it.’ Ishvalan nods silently, leaving you to investigate the noise alone.

Pulling back the sheet, you find Amira curled up in her bedsheets, crying softly. 

You immediately sit by her side, an unfamiliar smell hitting your nose. It smells a lot like sweat an-

Oh.

Well, looks like Amira and Tamir took the Head Monk’s advice literally.

That doesn’t explain why she’s so upset. Surely they should both be happy? Tamir told Ishvalan how much he loves her, and you know Amira feels the same. This should have been a dream come true for them both!

Uncertain, you rest a hand on Amira’s hair, stroking it soothingly. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Amira sits up also instantly, the covers falling down to reveal her nude form. She all but throws herself into you as she rests her head against your chest, sobbing into you as you gently stroke her.

When she’s finally calm, Amira pulls away, but makes no effort to cover herself. ‘I had it. For a few hours last night, I finally had the one thing I’ve always wanted. Sure, we were drunk, but I thought he meant it. He told me how much he loved me! All night, we spent… I let him do things I’ve never done with anyone before, because he told me he would make me feel good, and I wanted him so much… but this morning, he… he…’ she starts sobbing again, so you bring her back into your chest, comforting her once again.

From what you’ve heard, you think you have the full picture. ‘Now that he’s sober, he thinks he’s made a mistake?’ If that’s true, he’s an idiot; who walks out on a woman that loves them when the feeling is mutual?

Amira’s speech is partially muffled by the dress. ‘He said that I was a stupid woman that only fucked him out of pity. That he didn’t need pity. I tried to tell him that I loved him but he accused me of lying for his sake. He… I think he hates me…’ She’s wailing again, and you hope Ishvalan hasn’t gone out to hunt Tamir down; that would only hurt Amira more.

Gently easing her away when she’s calmer again, you place your hands on her shoulders. ‘This is what we’re going to do. I’m going to fetch some water so you can freshen up, and then we’re going to have a nice cup of tea together. Tamir… I won’t make excuses for him, but we both know he has a lot of unresolved issues. He probably said that because he doesn’t understand why someone as wonderful as you would even look twice at him. It’s self-hatred talking, not his feelings for you. I have it on good authority that he cares for you. For now though, you should give each other space. If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll come back with an apology. If not, then if nothing else, you’ll know that it wasn’t meant to be.’ Even if you were certain it was… they seem so perfect for each other.

Amira sighs. ‘You’re right. I’m worth more than this. I’ll hold out hope that Tamir gets his act together, but after this… I’m heartbroken. It’ll take a while for me to get over what happened last night.’ You can understand that; if Ishvalan had fucked and abandoned you last night, you’d be in an even worse state.

Speaking of Ishvalan, you hear the kettle whistling in the main room, something that grabs Amira’s attention too. ‘Oh, did you bring Ishvalan with you? How was yo-‘ Her eyes zone in on the bracelet on your wrist, widening in surprise. ‘Is that a courting bracelet? Please tell me it is! Even if it’s not, lie to me. I want one of us to be happy, at least!’ But if you’re lying, then wouldn’t that happiness only be short lived?

Despite feeling bad for Amira, you can’t help but smile when you look at it. ‘He walked me home. I asked him to put the kettle on for us all. As for the bracelet, I don’t have to lie to you. Ishvalan and are I are officially courting.’ Or dating, as you call it back in Amestris…

Amira smiles. ‘It’s about time, too. I’m glad you both finally stopped making eyes and started opening your mouths. I’m going to tell myself that the dress helped, though. The view of what he could nuzzle his face between every evening was too much for him to resist!’ If you didn’t already know that Ishvalan has so real interest in sexualising women, you would almost agree.

With a heavy sigh, Amira stretches her arms above her head. ‘Right, well, you’re going to have to leave now so I can get dressed. I’ll wash off later because I don’t want to keep Ishvalan waiting. You have no idea how much I’m going to tease you both.’ If it makes Amira happy, you’ll take it; anything to distract her right now.

One thing that is strange though. ‘Amira, you realise that not only are you currently showing both your breasts, but I’ve also seen you stark naked at the bath house loads. You don’t have to shoo me away if you’d rather have company right now.’ In truth, you’re concerned about leaving her alone, even for a few moments.

Amira’s cheeks darken. ‘Yeah, but this is different. I don’t want to ruin your innocent eyes or mind, but right now, I look like an overfilled pastry in places, if you catch my drift?’ Overstuffed… oh no, is she bleeding?!

Panic sets in. ‘If you’re hurt, I can find the doctor. I know it’s embarrassing, but…’

Amira raises a hand. ‘I’m going to stop you right there. Honestly, as much as I know you’ve imagined sex with Ishvalan, you seem to forget that there are fluids involved, and Tamir… he was not lacking.’ Oh. OH. Amira said she’d let him do things that no one else had done before; you just hope she was properly lubricated before he tried that!

Very keen not to see that, you walk out of the room.

It’s such a shame that Tamir has left Amira like that. You’d been so convinced that they’d be together. But then again, you’d never suspected that Ishvalan would return your own feelings.

It just proves that sometimes, life finds a way of surprising you.

Whether or not those surprises are for the best remains to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we made it! Mostly… 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you again soon ^.^


	25. Allegations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> And on this week's episode of 'I'm so sorry, Amira, you're a precious bean and your author mama loves you,', this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

A week after the festival, not much has changed.

The sun in Ishval is shining as bright as always, bathing you all in what you could consider to be too much warmth. All around people are plodding along doing their daily tasks, from building houses to washing clothes.

The only real difference is that you don’t have to make food runs any more. With so many people now in their own homes, a community kitchen with its own food bank has been set up, so people are now free to collect their own food. There are plans to keep it running for as long as it’s needed, to make sure no one starves as the economy slowly rebuilds.

While you’d been sad at first, Ishvalan had soon put your mind at ease; he suggested that you walk together every morning instead, so that you get to spend time just talking with each other without distraction. Of course, you’d agreed without even thinking, and now you’re finding that not having any work to do first thing is a blessing.

You don’t have to do your usual work today either, Amira deciding to close up shop for the day. Poor Amira, it breaks your heart…

Tamir has been living his life as if nothing happened, and it makes you so angry. He’s been going about his business as normal, as brooding as ever. He’s even recommenced hostilities towards you, staring daggers if you so much as breath in his general direction. You just don’t get it at all. He got the girl. Amira was right there, she was willing to be with him! If he wanted to build a life with her, he only had to ask. Instead, he’s made your best friend’s life a misery, and you’re beginning to hate him for that.

The worst thing of all is that somehow, every knows what happened that night. Someone else must have seen Tamir leaving that morning, because within a day, there were rumours circulating all around Ishval. Rumours that paint Amira in a bad light, from the few you’ve heard. You suspect Mina is behind it all, but with no proof, there’s little you can do besides defending Amira every time you hear that awful lie.

Your thoughts must show on your face, because Ishvalan decides to comment. ‘Are you thinking of Amira again?’ You actually feel quite bad for Ishvalan. This was supposed to be your first week as a couple, but all you’ve done is worry about Amira.

You make a conscious effort to smile. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just… I can’t imagine how deep her pain must be right now. To have the person you’ve loved for so long in your grasp, only to lose them the moment you close your eyes…’ you’re concerned Amira won’t recover from this set back. You’ve already quizzed Doctor Marcoh on depression, and the best way to help someone suffering from it (Marcoh had been more than forthcoming with the information; ever since he heard about the rumour, he’s been worrying about the same thing).

Ishvalan nods. ‘Her pain must indeed be great. I have been praying for her, but I fear it is not enough. That is why I’m glad she has you in her life. Having someone to act as a sister to her will do much for her state of mind. If there is anything I can do to help with that, you have only to ask.’ It’s still so hard to believe that the man you once hated so much is now the sweetest, most genuine partner you could hope for… even if he can’t flirt to save his life.

You hug his arm. ‘Thank you. I appreciate that. I know it can’t be easy for you with my mind so focused on Amira. It won’t always be like this, I promise.’ You’re not sure what is expected of wives in Ishval, but there are probably many in Amestris at least that would frown upon your actions…

Ishvalan leans his head over, kissing your forehead. ‘It does not bother me. An important part of courtship is discovering what traits the other person has, and deciding if you find them desirable in a spouse. All you are doing is proving to me that you are compassionate, something that I already knew, and already find desirable. Amira is your friend, and she is suffering. I do not expect to be your priority at the moment. That is all there is to say.’ You try to listen, but your thoughts have zoned in on your forehead, where you swear you can still feel Ishvalan’s lips. You can’t wait until the day he kisses you for real…

Your smile becomes genuine. ‘You’re showing me a lot of things yourself, and I like what I see.’ Despite his protests to the contrary, you think Ishvalan would make a perfect husband just as he is; well, if he settled on a name, at least.

Ishvalan smiles back. ‘I am glad. It shows that we are well-matched. Then again, I do not think we would have fallen in love if we were not.’ Part of you wishes the heavens would open again, just so you had an excuse to nestle in his arms for the rest of the day…

A familiar voice puts an end to that idea. ‘Morning, lovebirds. How are the former monk and his angel today?’ You think Miles is enjoying your new relationship even more than you are; he’d almost literally jumped for joy when you and Ishvalan told him the good news.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘Laugh all you will my friend, but that evening has led to me finally embracing the love I feel for her. It is proof that there is merit even in mistake.’ A lesson that you know Ishvalan has learnt more than once…

Miles frowns. ‘I wonder if there is any merit in Amira’s mistake. Fuck, I’d love to punch Tamir right about now. I don’t suppose you’d consider using your arm to make a certain part of him explode, would you?’ … What?! Is he asking Ishvalan to jerk him off, or does he mean that literally?

Ishvalan frowns back. ‘I am not a man now that wishes to inflict pain upon another. Besides, it would only increase Amira’s pain. As much as he has hurt her, she still loves him. She would not like to see her love in pain.’ You’re glad he’s thinking rationally; you’re not far off of hurting Tamir yourself.

Miles clenches his fists. ‘You’re right. Still, he deserves at least a swift kick to the crotch. I don’t understand how anyone could hurt Amira like that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her say a bad thing about anyone. Everyone here used to think the world of her, until Mina started that shitty rumour. I don’t get why he doesn’t just admit his mistake. It’s the least he can do for her.’ He makes a fair point. All it would take is for Tamir to tell his side of the story. At least then people would know that it was a drunken fling…

Ishvalan huffs. ‘Tamir is a coward, but we should not judge him too harshly. In his mind, I am certain he is afraid that he has damaged his relationship with Amira beyond repair. He is avoiding her because as long as he does so, she cannot give him the rejection he believes he has earned.’ So he’s just going to let her suffer? It’s not fair…

Miles sighs. ‘You have a point. You got a woman into bed, but at least you both kept your clothes on. I wish Tamir had managed the same. For the record though, if you’d had a drunken fuck and left your lady high-and-dry, I would have beaten the shit out of you.’ He might have had to join a queue; Amira would be tearing chunks if the tables were turned, you’re sure.

Ishvalan’s other hand covers one of yours over his arm. ‘I would have let you. At the very least, I would have taken full responsibility, no matter how much it hurt to lose the one I love.’ Well, that won’t be happening anytime soon; you know that for a fact.

Miles’ eyes suddenly widen. ‘Oh! I had a message to pass on now that I think about it! He wants to see you both as soon as you can. Think he wants to bless you both or something, I’m sure. I’m pretty sure you’ll know where to find him. I think I’m going to pay Mina a visit, see if I can’t get her to set the record straight, as Tamir isn’t bothered.’ It’s good to see one of your friends standing up for another one like that; it just shows how tight your new inner circle is.

Bidding farewell to Miles, you and Ishvalan make your way to the temple, hoping that the Head Monk truly does wish to bless you both;

You know his approval would mean the world to Ishvalan.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

As you make your way into the temple, the Head monk greets you both, an even smile on his face when he notices your arms are still wrapped around one of Ishvalan’s. ‘It is a pleasure to see you both today. I trust that it was Miles that sent you here?’

Ishvalan nods. ‘Indeed. He said that you wish to see us both. May I ask why?’ Oh, does Ishvalan not think Miles is right? Is this not a blessing.

You notice the monk shift nervously, and your heart drops; not a blessing then.

The Head monk’s words confirm your suspicions. ‘I think it would be best if I spoke to the young woman in private.’ What? Why? Have you done something wrong?

You let go of Ishvalan’s arm so you can face the Head Monk properly. ‘Whatever I’m being accused of, I want Ishvalan to hear it. I’ll only tell him anyway once we are finished.’ You don’t intend to start keeping things from your new partner…

The elder man sighs. ‘Very well. Tell me, is this courtship consensual? Did you enter it of your own free will?’ What?! How can you non-consensually court someone?!

When you ask as much, the Head Monk calmly replies. ‘You still have much to learn about our customs. The complaint that I have received is that Ishvalan… tampered with you in his drunken stupor, and subsequently told you that you would be considered a whore if you did not agree to court him.’ What?! Who the fuck said that?!

You’re in such a state of shock that Ishvalan answers. ‘You of all people should know that I would never do anything so vile, especially not to the woman I love. While it is true we shared a bed that night, it was completely innocent. There was no tampering of any kind.’ Whomever it was that told the Head Monk this must have seen you leave Marcoh’s clinic with Ishvalan. Is it possible that they could have followed you home, and seen Tamir leaving?

You finally regain your senses again. ‘Marcoh can attest to that. He was with us the entire night. Even if he wasn’t, he could… no man has ever tampered with me. If that is what it takes to prove that this accusation is false, I could ask Marcoh to examine me.’ Not exactly an idea situation, asking your friend to prod at your intimate area for the sake of Ishvalan’s honour, but if that would prove his innocence…

Ishvalan looks appalled by the suggestion. ‘I won’t allow it. You shouldn’t have to subject yourself to something like that. Besides which, your sexual history is not the issue. There are no laws against pre-marital sex, except those regarding monks I have already told you of. If there were, I suspect many would have been guilty the night of the festival. If we had made love, nobody would have thought less of you. It is my accused coercion that is the issue here.’ Well, that’s something to keep in mind for the future…

It does create a question however. ‘Then why are people treating Amira with such unkindness if she has done nothing wrong?’ By Ishvalan’s logic, a drunken fling in Ishval shouldn’t be treated differently here, if neither party is a monk.

The Head Monk sighs. ‘Ah yes, young Amira. I have heard many accusations hurled her way of late. The issue there is that she has publicly stated to many other women that Tamir is not ready for any kind of relationship. To them, she is either a liar or a hypocrite. Neither of those things compare to one alligation I’ve received however.’ You can already tell that you’re not going to like this, but you allow the Head Monk to continue. ‘Many had noticed Tamir in an intoxicated state, but no one can recall seeing Amira in such a way. As such, the person in question believes that what happened between them was lacking consent from one party, but not the other. They are requesting that she be punished for it.’ You aren’t hearing this. You can’t be. Amira… but she’s done nothing wrong.

Ishvalan practically growls. ‘Whatever Mina wants is irrelevant. You can take no action unless Tamir steps forward and formally makes an alligation.’ Is he right? You really hope he’s right! You’d really hate to have to jeopardise your life here by speaking out against the temple, but for Amira, you’d do just that.

To your relief, the Head Monk nods. ‘You are correct, both in identifying the name of the accuser and your assessment of the situation. You should also know that I have spoken to Tamir, and he has absolved Amira of any responsibility. Legally, the matter will go no further, but I fear that will do little to dispel the rumours. Likewise, the two of you should prepare yourselves, for Mina is also the one to blame for my summoning you here.’ That bitch! Never mind Tamir, it’s Mina that you should target! Would Ishvalan have any qualms about beating up a woman?

Ishvalan nods. ‘Thank you for informing us, though I must confess the idea had already crossed my mind. Mina has already thrown many allegations my way, including ones that suggest I am likely to harm the one I love. The way that I intend to deal with them is to prove just how baseless they are.’ He gives your shoulder a firm squeeze, and you practically melt under his touch, eager to know all the ways he’ll prove Mina wrong.

In truth though, you’re more looking forward to seeing Mina’s face when you expose her for the liar she is. Coming after you is one thing, but now you have proof that she’s coming after Amira, and in the worst way possible? As much as you’d come here to make up for your country’s actions in the war, that doesn’t mean you won’t start another one for your Ishvalan sister.

If Mina wants a fight, then you’re not above giving her what she wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you might have guessed, things are going to get worse before they get better, but hey, at least Tamir said something to the Head Monk!
> 
> Next chapter should see the return of a few allies, but for now, thank you for reading :)


	26. The Boys Are Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> It’s finally time! They’re coming home T^T I’ve been so looking forward to this day…
> 
> I’m sure you have too, so I’ll let you get on with this chapter ;)

Three weeks after the festival, you get the news you’ve been waiting weeks to hear; Anthony and Hani are back, and they’ve brought a lot of families with them.

Naturally, you and Amira are amongst the first to meet them, fresh bundles of clothing in-hand. You’ve made robes that range in size from two years to grown adult, planning to keep any spares for future children born here. Not that you’ve heard that any of the couples here are expecting little bundles of joy, but after the festival, you have no doubt Marcoh’s clinic will soon be full to capacity with expectant mothers.

Still, any plans you’d had to help distribute them had gone out the window the moment you see Hani coming.

Hani approaches you with an even smile. ‘You’re looking tanned, my friend.’ Seriously? That’s what he’s going to start with? 

You place the robes you’d been holding down so you can pull him into a tight hug, one that Hani is all too happy to return. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’ You feel like you could cry. After all these months, the first friends you’d made in Ishval are finally home. 

Hani pulls away from the hug after a few moments, putting his hands on your shoulders. ‘As have we. Still, from what you said in your letter, it sounds as if you’ve managed wonderfully in my absence. Befriending one of the nicest women in Ishval isn’t much of a stretch, but making peace with Ishvalan? I’m glad you finally listened to me on that. I told you he was a nice guy once you get over the grumpiness.’ Oh, but wait until he hears…

Amira, who’s been listening as she distributes robes, chuckles. ‘You’re in for a big surprise. Ishvalan isn’t half as miserable as he used to be. These days, it’s rarer to see him without a smile on his face.’ It makes your heart flutter when you realise that you’re at least part of the reason he’s been smiling so much. You should have figured out much sooner that he has feelings for you, just by how much he’s changed since you started spending time with him. 

Hani raises his brow at you. ‘Oh really? Sounds like he’s smitten with someone. A certain Amestrian aid worker perhaps? What do you think, Amira? Should we be asking the Head Monk to prepare the ceremonial fire? Or would the wedding be a more Amestrian affair?’ The ceremonial fire? That’s something to ask Ishvalan about later!

Amira starts laughing again, only to hiss, rubbing at her temples gingerly.

You’re at her side immediately, putting a hand on her back. ‘Amira? What’s wrong?’ 

Amira has her eyes squeezed shut, still rubbing her head. ‘It’s nothing. Just a headache is all.’ Just a headache? And how long has she had it? Has it just come on?

When you ask those questions, Amira sighs, finally opening her eyes to look at you. ‘Truthfully, I’ve been feeling a little off for days now. It’s just… all this shit with Mina is really getting to me. I feel so anxious all the time, scared of what she might do next. I’m not sleeping right, I can’t even go to the toilet properly. Now I’ve got these random aches everywhere, and I’m worried I’ve been so busy stressing over Mina that I’ve caught something. 

‘I wish… I wish I’d never gone back with Tamir that night. If I hadn’t, then Mina wouldn’t be trying to ruin my life, and he’d still…’ she bursts into tears, and you pull her into a hug, ignoring the line of people that has started to form. 

Hani steps in while you comfort Amira, grabbing a pile of robes. ‘Sorry, the young lady isn’t feeling too well today. In the meantime, I’m happy to help.’ You hope he knows which sizes are which; you’d hate to see a two year old flopping about in robes made for a six year old.

Finally, Amira settles down enough to speak. ‘Could you handle this if I went home? I can’t be out today, not feeling like this.’ You’re impressed that she made it this far, if she’s feeling this shitty.

You nod. ‘I’ll ask Hani if he’s okay keeping an eye for a bit while I walk you back. You’re in no state to go anywhere alone. Maybe I should take you to Marcoh instead?’ If nothing else, he could confirm if she’s coming down with someone.

Amira softly shakes her head. ‘Please, don’t trouble anyone on my account. I’ll be fine getting home by myself, anyway. You’re needed here.’ 

You’re about to argue with her, when you hear a deep voice behind you. ‘Is everything alright?’ You have to admit, Ishvalan has amazing timing.

You turn to face him, stepping to the side slightly so he can see Amira too. ‘Not really. Amira isn’t feeling too well today. She doesn’t want to see Marcoh, but could you walk her home for me please?’ If Amira won’t let you leave, you’ll send her with the next best thing.

Ishvalan’s brow furrows deeply. ‘Of course. I would be happy to walk Amira home.’ You knew he wouldn’t refuse you. Besides, he quite likes Amira.

Amira is about to protest, but you shake her head. ‘You don’t want me to leave here, but I don’t want to send you home alone. Consider this a compromise, okay?’ She nods weekly, before walking pass you to stand the other side of Ishvalan.

Ishvalan leans over, kissing your forehead. ‘I’ll make sure she’s settled in before I return to you. I was hoping we could spend some time together this evening, but as you’ll be caring for Amira, I shall settle for now instead.’ It’s cute that he always wants to spend time with you; definitely bodes well for the future.

Amira nudges him half-heartedly. ‘Why not do both and come over for dinner? Your company at mealtimes has been missed.’ She can say that again; you’d eat every meal with him if you could.

Ishvalan hums. ‘I can think of no better way to spend my evening, if it is no imposition?’ As if it ever is!

Amira shakes her head. ‘Never. You are courting my closest friend, after all. You’re basically family.’ Yeah, she’s right; they both are.

Ishvalan looks genuinely touched, smiling brightly. ‘I fear you are far more unwell than you are letting on. I shall have to keep an eye on you, my red eyed sister.’ He looks back at you, eyes full of love. ‘One day, there won’t be any ‘basically’ about it. Until then, just remember that I love you.’ That’s a hard thing to forget, given that you feel the same.

Feeling emboldened by his words, you kiss his cheek. ‘I know. I love you too, after all. Now go off and make sure Amira is okay. Compassion is a very nice quality in a man.’ Even if he’s not entirely mastered it yet, he’s definitely a lot softer these days…

You swear Ishvalan is about to come in for another kiss, when you hear a wolf whistle; Anthony has arrived to meet Hani, and he’s watching your display with interest.

You swear your cheeks are bright red when Ishvalan nods his head, his own cheeks harbouring a blush. ‘I’ll make sure she’s safe. See you later.’ You wave goodbye to Ishvalan and Amira, who seems to be a funny colour herself now you think about it.

With them gone, you can focus on Anthony, and the three children stood with him. Two boys, and a girl, who looks to be the eldest, all hold hands as they look around Ishval, taking in the sights of their new home.

Anthony beams at you. ‘So, do you have a happy announcement for us? You and Ishvalan look very close indeed.’ Oh, so he’d noticed that? You thought he was just trying to embarrass you both…

Hani nudges his husband playfully. ‘Ant! We said we weren’t going to interfere until we’re settled here!’ Oh, but they were planning to interfere? It’s a shame they didn’t get here sooner; Miles would have been glad of the extra help.

Still, you can’t resist showing off your arm, the bracelet from Ishvalan still in its rightful place. ‘No interference needed. Ishvalan asked me to court him the day after the harvest festival.’ Well, the morning after, but there’s no need to go into detail with the kids watching listening.

Both men’s eyes immediately light up, with Ant being the one to grab your hand and examine the bracelet. ‘It’s lovely. I never knew Ishvalan had it in him to make something like this. And on your right arm, too! Did he tell you that means he’s serious about this? I wore mine on my left wrist for years because someone couldn’t make up their mind if they wanted me or not.’ He looks pointedly at Hani, who averts his eyes to look at the children.

The little girl looks up at you. ‘So that man is your husband?’ She points to Ishvalan, just about visible as he walks beside Amira.

You smile at her. ‘Not yet, but he will be. What’s your name?’ You give her your own name first, trying to put her at ease.

She smiles right back. ‘I’m Jenny. These are my brothers, Kieran and Thomas. They’re both very loud and irritating, but I love them.’ Ah, so these must be the three Hani wrote about in his letter! If they’re here with them, does this mean…?’

Hani smiles fondly at the children. ‘This lady is really lovely, so if you ever need help, she’s a good person to ask, okay? Of course, you should come to me and Ant first though. We’re going to do our best to look after you all.’ 

Thomas, the youngest of the three, toddles up to you, stretching his arms wide. ‘I Thomas. These my dads!’ He wraps his arms tightly around your legs, and you pat his hair, which makes him giggle.

Ant sighs. ‘Well, I think you’ve heard our big news then. Hani and I have officially adopted Jenny, Kieran and Thomas. We wanted to give them the best, and what better way than raising them ourselves?’ You’re so happy for them. They’re going to be the best dads you can imagine!

You smile at the children. ‘Well then. I think you kiddies are in safe hands. You’re all going to be so happy here. I know I am.’ You help Hani and Anthony find clothes for the children, then Anthony takes them away, leaving you alone with Hani.

Hani smiles wickedly. ‘So then, now that the kids are out of earshot, what’s Ishvalan like in bed?’ He didn’t just go there. Of all the things…

You giggle, the situation hitting you; your friends are finally home.

You’ve all got so much to catch up on.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

A part of Miles hates checking new people into Ishval.

As selfish as it is, Miles hates the fact that none of these people will ever be for him. His family, the few that are still alive, have no interest in living here, and his soon-to-be ex-wife is nestled up north with her new partner, waiting to have his child. It’s things like that that’ll always make Miles question if Ishvala really is as benevolent as his former monk best friend is always telling him.

At least there’s only two more to check off. A young woman and child, probably a widow if Miles had to guess. It sucks that she’s had to make the journey alone, but at least there’s a lot of women here that would be more than happy to take her under their wing; Miles might just point her to the tailor’s shop.

Any thoughts of that leave miles’ mind the second he sees her. Flowing white hair, impossibly long lashes, a shapely pair of lips… holy shit, she’s gorgeous. An absolute gem of a woman. Miles is going to need a moment to think, because right now he can’t do much past looking at the beautiful woman before him.

He shakes his head violently. He shouldn’t be thinking shit like that. She’s a widow, she’s travelled all this way with a child that’s just lost his dad, and he’s stood here drooling over her? Maybe he’s the one that should be getting lessons from Ishvalan, learn how to control.

Oh god, she’s stood in front of him. Think, Miles… 

‘You look warm.’ 

What?! 

The young woman blinks at Miles, clearly taken aback by his statement. ‘Well, I did just travel across the desert. Should that have made me cold?’ Technically, if she’d traveled at night, it might have done.

Miles laughs nervously, shaking his head. ‘No, I’m just an idiot that likes to blurt out the obvious. Major Miles, head of the military operation here in Ishval.’ He sticks his hand out to her, hoping it’s not too clammy.

She takes his hand, her own feeling small and dainty. ‘Asha. This is my nephew, Billy. My sister and her husband passed away during that big assault on Central, so I’ve been looking after him ever since. Say hello, Billy.’ Billy, who can’t be much more than four, immediately takes refuge behind his aunt’s legs, clearly terrified of Miles.

Miles knees down on the floor, but doesn’t move any closer. ‘It’s nice to meet you, little guy. Don’t worry, I’m not that scary once you get to know me. Are you looking forward to seeing your new home?’ Billy pokes his head out and nods once, a thumb in his mouth. ‘Good. You and your aunt are going to love it here, I promise. What kind of things do you like?’ If anyone were to walk by now, they’d think Miles some kind of fool, but he doesn’t care; he hates the idea that there’s a child here that’s scared of him.

Billy steps out from behind Asha, but keeps a firm grip on her leg. ‘I like that truck.’ He points to the truck they came in on, one that’s often used for supplies.

Asha looks down at him. ‘Well, Maybe Major Miles wouldn’t mind showing you all the things the military have here. Would that be okay?’ Oh, but Miles is so weak for that smile she’s giving him. It’s not even been ten minutes and he’s so lost.

Miles clears his throat, standing tall. ‘I’d be more than happy to give you both a tour once you’ve settled in. With any luck though, we won’t need these trucks forever. We’ll be building a train line here one day.’ Much better than having to drive on sand, in the opinion of Miles and all the other soldiers here.

Billy gasps. ‘Train?! I love trains! Wow!’ Miles has a momentary flashback of himself as a small child, asking his grandfather how people traveled in Ishval if they didn’t have trains. ‘They have legs, child.’ Is the only response he’d ever gotten… one that he didn’t much appreciate as a child.

Miles chuckles. ‘Me too, little guy. Now then, why don’t I show you and your aunt to your new place? Then you can argue over who gets what room.’ In truth, they’re both the same size, but the kiddo doesn’t need to know that…

Asha giggles. ‘Do you make a habit of walking people to their homes like this, or should we feel special?’ Special? That’s an understatement. God, Miles hopes she isn’t a bitch. He’d be devastated…

Damn it. There he goes again. Just because she’s not a widow, doesn’t mean he’s in with any kind of chance with her. She’s so far out of his league that if he wanted a live action representation, one of them would have to move to Xing!

Still, that won’t stop Miles trying to be friendly. ‘Well, if I’m giving you both a tour soon, I’d like to get to know you. Just to make sure you’re not total weirdos or something.’ Shit, was that too far? Will she like his banter?

Asha winks. ‘I’m plenty weird, Major. I love your side burns by the way. Does your wife help you shave them like that?’ Is that a genuine question, or is she actually flirting with him?!

Miles can feel himself blushing. ‘I’m not… well, I’m in the process of a divorce. She hated them though. Kept telling me to shave them off. I never did.’ Clearly not. What a redundant statement…

Asha smiles sympathetically. ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ 

Miles chuckles. ‘Don’t be. Not your fault my wife found someone else. She hated the thought of coming to Ishval anyway, and I hate the idea of leaving. It wouldn’t have worked out much longer.’ As hard as that is to admit…

Billy decides to chip in. ‘Did you show her your trucks?’ Asha and Miles exchange a look, before giggling with each other, one of Asha’s hands landing on Miles’ shoulder. 

As the three of them walk to Asha’s new home, Miles thinks he might have been too hasty; time will soon tell if Ishvala is truly is a benevolent god.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Tamir can’t stand this. Three weeks it’s been since that night, and he swears he can still feel Amira against him.

He should stop being so stubborn. He should go to her and throw himself at her feet, beg for her forgiveness. He wants her so badly, he would do anything to forget that mistake and move on. He should just cast away his pride and offer her anything in exchange for a second chance.

But he can’t. He doesn’t deserve it. He fucked up in the worst way possible, and he’ll never forgive himself. He should have done it so differently. Amira, beautiful Amira, deserves better than a drunken romp on a table with someone who can’t keep his shit together long enough to tell her just what she means to him. To ask her to marry him, the one thing he wants more than anything.

So instead, he’s doing the next best thing; if Tamir can’t marry her, he can at least protect her. Not like her flatmate can, with her soft voice and constant emotional support. No, he can’t do that. 

What he can do is tell Mina to stop.

That’s why he’s here, inside her home, biding his time as Mina pours him a cup of tea, an irritating grin on her face. ‘I’m so glad you’ve come to visit me. After what Amira did to you…’ she takes a seat right next to him, placing her hand on his thigh. ‘You should press charges. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know a lot of men feel ashamed of being raped, but it’s a serious crime. You can’t let her get away with this.’ Tamir can feel his blood boiling. It’s true, then? She is the one that’s been accusing Amira of something that vile? He would vomit if he could, but he can’t risk getting it on Mina; he does not wish to improve her appearance.

Tamir shoves her hand away, stands up, and heads to the other side of the room, his eyes full of rage. ‘I will report nothing because there is nothing to report. I knew exactly what I was doing that night, and I wanted to do it. I could stand here right now and tell you exactly how Amira and I made love. Every position, every location, every orgasm. I remember every detail like it’s been etched into my mind. The only reason I left that morning is because… well, fuck you! I owe you no explanation, but you owe Amira a public apology for the shit you’ve pulled. Oh, and while you’re at it, you can shut up about Ishvalan too. He’s probably not even kissed that Amestrian woman yet, never mind the shit you’re accusing him of.’ At least she’s not also being targeted; if Mina was targeting all three of them, Tamir would be beyond reason. For all that he has been cold towards Amira’s closet friend, that does not mean he has changed how he feels; what that woman is to his Amira is probably the only thing keeping her together, and that’s all thanks to Mina.

Mina chuckles. ‘You think she’s such a perfect woman, don’t you? Innocent Amira, so pure and perfect. Do you know that for sure though? After all, Ishvalan has been spending a lot of time in that house. He might be the cat who got the cream, but do you think that’s enough to keep him away from the cake?’ The cake? Amira? Is she implying the three of them…?

Tamir almost laughs at that; almost. ‘Somehow, I doubt the shop is a front for Ishvalan’s harem. Even if it was, who cares? Amira is a grown woman, she can sleep with whomever she wants. Her sexual history does nothing to detract from how I feel about her. I love her. I love her, and if you try anything to hurt her, I will destroy you.’ Starting with her house, of course. He’d rather avoid physically hurting a woman if he can help it.

Mina smiles, and something about it makes Tamir feel sick. ‘There’s no need to be so rough, honey. Why don’t we make a deal? I know you want me. Even if you don’t love me, I think you want to fuck me. So fuck me. Fuck my brains out, and maybe I’ll forget all those nasty things I was saying about princess Amira.’ She can’t be serious. This is a trap at worst, blackmail at best. How could she even think of this?

Tamir spits at her feet, disgusted. ‘You hypocrite. Accusing Amira of whoring herself out, of rape, whilst trying to do the same yourself? I wouldn’t touch you if we were the last humans on earth. If you won’t stop your hate campaign, then I’ll just have to stop it for you. After all, I’m one of only two people who know what happened that night. If I tell people the truth, they have to believe me.’ He begins to storm out, but Mina grabs his robes, something that almost earns her a reflexive slap.

Tamir has to fight to keep from pushing her away as her fingers trail up his neck. ‘Maybe. Or maybe they’ll think Amira has some kind of hold on you. You should come to bed with me, just to be safe. I’m a much fuck than her anyway. I won’t make you pull out. After all, I’m sure you miss Laila and Samir desperately. I can make you a father again, if you’d only let me.’ He’s heard enough; Tamir shrugs Mina off and keeps on walking, not even sparing that vile witch a glance as he heads back to his tent.

He thought better of her. He thought she could be reasoned with. He knew she was jealous, but this? Bringing up his dead children, the children he…

A voice catches his attention, though it’s not addressing him. ‘Thanks for this, Ishvalan. I would have been fine getting back on my own, but you know what a fuss she likes to make.’ Amira? Should she not be attending to the newcomers? Has she left something at home? 

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘I would argue it’s one of her best qualities. There is no shame in worrying for a friend, especially one who has taken ill.’ Taken ill? Amira is sick? Would Ishvala strike him down if he got on his knees right now and prayed that it is nothing serious?

Amira seems to shrug it off. ‘Like I told her, I’ve been feeling off for a few days now. I’ve not had a sickness bug in years, Ishvalan. It’s hardly surprising I have one now.’ A bug? Nothing serious then. He can save his prayers for later.

Ishvalan hums. ‘If it lasts any longer, I would like you to visit Marcoh. Just as a precaution.’ Tamir is remembering now why he likes Ishvalan; the man is always so pragmatic.

Amira sighs. ‘I’m not even sure that’s what it is. I downplayed it in front of her, but… I know I’m not okay, Ishvalan. Most days I don’t even want to leave the house anymore, and even then I don’t want to work. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve got mild heatstroke for staying out of the sun for too long. Everyday, I wake up, and I dread what the day will bring. Fresh accusations, rumours, someone throwing shit through the windows? And then what of my friend? What if she gets caught up in this, gets hurt, and it’s all my fault? I’m so scared I…’ she starts sobbing, and it breaks Tamir’s heart. He did this. He’s the one who hurt her like this. If he’d only had the guts to stay with her, to talk through his feelings… she’s hurting so much, and it’s all his fault.

He can’t bare to listen to her anymore. Talking with Mina has done nothing to help her. He has done nothing to help her. If anything, he has only made it worse. No, he needs to do something directly. He needs to talk with Amira, to figure things out.

If only he had the bravery to do so.

When Tamir finally reaches his tent, he crawls inside, and has a cry of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … I promise, Mina will get what’s coming to her. She won’t get away with any of the shit she’s trying to pull… 
> 
> For now, thank you for reading ^.^


	27. One Of The Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, 
> 
> I know we haven’t had many Scar x Reader-centric chapters for a while, but I hope to make it up to you with the next one ;)
> 
> For now, enjoy ^.^
> 
> Oh, and ‘big’ announcement in the end notes!

Ishvalan finds himself visiting the temple less and less these days.

Outside of his work obligations, he doesn’t spend much time in the temple. A part of him feels guilty for this, but he thinks under the circumstances, Ishvala will forgive his absence; Ishvalan doubts that his God would disapprove of him taking the time to norish his romantic relationship.

A relationship… it’s been an entire month now, and Ishvalan is still smiling about that. To think the one woman he’s ever loved returns his feelings… it is a true blessing, one that he shall thank Ishvala for every day until his last. If things go the way he is hoping, then this time next year he’ll have a life he can be proud of. A wife, a home, maybe even a child on the way…

He should stop thinking ahead. There are still many steps to achieving that. For one of them, he needs to speak with his former master on a most important matter.

The moment Ishvalan walks into the temple, he spots his master deep in prayer, as he always is. He usually doesn’t disturb him, but today is a special occasion…

Ishvalan clears his throat, attracting the attention of the older man. ‘I do not mean to disturb you, but there is something I must discuss with you.’ Perhaps he should have waited, but this is important. This is a big step for him.

The old man immediately turns around, looking up at Ishvalan with a smile on his face. ‘If you have come to request a wedding ceremony, you have only to name a date. I am more than happy to see you marry that young woman.’ Ishvalan suspects his former master would be happy to see him marry anyone, but at least he does approve of her.

Still, he is wrong. ‘That is not why I have come here today.’

The older man frowns. ‘A pity. Are things at least progressing well between you? Have you consummated your relationship yet?’ What?! Why would he think that?!

Ishvalan knees next to his former master, hoping to tame his blush on his way down. ‘Things are perfect, but we are not rushing into that. I have yet to even kiss her.’ Not that he’s not been thinking about it every time those pretty and perfect lips come into view…

The old man chuckles. ‘I see my lessons have not left you. Trust me, a chaste husband is a good husband. There is little point in rushing into bed with her. You’ve seen now how lust can ruin a relationship faster than anything else. How is Amira today?’ Ishvalan isn’t sure he agrees with all of that, but still…

Ishvalan sighs. ‘Better than she has been, but she is still not herself. I am not doctor, but it seems as if the sickness in her mind has manifested as physical symptoms. A week ago I had to walk her home as she felt unwell, and her condition has seen little improvement. I keep requesting that she see Marcoh, but she is adamant that it is unnecessary, and I do not want to make things worse by pushing her.’ As tempting as it is to ask Marcoh to drop in on her, he doesn’t want to risk it. If anything happens to Amira…

The Head Monk hums. ‘Amira is being uncharacteristically stubborn. Perhaps she understands more of her sickness than she is letting you know? Either that, or perhaps her mental state is preventing her from seeking treatment. In either case, if she continues to show no signs of improvement, you will need to intervene. It is for her own good.

‘However, you did not come to speak of Amira. What do you require of me?’ Ishvalan had almost forgotten he arrived with a request, his former master quickly changing the subject like that.

However, now that the subject has returned… ‘I would like to arrange a naming ceremony. I’d like to to take place at some point between the winder festival and new day. Is that possible?’ If he’s ever going to marry, he needs to settle on a permanent name; that much he definitely owes his future wife.

The old man smiles once again. ‘I can make that happen for you.’ That’s a relief. Part of Ishvalan was afraid he would reject the suggestion…

Now all Ishvalan needs is to come up with a new name. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

A week after her episode, Amira’s condition hasn’t improved as you’d hoped.

If anything, she seems worse. She’s barely left the shop at all, and yesterday she actively hid when a customer walked in (granted, it was one of Mina’s friends, but that wouldn’t have affected her like that just a few weeks ago). Despite her instance that she doesn’t want a doctor, you’ve decided that if her condition hasn’t improved by next week, you’re going to fetch Marcoh. This much anxiety isn’t healthy, and you refuse to leave her to suffer.

At least today she has something to distract her. About an hour ago, Miles came to visit with a woman and her nephew. He introduced them as Asha and Billy, and explained they didn’t have any family or friends in Ishval, so he thought you and Amira might take the time to speak with them. Naturally, you’d been all-too happy to do so, even if Amira seemed less than keen.

However, that’s all changed now; Billy in particular seems to have taken to Amira, something your friend seems to relish in.

Billy is currently sat on Amira’s lap, telling her a story. ‘And then the cat went ‘ow, my paw!’, and I think it broken.’ His little mouth downturns into a serious frown, his brow furrowing with it.

Amira gasps. ‘Oh no! Do you think it’s all better now though?’ 

Billy thinks for a few seconds, before nodding. ‘I think so.’ 

Amira smiles at him. ‘That’s good then. As long as the kitty is okay now, that’s all that matters.’ 

Billy sighs. ‘Is not a kitty, it’s a cat!’ You and Asha both start to giggle at the display, but try to hide them from Billy.

Amira shakes her head. ‘Oh dear, silly me. You did say cat, didn’t you?’ Billy nods. ‘Okay then. At least the cat was better.’ 

Billy nods. ‘Yeah. You come my house, I teach you what a cat is?’ Now you have to keep from crying; that’s the sweetest thing.

Amira looks taken aback for a moment, before Asha chips in. ‘You’re always more than welcome to visit. I think he’s taken a shine to you.’ He most definitely has; he’s befriended her faster than you did!

Billy nods in agreement. ‘Mira my best friend! Right?’ He looks up at her with his big red eyes, and you swear you can see Amira melting inside.

Amira can’t stand to look him in the eyes any longer, a stray tear falling. ‘I’d like that a lot. I have to keep my new best friend company, after all.’ 

Billy stands up, and wraps his little arms around Amira’s neck. ‘That’s good. I’m going to play now.’ With that, he wanders off to a small pile of wooden bricks, something Asha packed for him to keep him amused.

As Amira wipes away her tears, Asha seems to have a few of her own. ‘I’ve never seen him take to someone so quickly. Do you have much experience with children?’ You don’t think you’ve ever asked Amira that. Did she have a family of her own at one point? She may have been in love with Tamir, but if that didn’t stop Tamir marrying someone else…

Amira nods. ‘I’m the eldest of three. Was… I was the eldest. My sisters died in the war. I had a lot of cousins too, so I’ve always been around children. I’ve always wanted a few of my own, but somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen.’ Just one more reason to be angry at Tamir. Amira would be an amazing mother, one that any child would be lucky to have…

Asha smiles sympathetically. ‘You’re still young. You just need the right man.’ Oh. So she’s not heard?

Amira laughs bitterly. ‘Haven’t you heard? I’m a manipulator who forced a man into bed with her.’ She sounds so broken, and you hate that. She doesn’t deserve to think of herself like that.

Asha frowns. ‘No? I’d heard you’d had a drunken fling with someone, but not much past that. I don’t really listen to gossip. I’d rather get to know people on their own merits, and if I’m honest, you don’t seem the manipulative type.’ Miles was right to bring Asha here today; you think she’s definitely friend material.

You can help but smile at Asha. ‘You’re right. Amira doesn’t have a wicked bone in her body. The woman who started the rumour however…’ you shrug. ‘… I’m not sure she has any bones that aren’t wicked. Well, except for the fact that she’s not racist. Unless that person of another race happens to be a man. And a doctor. The one profession that’s explicitly about helping people. Not to gossip, but you might want to avoid Mina.’ You hope she won’t think less of you, saying something like this behind another woman’s back…

Asha takes a sip of tea, something you’d forgotten all about thanks to the conversation. ‘Miles has already warned me about her. She sounds a treat, from what he’s told me. Really has it out for his best friend, apparently.’ Oh, but you can tell her all about that…

Apparently having the same train of though, Amira nudges you playfully. ‘This one can tell you all about Miles’ best friend. They’re all loved up, after all.’ Not quite how you’d put it, but close enough.

Asha seems surprised. ‘Really? So you’re Ishvalan’s girlfriend? What’s he like? Miles is very cagey on the details.’ You wonder why that is; he’s always openly sung Ishvalan’s praises around you. 

You have to fight the urge to blush as you think of Ishvalan, that brilliant smile that he seems to do each time he sees you firmly in your mind. ‘He’s… complicated. You know he’s the man formally known as Scar, right?’ Oh, well now that you’re saying that, it makes sense that Miles is so cagey about him…

Asha gasps. ‘The serial killer? I had no idea.’ Well, shit. You just hope she takes the news better than you did.

Still, you can’t take it back now; you nod. ‘Yeah, that’s him. But I swear, he’s a different man now. When I first arrived here, I treated him like shit, because I was scared he would hurt me. Then he and I ended up working with each other, and I realised I didn’t have to worry about that. He can still be a little gruff on occasion, but he has a kind heart underneath it all. Mina used to tell me to be careful around him, that one day he’d snap and drag me off down a dark alley, but he never did. Never will, either. It took us both a while to admit we loved each other, but now we have, those days seem to far away. The future is all that matters now, and I’m so unbelievably happy to know that he’s going to be a part of it.’ You feel bad, saying all of this in front of Amira, but you can’t help the way he makes you feel…

Asha smiles. ‘That seems to match what Miles has told me. He said Ishvalan had a partner that he’s crazy about. I guess love can really change a person. I’m sure I’ll meet him someday.’ Well, at least she’s taking it well…

Amira chuckles. ‘Keep visiting us and you’ll bump into him eventually. My friend and Ishvalan are inseparable most of the time. The only reason he’s not here today is because of business he has at the temple.’ Business that he’s being very mysterious about… still, you’re not going to pry. Whatever it is, you know he’ll tell you eventually.

Finishing her tea, Asha chews her lips nervously. ‘So, if you’re with his best friend, does that mean you know a lot about Miles? What he’s like as a person, I mean.’ Oh? Now that is a question you’re more than happy to answer; you have a lot to say about Miles.

You think for a moment, trying to find the most flattering way to describe him. ‘Miles is a great guy, always willing to help out other people. He’s got quite the sense of humour too. A very easy man to get along with. Loyal. Definitely the kind of person you’d want as a friend. He’s also one of the few people who dares to tease Ishvalan, which is basically treated as an extreme sport here. Even Ishvalan’s oldest friend doesn’t do that.’ Then again, given how walking on eggshells seems to be Marcoh’s favourite thing, that’s not much of a surprise. 

Asha is still chewing her lip. ‘I see. He told me that he’s getting divorced at the moment. Was it something he did or…?’ For someone who hates gossip, Asha is good at fishing for information.

It’s Amira that answers that one. ‘While it’s not right of us to tell you exactly what happened, it wasn’t Miles’ fault. His ex is a fool for letting him go if you ask me. Miles always did the best he could to keep her happy, something that wasn’t easy given his last posting. Then, just as he was planning to settle down properly, she threw it all back in his face. Even though we never knew her, we’re all glad to see the back of her, especially Ishvalan. If it wasn’t for Miles, my friend here would still be desperately pining after him. It’s so unfair that a man who gave so much to someone else’s relationship should have to lose his own.’ As true as that might be, you really are happy about it; Miles can do so much better.

You swear you can see Asha’s cheeks change colour. ‘He sounds like a wonderful man. Does he… is there anyone else in his life right now? Romantically-speaking?’ Wow. She’s barely known him a week, and it looks like Asha already has the hots for Miles. Then again, you can’t blame her; as much as you love Ishvalan, you can’t deny Miles is a good-looking man.

Once again, Amira answers you. ‘He’s still waiting for the dust to settle on his divorce before he starts looking into finding a new wife. However, once he is available, there won’t be any shortage of women vying for his attention. If you’re interested in him, get to know him better. If nothing else, we here have all learned the value of friendship. Besides, I’ve heard a rumour that Miles is great with kids. Isn’t that right?’ It looks as if you’re not the only one trying to make Miles look good; you just wish you’d thought of that point sooner.

You nod enthusiastically. ‘Oh yeah, he loves them. He’d be a great dad.’ In truth, you’ve no idea if he likes kids or not, but he seems like a family man to you.

Billy, who’s apparently been listening the whole time, speaks up. ‘I like Miles. He my best friend.’ If your future children aren’t this cute, you’re going to ask Ishvala for a refund; he’s such a pure soul.

Asha smiles wistfully, smiling off into the distance. ‘He’s a very nice man. A very handsome man too. It’s just a pity I’m not an attractive dating possibility.’ From what you can see, and the little she’s spoken, she seems plenty attractive enough; you’re pretty sure she’s the type of woman Miles would be tempted by.

Placing a hand over Asha’s, you smile when her eyes meet yours. ‘Look, I’m not a mind reader, but I think I know Miles well enough to know that if nothing else, he likes you. He wouldn’t send you to us if he didn’t. Even if it’s just him being friendly, which knowing Miles is a pretty good possibility, it’s a start. You should just do what I did and take Amira’s advice. Friendship is the best base for any kind of relationship. You both have bigger priorities than courtship right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get to know each other better. Besides, he’s Billy’s best friend. If you’re going to invite his best friend Amira over, you have to invite both best friends. It’s only fair.’ You hope Asha isn’t secretly a massive bitch, because you’d hate yourself for trying to get them together. As it is, she seems lovely, or at the very least worth trying to hook Miles up with.

Asha nods. ‘You’re right. Friendship is fine for now. It’s just… Ishvala, he is so handsome. And he has been so kind to Billy and I. I would love to know more of him.’ You get the feeling she’s going to start having temple dreams within the week… 

Amira is about to speak, before she clutches her stomach, one hand covering her mouth.

Before you can even ask what’s wrong, Amira is off, disappearing into her room and emptying her guts into a metal bucket. 

You and Asha stand, concern on the other woman’s face. ‘If I fetch doctor Marcoh, will you watch Billy for me?’ Does she even know where he lives? At least she cares enough to try, which is a big point in her favour.

You shake your head. ‘I’d be happy to, but Amira is adamant she doesn’t want his help. It’s everything with Mina, you see. All the anxiety she’s been feeling has made her physically sick. That’s why I was happy to take you both in today. I thought that having another friend in her life might help her along, make her feel that little bit better. Of course, I wanted to meet you too, but this seemed like a bonus.’ Now you say that out-loud, it sounds really shitty; I only let you in here so you could make my friend feel better.

Asha hums, nodding. ‘I can’t fault your logic. Is she leaving the house much?’ 

You shake your head. ‘Barely ever, if she can avoid it. She’s scared of what people will say to her.’ 

Asha scowls. ‘Screw them. I can’t believe Amira would harm anyone. If she needs a body guard, Billy and I have her covered. Isn’t that right, Billy?’ 

Billy balls his tiny hands into fists. ‘I look after my best friend, Mira.’ Seriously though, if Asha ever needs a babysitter…

You smile sadly. ‘Thank you. I don’t like her being alone right now, but I can’t always be with her if Ishvalan wants to see me or something.’ Not that he’d ever get angry if you cancelled on him; he admitted himself that he doesn’t expect to be the priority.

Asha puts her hand on your shoulder. ‘It’s alright. I got you on this one. Besides, I don’t have anyone here for me. It would be nice if the three of us could be friends.’ Okay, next time you see Ishvalan, you have to tell him about Asha; it’s time he paid Miles back for all the help he was given.

You squeeze her hand. ‘Thanks, Asha. And don’t worry, Amira and I are both friends for life to the right people.’ At this rate, you’re certain Asha could become one of them.

You can’t wait to tell Ishvalan about this, and find out what secret he’s keeping from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Scar needs a new name! This was always going to happen eventually, but here we are. This is how we’re gonna do it;
> 
> I’m going to let you all suggest some names. I’ll leave this story be for a week or so just to give everyone a chance to have their say. Of course, if you’d rather he remained as Ishvalan for the rest of his days, that’s also an option. 
> 
> I do have a few names of my own in mind too, but your suggestions take priority; this is a reader-insert after all. However, unless one name is clear favourite, I’ll have final say; one of the perks of writing, I suppose :/
> 
> For now, have a think, and I’ll see you in over a week ^.^


	28. Devotion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,
> 
> Not a very long chapter, but I’m hoping you’ll enjoy it anyway ;)
> 
> Also, I know it’s not quite been a week, but I couldn’t help myself. On that note, update about the name situation to follow in the end notes. For now, enjoy ^.^

Even after being in Ishval for so long, you don’t think you’ve found a greater joy than walking around with Ishvalan in the mornings.

It always makes you so happy, just casually being by his side as you stroll through the buildings and the streets, smiling despite the occasional stares you receive. After all, what better way to prove Mina is lying than to openly show people just how much you want to be with Ishvalan, the man currently listening to your every word as you recount the things that happened yesterday?

The first thing you’re going to discuss? The newcomer of course!

You can tell Ishvalan is focused by the way he’s looking at you, smiling slightly as you tell your news. ‘Miles sent a woman and her nephew to see me and Amira yesterday. Asha and Billy. They’re both really lovely.’ From the conversation you shared, of course; you can’t be entirely certain, but you have a particularly good feeling about her.

Ishvalan nods. ‘I doubt Miles would have sent her to you if he did not think she had a kind spirit. How old is the child?’ Oh dear. You don’t think you asked that…

You shrug. ‘Four or five at a guess. He’s the sweetest little thing. Apparently, his best friends are Miles and Amira, and he once saw a cat hurt it’s paw.’ Such a precious child…

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘He sounds sweet. I’m glad he has taken a shine to Amira. She could do with more happiness in her life. Much the same can be said of Miles.’ Maybe Billy knows that those two are sad? Some kind of intuition?

That does remind you of something else. ‘Well, Miles might have some more coming his way. It sounds like Asha has a thing for him, and speaking as Miles’ friend, I’d be tempted to give him a nudge or two in her direction. Although, I suppose raising someone else’s child is a sore spot for Miles, after what his wife did…’ You’re glad you’ll never meet that bitch; she’d be right up with Mina on your shit list.

Ishvalan takes a moment to think before answering. ‘I do not think it would be enough to deter him. This is a different circumstance. This is not his wife carrying the child of another man, but a woman caring for her orphaned nephew. Besides, I know that Miles has longed for a family of his own. I shall observe Miles’ behaviour, and respond accordingly. It is important that we push neither of them too hard, despite how tempting it may be to get my revenge.’ You’re glad he’s no longer the kind to enact revenge; pushing a man in Miles’ situation too hard would be a mistake.

You hug into Ishvalan’s arm. ‘You’re right. Amira and I put in several good words for him anyhow, so if he is interested, he’s got a fighting chance.’ More than a fighting chance, if you remember correctly…

Ishvalan kisses the top of your head, a favourite spot of his. ‘Once again, your love for your friends is endearing. How is Amira at the moment?’ 

You sigh. ‘Asha and Billy are with her this morning. She’s not good, Ishvalan. I thought she seemed brighter yesterday, until she vomited. I can’t sit back much longer. She needs help, but I don’t know how to help her.’ You wish you did; you’d do whatever it takes to help her out.

Ishvalan frowns. ‘We need to do something. Have you spoken to her again about seeing Marcoh?’ You’ve not spoken of much else; you’re one more vomit away from dragging her to his clinic.

You nod. ‘Yeah, but she’s still adamant she’s not going. She’s convinced it’s all to do with Mina, and the anxiety she’s been feeling, but I don’t know if I’m convinced. I can tell that she’s anxious, and she’s definitely not herself, but she wasn’t in a stressful situation yesterday when she evacuated the content of her stomach. That shouldn’t have happened. Granted, she was meeting new people, but she was laughing and joking with them. I don’t see what could have caused her anxiety to peak like that.’ Amira even said after the fact that she likes Asha, so you’ve no idea what happened.

Ishvalan hums. ‘That is the issue with sickness that affects the mind. It is something that cannot be tamed. However, and I have thought about this at length since my former master suggested it yesterday, it is possible Amira is ignoring the possibility that there is something else. That not all of these symptoms are related to Mina’s actions. There could be an illness that is hiding itself because it presents the same symptoms.’ He’s right. Amira all but said it herself. You just assumed it was anxiety, but what if it is more serious than that? There are hundreds of illnesses that can present the same symptoms Amira is showing. She could be seriously ill, and you’d never…

Maybe that’s just it. Maybe Amira had a family member suffer the same symptoms. She is afraid of doctors after all, something you’d almost forgotten. There must have been a trigger for that, and a relative spending a lot of time ill would be the perfect one!

It’s almost as if Ishvalan can read minds, because he stops walking just as you start down an alleyway, removing your arms from his so he can place his hands on your shoulders. ‘Amira will be fine. There is no reason to think the worst. Her symptoms are common for a lot of illnesses, and most could still be from anxiety. This is why we need her to see Marcoh, to rule the worst out. Whatever happens, I’m here for you both, in whatever capacity I’m needed.’ Shoulder to cry on is most likely you suspect, especially if…

You can’t think about that. You’re not going to lose your best friend. Amira is strong. She can pull through anything. No matter how bad it is, you know she’ll be fine.

That doesn’t stop a tear straying from your eye. ‘I’m scared for her, my love. She is already going through so much. I don’t want her to suffer more. She’s been through enough.’ More than enough. No one should have to keep suffering like this, especially not Amira!

With a sigh, Ishvalan releases your shoulders, and sits on the floor, placing his hands in his hair. 

You’re about to ask him what’s wrong, when he begins talking. ‘Times like these, it is easy to see why so many lose their faith in Ishvala. Amira may not be the most devout of his children, but she is a good woman. She does not deserve any of the misfortune she has had to endure. It is said that Ishvala’s actions are never without reason, but I doubt Amira would find comfort in such words.’ You know she wouldn’t; she’d tell you that bad things don’t always happen for a reason.

You kneel in front of Ishvalan, placing your hands on his knees. ‘Is that why you spoke to the Head Monk yesterday? For guidance?’ You should have realised sooner that Ishvalan is having some kind of faith-related issue…

Ishvalan chuckles bitterly. ‘No, but it did come up. While he did not say it in so many words, he thinks that sex is to blame for this. A few years ago, I may have agreed, but now I am not sure.’ Well, he’s not technically wrong… but that doesn’t mean sex is a bad thing in general, which you’re inclined to believe is what the Head Monk thinks.

Gently, you take Ishvalan’s hands away from his head, placing them at his sides so you can see him better. ‘Talk to me. What do you feel now?’

Ishvalan looks you right in the eyes, a hesitation you don’t often see clearly on display. ‘I do not wish to make you uncomfortable.’ Uncomfortable? Now you really need to know what he’s thinking!

Knowing that allowing him to stay silent isn’t always the best thing when it comes to Ishvalan, you shuffle over so you’re next to him, before placing a hand on his knee. ‘Ishvalan, you can always be open with me. There is nothing you can say that will make me run away without giving you a chance to explain yourself. Just talk to me. Please?’ You’d rather not spend your life with a man that never shares his feelings with you, no matter how much you love him.

After a few moments of silence, Ishvalan concedes with a sigh. ‘My former master is a hypocrite. How can he encourage love with one breath, only to condemn it with the next? I know that love and sex are not the same, but what happened with Tamir and Amira was an act of love. It’s just unfortunate that Tamir was not ready to fully commit to such an act. Even if it had only been a kiss, the outcome would have been the same. 

‘Also…’ Ishvalan takes a deep breath, his head tilting up towards the heavens. ‘I do not understand why there has to be such tight restrictions on monks. Are our hearts so weak that we cannot be trusted to keep our faith and love a partner fully outside of marriage? If so, then why is marriage even permitted? If we are allowed to engage in sex as married men, surely we open our hearts to distraction then? It no longer makes sense to me. Perhaps I truly have lost my faith in Ishvala.’ Now you know that’s rubbish; he’s the most devout person you’ve met here, second only to his former master.

Placing a hand on Ishvalan’s cheek, you bring his face in so he can look at you. ‘It’s not your love for Ishvala that’s up for debate here. He is not the one you are questioning. Honestly, I think you make a lot of valid points. It’s wrong of the Head Monk to condemn something he so actively encouraged just because it went awry, and I don’t see why monks are only allowed certain things after marriage. If a monk is going to become distracted by sex, then it won’t matter that he’s married. It’s fine to question these things, and you have every right to do so. I can see why you would. Love towards each other is always praised in Ishval, because it demonstrates your love for Ishvala. Yet those who should love Ishvala the most are forbidden to engage in it? I can see why you’re questioning it, and I don’t think Ishvala would think you any less devoted for doing so.’ 

Ishvalan smiles a warm smile, the kind that makes you melt. ‘You’re right. I am not questioning the will of Ishvala, just the rules of my descendants. They may not be one and the same. It does not matter either way. For better or for worse, there are some traditions that will never change, and I think that they way monks are raised shall always stay the same. At least I no longer have to abide by such restrictions. 

‘Thank you for indulging me in with this. It feels good to speak of my feelings, especially with you.’ You wish you could just lean over and kiss him now. Would he be offended? Would he back away? Or would he accept it, even if for a moment? After all, even monks are permitted to kiss the person they are courting…

You swallow hard, the air thick with tension, as Ishvalan brings his face closer to yours, almost as if he’s just had the same thought.

You want to speak, but the words are frozen in your mouth; Ishvalan is not suffering from the same affliction. ‘It seems that Mina was right, after all. I have somehow managed to lure you down an alley way. Do you trust me not to harm you?’ Why is he asking that at a time like this?!

You drop your hand away from Ishvalan’s face as he tucks a strand of hair away from your face, his palm resting on your cheek as one of his thumbs traces your bottom lip.

The moment his thumb leaves, you answer, your whole body trembling. ‘I wouldn’t love you this much if I couldn’t trust you.’ If only you could bring your was forward a few inches…

Ishvalan leans in even closer, his nose practically touching yours. ‘I love you too. I love you so much.’ Your eyes fall closed as Ishvalan tilts his head, and presses his lips against yours.

The kiss is soft and hesitant, but it makes your whole body tingle. Ishvalan’s lips are so much softer than they look, and they fit so perfectly against your own. If only you could stay like this forever…

Too soon, Ishvalan pulls away, but you can’t stop yourself following him, your lips seeking his out for another gentle kiss. 

Ishvalan doesn’t pull away this time, transforming that one extra kiss into two, then three, before you decide to stop counting and enjoy the moment, cherishing every kiss as if it’s the last one you’ll share.

Eventually, it’s you that pulls away, but only because you need to take a breath.

When you open your eyes, Ishvalan is blushing. ‘I should have asked before I did that. Forgive me.’ Why is he apologising?! He needs to ditch his martyr complex and fast, because there’s no way you’re going to let him apologise after every kiss.

You lean into his hand, rubbing your face against it. ‘Ishvalan, please stop apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong. If I had a problem with you kissing me, I wouldn’t have pulled you back for more.’ In fact, you’d quite like to pull him back in again…

Ishvalan chuckles, stroking your face with his thumb. ‘I did not consider that. I suppose you won’t object if I choose to kiss you in future then? In private, of course.’ In private? Why only in private?

You take his hand away from your face and hold it in both of yours, leaning in to rub your nose against his. ‘You can kiss me wherever we are, private or public.’ You shift your head to give him another quick kiss, something he himself turns into several.

It’s Ishvalan that pulls away, his eyes filled with anxiety. ‘If we kiss in public, there will be no doubting our relationship. Are you certain you’re okay with everyone knowing that you have given your heart to a man like me?’ Is he forgetting the bracelet? You’ve already made it perfectly clear who your heart belongs to!

You giggle softly, and bring his hand to rest over your heart. ‘If anyone doubts who this belongs to, I’m more than happy to remind them. We’ve come a long way since we met, and I don’t want to go back. I want to keep moving forward with our lives, and I want to do it together. Anyone who has a problem with that isn’t even worth worrying about, okay? Nothing is ever going to change my mind. I would never have told you I love you if I didn’t mean it.’ 

Ishvalan comes in for another kiss, before pulling his face back just enough to whisper. ‘I will never understand why Ishvala chose to bless me like this, but as long as there is breath in me, I shall love you with all that I am.’ That almost sounds like a marriage vow; has he been planning them?

You want to ask, but you soon find your lips occupied again.

No matter what happens with Amira or with Ishvalan’s faith, at least you know that no matter what, the man that you love is going to stay by your side.

You get the feeling you’ll need him there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, names! 
> 
> We have what seems to be a popular option already, but considering the actual name choosing won’t be for a chapter or two, you’re still more than welcome to make suggestions ^.^
> 
> Names we have so far (including my personal suggestions) are as follows; Asim, Ishvalan, Vano, Marid, Azrael, Garth, Gaara, Kennith, Omari, and Amare
> 
> For now, thank you for reading, and brace yourself; there’s gonna be tears next chapter


	29. The Long Awaited Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Quick heads-up, there’s a bit of medical talk in here. Nothing too graphic, but it’s worth mentioning
> 
> Right, enjoy ^.^

Tamir can’t take this any longer.

How many nights has it been since he walked away from the woman he loves? They all seem to blur into one, a continued string of hours, each one of them passing by without Amira by his side.

As much of a coward as he is, even he knows now is the time to be brave.

After Mina’s proposition, Tamir spent days drowning in introspection, looking over the tatter pieces of his life. He wasn’t always like this. He was once so happy. While he may not have married Amira, Jamila was a good woman. He has many good memories of their few years of marriage, the best of course being the arrival of his children. He can still remember what it felt like to hold them, so small and beautiful, soon after they arrived into this world. He felt then that his life was complete, even if he didn’t have Amira.

Then he lost it all, and the love he’d once felt quickly turned into hatred. He was robbed of the happiness he’d found, and it changed him completely.

Yet still, he found his way home; to her. Amira. The only thing in his life that remained unbroken.

Now she’s breaking. In a single evening, he managed to destroy the one thing in his life worth protecting. 

Except, she’s not destroyed yet. Despite the damage he has caused her, Amira is still hanging in somehow. She’s still here, alive and breathing, even if Mina wishes otherwise.

It is that realisation that has lead Tamir to the temple, to the one man that might be able to help him fix things.

To his great relief, the man Tamir is looking for is just about to settle into his morning prayers; Ishvala forgive him for this, but it is urgent.

‘Ishvalan.’

Ishvalan looks up from his kneeling position, his brow furrowed. ‘Tamir.’ The two men stare at each other, neither of them wanting to start this conversation. Tamir isn’t surprised Ishvalan is being so distant; were the situations reversed, Tamir would have thrown a punch by now.

Getting nothing past acknowledgement from the former monk, Tamir sighs. ‘How is she?’ He doesn’t need to specify who; Ishvalan isn’t stupid.

Standing, Ishvalan crosses his arms in front of his body. ‘Suffering, made worse by your absence. You need to go to her, Tamir. You are the only one that can undo the damage your inaction has caused.’ It is as Tamir has heard, then; Amira is in a bad way.

Tamir bunches his hands into fists, closing his eyes. ‘I don’t want to hurt her. I want to make things right. I just don’t know how. I’m so lost, Ishvalan. How can I go to her like this, a shell of a man, and expect her to listen to me when I tell her that she means more to me than anything? How can I ask her to forgive me for what I did when I don’t feel like I deserve forgiveness? How can I beg her to give me a second chance when I have nothing to offer her in return? I’ve ruined any chance I might have had with her, but I can still offer her closure. That’s why I need your help. A few years ago, you were so blinded by hate that you took countless lives. Now you’re back here, a changed man, with a woman who loves you and friends that would die for you. I want to be the man I was before the war. I want to be a good man again. Please teach me how.’ Tamir isn’t sure this is going to work. Why would Ishvalan bother with him? He has already tried to change once, and look where that got him. He should never have…

Tamir risks opening his eyes, surprised to see Ishvalan’s stern expression replaced with an easy smile. ‘Admitting that you need to change is an important first step. I am willing to guide you the rest of the way, in exchange for a request.’ It isn’t like Ishvalan to ask for things in return for assistance; it must be important.

Wiping away a stray tear, Tamir nods. ‘Whatever it takes.’ Thinking about it, Tamir thinks he knows where this is going; Ishvalan probably wants him to dedicate his life to Ishvala.

Ishvalan nods. ‘Very well. It’s Amira. When I said that she is suffering, I did not just mean emotionally, although there is plenty of that. A sickness has taken hold of her, but despite our pleas, she refuses to see Marcoh. Come with me today, and ask her to seek treatment. You might be the only one that can get through to her.’ She’s still sick?! But it was weeks ago that he’d seen Ishvalan walk her home, wasn’t it? Whatever it is, it needs treatment if it has lasted this long.

Even if he doesn’t want to face her, Tamir nods. ‘I can try. I don’t know if she will listen, but I’ll do what I can. Even if there is no chance of me rebuilding what I have destroyed, the world needs more people like Amira in it. I won’t let sickness rob the world of her smile.’ He just hopes Marcoh is a good alchemist; he lacks the experience to make good on that promise himself.

Ishvalan hums. ‘All I ask is that you try. My partner and I are both desperate to see her recover.’ The Amestrian woman’s continued concern at least puts Tamir at ease; Amira is in good hands with her.

Even though he’s feeling more nervous than ever, Tamir still smiles slightly. ‘I still can’t believe you actually asked her out. I thought you would be pining after her forever. At least you now get to experience the joys of making love without fear of ending up like me. Nothing will ever truly compare to the feeling of joining with the woman you love, surrounding her as she surrounds you. Maybe someday I’ll have the chance to hold Amira like that again. For now, you should cherish it yourself, though I am certain Ishvala will grant you both many years of happiness.’ Even as drunk as he was, that one night with Amira will always be on his mind, a constant reminder of just how it feels to have the woman you love, even if it was all-too fleeting…

Ishvalan clears his throat, before gesturing to the exit. ‘My prayers can wait, but Amira cannot. We should go to her.’ He’s right. They need to do this. Tamir needs to do this. If he’s ever going to make things right, this is the best chance he has.

Tamir and Ishvalan walk out of the temple together, completing the first steps of Tamir’s journey.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Two weeks after Asha’s first visit, Amira is still suffering, and you can’t take it anymore.

You hate seeing her like this, so ill and frail. Vomiting has become a regular occurrence for her now, with her other symptoms also showing little sign of improvement. Now she’s rarely even leaving the house, spending most of her days either engrossed in work or feeling too sick to leave bed. Even Asha and Billy haven’t been able to coax her out, though they have been visiting often (occasionally accompanied by Miles, something you’re secretly smug about).

That’s why today you’ve decided you’ll take no more of it; Amira is going to see Marcoh today, even if you have to drag her there.

You might literally have to drag her there in fact, if she doesn’t stop vomiting.

You’ve been holding her hair back for the last five minutes, trying to soothe her as the remains of last night’s meal leave her system. She’s found that she can’t eat anything substantial, so you’ve been feeding her bit-by-bit each day in an effort to compensate.

When Amira finally stops vomiting, she looks up at you, tears in her eyes. ‘I think it’s time to see Marcoh now.’ 

At least you’re agreed on something.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Walking next to the noticeably paler Amira is something that earns you a lot of stares, and not all of them are looks of concern. You can already hear them whispering behind Amira’s back, the rumours that had started off bad now somehow even worse, as Amira doesn’t have the strength to fight them off like she used to.

That doesn’t stop you glaring for her, of course.

Amira stops dead in her tracks just before you reach the clinic, something that alarms you. ‘Amira? What is it?’ Is she going to throw up again? If she could only hold on a moment, you’re certain Marcoh will have an appropriate receptacle for her…

Amira takes a step back, almost as if she’s trying to hide behind you. ‘Look in the doorway.’ Of the clinic? Okay. You don’t see what the pro-

Oh. Well, shit. 

Even if it’s only the back of her head visible, you’ve had enough dealings with Mina lately that you know exactly who it is.

You immediately turn to Amira, placing a hand on her shoulder. ‘If she tries anything, she’ll have to get through me. You’re in no condition to be dealing with her like this. I promise, I’ll do what I can to keep her at bay.’ Even if that means beating her up; you’re really not beyond violence at this point.

Taking Amira’s hand, you’re about to lead her to the clinic, when Mina turns around, a sneer on her face as she heads towards you both. ‘Well, you do look a sorry pair. Abuser and abused, walking hand-in-hand to the clinic. Does Ishvalan know you’ve gone wandering? Or have you finally come to get evidence of abuse so you can have him locked away like the animal he is?’ She’s asking for a slap. She’s so…

You sigh, responding to her in the calmest voice you can. ‘Get fucked, Mina. Neither of us have time to listen to your bullshit today.’ Or any day for that matter…

Mina smirks. ‘Oh, but haven’t you heard? I’ve been fucked alright. By Tamir no less. Three weeks ago. He turned up on my door begging me like a little puppy to stop picking on sweet little Amira, but he soon shut up when I offered him a taste of what he’s been missing. Maybe if you’d been a better lay he wouldn’t have left you? He didn’t leave me. Poor man couldn’t get enough of me.’ Well that’s bullshit. You’re pretty sure Tamir would rather shove a cactus up his ass then even look at Mina, if he knows that she’s the one tormenting Amira…

Amira laughs bitterly, dropping your hand to step forward. ‘Why should I believe that? Tamir would never consider a woman with such cruelty in her heart.’ You want to pull her back, tell her not to rise to it, but perhaps it’ll do her some good to stand up to the source of her anxiety.

Mina places a hand over her belly, and you already know you’re not going to like this. ‘I just had Marcoh do a little test for me. It was awful, having to ask him for help, but I needed to know. Tamir is going to be so happy when he finds out I have a replacement child growing inside of me…’ Now you feel sick. He wouldn’t. She’s lying! … isn’t she?

For the first time since you’ve known her, Amira sees red, and slaps Mina straight across the cheeks. ‘How dare you?! How dare you?! Do you even know their names?! I’ll tell you their names; Laila and Samir! Little Laila, with her beautiful voice, and Samir, who was still in his pram when the military came! You think anything will ever replace them? I pray to Ishvala that you are lying, because anyone who would devalue human life like that doesn’t deserve to be a mother!’ You can see Amira shaking, so you place a hand back on her shoulder, trying to calm her down; this can’t be good for her health.

You notice Mina raise her hand, ready to retaliate, when a voice calls out. ‘What’s going on here?’ The three of you turn your heads to see Ishvalan and Tamir running towards you, both of them looking concerned.

Mina immediately bursts into tears, running straight for Tamir. ‘Oh my love, she’s gone mad! I told her about the baby, and she hit me! She’s mad with jealousy!’ Wait, so it’s true?! How could-?

Tamir brushes Mina off completely, rushing to Amira’s side, one of his hands going up to stroke her hair. ‘Did she hurt you?’ At least Tamir has his priorities straight; that’s a point in his favour right now.

Amira breaks down, burying her face in Tamir’s robes as she cries her heart out. 

Ishvalan turns to Mina, growling. ‘Leave, before you find yourself with graver injuries.’ He’ll have to get in line; you’re ready to tear flesh.

Mina spits in his face, something that inspires you to roll your sleeves up ready. ‘You would hit a pregnant woman? Good to see you finally showing your true colours, beast.’

Wiping his spit off with his sleeve, Ishvalan sticks his other arm out, blocking your approach as you start walking towards Mina. ‘I am not the one who will hurt you.’ He gestures towards you, his arm being the only thing stopping you from punching her, imaginary pregnancy or not.

Mina takes a step back, smirking. ‘What, you can’t control your woman?’ She turns to face Tamir. ‘Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to stand up for the mother of your child?’ Wait, so she is telling the truth?! She and Tamir…

Tamir is shaking so much you’re certain Amira is the only thing keeping him from ripping Mina’s head off. ‘Unless you snuck into my tent as I slept, any child you carry is not mine. I will make sure everyone here knows that, and sees you for the liar you are. Never speak to me or Amira again, or I’ll find a way to make you leave Ishval for good.’ You’re personally rather in favour of bodybag…

Mina laughs humourlessly. ‘Fine! If you don’t want to admit this baby is yours, I won’t make you. But don’t come crying to me when you realise just what you’re missing out on!’ 

You snort, too angry to remain quiet. ‘What, a bitch and the chance to raise someone else’s child? Isn’t that the deal Miles walked out on? Why don’t we ask him how that worked out for him?’ Pretty fucking well by all accounts…

Mina stops her foot before storming away, finally admitting defeat… for now.

After a few moments, Amira finally calms down, moving back slightly when she realises who she’s been cradling. ‘I’m sorry, Tamir. I didn’t mean to cry like that.’ She looks like she’s still going to cry more, her eyes bright red and full of moisture.

More hesitantly than before, Tamir places his hand on her shoulder, relaxing when she doesn’t shrug it off. ‘It’s okay. I know crying always makes you feel better. What happened?’ 

Amira starts tearing up again, so you step in and answer for her. ‘We were on our way to see Ti- Doctor Marcoh when Mina spotted us. She’d just left the clinic herself.’ You really want to ask Marcoh if she is in fact pregnant, but you know he can’t say; damn doctor-patient confidentiality!

Tamir nods. ‘I’ll take her. You should watch the shop.’ As thrilled as you are that Tamir is actually admitting Amira exists, he can’t expect you to just back off and-

Ishvalan takes your hand, smiling. ‘I’ll help you. Amira is in good hands.’ He places a quick kiss on your lips, and you internally curse yourself; his kisses have become your ultimate weakness!

Amira seems to be in agreement too, looking at you. ‘I’ll tell you what Marcoh says later, okay?’ You’re not really, but everyone else seems to be, so you guess it’s fine…

With a heavy sigh, you nod, and begin to walk back to the shop, Amira and Tamir disappearing into the clinic. 

You’d ask Ishvalan what that was all about, but you’re sure you’ll find out in time; for now, you’ll just enjoy a quiet walk home with him, trying to ignore the dread building in your gut.

You hope Amira is going to be okay.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ishvalan’s emotions feel as if someone has collected them all into a jar and shaken them about. It’s not even lunchtime, yet already his mind is all over the place.

He had not expected Tamir to turn up begging for redemption, but it is a welcome surprise. Ishvalan only hopes he can be a suitable mentor to him.

If Tamir knew what Ishvalan was thinking right now, he might change his mind.

Tamir’s description of lovemaking has not left Ishvalan’s mind. He can almost imagine how it would feel, wrapping his arms around the woman he loves and slowly sliding into her…

Her actions have done little to ease his desire. Seeing her defend Amira so passionately, willing to fight for her friend… Ishvalan would be lying if he said he doesn’t love that side of her.

The final straw was Mina calling her his woman. His. That one word is all it has taken to crack all the training he endured as a monk. He feels disgusted at himself for it, but right now all he wants more than anything is to drag her into her bedroom and act on these new feelings. Would it be so wrong? They’ll be married soon enough. Surely there is no sin in loving your future wife like that…

No. He has to stop himself. He’s better than this. It’s a single slip up. That’s all it is. He’ll be fine in an hour or two.

Right now, he needs to focus on the best way to comfort her, should Amira return with bad news.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Amira is shaking violently when her and Tamir arrive at Marcoh’s clinic.

It’s so bad in fact that Marcoh notices straight away, abandoning the notes he was reading and rushing over to her. ‘Amira? Has something happened? Can you tell me what it is?’ When she doesn’t answer, he looks at Tamir. ‘Sit her down somewhere while I fetch her a glass of water.’ Tamir gently guides her to a bed on the floor, unknowingly choosing the same one Ishvalan slept in on the night of the festival.

Now that she’s seated, Amira finds that she can speak again. ‘I’m so sorry about this.’ She’s never felt so weak and helpless before; does Mina truly hold such power over her?

Unsure of what to do, Tamir gently strokes her back. ‘Only one of us should get sorry, and it’s not you. I’m the reason you’re feeling like this, and I’ll never be able to apologise enough for that.’ Not that he won’t try; he’ll apologise every day for the rest of his life if it helps.

Amira shrugs. ‘We’re both adults, Tamir. We’re both responsible for that.’ 

Tamir shakes his head. ‘It wasn’t making love that caused this. It was me walking away as if nothing had happened. I… I don’t…’

He’s about to apologise, when Doctor Marcoh reappears, handing Amira a glass of water. ‘Small sips, okay? I’m going to wait in my room until you’re ready for me, so take as long as you need.’ Marcoh is further proof that Tamir’s feelings on Amestrians needs to change; he really does seem a good man.

Marcoh leaves, but before Tamir can explain himself, Amira speaks. ‘It wasn’t pity sex, you know. I’m not that kind of woman. When I told you I loved you, I meant it.’ She still means it, if she’s honest with herself.

Tamir nods. ‘I know. I think I’ve always known. I was just afraid of where those feelings would lead, of ruining your life. I’m not a good man, Amira. Not like I used to be. There’s this raging ball of hate inside of me that never settles. Being with you is the only time it’s even bearable. I tried to change, but I failed. I turned my hate in onto myself, and became convinced you could never love a man like me.’ 

Amira takes a few sips of water, collecting her thoughts before answering. ‘I’ve loved you for a very long time, Tamir. Ever since I was a little girl, you were the only person I could even imagine spending my life with. I used to imagine what the ceremony would be like. In my mind, I could picture us all grown up, holding hands over the fire as we pledged our love to each other. It’s all I ever wanted. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you that. Then you found someone else, and you seemed so happy I couldn’t bring myself to spoil it with my feelings. I’ve tried so hard to bury all that I feel for you, but I can’t. I can’t live like this anymore. Even if you don’t love me back, I just need you to know that I love you with ever fibre of my being.’ 

Tamir takes a deep breath, his exhale uneasy. ‘I have loved you each and every moment that I’ve known you. How could I not? Calling you an angel wouldn’t even begin to describe you. You’re the most special person I’ve ever known, and there is nothing I want more than to make those dreams of yours come true. 

‘But I can’t. Not as I am. Right now, I’m not fit to be anyone’s husband. I’m barely fit to be around people in any capacity. I’ve asked Ishvalan if he can help me through my issues, and he’s agreed. It’s going to take a while, and it’s going to be difficult, but if there’s any chance that I can make things right with you, to save our friendship if nothing else, then it’s worth it. I’m so sick of hating the world. For once, I want to be able to love again, and to love you the way you deserve.’ 

Amira burst out crying, sobs heaving her chest. ‘I want that more than anything, but I don’t think I can wait that long. I’m sick Tamir, and I think… I think it’s what took mum.’ Tamir wants to faint. No. It can’t be. Ishvala would not be so cruel as to take her like that.

Taking her water and placing it on the floor, Tamir brings Amira into his arms, cradling her against his chest as he speaks words of comfort. ‘Ishvala can’t have you. Not yet. I won’t let him. Whatever is wrong with you, you’re going to get better. Losing you would be the end of me, so if you love you me, you need to get better.’ Maybe he shouldn’t have said that, but he’s at a loss; what do you tell the woman you love at a time like this?

Amira clings to Tamir’s robes, acting like a lost child. ‘I don’t care that you’re not the man you used to be. I know you’re in there somewhere. Promise me you’ll stay with me? I can help you get better, too, but I can’t fight this on my own.’ And she won’t have to; Tamir would fight it for her if he could.

Tamir hugs her even closer, kissing her head. ‘Together. No matter what this is, we’ll deal with it together. Even if it’s just a bug or something, I’ll do what I can to make you feel better. You don’t have to be alone in this. And I’m going to put a stop to Mina and her twisted games, so you’ll never have to worry about her ever again. I’m going to make things right, to make myself right, and then I’m finally going to make you my wife. You just need to wait for me. Tell me you’ll wait for me.’ 

Amira nods, smiling. ‘I’ll wait for you. I’ve waited this long, after all. Besides, maybe I am overreacting. Maybe it is just a bug, and I’m fine, and we can live a happy life together with a dog and a cat, and our own perfect little home.’

Tamir laughs for the first time in a while. ‘I’m not really a cat person. Other than that, I think that’s a good life to aim for. It’s one I’d be proud to live with you at my side. 

‘Also, you should know that I never touched Mina. If I couldn’t face waking up to the woman I love, how could I face waking up to a woman I hate? If she truly is pregnant, it has nothing to do with me. I would at least be man enough to claim responsibility.’ Amira doesn’t doubt that; Tamir has always been a responsible man.

Reassured, Amira decides there is no use putting this off any longer; she calls out for Doctor Marcoh, who appears swiftly. ‘Amira? How are you feeling?’ Almost a redundant question, given their location…

Tamir helps Amira to her feet, keeping one of her hands firmly in his, as she answers Marcoh’s question. ‘Not good. Not good at all. I think… I’m scared that there’s something wrong with me.’ Is that the best way to put it? How else should she put it?

Marcoh nods. ‘Alright. Can you tell me all the symptoms you’ve been experiencing?’ All of them? Alright…

Amira has to think a moment before she answers, not wanting to miss something important. ‘I’ve been feeling off-colour for a while now. It started with me not having much energy for things, but it’s gotten worse. I’m having trouble sleeping, and then when I go I don’t want to leave bed. My… my bowel movements have been a bit weird too, or strange enough that I’ve noticed. Most recently, I’ve been sick a lot, though it isn’t so bad that I can’t eat. It tends to be first thing after getting up, or when I eat too much. I keep getting random aches too, all over my body. I’m concerned that I might… my mother passed away when I was fairly young. The doctors said she had a growth in her that caused it. Like I said, I was pretty young, but a lot of these symptoms seem to match what she had, so I’m worried that I’m suffering from the same thing.’ She squeezes Tamir’s hand tightly, relieved at least to have finally said her worries out loud.

Marcoh nods again, thinking. ‘If it eases you, your symptoms are consistent with many illnesses. Excess stress for example would cause most of them. Are their any abnormalities in your vomit? What colour are your stools?’ In a way, Amira is glad that Tamir is the one here with her; at least he’s intimately familiar with her body.

Amira thinks back. ‘I don’t think so. It changes slightly based on what I’ve eaten. As for my… lightish brown I think.’ The same colour they’ve always been…

Marcoh’s brow furrows. ‘That’s a good sign. Any problems urinating?’ Amira shakes her head. ‘Okay. I can’t make a conclusive diagnosis based on the symptoms alone, so I’m going to ask you to provide me a urine sample. I’ll take a blood one too, if you’re comfortable with that. I should have the results by tomorrow, so I’d like you to come back then. Is that okay?’ Amira has to fight the urge to panic. So not even the doctor knows what is wrong with her?

As Amira goes off to provide the sample, Tamir accosts Doctor Marcoh as he prepare a syringe, speaking quietly. ‘Based on what you’ve heard though, is there any reason to panic?’ Other than the obvious…

Marcoh frowns. ‘I wouldn’t want to speculate, just because I don’t want to give false hope. However, I’m optimistic. The length of her sickness is the only cause for concern. I’ll know more by the morning. In the meantime, it’s important that she rests a lot, and that she’s kept fed and hydrated to the best of her ability.’ Both things Tamir can see to personally, or if not, the Amestrian will do.

Tamir nods. ‘Thank you. I trust that you will do your best for her.’ 

Marcoh smiles slightly. ‘Of course. The world would be a darker place without Amira to brighten it. I’ll do what I can to help her.’ It makes Tamir glad that so many people care for Amira; at least it might have softened the blow he dealt her when he left.

When Amira returns with her sample, it’s just a matter of collecting her blood before Tamir and Amira are both sent on their way, both of them being told to return for the results in the morning.

As they walk back to the shop, Amira looks up at Tamir. ‘Would you stay with me tonight? Not anything physical, but just sleep in my bed with me?’ It’s a stupid request, but Amira can’t help it; she doesn’t want to be alone right now. 

Tamir squeezes her hand tightly. ‘If that is what you need, that is where I shall be.’ From now until Ishvala parts them, Tamir will do whatever he has to. He wants to make things right.

Amira is willing to give him a second chance, and you can bet he’s going to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … Totally didn’t get emotional writing this T^T
> 
> Next chapter we’ll be one step closer to finding out what's wrong with Amira. For now, thanks for reading ^.^


	30. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> Another Tamira-centric chapter. I promise we’ll be getting back to Scar soon; complete with a name :O
> 
> Also, I owe one reader an apology; you’ll know who you are.
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

You didn’t sleep well last night.

How could you, when your best friend might be seriously ill? You were hoping Marcoh would have been able to provide an immediate answer to Amira’s health concerns, but instead you’d all been left wondering exactly what could be wrong with her.

At least Tamir seems to be making an effort; he slept over last night at Amira’s request, and you’re assuming he’s going to take her to Marcoh in a while.

As for you, Ishvalan had offered to stay and keep you company, a gesture you more than appreciate. Waking up in his strong arms is such a wonderful treat, and it was a great comfort to you each and every time you stirred in the night.

Right now, you’re just enjoying this feeling, pressed against Ishvalan’s chest as he holds you tight. It’s cute how much of a snuggler he is, always sleeping so easily when you’re with him (in fact, that might be how he normally sleeps, but you’re going to tell yourself that you help). You can’t resist further pressing yourself into him, appreciating the feeling of his hard muscles pressing into your back. With nothing but a thin layer of clothing between you, it’s easy to make out the outline of his body. His broad and perfectly sculpted chest, his strong arms, his erec-

Wait, what?

Focusing in on Ishvalan, you can definitely feel something thick and hard pressing into you, and you don’t think it’s one of his knees.

Your whole face heats up; this has never happened to him before! Not once have you ever woken up to find him in such a state. What are you supposed to do about this? Do you wake him up and tell him? Subtly shift away? Offer to help him with it?

That last thought is extremely tempting, but given Ishvalan’s upbringing, it’s probably the least sensible option.

If you draw attention to it in any way, you know he’ll panic. He’ll start begging you for forgiveness, as if waking up like this is abnormal. If anything, you’re almost pleased he’s waking up like this after holding you at night, even if it is just a random quirk of nature. It’s not like it’s something for him to be ashamed of. Maybe you should wake him up and explain that?

No, you shouldn’t. It’ll only embarrass him, maybe even draw him into himself and his ways even more. You’ve only just managed to get to kissing, and you’re not about to jeopardise that for anything!

So instead you gently slide his arm down to your hips so you can get up, unsurprised when your actions earn you a strained groan. ‘Did we oversleep?’ Ishvalan runs his hand in his hair before sitting up himself, blinking as he adjusts to the early morning light.

You giggle, relieved that his lower half is properly concealed by both the blanket and his clothes. ‘I don’t think so. I just woke up. Did you want me to leave you be to sleep longer?’ Leaving him alone to adjust himself isn’t a bad idea all things considered; he’d feel less embarrassed that way, at least.

Ishvalan leans forward so he can kiss your jaw, your mouth just that little too far to reach easily. ‘Sleeping in holds no appeal if you are not in my bed. If you are leaving, I am too.’ If it wasn’t for Ishvalan’s state of being, you’d probably be tempted to crawl back in just so you don’t have to deal with today…

Alas, this is for the best; you lean over to give him a quick kiss before standing, searching your room for clean robes as you smile to yourself. ‘That’s technically my bed, but I’m glad you’re fond of having me in it.’

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘It is having you in any bed with me that I am fond of, no matter the owner. Having you in my arms means I know where you are, and can protect you as I should.’ He’s talking just as he was the night he got so horribly drunk; if he calls you angel, you’re going to have some serious questions.

Finding your robes, you turn to Ishvalan, chewing your lip. ‘You seem to like the idea of being my protector. Is there a reason for that?’ You can think of a few you’re sure, but you want to hear it from him.

Ishvalan’s gaze turns fierce. ‘You have chosen to give me your heart, both as a friend and as a lover. I will not allow anyone to harm you. I may have lost the family I was born into, but I will not lose the family I have chosen for myself. I would sooner die myself than suffer that fate again.’ You probably shouldn’t have asked that. Now he’s going to be upset…

To your surprise, Ishvalan gaze seems to shift in its intensity, from one kind of passion to another. ‘Besides which, I am a warrior. As you have given your heart, it’s is only right that I give my strength. I would tell you that you have my heart also, but you need only look at me to know that I am yours in my entirety.’ You wish you did have time to snuggle up in bed with him again, but you really do need to make a start on breakfast; even if Amira won’t each much, you suspect the two men of the house will.

You instead you yank your sleepwear off, changing into your robes as you answer. ‘My heart isn’t the only thing you have, Ishvalan. If I get all of you, it’s only right that you get all of me in return.’ And all of you he’s just seen; it’s suddenly occurred to you that you’ve just stripped off in front of Ishvalan!

You swear Ishvalan’s eyes roam your body for a moment before he turns away, brining a hand up to further block his vision. ‘A fair trade. I know that we shall have many years to fully appreciate each other, but there is one more thing I would ask you to give me if you can. I have spoken to my former master about arranging a naming ceremony, and I would like your assistance in choosing one.’ Really? That’s amazing! You’re so glad he’s taking that step!

You want to rush over and hug him, though you should probably dress first. ‘I’m so happy to hear you say that, my love. After all, a name brings us one step closer to our future together, right? So we can be mr and mrs… what’s your surname?’ That’s something you’ve never actually considered; Ishvalan doesn’t have a first name or a last name!

Ishvalan seems to think a moment before answering. ‘As my family are long since passed, I was thinking we could take a new one. How would you feel about adopting Ishvalan as a surname, if I can obtain permission to use it?’ That would make a lot of sense; after all, everyone here already calls him Ishvalan, so it seems only right he keep it in some capacity.

You sigh wistfully. ‘Mrs Ishvalan… I like any name that connects me to you. Won’t people take issue with it though, considering I’m the least Ishvalan person here? I’m already concerned that people will think I have no right to embrace your culture.’ People like Tamir, who felt your very presence was an insult earlier this very year…

Ishvalan seems to consider turning to face you for a moment, before thinking better of it. ‘I have told you many times before that Ishval is your home. You have every right to live here as one of us, a child of Ishvala. Besides which, it makes me happy to see you celebrate with us. If Ishvala allows my plans to flourish as I hope, then this time next year you shall be my wife, and have even more reason to embrace Ishvalan culture. The opinions of others means nothing in comparison to the love I feel for you, and that love grows ever stronger each time you choose to accept the Ishvalan way of life.’ It’s not as if you have much choice in certain aspects; there are few comforts here an Amestrian might enjoy.

It does raise a few questions though. ‘Do you expect me to convert if we marry? Will I need to show my love to Ishvala before you’ll take me down the aisle?’ Now that you’re dressed, you sit back down on the bed, if only so you can have this conversation face-to-face.

Ishvalan reaches a hand out to stroke your face. ‘No. I have no such expectations, though I would like to raise any children we may have to accept Ishvala’s guidance. As for walking you down the aisle, I don’t know what that means, so I can’t comment.’ Wait, do they not have that phrase in Ishval? You thought it was a common phrase.

You furrow your brows. ‘You know, the wedding aisle? Someone walks the bride down it to meet the groom under the wedding arch? You have been to a wedding, right?’ That’s a point. If he’s never experienced one, he might not know about that.

Ishvalan laughs, his hand moving up to stroke your hair. ‘That is not how we conduct weddings in Ishval. Here, the couple hold hands over a fire, and a monk ties a ribbon over their hands. They make promises to each other, before casting the ribbon into the fire, sending their promises away to be kept safe by Ishvala.’ That’s… quite a lot more romantic than Amestrian weddings. Would you be allowed to have an Ishvalan wedding?

You ask Ishvalan as much, and he smiles. ‘Considering I am on good terms with the Head Monk, I do not think that would be an issue, unless you would rather have a more Amestrian wedding. The end result is much the same, so I’m happy with anything you choose.’ If he’s that desperate, why doesn’t he just marry you already?

You lean forward to kiss him, pulling back with a grin. ‘To be honest, all weddings are quite boring. At least an Ishvalan one would be a new experience for me.’ Unless someone else here beats you to it…

Ishvalan leans forward for another kiss, stopping just short of your lips. ‘Our wedding will not be boring. It will be the most exciting day of our lives, and that is coming from a man who has lived through much that could be considered exciting. For now though, would you leave me to get dressed? It is important that all of us are here for Amira today, should the worse come to pass.’ He claims his kiss before pulling back, and you stand, making your way into the shop.

If even Ishvalan is concerned about Amira, then today is going to be a difficult thing to face.

You really hope that it’s nothing serious.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Amira and Tamir set off to Marcoh’s clinic early, not wanting to delay the inevitable.

Tamir grips Amira’s hand the whole way there, noticing just how violently it’s trembling. He’d give anything for her diagnoses to be little more than a bug, but he knows in his gut that it’s more serious; even if Marcoh is optimistic, that is still no guarantee that it’s not life-threatening.

For his part, Tamir is finding it difficult to walk today. Sleeping on the floor might be exactly what he deserves, but that doesn’t make it much easier on his back. Still, Amira needed him, and there was never any chance that she would share her bed after what he did. If he has to sleep on a couple of blankets to prove that he wants to make things right, he’ll happily do so for the rest of his days; anything for a chance to show Amira he can change for her.

When they finally make it to the clinic, Amira freezes, looking at Tamir like a frightened child. ‘I don’t think I can do this, Tamir. What if I’m right? What if… I don’t want to die.’ The tears are already welling up in her eyes, a few of them spilling over.

Tamir places his hands on her cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe away her tears. ‘I’ve already told you, Ishvala can’t have you. It’s going to be okay. Whatever this is, we’re going to fight it together. No matter what, we will get through this. Whatever it takes, this is not the end for you. Anything you need, I’ll make sure you get it. I promise.’ It might be a hollow promise, there might be nothing he can do, but he won’t let himself believe that; Amira will be okay. She’s always okay. He’s going to see her well again.

Amira nods. ‘Thank you. Will you stay with me when Marcoh talks through the results?’ Tamir nods. ‘Okay. I think I’m ready now.’ That makes one of them; Tamir is sure he’s absorbed Amira’s fears, because now he’s terrified of what Marcoh might say.

Still, he can’t show her any weakness; he has to be strong for her.

The two of them enter the clinic, Marcoh looking up at them from a pile of books in the corner. ‘Good morning. I have your results, Amira. If you would both take a seat, I’d be happy to talk you through them.’ So he found something. He must have done, or else he wouldn’t need to talk them through like this. Ishvala be merciful, say it isn’t bad…

Tamir and Amira sit on a nearby bed, and Marcoh walks over to them, taking a small stool with him to sit on. ‘I’ll start with the good news. For the most part, your results are completely normal, and I can see no indication of anything life-threatening.’ Tamir could faint. She’s fine. Amira is fine. He’s not going to lose her!

Amira nods. ‘For the most part? What does that mean?’ She’s right. He didn’t say she’s completely normal, just for the most part. So what’s wrong with her?

Marcoh stares directly into Amira’s eyes. ‘I found something in your urine sample that explains everything. It’s a hormone, one only produced by pregnant women. You’re pregnant, Amira.’ She’s… Amira is…

Now Tamir really is going to faint. Not dying, but pregnant… he doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry!

Amira shakes her head. ‘I can’t be. I’ve had…’ she takes a moment to calculate things. ‘I had a period after I had sex with Tamir. Granted, it was light, and I haven’t had one since then, but I couldn’t be pregnant if I bled, could I?’ 

Marcoh shakes his head. ‘Bleeding can occur when the egg attaches itself to the lining of the uterus. I know it’s not an easy thing to take in, but the test is conclusive. I can take another sample if you need reassurance.’ If Tamir is panicking, he can’t even begin to imagine how Amira is feeling. She must be terrified, and resentful of him for being the one that made this happen.

When Amira doesn’t answer, Tamir finds his voice again. ‘We trust your diagnosis, but it’s a lot to take in. Neither of us expected this.’ Tamir still isn’t expecting it, and he’s just heard it with his own ears.

Marcoh nods. ‘I understand. It’s not an easy position to be in. My advice to you both would be to go home and talk through your options. In the meantime, I have no immediate cause for concern. If the sickness becomes so back that it prevents eating, come to me as soon as possible. Other than that, I’ll be happy to wait for you until you’ve had a chance to talk things over. Now really isn’t the time for me to go over things with either of you.’ He’s got that right; nothing would sink in even if he did.

Amira nods once, and Tamir stands, helping her to her feet before leaving with her, the trembling from before now mercifully absent despite the shock.

As they walk back, Tamir tries to think of something to say, but he finds that words escape him; what can he say? Apologise for getting her into this mess? He has no right to say anything, and even less right to give his opinions. What even are his opinions? How does he feel about this? He had sworn to himself that he’d never have more children, that it would be an insult to move on like that. But this is Amira, and he swore that he would stand by her no matter what. He knew deep down that these results would change everything, and they have, just not in the way he was anticipating. Instead of the results showing death, they have shown life, and if nothing else, Tamir is thankful for that; Ishvala will not have her yet.

When they reach the shop, Tamir makes to go inside, only for Amira to stop him with a gentle palm on his chest. ‘I know I asked you to stay with me, but I wasn’t… I need time, Tamir. Alone. I need to think things through.’ He can appreciate that. It’s a huge shock, and it’s her life that’s going to change the most. She’s the one that has to carry it for months…

… unless she chooses that she doesn’t want to carry it. Marcoh did tell them to talk through their options; getting rid of it is a viable option.

The thought makes Tamir’s chest ache, but he knows he can’t say anything. This has to be her choice. He lost any day he might have had over the ba- the embryo the moment he walked away. It’s in Amira’s hands now, but he wishes so desperately he had a way to shape her opinion.

But he doesn’t, so instead, he nods. ‘Okay. Take what time you need. When you’re ready, Ishvalan will know where to find me.

‘For what it’s worth, I am sorry that my actions have put you in this position, but I meant what I said. Whatever you choose, I’ll stand by you. We are in this together.’ Though ultimately, that’s what started this mess…

Amira nods, crying again. ‘Thank you for understanding. I… I love you.’ Tamir would give his immortal soul to be able to wind back time to that morning, to stop himself from leaving. He had everything he could have ever wanted within his grasp, but he still managed to ruin it in a moment of self-hatred. If Amira does choose to keep the child, he’ll be the luckiest of Ishvala’s children.

At this point though, that seems to be a big ‘if’.

Tamir nods back, trying not to cry himself. ‘I love you too, Amira. Just reach out to me, and I’ll come straight back to you. I promise.’ With that, Tamir leaves, fighting the overwhelming urge to get on his knees and beg her to consider things. He’s so stupid. He’s so stupid, stupid…

It’s all the more reason to learn from Ishvalan. If he can rebuild his life after burning it all down in a fit of rage, so can Tamir. 

He only hopes Amira is still waiting for him in the ashes, no matter what else she decides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah… I’m pretty sure everyone saw this twist coming O.O
> 
> Next chapter will be one more Tamira one, and then we get to some really juicy stuff ;) but for now, thank you for reading, and thank you to everyone that’s been voting for a name. I’ll leave suggestions open, but I think I have a favourite 🤔
> 
> Hope to see you next time :)


	31. Redemption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> So here we have it; the end of the Tamira arc :O I hope it has a satisfying conclusion 
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

Amira has barely left her room in the three days following her diagnosis.

As soon as she got home, she told you she wanted a word in private, out of earshot of even Ishvalan. You’d been terrified, especially as Tamir had disappeared for some reason.

Then she’d told you the entire story, and your heart broke for her.

Amira cried, a seeming endless deluge that you were powerless to stop. What could you say? Congratulations on the surprise baby? Of the many emotions Amira was displaying, joy didn’t seem to be one of them.

When she’d finally calmed down, Amira had sworn you to secrecy, and so far you’ve kept it. Ishvalan is considerate enough not to pry, and you know you can trust Marcoh with the secret. As for Tamir, if what he told Ishvalan is true, you have no reason to believe that he would jeopardise the chance to be with Amira over this. Only four people know the truth of Amira’s condition, and she’s the only one that will increase that number.

Still, you’re scared for her. You don’t envy her having to make a decision. If Ishvalan had done as Tamir has, and put you in Amira’s position… you have no idea how you’d cope.

All you can do is stand by Amira, and offer her all the support you can.

If support means bringing her food several times a day, then so be it.

So here you are, setting a tray of food next to Amira as she smiles gently from her bed, looking a little pale due to her recent brush with morning sickness. ‘I appreciate this more than I can say. Thank you for tending to me and the shop while I figure things out.’ To be honest, after months of studying under Amira, you really do have the hang of being a tailor; well, at least when Amira is in the next room to give you advice.

You affectionately stroke her hair, trying to reassure her. ‘It’s okay. I know this isn’t easy. Do you need someone to talk to?’ You’re not exactly a councillor, but you have ears; you can listen to her.

Amira sighs. ‘Yeah. I really do. I’ve been… I just need a sounding board for my thoughts. There’s so much to consider that my head hurts just thinking about it.’ At least she’s taking this seriously, but then again, can you expect anything less of Amira?

You bring your hand down to hold Amira’s tightly. ‘This is what sisters are for. Whatever you need to say, you can tell me. I won’t judge you for anything, and I won’t force you to think or feel a certain way. I just want to help.’ If you even can; this is serious business.

Amira grasps your hand firmly, exhaling sharply. ‘I should get rid of it. It would be the kindest thing to do. I don’t know if I’m ready to be a mother, and Tamir… I can’t even imagine how many bad memories this is causing him. That, and it’s just one more memory of that night, the morning, and it’s already going to be hard enough to move past that without that reminder. Besides which… I want to make things work with Tamir desperately. He’ll hate me if I keep it, I know he will. He won’t want to be involved with it, not really. I’ve already told Mina so many times that he doesn’t want replacement children, but isn’t this just what this is? A replacement?

‘Yet despite all of that, the thought of not even giving this baby a chance to see the world… I can’t do that. It would kill me to do that. For years I’ve dreamed of having children of my own, and to get rid of this baby would be to spit in Ishvala’s face. It is a wonderful thing, even if the circumstances aren’t perfect. I don’t expect Tamir to step up for my sake, and if he wants to completely ignore this, then I’ll respect his decision. I’ll raise this baby by myself if that’s what it takes to make this work. Besides, we both know just how low I’ve been feeling. Having this one positive thing in my life to strive towards will give me hope, and a reason to keep pushing forward. I’m going to be the best mother I can, no matter what else happens. 

‘Even though I have made my choice, the thought of facing Tamir scares me. He seemed so genuine when he told me he wanted to change, but a baby changes so much more. These past few days I’ve been dreaming of reconciliation, the day he’s finally ready to begin a relationship with me. However, I know I might have to trade that for my child, and I’m dreading having to tell Tamir that I’m choosing his child over him. I’ve known right from the moment Marcoh told me the results that I wanted the baby, but I’m not sure I’m brave enough to pay the price.’ You wish you could walk over and beat some sense into Tamir, make him take responsibility, but you can’t; they’ll have to figure it out by themselves.

In fact, that’s all you can really suggest. ‘I think you should get it over with right away. It’ll be best for all three of you in the long run. It’s going to be a hard conversion, but you need to have it with him.’ At least Ishval isn’t very big; finding Tamir shouldn’t be too hard.

Amira nods. ‘That would be the kind thing to do. Would you mind fetching him for me please? He said Ishvalan would know where to find him.’ It’s just as well you know where to find Ishvalan; he’s in the temple today, or so he told he that was his plan yesterday.

You leave straight away, heading for the temple; it’s time that situation was sorted for good, no matter the outcome.

Amira will suffer no longer.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Tamir has spent much of the last three days on bender knee at the temple, desperately begging Ishvala for guidance. He’s barely slept, and he can’t bring himself to eat, not with his thoughts so utterly consumed by Amira.

Three days might feel like a long time, but it’s a huge decision Amira has on her hands. It’s a potential human life she’s considering. While it may be little more than a cluster of cells at the moment, if given time, it’ll be a baby. Tamir’s baby. One they created in a night of near endless passion, sullied by Tamir the following morning…

Tamir internally berates himself. He has no right to think of it like that. He has no say in the future of the foetus currently gestating inside of the woman he loves. He forfeited his say. He has no say…

Ishvala help him, but all he wants to do is rush over there and plead for the baby’s life.

By rights, after all that he’s done, Tamir deserves to lose them both. To lose a second family in a way that seems even more devastating than the first. A destruction of his own making, with nobody to blame but himself. He deserves to lose everything as a price for his actions. He expects Ishvala to take it all from him as a punishment for the many wrongs he has committed. Filling himself with hate, acting with such little kindness towards his fellow man… a man like him deserves no happy ending.

Tamir’s thoughts are distracted by the presence of a large hand on his shoulder. ‘As much as Ishvala loves to listen to the prayers of his children, I think it’s safe to say he has heard you. Perhaps you would like to talk to someone who can answer you with words?’ Ishvalan always has such a bluntness to his words that Tamir once found irritating; right now, it’s almost refreshing.

Tamir can feel his eyes welling up, Amira’s tearstained face filling his mind. ‘I’ve ruined it. It was destroyed the moment I walked away. There is no hope for me in Amira’s heart anymore. I’m going to lose the only thing worth fighting for in this life, and I can do nothing but wait for confirmation.’ Tamir is relieved that the Head Monk has seen fit to take a walk; he would ask too many questions, and he is the last person Tamir wishes to give answers to.

Ishvalan sighs. ‘You are speaking as is this is already over. I am unaware of Amira’s condition, but you must not lose hope. There is always a way to fix things, and people are no different. It is just a case of finding a cure.’ So he’s not been told? At Amira’s own request, perhaps? Normally Tamir would honour that, but Ishvalan is right; he needs to talk to someone who can answer his opinions with their own.

Tamir laughs bitterly. ‘She is carrying my child, Ishvalan, and it is the thought of curing her condition that is causing my heart so much pain. If I had only stayed, I could be celebrating this news right now. I’d offer to marry her, and the three of us could start a new life together, as a family. But I can’t have that. Even if Amira keeps the baby, she won’t want me anywhere near it. I had a chance at a fresh start, and I threw it away. If I’d only sought help sooner, made more of an effort to change…’ he should have. He should have changed. He felt changed, even if a little. Now it’s gone…

Ishvalan waits a moment before answering, collecting his thoughts. ‘All is not lost. No matter the outcome of this, Amira had seemed open to the idea of reconciliation before her diagnosis. There is still hope for the two of you.’ Tamir feels his blood boil for a moment. Two… it’s not two. It should be three. It should…

Any anger Tamir feels gives way to a sadness that feels like it’s tearing a hole in his chest, tears now flowing uncontrollably from his eyes. ‘Do you know what it feels like to lose a child, Ishvalan? It’s like someone has torn a piece of your soul away, and nothing you can do ever seems to stop the bleeding. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but I already see that tiny cluster inside Amira as my child. When she chooses to get rid of it, it’s going to hurt me just as much as losing Laila and Samir. It might even hurt more, because at least I got to hold them. They had a chance at life, however brief it was, and I was was blessed to have them. The worst part is that I can’t even tell her how I feel, because I have no right to do so. How can I ask her to bring my child into the world after I broke her trust in me in the most cruel and intimate way possible? How can I convince her to let a permanent reminder of the morning I shattered her heart grow inside of her for many more months? This could have been a fresh start, but now I’m going to lose my family twice. Tell me now that not everything is lost.’ Maybe it would be better if Tamir wasn’t here at all. He could leave Ishval, allow Amira to find some kind of peace in his absence…

Ishvalan glares at Tamir, and it’s enough to make him falter for a moment. ‘Not everything is lost. You are speaking as if this has already come to pass. If there is one thing I have learned myself, it’s that always assuming the worst never leads to things going our way. If this is truly what you want, then you need to tell Amira everything. Cast away any notion of pride you have and lay your heart bare before her. Tell her everything you have told me, and pray that she listens. After all, there is no guarantee that Amira is not feeling the same way. There is every chance she is sat at home now, terrified of telling you that she wishes to raise the child because she feels it is unwanted. Prove to her that you will be there for both of them, and maybe then you will get the second chance you have been praying so desperately for. That is how I came to find my second chance here, and it is how you shall find yours. After all, I do not think Ishvala would grant you both a child if he did not intend for you to be one. 

‘You should go to her now. My partner will convince Amira to hear your words. Just be prepared to accept that Ishvala may have other plans for you, and if that is the case, do your best to cope with them. This choice is ultimately Amira’s, and you must respect that.’ Tamir can hardly believe what he’s hearing. Could there really still be a chance for him? A tiny hope that Amira might choose to keep the baby, and decide to give him a chance to prove that he can be a good husband and father? It hasn’t been so long that he’s forgotten how to care for a family like that. It would be one more thing connecting him to a time when he was a good man, the kind that Amira loved.

Still, Tamir shakes his head. ‘I can’t. If I push her on this, it’ll make things worse. I don’t think Amira would act on this without telling me her decision first, so I’ll just have to wait and use that time to plead my case. I just wish it hadn’t come to this. If Amira gives me a chance, I’ll never make a mistake like this again.’ If he does, then he’s the biggest fool to ever have been born, and Tamir would like to think he’s better than that at least.

Ishvalan is about to answer, when a feminine voice cuts him off. ‘Tamir? Amira is asking for you. She needs to talk to you.’ So it’s happened, then. Her mind has been made. Now will be his only chance to unmake it, and salvage the future he’s been dreaming of.

Tamir nods. ‘I’ll go to her, but would you mind waiting here with Ishvalan? There is much I have to say that is for her ears only.’ Then again, if it takes a public humbling to win her back, he’ll do it without complaint.

The Amestrian nods back. ‘I’ll be back at dinner time, so you have until then.

‘I know you don’t like me Tamir, but I love Amira like a sister. If I find out you’ve hurt her again, then you lose all right to tell me I am a terrible human being just because I was born across the border. I never chose a war with Ishval, but you chose this for yourself. This is your final chance with Amira, and if you blow it, I have no sympathy. If you’re serious about her, then fix things. If not, then I will help her build a life without you. It is your choice.’ It’s so strange, seeing the change in attitude from when they first met, and she was so careful of her words and actions around him; Tamir thinks he prefers her like this, honest with her opinions.

Tamir rushes straight past her, longing to speak with Amira, but can’t resist a few parting words. ‘For what it’s worth, I was wrong about you. I wish you and Ishvalan many happy years together. It seems the very least you both deserve.’ With that Tamir leaves, rushing towards Amira.

This really is the last chance he has with her, and he’s not going to let it slip away without doing everything he can to stop it.

He just hopes it isn’t too little too late.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

When Tamir reaches the shop, he lets himself in, heading straight for Amira’s room. The whole way over here he’s been thinking of things he can say to change her mind, but ultimately, he thinks Ishvalan is right; if he wants this, he needs to do what he can to cast away his pride.

That’s why the moment that Tamir enters the room, and sees Amira curled up in bed, he does the only thing that he can think of; he falls to his hands and knees next to her bed, and starts to beg. ‘Amira, whatever you’ve decided, please let me speak. I know that I have no right to have a say in this, but I need you to know how I feel. Please, just give me a moment.’ If nothing else, when the worst comes to pass, at least Tamir can tell himself that he tried.

Amira’s arms wrap themselves around her belly almost protectively, and a flame of hope briefly ignites inside Tamir. ‘Okay. I’ll hear you out, but I’ve made my decision, and nothing you can say will change that.’ The flame is extinguished as fast as it was ignited, and Tamir has to stop himself giving into despair long enough to plead his case.

After all, she has yet to hear him out; maybe something in his words will persuade her despite her thoughts.

Tamir takes a breath to collect his thoughts, then begins to pour his soul out to Amira. ‘After what I did, I wouldn’t blame you for cutting ties with me. It’s no less than I deserve. Yet it was just a few short days ago that you said you would give me a chance to redeem myself in your eyes, and I know you well enough to know that you meant it. I want to be with you Amira, no matter what else happens. This hasn’t changed, and it never will.

‘I have no right to plead for the life of our unborn child after what I did, but I can’t help myself. It barely even exists yet, but I know I would do anything to protect it. Asking you to let it grow inside of you for nine long months is the greatest thing I could request, but in return, I’ll do anything I can. I’ll change every nappy. I’ll deal with every late night wake-up call. I’ll work until I can barely stand to give you both every comfort imaginable. I’ll be a good father, the best I can be, if you would only give me a chance.

‘As for us, I’m not going to use this as a way to get back into your bed or your heart. Whatever happens between us is its own separate thing. I will continue to work on my issues for you, but you’re under no obligation to take me back. I know having a child will complicate things between us, but I’ll never be the kind of man that uses my child as a way to get to you. I ruined things, and I’ll find a way to fix them on my own merit. You have my word.

‘If none of that is enough to convince you to give our baby a chance, then I’ll still support you and your decision. It’s just important that you know that you’re not alone in this, and if there was even the tiniest part of you that thought about keeping it despite all of the issues, then you know that I’m willing to be there to help. I love you so much, and I…’ Tamir loses himself to grief, chocking on sobs as the reality sets in. He’s failed, he can feel it. She’s not going to change her mind on this. It’s over. That glimmer of hope is little more than a distant memory…

Even through his sobs, Tamir can hear Amira’s soft voice. ‘Please don’t cry, Tamir. We both need you to be strong for us.’ How is Tamir supposed to stay strong for himself if he can practically feel his heart tearing itself apart? 

… unless he’s not part of that ‘both’.

Trying to calm himself, Tamir sits up so he can look at Amira, tears trailing down her cheek to meet her easy smile as her hands cradle what could one day be a bump. In that moment, clarity finally reaches Tamir; she’s not getting rid of it. She never was. What the Amestrian said about building a life… it all makes sense now.

Tamir moves to cradle Amira against his chest, and she obliges, nuzzling into his robes as he gently strokes her hair. ‘I mean it. Every word. I’m going to be a father our baby can be proud to have. I just can’t believe you’re willing to give me that chance.’ This is it for him now. No longer will he allow hate to cloud his life. This is a fresh start, the return of a time when Tamir was a father to be proud of, and a man who never failed to uphold his promises.

Amira grabs onto Tamir’s robes, trying to pull him even closer. ‘I was worried you’d be angry with me. I thought you’d hate me for choosing the baby over you and your needs. Hearing you tell me that you want this, and that you still want a chance to make things right without it being affecting by this… it doesn’t make what happened right, but it does go a long way. It goes far enough that I really want to make things work with you. We have a lot of things to figure out, but I think we’ll be okay. If you’re still willing to change, I’m still willing to build a life with you. This life to be specific.’ Amira brings one of Tamir’s hands down to rest over the life growing inside her, and his head spins. This is real. It’s really happening. The second chance he was so scared he’d lost is right here in his arms, he can feel it underneath his finger tips.

Whatever it takes, he’s not going to waste this chance he’s been given. He’s going to turn his life around, finally get rid of the anger that’s plagued him for so long, and start a family with the woman he loves.

Ishvalan was right yet again; his prayers had been heard, and now they have been answered.

All Tamir has to do now is make good on his promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will be dealing with something I think we’ve all been looking forward to; it’s time for someone’s sexual awakening :O
> 
> For now, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed ^.^


	32. Indulgence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, 
> 
> So here we have the start of the next arc, and things are about to get steamy ;)
> 
> Enjoy ^.^

Truthfully, Ishvalan is relieved that everything has gone well for Amira.

To say he was unconcerned is a lie. For a time, it did truly seem like she might leave this world, and the thought had cut him deeply, due to both his own friendship with her, and the bond shared between her and Ishvalan’s love. He is already familiar with what it is to lose a sibling, and even if Amira and his love have no connection by blood, the emotional impact would not have been softer.

Still, Amira’s health is no longer a cause for concern, at least not in terms of fatality. According to Marcoh, the sickness she’s feeling should be gone by the end of the year, or by New Day at least. Her relationship with Tamir, who is finally turning over a new leaf, should be of great comfort to her while she waits for her body to settle. Overall, the outcome of the situation couldn’t be better, and before too long, Ishvalan has no doubt that Tamir and Amira will be holding hands over the ceremonial fire, though he’s not sure if that will be before or after the birth. 

As for himself, Ishvalan is feeling hopeful. Soon, he will have a new name, and then nothing will stand in his way. He’s been toying with two potential dates for his proposal, both of them only a few short months away. As for his house, it’s being erected at the moment, so very soon he won’t have to walk back to a tent every night. He’ll have his own home, complete with an actual bed to sleep on. There’s only one thing truly missing; her.

It seems only a matter of time before Tamir and Amira will decide to move in, and he knows his love too well to assume she’d stay. She’d want to leave them alone, even if she herself had to live in a tent. That’s why he requested his house be built with two rooms; even if he’d rather she was in his bed, it would be wrong to assume she’d want the same. If she wants her own space, it’s hers, assuming she even wants to live with him. Maybe she’ll want to wait until they’re married before she moves in? In which case, perhaps he should move his planned proposal forwards…

Ishvalan is so busy thinking that he doesn’t register his tent is not fully closed. He opens it automatically, shuffling inside quickly to keep in any warmth.

It isn’t until he’s closed the tent that he realises there is someone in his bed.

Ishvalan’s body tenses up. Who could it be? Someone wishing to play a practical joke? An enemy? Perhaps it is Mina, trying to seduce him in an attempt to have him arrested for rape?

When he turns around, Ishvalan’s jaw drops; it’s his love, and from what he can tell, she’s naked.

The Amestrian woman smiles at him, in a way he can only describe as seductive. ‘Evening, my love. I hope you don’t mind, but I got so cold waiting I had to warm myself up. Your bed is so cozy, I could see myself in it every night.’ Ishvalan blinks hard; Why is she here? Not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just unexpected…

Ishvalan furrows his brow. ‘It is less of a bed, and more a few blankets over the sand. Not that I am unhappy to see you, but why are you here? Has something else happened with Amira?’ She would not leave her friend unless she was asked, and maybe not even that…

His lover chews on her lip. ‘No, but that’s part of the reason I’m here. You’ve been so good to me lately, Ishvalan. You’ve been a real rock, the one thing that keeps me steady. I wanted to thank you, but I don’t think words are enough. I think I know something that is though.’ With that, she pulls down the blanket covering her, and Ishvalan’s suspicion is confirmed; she’s completely naked, not a single scrap of fabric covering her. 

Ishvalan feels his cock twitch in response, but tries to remain calm. ‘There is no need to thank me. As your partner, it is important that I tend to your emotional needs, just as you often tent to mine.’ He can practically hear his body objecting to his refusal, but he knows it’s the right thing to do; he can’t just take her in thanks for something that requires no reward.

His love lays back again, trailing her fingers between the valley of her breasts. ‘Isn’t it also important to tend to our physical needs? Don’t you want to know what’s it’s like to slide yourself inside of me? I want to know. Some nights I imagine what it’s like to spread my legs and invite you inside, and do you know what I do? I touch myself, Ishvalan. Like this…’ her fingers tease her firm nipples, tweaking the firm flesh with practiced ease. ‘… and like this.’ One hand travels down between her legs, and begins to stroke the flesh there, Ishvalan’s view slightly obstructed by her thighs.

Ishvalan can feel his mouth water at the sight of her; Ishvala help him, but he’d like nothing more than to push her legs apart and help himself to her body. Will she feel hot around him? Tight? Wet?

Ishvalan groans, trying to clear his mind. ‘I can’t. This isn’t right. We are not husband and wife, I cannot take you like this.’ Soon, they will be married, and they can both do as they wish, but for now…

The Amestrian woman whines desperately. ‘Please, just fill me. I need you inside of me. I want to be your wife, and have your children, and you can have all of that if you take me right now. Please, I want you to fuck me.’ Ishvalan’s eyes widen; how is he supposed to maintain his self-control with her begging him like this? Maybe he should just give in, indulge in his baser instincts for once in his life…

He doesn’t register taking off his clothes, but before he knows it, Ishvalan is fully-nude, and kneeling before her, taking her knees in his hands and spreading her legs wide.

The Amestrian woman weaves a hand through his hair, before gently guiding it towards her breast. Ishvalan’s mouth opens on instinct, and he tries to tease it with his teeth the same way she teased it with her fingers.

When his actions are met with mewling cries of pleasure, Ishvalan knows he can’t hold back any longer; with a single shift of his body, Ishvalan is inside of her, thrusting away with abandon. 

So lost in pleasure is Ishvalan that he can no longer think of this as sin; this is heaven, and after all that he did in the name of redemption, perhaps there is a part of him that deserves this.

A part of him that deserves to love with all that he is.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Ishvalan wakes with a gasp, sitting bolt upright before he tries to control his breathing. A dream. It was just a dream… it wasn’t…

Sighing, Ishvalan flops back down, realisation dawning on him. None of that really happened. His love slept in her own bed after he bid her goodnight, and he slept alone, saying his nightly prayers before falling into a deep slumber.

There’s a large part of Ishvalan that’s disgusted with himself. For days now he’s been having dreams like this, yet this has been the most vivid to date. Normally they just involve passionate kisses and word of affection, not…

In an effort to get comfortable, Ishvalan shifts his legs, his erection rubbing against his robes. He’s been waking up like this a lot too, his dreams affecting his body in ways that they shouldn’t. He knows full-well that you can’t control your dreams, but he should be able to control his body! He’s managed to do so for most of his life! He even woke up like this one day as he held his love in his arms, the woman blissfully unaware of his condition. If she’d found out… hers is a look of disgust Ishvalan never wants to see.

He should get up now. There is much to do. Planning and prayer and work… a never-ending list of things he can apply himself to.

Yet lying here alone in bed, with the dream still fresh in his mind, Ishvalan isn’t sure he wants to deal with any of that right now; all he wants is to wrap a hand around his cock, and let his mind pick up where it left off.

Would pleasuring himself really be such a bad thing? His former master had once considered it an act of disrespect towards women, but that’s ridiculous. He is in love not with the body of his partner, but with her mind, and her soul. The body is just another part of her, one that Ishvalan happens to find attractive. Why shouldn’t he indulge in his desire towards it? After all, it is possible she has done the same. He knows that she won’t be angry with him over this, so why should it matter? Just this one… maybe just this once…

Ishvalan sits up again, and begins to wrestle his clothing off, rubbing his erection several times in the process. He doesn’t even know how to do this properly, but that’s not going to stop him trying. Maybe if he gets some kind of release, this kind of thing will stop plaguing his thoughts? It has to be worth a try, if only to tame his body again.

Fully nude, Ishvalan reclines once more, and wraps his hand around his cock. He can’t contain the moan that escapes his lips, this feeling so foreign and yet so right. He risks moving his clenched hand up and down the staff slightly, sighing when he feels only immense pleasure.

Slowly, Ishvalan works himself into a rhythm, but it’s not enough. He needs something more, something to stimulate his mind.

Closing his eyes, Ishvalan thinks of what happened just under a week ago. His love had undressed before him without care, granting him a perfect view of her body without intending him. Ishvala help him, but he looked for far longer that he should have before he turned away. He could have gazed at her for hours on end and never gotten his fill. Of course, there was one part of her that had commanded his absolute attention; her breasts.

Ishvalan moans again as he recalls how amazing her breasts looked, fully-exposed to him. Even at a glance, he knows they must be impossibly soft. He’s had his hands so close to them on many occasions, but he’s never let them travel that high. He wishes he had. He wants to know if they’re as soft as they look. Would he be able to cup them in his large hands, or would they spill over, too big for him to grasp? Both are equally appealing prospects.

Ishvalan cries out again when he imagines what it would be like to stick his cock between the two soft orbs, surrounding him in impossibly soft warmth.

Speaking of warmth, what was the act Miles had mentioned? A blow job? Her mouth around his straining erection, with her tongue so carefully teasing his tip…

Ishvalan rubs a thumb against his slit, finding it sticky with something he isn’t familiar with. Surely he couldn’t ask her to lick it, could he? But would she? Would she be willing to have his… fluids… inside her mouth? He would be willing to return the favour. To spread her legs and explore her with his tongue. How would she taste? What noises would she make as he carefully stroked his tongue against her, paying close attention to her reactions until he knows by heart all the ways to have her crying out for him.

All of this he’d do before he took her for real. Before he fully united their bodies. He has heard that such a thing can be painful for a woman, but he would be gentle. It would be slow and passionate, both of them knowing there is no need to rush. They will make love countless times when they are married, so why ruin the first with haste? Even if she feels almost too good around him, he’ll hold back. Then, one day, he won’t have to. They can have nights where it’s hard and frantic, a desperate race for completion. No matter what, he’ll do his best to never leave her wanting, because he knows she’d never leave him anything but satisfied.

Speaking of satisfaction, he is nearly there. Just a few more strokes, the image of her touching herself in his dream, and he’s there. He can’t believe he’s never indulged like this before, not since he was young. It feels so right, so natural, so…

A voice sound from outside the tent. ‘Ishvalan? Are you still in bed? The sun has been up for at least twenty minutes now, and Ishvala will not thank you for your tardiness.’ Ishvalan has to bite back a groan of frustration; does his former master have some kind of masturbation sensor in his brain that is always able to detect his every lustful mood?

Unhanding himself, and ignoring just how painful his erection is, Ishvalan answers. ‘I am just dressing. I shall meet you at the temple.’ There should be enough time to finish his activity and make it to the temple fast enough not to raise suspicions…

The Head Monk chuckles. ‘Nonsense. I am here now, so I shall wait. Besides, I would like to speak with you about your upcoming naming ceremony.’ Maybe this is a cruel joke from Ishvala, a punishment for his actions? Or maybe it’s a sign to wait, and experience this pleasure with the one he loves?

Either way, as unhappy as it is, Ishvalan has no choice; he dresses hastily, willing himself into losing his erection before he greets his former master.

As the two men walk towards the temple, Ishvalan’s mind begins to wonder. Perhaps it is time to request a more physical aspect to his courtship? Nothing too invasive, but more than just kissing. Touching, maybe. Would she let him feel for himself if her breasts really are that soft? Maybe she could wrap her hand around him, and finish what he’d started? Obviously if she doesn’t want to it’s fine, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want that. Didn’t want to expand on the ways they show their love for each other…

Today is not the time for such thoughts. There is much work to be done. That doesn’t mean he’s going to let the idea die, however…

Now that he knows what he wants, he just needs to find a way to vocalise his desires.

He just hopes he doesn’t mess things up in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … the masturbation was just the beginning ;)
> 
> For now, thank you for reading, and I hope to see you for the next instalment of sin


	33. Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo,
> 
> So, here it is, the thing we’ve all been waiting for… it goes without saying that this chapter earns the fic’s E-rating
> 
> Enjoy ;)

As the final month of the year arrives, it brings with it a number of changes.

For one, everyone in Ishval is now officially housed, the soldiers assigned here temporarily the only exceptions. Only yesterday, Ishvalan’s home was completed, marking the end of the first phase of building work; after all, you suspect a lot of people will be needed extensions on their houses, if the number of weddings scheduled before the end of the year is to be believed. A lot of people are now looking to start new families now, with many already halfway there.

One such person is Amira, who has finally started to look well again. While her anxiety is still very much present, having Tamir around her, and the thought of the baby inside her, seems to have done much to aid in her recovery. No longer does she dwell in bed all day, instead moving into the shop. Her sickness may not be showing much in the way of improvement, but that’s to be expected, and something that you all know will pass in time.

The biggest change in your personal life now is your decision to move out. It feels wrong to remain living with Amira while her and Tamir are trying to reconnect. While you know neither would say anything, you know deep down that your presence here is probably making it harder for them to settle into a routine. Of course, you’ve made it clear to both of them that you’ll be back in a heartbeat of anything happens, but you’re pretty confident it won’t; Ishvalan is convinced Tamir is a man ready to change, and you’re more than willing to take his word for it. Besides, you’ll still see Amira every morning at work, which will give you plenty of opportunities to monitor the situation.

With Tamir now gratefully taking residence in your room, you’d been fully poised to take up residence in Tamir’s old house, but a Mina-shaped problem has occurred; after successfully pleading with the Head Monk to rehouse her over you due to her condition, you’ve now effectively been left homeless. 

Truthfully, you’re angry about the situation. Mina was sharing with a friend of hers, but that apparently won’t be feasible now that she has an imaginary baby on the way. To make matters even worse, the relationship between the Head Monk and Tamir has taken a nosedive. No longer does the older man seem sympathetic to Tamir’s plight. Instead, he sees Tamir as a man who would denounce his unborn child days before moving in with another woman also carrying his child. He’s been insisting that Tamir marry one of the two women, and promise to support both children. Despite Tamir’s protests, the Head Monk remains unconvinced. 

Your own relationship with Ishvalan’s former master isn’t on great terms either, given that you’re very vocal about your opinions of Mina. How can he trust her word over Tamir’s given what she once accused Ishvalan of? Perhaps that is why he chose to give her the house rather than you; you deserve to be punished for standing up to the right person, after all…

It doesn’t matter much now anyhow. You have a plan together. You’re going to drop off the fittings for Ishvalan’s new home, and then you’re going to carry your things over to Miles and ask him for a tent. Then, you’re just going to have to wait. There’s little point in asking for a house if Ishvalan is still planning to marry you, so you’ll have to make do until he does. It’s not the end of the world really, as long as Ishvalan makes an honest woman of you before the rains come again…

You’re best off not thinking of that. For now, you find yourself at what will be Ishvalan’s door, your precious cactus perched on top of the fabrics while the rest of your meagre belonging are in a pack on your back. It’s so strange to think that you can now fit everything you own into a single bag, yet you still feel blessed…

As you call out for Ishvalan, it occurs to you that he’s probably at the temple. Maybe you should come back later, get yourself settled first. 

Alternatively, you could put up all these fabric doors yourself in an attempt to surprise your stoic lover.

As much as you should probably get settled, you can’t miss out on an opportunity to do something nice for Ishvalan, especially considering how wonderful his treatment of you has been. Even if it’s not a difficult job, it’s the thought that counts, and you know in your heart that this small effort will at least earn you a smile.

Placing your pack and cactus safely in a corner, you pick up the first sheet; let the fitting commence!

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

So fitting the house by yourself hasn’t been half as easy as you’d thought.

It’s now nightfall, and you’ve only just finished placing all the pieces in thee allotted spaces, the whole process so much more complicated without an assistant.

At least you’ve finally managed it; Ishvalan is going to be so pleased.

Admittedly, part of the reason you’ve taken so long is probably the size. It’s been a while since you’ve had to make fittings for a home with two bedrooms. Does Ishvalan intent to use one as a personal prayer room? An office? You’ll have to ask him when he gets home…

Oh shit. Home! You still haven’t gotten your tent, and now that it’s dark outside, Miles’ shift is over, and he’s the only one with the authorisation to distribute supplies; no Miles, no tent. You’d consider going to visit him at his own relatively new house, but you don’t like the idea of wandering the streets alone; you’re certain the desert carries dangers you’re not prepared for, even in an urban area such as this. 

Your best bet now is to wait for Ishvalan to come home, and ask him if you can stay the night. After all, it’s not as if it’s your first time sleeping in a bed with him, so it shouldn’t be an issue…

Well, you’ll find out soon enough; the door is pushed aside as Ishvalan steps in, smiling as his eyes examine your handwork.

Once he’s made a note of all the fixtures he can see, Ishvalan’s gaze falls onto you, and he stands before you, placing his large hands on your hips. ‘I see you have been busy. Did you accomplish this alone, or do I owe my thanks to others also?’ If you didn’t know him better, you’d almost accuse him of thinking you incapable…

Instead, you smile, placing your hands on his shoulders. ‘It was all me. You weren’t home, so I thought I’d surprise you. I hope it’s okay.’ What if it’s not? What I’ve you’ve crossed a line, interfering with his personal space like this?

Ishvalan leans down, capturing your lips in a quick kiss before pulling back slightly. ‘It is a truly wonderful surprise. Thank you for working so hard just to surprise me. It is just one more thing to add to the long list of reasons why I love you. Would you allow me to thank you with a meal? I imagine you have not had a chance to eat if you’ve been busy working here.’ You hadn’t even thought of that, but now he mentions it…

Your stomach growls, and you giggle. ‘I’d love to stay for dinner. Though actually…’ even if it’s not the best of times, you should probably be upfront with your question. ‘… can I stay with you tonight? It’ll only be the one night, just until I can get a tent from Miles in the morning. Is that okay?’ Why are you so nervous about this? It’s not like he’s going to say no.

Ishvalan furrows his brow. ‘I thought you intended to move into Tamir’s home. What happened?’ Has he not heard? Not even from his former master?

You sigh. ‘Mina. She begged the Head Monk to let her have it instead. She needs more room for the imaginary baby she’s carrying, so of course she took priority. I wouldn’t be annoyed if it was any other pregnant woman, but I’m not convinced. It’s definitely not Tamir’s at least, despite what your former master thinks.’ 

It’s Ishvalan’s turn to sigh. ‘He is sympathetic to the wrong plight, something I have tried to explain to him. Yet in this instance, he has not caused any harm. Come, I have a surprise of my own for you.’ No harm other than you being homeless, of course… did Ishvalan miss that part?

Still, you allow Ishvalan to take your hand, and lead you into the second bedroom.

You’re about to ask what the surprise is, when Ishvalan grips your hand firmly. ‘This room is yours, if you would like it. I had intended to ask you to live with me once the building work was compete, but by then you had already made arrangements. I know that living with me before we are married is an odd request, but it is better than seeing you homeless. If it’s too soon for you, then I will give you the house, and return to living in a tent myself. The decision is yours entirely.’ He… he had an extra room built just for you? So you could live here, but wouldn’t have to share his bed if you didn’t want to? Why can’t he just take a name already so you can ask him to marry you yourself?!

You let go of his hand so you can weave both of yours into his hair, pulling his head down far enough to kiss him as passionately as you can.

You expect him to pull away after the first kiss, but he doesn’t; he soon transforms that one passionate kiss into a frenzy, his hands once again on your hips as he pulls you flush against him.

You’re the one that has to pull back in the end, gasping breath as Ishvalan stares at you, waiting for the signal to start again. You’re not sure what’s gotten into him, but you like it… 

However, he has a right to know what caused that outburst, even if he doesn’t mind it. ‘You’re always so considerate of me and my feelings. You could have just made me share your bed, but instead you’ve given me a choice. That’s definitely on my list of reasons why I love you.’ Along with the way he makes your lips tingle after such wonderful kissing…

Ishvalan moves in for a few slow kisses, his eyes closing as his lips move against your own, before he pulls away with a slight smile. ‘There is never a need to rush things. At no point in our relationship do I ever wish to force you into making decisions. If ever you feel unsure or unready, you need only tell me, and I can either discuss things with you or drop the idea entirely. I have waited my whole life to love as I love you, and I will not spoil it with haste.’ He kisses you again, and you pull him right back in for more, anything heated kissing frenzy taking place.

As your hands tighten their grip on Ishvalan’s hair, his hands move from your hips to your spine, one of them travelling up to the small of your back while another one hesitates just above your ass. You try to shift your body up, silently encouraging him to go just a little lower…

Without warning, Ishvalan steps back, removing your hands from his hair and holding them in his own. ‘I shall make a start on dinner. There is something I wish to discuss with you, but it will keep.’ You have a sneaking suspicion you know what that is; it almost certainly has something to do with him almost groping you a moment ago.

Truthfully, even with your inexperience, you’d love to explore the more physical aspects of your relationship. You’re more than ready to at least try to consummate your relationship, so if that is what he wants to discuss, it’s a conversation that’s going to go heavily in his favour; you just hope he knows how to be gentle with you. You’re not certain if you could handle him at full strength for your first time…

Shaking the thoughts from your mind, you opt to place your things into your new room, even if you don’t intend to use it; you’re certain Ishvalan’s bed is far more comfortable than the floor.

Then again, you don’t think sleeping on the floor is an option you’d be given; you’re willing to bet Ishvalan would give up his bed for you if you wanted privacy.

Just one more little thing to make your heart beat just a bit faster.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

After finishing the last scraps of the meal Ishvalan made, it’s safe to say you’re ready to settle in. For a man that spent so much time homeless and on the run, he really knows how to get the best out of his ingredients!

Placing your plate to one side, you pat your stomach in appreciation. ‘That was incredible, thank you. You’ll have to teach me how to cook like that so I can make stuff like this for you.’ You’d love to try your hand at traditional Ishvalan cooking, and you get the feeling your effort would be appreciated.

Ishvalan smiles gently. ‘My culinary secrets have been passed through my family for generations. It is only right that you learn them too, so that we may both pass them onto our children.’ Every time Ishvalan speaks of the future, he seems to have such clear ideas in his mind. You just wish he’d let you in on the exact specifics…

Now isn’t the time for that discussion. There will be time for that in the future. For now, you’d rather keep the conversation light, especially if you’re right about Ishvalan’s intension.

You smile playfully at him. ‘It seems as if you’re always teaching me things. I hope I’m a good student.’ Even if you’re not always interested in his lessons, you never fail to take note, knowing how much you embracing Ishvalan culture means to Ishvalan.

Ishvalan chuckles. ‘The very best. I enjoy sharing my skills with you. There is much I could teach you, if you were interested in furthering your knowledge.’ You’ll probably take him up on that at a later date; you have a lot to learn about your new home.

You nod. ‘I imagine there’s a lot you could teach me, Ishvalan. I could try to teach you a few things too, if you’d like?’ That came out a lot more flirtatious than intended. Will Ishvalan pick up on that?

Clearing his throat, Ishvalan takes a moment to consider his response before answering. ‘An exchange of knowledge is always welcome, though I would be lost as a tailor. The limit of my clothing-related skills is undressing, and I’m certain that is all the information I will be using in the future.’ Was that him flirting back? It’s always so hard to tell with Ishvalan…

You can’t help but laugh. ‘You don’t know how to dress then? Maybe I could help you out tomorrow morning, if I manage to wake before you.’ Which is a big ‘if’, considering Ishvalan seems to rise with the sun!

Ishvalan once again thinks before answering. ‘Indeed you could. Why don’t you head off to bed while I clean up? If you would like me to join you, I shall.’ He’s dropping the subject then? A pity… and where’s he going to sleep if he doesn’t join you? The floor?

You kiss him yourself, standing with a grin. ‘I’ll see you in there then. We can discuss whatever it is you mentioned earlier.’ You’re willing to bet he’d forgotten about that; you haven’t. If anything, now you’re even more eager to discuss it…

When Ishvalan nods, you head into his bedroom, planning one more surprise; you don’t feel like wearing your robes to bed tonight.

Undressing swiftly, you slip into Ishvalan’s bed, eagerly awaiting company. At least if you’re wrong about Ishvalan’s intentions you can pass this off as something else; it’s cold tonight, the perfect reason to snuggle for warmth as you have done before. The only difference is that this time, you’re not wearing a single thing…

You don’t have to wait long for Ishvalan to join you; he’s definitely eager about something.

Unaware of your own state of undress, Ishvalan seems to hesitate for a moment. ‘Would it offend you if I slept in my underwear tonight?’ Why yes, it would; you’d be happier if he slept totally naked.

Still, whatever works for him. ‘Of course not. Whatever makes you comfortable.’ Even if there’s a chance you’re about to make him feel uncomfortable…

You watch keenly as Ishvalan undresses, your lustful gaze not lost on him. ‘Do you find my body attractive?’ You weren’t expecting such a brunt question, but you definitely have an answer!

In fact, you have to force yourself not to lick your lips as your properly examine his muscular body, taking care to give each part of him some attention. ‘Your body is attractive, Ishvalan. Almost unbelievably so. I suppose I could say that Ishvala built you well.’ That has to be a compliment to him, surely.

The flesh beneath Ishvalan’s last scrap of clothing twitches, forming a noticeable bulge there; you try your best to avoid staring at it as Ishvalan speaks. ‘I will not argue with that. I am built well enough that I have survived much that would kill many other men. Ishvala has built you well also, but in a different way. He has given you a very womanly physique, one that I greatly approve of. Not that I should have to approve of the way you look. I would still love you not matter how you looked. The fact that I find your body pleasant also is a bonus. That isn’t to say I’ve been staring at it! It’s just something I’ve noticed in passing. You are definitely woman-shaped.’ You have to fight to keep from laughing; he’s such a useless flirt.

Instead, you pull back the blanket next to you, somehow managing to still conceal your nudity. ‘Compliment accepted, now please join me.’ This is it, the moment of truth. Is he going to run away? Cry out in disgust?

Ishvalan slides in next to you, and you assume to position, turning to your side while Ishvalan pulls you against your body from behind; there’s no way Ishvalan hasn’t noticed he’s touching bare flesh.

When Ishvalan does nothing but inhale sharply through his nose, you try a different tactic. ‘Your bed is so cozy, Ishvalan. I could see myself in it every night.’ You’re not sure why, but that seems to excite Ishvalan, his crotch pushing against your ass seemingly on instinct. It’s impossible to tell without looking, but you think he’s even harder than he was before, the proximity to your naked body effecting him greatly.

Still, Ishlvalan makes no move to change his position, one arm under your head with another one on your side; what will it take for him to touch you like you both clearly want?

Finally, after a few more moments, Ishvalan speaks, his voice strained. ‘I need to confess something to you. Something I should have confessed the moment it happened.’ His voice has no right to sound so seductive during such a serious conversation. A few more words from him, and you think you might melt.

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, you rub your legs together, rubbing against Ishvalan in the process. ‘You can always tell me anything. Anything at all.’ Especially if he says it like that again.

Ishvalan moves his mouth to your ear, his breath hot as he whispers to you. ‘I pleasured myself to the thought of your body. I stole a glance at you the day you accidentally undressed before me, and I took myself in hand as I pictured you. The only thing that stopped me from reaching climax was an interruption. I should apologise for that. 

‘But I can’t. Why should I apologise? The body of my future wife is something worthy of appreciation. Yet if you want me to, I will apologise, and do what you ask of me in exchange for forgiveness.’ He moves his mouth down to your neck, and you can’t stop a soft moan from escaping. He’s making it so hard to focus…

You deliberately press your ass against him, delighted when a moan breaks through his kissing. ‘I’m the one that should be apologising. After all, you’ve only done it once. I’ve been doing it for much longer. You remember the day you left me water? That night I had a dream that yo- ah!’ Ishvalan forces you flush against him so he can bend the arm you’re currently resting on, before he brings both of his hands down to grab your breasts.

Ishvalan gives them both a rough squeeze as his crotch grinds against you again, mouth coming up to whisper again. ‘Are you okay with me touching you like this? Tell me to stop if it’s too much.’ His mouth returns to your neck, and your hands grip the sheets as you take a moment to savour every inch of pleasure Ishvalan is giving you.

When his thumbs begin to tweak your nipples a little too roughly, you gasp, covering one of his hands with yours. ‘Too rough. Try this.’ You coax his fingers into a more pleasing grip, trying to demonstrate the way you like to touch them yourself.

Ishvalan tries to copy your movements, his calloused hands creating an extra layer of unexpected friction. ‘Like this?’ His thumbs rub against your hardened nipples, and you start to moan again; just like that.

Satisfied that you’re happy, Ishvalan goes back to mauling your neck, earning himself yet more noises from your lips. This is too much. You need to touch yourself right now before you’re weak from pleasure.

You begin to trail a hand down your body, when Ishvalan’s hand captures your wrist. ‘May I?’ Well, if he’s offering…

Freeing your wrist, you lead Ishvalan’s hand to the apex of your thighs, hooking your leg over his in an attempt to grant him better access. ‘Here.’ You say, positioning his fingers over your clit. ‘Rub me here.’ Ishvalan follows your instruction, his other hand still trying to copy your movement you showed him on your breast.

As Ishvalan begins to rub your clit, he lets out a moan so loud you can feel it vibrating in his chest. ‘So wet…’ You can feel his hand trembling as he rubs you up and down, occasionally dipping a little lower in his explorations.

When he finds your dripping entrance, Ishvalan freezes.

Sensing his hesitation, and far too gone with pleasure to feel any kind of shame, you grab Ishvalan’s hand again, encouraging him to keep stroking as you answer his unspoken request. ‘You can put your finger inside of me, if you want to.’ Ishvalan’s fingers are larger than yours, but as wet as you are, that won’t be an issue.

To your surprise, Ishvalan lightly nips your neck, almost as if he is trying to hold something back. ‘Only if it will cause you pleasure.’ If he’s still doubting that, you need to start moaning louder.

You nod, leading his fingers back to your entrance. Putting pressure on his index finger, you encourage him to push it inside, your nails digging into his hand as you keep from moaning again.

Slowing, you coax Ishvalan’s hand back and forth, his finger slipping in and out with ease. 

When you’re sure he has the rhythm, you try the next step. ‘Try curving your finger up until you hit something that feels a little rough.’ Expecting Ishvalan to find that perfect spot inside you seems optimistic, but there’s no harm in tr-

This time, the noise can’t be stopped; he’s managed to bump right into it.

Ishvalan freezes again, unsure. ‘Did I hurt you?’

You shake your head almost violently. ‘Right there. Keep aiming right there.’ Fuck, you weren’t expecting this. If he keeps this up, you’re not going to last long; it’s been too long since you last touched yourself.

As Ishvalan focuses his effort, you let go of his hand, stroking your now-neglected clit in tandem with Ishvalan’s movements. You can feel a climax approaching rapidly, your whole body driving towards it. While Ishvalan’s aim is far from perfect, he manages to hit the spot enough to make you want to scream his name loud enough to wake the whole of Ishval.

Ishvalan tweaks your nipple in just the right way, and you scream, your climax ripping through you unexpectedly. You can feel yourself clenching around Ishvalan’s finger, desperately wishing it was something bigger.

When you’re finally done, you stop rubbing your clit, and Ishvalan takes that as a sign to withdraw his finger, wiping it against your thigh. ‘Are you okay?’ That seems like such a pathetic word, with the way your head is spinning…

You twist your neck slightly and grin at Ishvalan, moving a hand behind you to grasp his erection through his underwear. ‘Never better. That felt so much better than doing it to myself. Your hands are amazing.’ You’re sure that given time, all those little hesitations will be gone, and he’ll be a skilled lover; you’re more than happy to help him practice.

You get the feeling Ishvalan would laugh at that, but instead he grunts; he’s so hard it must be painful.

Turning your whole body around to face him, you grasp him through his underwear again, almost crying out yourself when he thrusts into your hand. ‘How do you want me to pleasure you?’ With a bit more fingering, you should be ready to take him, provided he’s gentle…

Ishvalan pull his underwear down to allow his erection to spring free, and this time you do lick your lips; he is far from lacking.

With a relieved groan, Ishvalan grasps your hand, and encourages you to squeeze him, moving your hand up and down. It feels so strange, a mixture of soft and hard that you weren’t expecting. Knowing what it feels like will do a lot to aid your fantasies, and you know you’ll be fantasising about this night a lot. 

In what seems to be no time at all, Ishvalan’s own hands claw at the bed as he reaches his climax, covering both you and the bed in his release.

You stroke him until he actively pushes you away, sensitive from his recent orgasm.

With you both now sated, you flop onto your back, your chest heaving with effort. That was…

Ishvalan sits up, removing his underwear so he can use them to wipe up as much of his mess as he can, including from your body.

When he realises he’s fighting a mostly losing battle, Ishvalan tosses his underwear to one side, flopping down next to you with a contented sigh.

After a few moments of silence, Ishvalan speaks. ‘This is not how I had planned this. Forgive me for not discussing things with you beforehand, but I lost myself. I had intended to ask you if you were comfortable with exploring the physical side of our relationship, but I suppose I just illustrated that. In that case, I would like to ask a different question.’ He turns to face you, his eyes soft. ‘Would you be comfortable spending more nights like this? While I would rather wait until our wedding night to fully consummate our love, I would like to explore other means of pleasure in the meantime. Is this an idea that appeals to you?’ Appeals? After what he just did?

You smile right back. ‘I like the sound of exploring our relationship like this. I’m just sorry I’m not more experienced. It’s kinda hard to guide someone when you’re also lost. I suppose it’s just as well I’ve masturbated before.’ If you didn’t, you’d have been equally as clueless, and tonight would have probably had a very different outcome…

Ishvalan nods. ‘It would seem self-exploration has its benefits. A pity my limited attempts have all been halted. It is probably for the best however, because had I known what climax felt like before tonight, I don’t think I would have been able to control myself for as long as I have.

‘As for your inexperience, you are in good company. That just means we shall have to learn how to please each other together, and that is something I look forward to, but for now, I think it is time to sleep. I can’t remember the last time I felt this tired…’ Assuming your normal position, Ishvalan snuggles into you from behind, his totally nude form against your own.

Thinking about it now, a lot really has changed lately; for the better.

You fall into an easy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still trying to figure out how long I want this fic to be. It was never really supposed to be this long, but I’ve been enjoying it so much…
> 
> For now, thank you for reading ^.^


	34. The Student Becomes The Master

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> Sorry about my long absence from the fic. I got hit with story-specific writer’s block (I’ve had to restart the chapter four times because I just couldn’t get it right), and then I got distracted by another project (entirely my bad).
> 
> However, since my co-author for that fic is taking a little time off, I thought I’d do my best to power on through and finally deliver. I hope you enjoy ^.^

When your eyes open, Ishvalan is nowhere to be seen.

Sitting up in bed, you take a look around, your eyes struggling to adjust to the bright light of day. While it doesn’t seem to be noon yet, it’s definitely a few hours past dawn, something you find comforting. Ishvalan must have headed out to pray as he always does. 

But then, why didn’t he wake you before he left? 

Disappointment begins to settle in your gut before you can stop it. Part of you had hoped you’d be waking up together the first time you made love. While it’s true you and Ishvalan didn’t go the entire way, you’d still very much count it as intimate lovemaking, considering he had a finger inside of you. To wake up alone, after feeling so close…

It surprises you in a way that Ishvalan doesn’t feel the same. It took so much for him to get to this point, to shed the teaching of his past to finally get intimate with someone. Does he not think it’s a big thing? Is he just going to act as if everything is unchanged? After last night, it feels like everything has changed. There are still parts of Ishvalan that can feel guarded, but sharing something like that… It was an important step on your journey to a happy future together. You just wish he shared your opinion on that.

Knowing that dwelling on it will only cause you too much distraction, but vowing to bring it up later, you reluctantly leave Ishvalan’s bed to go and retrieve your robes. While you don’t plan on wearing them again when you have other options in the spare room, you at least plan on moving them elsewhere so you don’t forget to wash them. Maybe you can use the spare room to store dirty clothes now? It’s not like you’ll be sleeping in it anytime soon, now that you know you’re welcome in Ishvalan’s bed.

Noticing Ishvalan’s own discarded robes, you decide to pick them up too; considering you’re living under the same roof, it only makes sense that you wash both his clothing and your own. It seems only fair, considering it looks as if he’ll be doing most of the cooking for the foreseeable future. Not that you’re going to complain about that; his cooking is quite wonderful.

As you make your way over to the fabric separating the bedroom from the living area, the smell of food being prepared gently wafts up your nose. A remnant from last night maybe? No, it smells too potent for that. Someone is cooking in the next room, and you’re really hoping it’s your new housemate.

Poking your head out past the sheet, but keeping your naked body hidden behind it, you smile when you spot Ishvalan fussing over something in a pan, his broad yet clothed back facing you. ‘Good morning, my love.’ Ishvalan flinches slightly before turning around, the flash of mild panic in his eyes quickly fading away when he sees you properly.

Yet despite that, Ishvalan frowns at you, his brow furrowing. ‘You are out of bed.’ While you’re glad his eyesight is still working, it’s a strange statement; was he expecting you to stay in bed all day? 

Remaining half-hidden, it’s your turn to frown. ‘Is it really that surprising? I have work soon. I don’t think Amira would let me take the day off just because we…’ You stop yourself, uncertain how much you can say. Will he be embarrassed if you bring up last night? He seemed to enjoy it at the time, but in the cold light of day…

Ishvalan’s face softens, easing your doubts. ‘Because we made love. No, I do not think that she would, especially considering we did not go too far. Still, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t special in its own way. I pray that we shall have many more nights just like it.’ While you’re glad that he seems to agree with you on that, that still doesn’t explain why he’s in here cooking breakfast when you’d much prefer him to be in bed next to you.

As much as you’d like to avoid confrontation, you have to ask. ‘Have you been awake long? What have you been up to?’ Maybe he’s only just gotten out of bed himself, and headed straight to make a start on breakfast?

Turning his attention back to cooking, Ishvalan answers you without looking. ‘I woke at dawn as I always do. I contemplated waking you before I went to the temple for my morning prayers, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After prayers, I collected some breakfast provisions. I planned to…’ He pauses then, before changing the subject slightly. ‘I did not have enough food here for both of us. My pride would not allow me to let you go to work without breakfast. Take a seat if you like, I’m almost finished.’ As much as you’d like to do that, there is one slight issue; you’re still totally naked, and somehow you don’t think Ishvalan would feel comfortable eating next to you while you remain so.

Then again, it’s not as if either of you have anything to hide after last night. It might even be good for him to get used to your nakedness, because if you have things your way, he’ll probably be seeing it a lot in the future.

Slipping out from behind the sheet, you place your pile of clothes on the floor before taking a seat, eagerly awaiting whatever Ishvalan is cooking for breakfast. Is this something you can come to expect from him every morning, or is this a one-off considering the circumstances? 

When Ishvalan finally turns around, a plate in each hand, you swear his grasp on them falters for a moment. ‘You are still naked.’ That’s the second time he’s said something obvious this morning; has last night frazzled his brain or something?

Now that he’s looking at you, your earlier confidence fails you, and you cross your arms to try and hide your chest. ‘Does that bother you? I don’t mean to assume that you’re suddenly comfortable with my naked body after what happened. If you need me to cover up for you to feel comfortable, I will.’ You probably should have just slipped your dirty robes on, out of respect for his sensitivities.

Ishvalan swallows thickly. ‘It does not bother me, but are you not concerned that I’ll stare at your chest?’ That’s what he’s worried about? Of all the…

Allowing your arms to fall again, you can’t help but giggle. ‘Ishvalan, not only have you seen my chest before, but you’ve had my breasts in your hands. Do you really think your staring would bother me?’ 

It takes a moment of silence though before Ishvalan’s shoulders relax, and he takes his seat opposite you, placing food in front of you both. ‘I suppose not. And yet, something does bother me. Do you remember me telling you that I have asked for a naming ceremony?’ You start cutting into your breakfast, which you recognise as some kind of savoury pancake, a favourite of Amira’s. Has Ishvalan noticed that you and your former housemate used to eat them regularly?

After swallowing your first bit with a delicate moan, you nod. ‘Of course. It’s the next step towards your new life, after all.’ With marriage being the next one; you’d be lying to yourself if you said the thought didn’t make your heart flutter.

Ishvalan nods. ‘Correct, although if I get my way, it’ll be our new life. At first I saw taking a name as a formality, but now I see it as a necessity. I have come to dislike the fact that I have no identity to claim as my own, especially when you are addressing me. While there are still mercifully a lot of ‘Ishvalans’ still living, only one of them wishes to pledge his devotion to you before God. That’s why I would like us to sit down and discuss my new name as soon as we both have the time to do so.’ It’s so hard to believe that you’re hearing this, even if it’s not the first time he’s mentioned it. Yet this time, it seems so much more somehow, because now he’s talking about sitting down and actually doing it!

You have to fight the urge to throw yourself across the table and onto Ishvalan’s lap. ‘That’s incredible! I’ll ask Amira for the day off soon so we can sit down and plan it out! Do you have any in mind already?’ If he’s been thinking about this for a while, he must surely have something!

With a grunt, Ishvalan nods. ‘A few, but I will need your input. After all, you will be the one who uses my name the most.’ An image pops into your mind, one that you’ve been trying not to linger on. Ishvalan, pushing you against the temple wall, telling you that the name he takes will be the one that sounds sweetest when you moan it…

Feeling your face heat up, you smile. ‘I’ll help however I can. I’m so proud of you for this. This is such an important thing, for both of us.’ You extend a hand out to his, and he takes it, interlacing your fingers in an instant.

Ishvalan smiles. ‘On that, we are in total agreement.’ You both eat your breakfast in relative silence after that, just glad to be in each other’s company. You even pretend to ignore Ishvalan’s gaze on your body, for a while. After all, it’s taken you a long time to get to this point; 

The last thing you want is to start moving backwards, just as you’ve started to move forward.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

With breakfast over and his lover now making his way to work, Ishvalan can now continue with his day; he and Miles have work to discuss.

As much as he enjoys spending time with his friend, Ishvalan still finds it hard to drag his mind away from memories of the morning still lingering in his mind.

In truth, he’s slightly disappointed by how it transpired. If she had only slept a few moments longer, he had planned to bring her food in to her so that she could eat it in bed. A small gesture, but one that he had planned to do just to show that he appreciates her and the love she has given him. Instead, she woke up naked in a strange bed after her first time experiencing any real intimacy with a man. It’s a far cry from the surprise he was planning, and one that almost makes him wish he had woken her at dawn when he left.

Noticing that his friend’s focus is firmly elsewhere, Miles sighs. ‘Alright, I can see you’re not with me right now, so out with it. What’s going on?’ An astute man as always it seems. As well as he knows Ishvalan, the answer won’t surprise him that much.

Ishvalan frowns. ‘Have you heard about Tamir’s old house?’ Considering Miles has been overseeing a lot of the housing stuff, Ishvalan is pretty confident that he’ll know all about it.

Miles nods in response. ‘Of course. Your lady friend is living there now, right?’ That was indeed the plan, but…

Staring straight into his friend’s eyes, Ishvalan relays the news he’d been told yesterday. ‘No, she is not. When Mina heard about the move, she took it upon herself to request that house for herself and… My former master agreed.’ Something he meant to mention this morning, before he remembered he’d need to collect food if he wanted to go through with his breakfast plans.

Miles’ brow furrows. ‘That’s bullshit. It’s really starting to piss me off, how much Mina’s getting away with. What’s the plan now then? Is she back to living with Amira for a while?’

Ishvalan shakes his head. ‘I’m not even sure Amira knows yet, although I think she’ll be informed shortly. Thankfully, when my own house was being constructed, I requested a second room be built for her. The only downside is I forgot to request a second bed.’ Which now, in hindsight, isn’t something that can be considered a downside…

Miles rolls his eyes, anticipating Ishvalan’s answer before he even asks the question. ‘Let me guess; like a gentleman, you offered her your bed for the night, and slept on the floor?’ That’s not entirely untrue, but in this case, it’s not quite accurate either.

Unable to look Miles in the eyes, Ishvalan’s cheeks grow darker. ‘We shared the bed.’ And shared in each other’s pleasure, but that isn’t something Miles needs to hear. 

Miles’ eyes grow wide. ‘You fucked her?!’ Ishvalan snaps his head to face his friend so fast he almost gives himself whiplash, his entire face burning when he sees a smug grin. How could he think… after everything…

It takes a few moments of stuttering before Ishvalan can answer his friend’s question. ‘No! Not… not in the way that you’re thinking.’ Or at least, the way he assumes Miles is thinking.

Miles hums, his smug smile not faltering in the slightest. ‘I see… but you did fuck? So, what was it? Did you finally get your dick sucked?’ What is Miles’ obsession with such a thing?! It’s not something Ishvalan can comprehend.

If he was embarrassed before, Miles’ question has only made Ishvalan feel mortified. ‘Never! I could never ask for such a thing! It was just touching. Intimate touching… I should not be discussing it with you.’ If his lover found out, surely she would be upset with him for discussing something so private.

Choosing to ignore his friend’s protest, Miles nudges Ishvalan’s shoulder. ‘Oh no, I’m not letting you off that easy. It’s not like I’m going to start broadcasting your private life around Ishval. Besides, it’s not like my own sex life is worth talking about. I’ll just have to live vicariously through yours.’ 

While that normally might have been enough to sway Ishvalan, now he has a question of his own. ‘Has your divorce been finalised yet?’ How long has it been since he got that letter now? At least three months, if Ishvalan’s calculations are correct.

Miles nods, his smile turning bitter. ‘Yeah, it has. Not that it matters, anyway. Guess it’s just nice to have it official. I’m a free man, even if I didn’t want to be.’ As bad as Helena sounds, Ishvalan can’t help but feel bad for Miles. To be so in love, and yet so oblivious to the fact that the other person’s feelings have changed without them even having the guts to let you know…

Ishvalan places a hand on Miles’ shoulder. ‘You can do so much better than her, Miles. There are many women in Ishval that would be happy to have you by their side.’ In fact, if what he’s heard is true, there’s a least one woman who is interested. What was her name again?

Miles laughs, but there’s no humour in it. ‘Yeah, right. I’m sure there’s a whole… Hey, Asha!’ Shrugging off Ishvalan’s hand, Miles practically sprints towards the figure of a woman in the distance, completely abandoning his friend, who can only stare in confusion.

That is, until Ishvalan remembers that Asha is the very name he was looking for.

After a few moments, Miles walks back with the woman in tow, a small child walking right behind her. ‘Ishvalan, you haven’t met Asha yet, have you?’ She smiles straight up at the scarred man, which only confirms his suspicions. This is the woman that his lover and Amira have both been friendly with lately, and the young boy with her is her nephew.

Ishvalan smiles. ‘Not officially, but I’ve heard a lot about you. It is nice to put a face to the name.’ Any friend of his lovers is a friend he too is eager to make; the last thing he ever wants to do is force her to choose between the two.

Asha smiles right back. ‘Likewise. I’ve heard a lot about you from Miles and your girlfriend. Oh, this is Billy, by the way.’ She steps to the side slightly to reveal the child, who almost immediately decides to hide behind Miles’ legs instead. Interesting…

Looking at the child, Ishvalan makes an attempt not to sound too intimidating. ‘Nice to meet you, little one.’ Billy cowers slightly, and Ishvalan feels his heart ache. Is he that terrifying to children?

Miles looks back towards Billy, stroking his head softly. ‘It’s alright, Ishvalan is my friend, so he can be your friend, too. Besides, you know that really nice Amestrian woman that works with Amira?’ Billy nods. ‘Well, they’re going to get married someday, so he can’t be that bad, right?’ If Ishvalan’s heart was aching before, now it is soaring. Is his intent towards her so obvious?

Seemingly reassured by Miles, Billy approaches Ishvalan cautiously, but still keeps a hand clinging to Miles’ trousers. ‘You can be my friend, too?’ Ishvalan nods, and Billy grins, looking up at Miles. ‘Miles still my best friend though, right?’ The way he’s looking up to Miles has certain cogs turning in Ishvalan’s brain, and he makes a note to wait and see how Asha acts around him.

Chuckling, Miles messes up Billy’s hair fondly. ‘Of course, little guy.’ Billy giggles, and Ishvalan notices Asha watching the exchange also, a fond smile on her face.

After a moment, Asha speaks. ‘Well, maybe we should invite your best friend over for dinner tonight then, if you’re free?’ The hand on Billy’s hair freezes, and Miles stares at her like a rabbit in the headlights, something that almost makes Ishvalan chuckle.

It takes Miles a few seconds to form words. ‘Yeah, that would be great. I won’t say no to eating a meal I haven’t had to cook.’ One of Miles’ hands twitches, and Ishvalan can practically hear Miles berating himself for such a response.

Asha barks a laugh. ‘You might want to save that praise until after you’ve eaten. Still, my cooking hasn’t killed anyone… yet.’ She winks at Miles, and his face slowly starts to change colour. She really has him flustered! 

Miles shakes his head. ‘Don’t worry, you’re wonderful. I mean, your cooking. I’m sure your cooking is wonderful. Thank you for offering.’ Ishvalan has to fight the urge to roll his eyes. Is this how Miles felt while he was watching him flirt?

Asha waves a hand dismissively. ‘It’s nothing, really. You’ve been so good to me and Billy since we arrived, it’s the very least I can do. In fact, we could always make it a regular thing. As much as I love Billy, it is nice to have some adult company.’ If what Ishvalan is watching is what he thinks it is, then it’s finally time to pay Miles back for all that he’s done!

Clearing his throat, Ishvalan addresses Asha directly. ‘If you are ever in need of a break, my partner and I would be more than happy to watch Billy for you.’ Miles stares at him wide-eyed, and Ishvalan can’t help but feel smug; payback feels good.

If Asha is aware of Miles’ shock, she doesn’t mention it, instead looking at Ishvalan with her own look of surprise. ‘Really? That would be great, but I wouldn’t want to impose. It isn’t easy keeping an eye on a four year old.’ Something Ishvalan can believe; it isn’t exactly easy looking after a child of any age.

Still, Ishvalan nods. ‘If my prayers are answered, I’ll be a father one day. It’ll be good practice, for both of us. Besides, I do have some experience with children, although Mei is much older.’ Come to think of it, it’s been a while since he heard anything from her. Maybe once the train line is finally complete, she might be willing to visit him and Marcoh? He’d offer to go himself, but if he does have children of his own by that point, the last thing he’d want would be to leave them…

The news of Ishvalan’s past experience seems to be music to Asha’s ears, as her smile only grows wider. ‘Alright, I’ll remember that. It might not be for a while- I’m still trying to settle in right now. But maybe at some point in the future, if I have a reason to.’ She looks at Miles almost expectantly, but he doesn’t seem to pick up on it, staring almost blankly at her.

When her hinting fails, Asha clears her throat. ‘Anyway, Billy and I should head off now. We’re going off to see Amira, aren’t we?’ She holds her hand out to Billy, who takes it, but refuses to let Miles’ trousers out of his grasp.

He looks up at Miles expectantly. ‘Miles coming too?’ God help him, but Ishvalan can’t help but think his lover is right; this child is indeed a pure soul.

Miles frowns, stroking Billy’s head again. ‘I can’t right now, little guy. Me and Ishvalan have work to do. I’ll be around for dinner later though, okay?’ Billy’s lip wobbles for a few moments, but he finally releases Miles’ trousers, staring at the sand. Ishvalan can’t stand to see the child so upset…

Ishvalan looks towards Billy, smiling gently. ‘Little boy?’ He looks up at Ishvalan expectantly, tears forming in his eyes. ‘How would you like it if I let Miles go early today so he can spend more time with you and your aunt?’ 

Billy practically jumps with excitement. ‘For real?! You can do that?!’ If it means making a child that happy? He can do just about anything.

Ishvalan nods. ‘Why don’t you both go to Amira’s, and I’ll send him over to join you when we’re done here?’ In truth, there is no job that necessarily requires both of them to do it; he’ll just have to work twice as hard if Miles isn’t able to assist him.

Billy grins, first at Ishvalan and then at Miles. ‘Thank you. I see you soon then!’ He waves his free hand at them both, Asha slowly walking towards Amira’s shop.

Before she gets too far, Asha turns to face both men again, a slight smile on her face. ‘It was nice meeting you, Ishvalan. Miles…’ Her gaze lingers on Miles for far longer than it did on Ishvalan, before she finally turns away, and begins her journey once again.

Ishvalan waits until Asha is out of earshot before he places a hand on Miles’ shoulder, putting on the most serious expression he can manage. ‘Before I release you for the day, I think you should pay a visit to Doctor Marcoh. It seems the same sickness that once plagued Tamir and I has finally spread to you.’ 

For a moment, it looks at if Miles is going to laugh, before he finally lets out a groan. ‘I’m a fool. Every time I see her, it’s like my brain melts. I just don’t understand it. I’ve never had a problem speaking to women. I served under one for most of my career! But with Asha, it’s different. It’s like I’m scared of saying something stupid, which makes me say stupid thing. Maybe I really should see Marcoh, after all.’ What Miles is saying feels all-too familiar to Ishvalan; someone most definitely has a crush.

Ishvalan hums. ‘Do you think some of your problems might be alleviated if you asked Asha to court you?’ If it’s a case of him not knowing much about courting in Ishval, that’s something he can help with; he’ll even teach Miles how to weave a bracelet if he must.

Miles’ eyes grow wide, and he takes a step back like he’s been hit. ‘Are you insane?! I couldn’t possibly… Just look at her! In looks alone she’s twice the woman my ex wife is, and I couldn’t even keep her! Add to that the fact that she’s kind and sweet, and I don’t stand even the slightest chance. She can do a hell of a lot better than me.’ Miles folds his arms with a sigh, staring at his feet as he kicks the sand.

Ishvalan is quick to put his hand back on Miles’ shoulder, something that makes the smaller man look up again. ‘Self-pity doesn’t suit you, Miles. The reason your wife left you has nothing to do with what you’re like as a person, but it has everything to do with what she’s like. If Asha is as good a woman as you say she is, she won’t do what Helena did. Do not let your past spoil your future. After all, I know better than anyone that there is always the chance for a better future.’ A future he can be proud of, free from the shackles of his past…

Relaxing his arms, Miles exhales sharply. ‘You make a fair point. I can’t stand pity, no matter what kind it is. I think General Armstrong would kick me in the balls if she knew how pathetic I’m being about this. Still, I think given the circumstances, rushing in would be a mistake. If I’m ever going to make any attempt at wooing her, I need to prove that I’m serious. As stupid as it sounds, I miss being married. I miss having someone to come home to who loves me, and having someone in my bed at night. Sure, I’m not used to having a kid waiting for me too, but I can get used to it. Besides, I’ve always wanted a family like that, no matter what Helena thinks.’ There it is. That’s the spark Ishvalan was looking for. It would seem that he was mistaken when he told his lover it was wrong to interfere; this little push might turn out to be a good thing, after all.

Ishvalan squeezes Miles’ shoulder. ‘I believe I have kept you long enough. You should go to them, although if I may offer some advice, I would tell you to stop trying to act a certain way around Asha. Treat her like you would a friend, and should it be the will of Ishvala, love will bloom. If not, then you’ll have a friend for life. All things happen for a reason, and you meeting Asha is no exception. Have faith, my red-eyed brother.’ It seems like too much of a coincidence that Miles’ perfect woman would arrive in Ishval shortly after his divorce was set in motion; if that isn’t a sign, then Ishvalan isn’t sure what a sign from God looks like anymore.

Shrugging off Ishvalan’s hand again, Miles chuckles. ‘You know, I kinda hate it when you give me good advice. I thought you were hopeless when it came to relationships, but it seems like I was wrong. It looks like the pupil has finally reached the rank of master, and that thought makes me slightly uncomfortable.’ He places his own hand on Ishvalan’s shoulder, mimicking the larger man’s actions from earlier. ‘Looks like I still have a few things to learn. Once I think I have them down, I’ll be back to take you up on that offer of learning more about courtship. If I’m going to do this, I’m doing it right. For now, I guess I have to pay you back for letting me slack off.’ If Ishvalan was a lesser man, he could probably think of a few ways, most of which would involve Miles taking on work so he could slack off instead.

Rather than saying any of that though, Ishvalan just smiles. ‘All I ask is that you enjoy your time off. That is payback enough for me.’ 

Miles nods, before he starts to walk away, not even looking back as he delivers his final words. ‘I still intend to hear details of last night, by the way. I want to know everything.’ He rushes away before Ishvalan can retort, leaving him to chuckle as he watches his friend’s body gain more and more distance from him. His life would be so terribly dull without the people he cares about; it’s just as well they’re not going anywhere, especially as they all seem determined to pair up and settle down.

Now, if he could only find someone for Marcoh…

That is a thought for another day. For now, Ishvalan has a lot of work to do.

The sooner he’s finished, the sooner he gets to return to his love, and there is no place in the world he would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you’ve probably guessed, the next chapter will be the one for finalising a name. There’s a pretty clear winner at the moment, but if there’s any last minute names you want considered, this is your very last chance!
> 
> Also, because you’ve all been so lovely and patience, I’d like to offer you a small teaser for a fic that myself and two of my dearest writer pals have been working on. The teaser is; ‘What farming technic is used in Ishval?’ ;)
> 
> Until then, thank you for reading, and I shall hopefully see you all again in the future ^.^

**Author's Note:**

> So, intrigued? Or at the very least interested in more?
> 
> The way I have this planned is that it’s almost going to be like a collection of short, fluffy one shots, sandwiched together with a plot. So naturally, if there’s any fluffy tropes you want me to explore, I’m all ears. I have a few in mind that I know I’m doing, but that’s another thing for another chapter ;)
> 
> Also, expect a proper slow burn this time; I’m not going to cave in like I normally do.
> 
> So, I think that’s it. Thank you for reading ^.^


End file.
